Spring tide: Your relationship with your mother is your relationship with the world.

The film "Spring Tide" has been heard for a long time. It won the Golden Goblet Awards Award for Best Photography at the 22nd Shanghai International Film Festival and was nominated for Best Feature Film. At the same time, it was shortlisted for the best feature film of the 1st Youth Film Festival in the 3rd1and the main competition unit of the 5th Asian Film Festival in Osaka. Since it was published online, it has also got a high score of Douban 7.2.

After watching a movie, I feel the plot is very strange.

Guo Jianbo, the heroine played by Hao Lei, and the man in the rental house are passionate in the bathroom. On a large scale. It can be seen that they love each other very much. Both of them are single, but they don't consider getting married. They got up in the morning and met again, just occasional sexual partners.

And his mother, Ji, got married at an old age. When his wife asked for sex, her 60-year-old mother said, "I haven't lived together for more than 30 years, because my husband is an exhibitionist and always likes to expose his body in public." "Then I used sex as a cover to vent my emotions and kept crying about my unfortunate marriage. At the same time, she also suspected that Guo Jianbo, 30, did something improper when she came home late every night, reminding her that it was "not safe". Being misunderstood by his mother, Guo Jianbo didn't even bother to explain.

Guo Jianbo's daughter, Guo Wanting, went to elementary school and seemed to be very precocious. She asked her, "Did I come out from your front ass or from your back ass?" Guo Jianbo doesn't have any knowledge of popular science, but she lets her daughter guess for herself. Contemporary young mothers will not shy away from spreading some sexual knowledge to their children, especially their daughters, and will generally educate her to protect herself. But Guo Jianbo didn't.

Three generations have behaved strangely in front of "sex". Mother is xenophobic, daughter is joking, granddaughter is taboo. Just like the spring tide, the mother pushes her daughter and the mother and daughter push her granddaughter at the same time. They are all wrong, starting with their mother, they are wrong.

After watching the movie Spring Tide and watching many movie explanations, I realized these ethical thoughts hidden under the appearance of "sex". Another very heavy topic: family background.

There is a sentence on the cover of this film: "Your relationship with your mother is your relationship with the world." Mothers' values will deeply affect the next generation, even generations. A reasonable mother will bring harmony and happiness to the family, but a perverse mother is a family's greatest misfortune.

In this movie, the heroine Guo Jianbo has almost no lines. She seldom talks, perhaps because she thinks it's useless to talk more and can't solve any problems. But at the end of the film, the director deliberately left a long monologue for the heroine. She said in her monologue: "Every time I should lie in my mother's arms, I lie in a man's arms."

This is the lack of maternal love.

1. People who lack mother's care will feel inferior and lose their self-worth, so they blindly seek comfort and love from outsiders.

In the film, Guo Jianbo is pregnant before marriage. She doesn't even know who her father is, but she is used to looking for warmth in men, just like in a rental house. Mother's family came for the night, and Guo Jianbo's room was occupied. The mother kicked her daughter out to make room for the guests to sleep. After going out, Guo Jianbo ran directly to a rental house, where there was a man. That night, she fell asleep peacefully in the man's arms again.

Guo Jianbo is looking for a substitute for "love", not a lover. This explains why she said goodbye to the renter and left without looking back.

This kind of "love" and "care" is not given to her by her mother. In Guo Jianbo's view, her mother is selfish. In order to divorce her father, she did not hesitate to discredit him and woke her up in the middle of the night to make trouble in his office. Her mother never considered how she felt about losing her father, but only used her as a tool. Her mother doesn't know her pain and has been afraid to speak.

Just like Fan in Ode to Joy, her mother never cared how hard it was for her to be a girl outside. She only asked her for money, but Fan kept asking men for "love", which ended in a vicious circle. Such people feel inferior and smile in front of their young sisters, but they are hurt again and again by love rat because of their low self-worth.

2. Lack of mother's trust will lead to family kidnapping. A mother who is too strong must live according to her own standards.

In the film, mother Ji's control over her daughter is very obvious. Guo Jianbo has an independent job and her 10-year-old daughter, but she doesn't live independently. They left home angrily. A few days later, her mother Ji said to her granddaughter, "Your mother almost knocked you out before. Only grandma loves you the most in this world. " Mother Ji wants to control not only her daughter, but also her granddaughter.

In her thirties, her mother scolded her in front of outsiders as if she were educating her children. There was nothing in Guo Jianbo's home except a box containing her father's memory, which was finally burned by her mother. Before the burning, she didn't even say hello to Guo Jianbo. Under the control of his mother, Guo Jianbo did not dare to rebel loudly, and his words and deeds were distorted.

This control is terrible. Daughter is not a person, but a puppet, a toy, and the inheritor of mother's consciousness. Everyone should be an independent individual. This Chinese-style mother-daughter relationship impacts human nature.

I once saw a post on Zhihu, and the blogger said this about his mother:

Mother's control left a deep scar in her heart. Without mother's careful guidance, only mother's forced control, children will really live like weeds.

3. Children who are too "loving" lack education, have imperfect personality, do not know how to respect others, and are often self-centered.

Perhaps different from the situation in the film, it is also the lack of maternal love, the overindulgence and the lack of education. In the movie Sheep Without a Shepherd, the victim is such a role. The inspector's son, Sucha, grew up with rich material conditions and basically met all requirements. His mother can help him solve any trouble, which leads to his unlearned character. She tried to flirt with her female classmate Pingping and was killed by mistake, which finally brought disaster to two families.

The lack of education makes them lose their basic value judgment, only allow others to love themselves, and they will not love others, becoming irresponsible, especially after entering the society, their sense of responsibility will be very poor.

Psychologist Maslow said: "After people have enough to eat and wear warm clothes, their greatest needs are love and belonging. If they can't get it, their hearts will get stuck there. " The lack of maternal love reflects the psychological trauma brought by family background to the next generation, which will always accompany the whole life, like the spring tide, wave after wave rushing to the deep heart.

1. The family she came from made her love incompetent.

With the story of the film Spring Tide advancing, the elderly mother finally faced the problem of life: birth, aging, illness and death. Mother Ji Ming Lan was sick and vomited in the bathroom. She looks very miserable. Her daughter Guo Jianbo heard the sound, opened the bedroom door and saw her mother vomiting badly in the bathroom, but she was indifferent. Her face was as cold as ever, and she didn't take any action to take care of her old mother. Instead, she quietly closed the door and made her mother suffer from illness.

This scene is the one that has the greatest influence on me.

When we get sick on the road, we all ask, "What's the matter with you?" But the hostess Guo Jianbo didn't come forward to take care of her mother's illness. How much hatred does she have in her heart?

Many people say that filial piety seems to be unfilial if you don't care about the elderly. The film also throws a naked realistic question: "Why should I be filial to those who hurt me?"

Suppose a person has never felt love, care and warmth since he was a child, and he grew up in a cold environment. Will she really love someone else? Is she capable of honoring her parents?

The answer is obvious, and this becomes a very bad cycle.

2. The "forced repetition" of forming a new family

Freud put forward the concept of "compulsive repetition" in the article 1920 "Beyond the principle of happiness", which refers to an impulse to blindly repeat early experiences and situations. No matter whether it is profitable or not, no matter whether it will cause happiness or pain, individuals are always forced to repeat again and again, and their will is powerless and they can't control this compulsion.

For example, I once had a broken love, so I went to similar broken feelings again and again, and at the same time I had a secret, even unconscious wish: this time, I would repair the broken part-and then I would fail again and again.

The psychological trauma of a person's childhood will drive him to unconsciously and forcibly return to the stage of psychological development that suffered setbacks, and repeat the painful complex and relationship of childhood in reality.

In the film, Guo Jianbo's marriage is also unhappy. She clearly has the right to happiness, but she doesn't want to have it. Colleagues introduced a high-quality boyfriend to Guo Jianbo, which can improve her living conditions and make her live more comfortably, at least like an ordinary normal person. However, Guo Jianbo herself rejected this relationship, and she deliberately dismantled her platform. Her mother said that her ex-husband died in a car accident, but she told her boyfriend that she didn't even know who her father was, and even asked her boyfriend, "My mother and I only have one breast. Guess who it is? " Scared off the boyfriend directly.

Guo Jianbo rejects men just like her mother. Her mother has been trying to get rid of marriage all her life and she doesn't want to get married herself. They don't love men, and they won't love men. Perhaps Guo Jianbo is also deeply aware of this, so she chose to escape from her marriage. Deliberately live in a mess.

Actually, there are many examples in life. Children from families with high intimacy and children from families with low affinity cannot live together. For a simple example, people with high intimacy take it for granted that husband and wife cook and wash dishes together, but families with low intimacy will find it troublesome and can do it alone.

After watching the film for the first time, I drew it again with some "strange" plots in the film. Some viewers said: "People who have not been hurt by doomed love can't understand this movie, and they won't understand what the movie is about." Indeed, I'm afraid only those who have experienced this kind of pain know.

However, I also remember a sentence I once saw. Everyone's starting point is from his family, but the turning point is himself. Maybe we can learn to redeem ourselves after being hurt more or less by the family we came from.

The warmest place in the film is Guo Jianbo's attitude towards her daughter. She is charitable, tolerant and equal. She doesn't want her children to suffer what she suffered again. In some ways, she began to try to change.

She wants to cut off this spring tide from herself.

I think this is what the film wants to express: forgive others and let yourself go.

Of course, this film is from the perspective of mother and daughter. In fact, in family of origin, the father also plays the same role. This also gives our parents some inspiration.

Finally, I hope none of you can understand this movie.

I'm Yan, thank you for reading.