Most older leftover women don’t understand what their core competitiveness is?

01

Last week, a former colleague complained to me about her single life, and finally said: "You said that my requirements are not high and my conditions are not bad. Why? Why haven’t you found your partner yet? ”

This colleague has passed her 30th birthday. In my opinion, she is really good. She is 168cm tall, has a car and a house, and looks good. It's still pretty good.

Her requirements for a mate are to be over 178cm tall, have a car and a house, be of good character, and be able to chat with her, but even such low requirements in her opinion are very difficult to find.

Especially after she turned 30, it was obvious that she was very anxious and wanted to get married quickly, but on the other hand, she really didn’t want to give in because she had been holding on for so many years and was worried about it. If you give up now, all your efforts will be wasted.

So, she firmly believes that "if you bloom, the breeze will come naturally", and she always looks forward to meeting love in the next moment. She even went home for the Chinese New Year this year and went to find someone to calculate her marriage.

In recent years, I feel that there are more and more older leftover women around me. Although everyone seems to be calmly waiting for love, in fact, they are a little restless in their hearts. This kind of uneasiness will gradually increase with age. It's becoming more and more obvious. Although they all say on the surface that this matter cannot be rushed, there are very few who can truly be calm in their hearts.

Sister Jing is a matchmaker in the circle of friends. She knows many friends, has a warm and cheerful personality, and is willing to match people and arrange meetings. Later, more and more people came to her. She even joked, Otherwise, I would just do this full-time.

But during this time, Sister Jing said that she didn’t want to do this anymore and asked her why? She said she was offended by both sides, but when she asked, she found out that a girl who had asked her to be a matchmaker took her anger out on her after the matter failed, saying that none of the boys she introduced to her were sincere in their blind dates.

Sister Jing was a little helpless: "The boy is 32 years old, so he must be dating sincerely. He has told me many times that I introduced him only after seeing that their requirements for mate selection generally match."

02

The girl, 30 years old, fell in love with that man because all his conditions did meet her requirements. After chatting with the other party for a while, the girl thought that she was also his ideal type, and since she was of the same age, she should be inseparable.

Unexpectedly, after they met once, she went home and waited for the other party to contact her. After waiting for three days, there was no news. When she saw it on the fourth day, she was deleted directly, which made her very sad. She was angry and thought the other party was playing tricks on her, so she asked Sister Jing to reason with her.

After a lot of explanations, the girl left with a shameful face. When she left, she asked Sister Jing to introduce her to a reliable person next time, saying that she would forget about it this time. Sister Jing felt that she felt miserable, shook her head and said: "Most older leftover women don't understand their core competitiveness."

I asked what I meant, and Sister Jing said that this situation had not happened once or twice. Every time she introduces a partner to these older leftover women, she obviously makes a rough match based on the conditions and requirements of both parties, but the result is rarely a happy one.

I asked: "Who is not willing?"

Sister Jing replied: "Some women do not like the men, some men do not like the women, and some do not like each other. , but most of the time it’s the man who doesn’t like the woman.”

I was a little surprised: “Why? Isn’t it based on the general requirements?”

Sister Jing replied: “ However, most people's general requirements are actually vague. They only have some relatively rigid requirements, such as academic qualifications, height, and income. Of course, girls require more from boys, and most boys do not have such requirements. If the requirements are met, I will arrange a meeting, and the rest depends on whether the two of them can talk about it."

However, the consistently high failure rate proves that even if the requirements are roughly matched, it can really work. There are also relatively few people who chat together, which goes back to the kind reminder that Sister Jing said: Most older leftover women do not understand their core competitiveness.

03

Sister Jing asked me: "What do you think is the core competitiveness of older girls?"

I thought about it and remembered that My colleague’s sister, she always emphasizes that she is not ugly, has a car and a house, so why can’t she get married? So, I asked tentatively: "Is it a garage?"

Sister Jing smiled: "This is what many older leftover women don't understand. I have come into contact with many relatively older girls who come out to work. For many years, many people who have bought a garage think that this is their core competitiveness. In fact, it is not at all because they usually require their husbands to have a garage. If they don't have one, they think it is a injustice to them. But there is a paradox here. , Most of those boys with good conditions, such as cars and houses, actually don’t care whether the other party has a house, because it doesn’t matter to them.”

I thought about it carefully, and it seems to be the case. Sister Jing continued: "Just like the girl who made trouble for me, she thought the boy was not sincere. She clearly met the requirements, but the boy deleted her. But the boy told me that she had been emphasizing that she had a house. Things made him feel very utilitarian and disgusting. He didn't like this.

"

I probably understood a little after listening. Sister Jing said again: "Tell me, can you blame me? I've told her that at this age, being down-to-earth is the most important thing, but she just doesn't listen. ”

I asked what it meant to be down-to-earth. Sister Jing said: “Many older girls don’t see the direction clearly. Many of those who came to me for introductions said they were good-looking, well-rounded, and not demanding. Why can’t I meet my other half? "I feel like these words are familiar. Yes, my colleague sister also said it.

Sister Jing continued: "At this age, can looks be considered an advantage? Unless you are really beautiful, the age limit can be relaxed, but the problem is that most of them are just ordinary people. If you put on makeup and wear good-looking clothes, you will not look bad, but it is not much better. There must be awareness. Therefore, looks and car skills are not the advantages of older leftover women. Compared with girls in their early twenties, these can even become disadvantages. So what are their advantages? "

I definitely don't know. Sister Jing paused and then said: "When a boy chooses his partner, he depends on his character, outlook on life, conduct, family, etc. I think the older a boy is, the more important he is. Girls, these should be their advantages. They are gentle and calm, generous and polite, and have the ability to support a family that young girls do not have. They are married to wives. These are obviously good bonus points. . ”

04

However, Sister Jing said that most leftover women do not pay attention to these aspects. They still only want love and wait for the one who belongs to them in the end. Let’s have some romance first.

Sister Jing thought for a moment: “Also, many older leftover women don’t understand that the competition in the dating field is between women. Among these women, there are some better than you. Those who are older than you, those who are the same age as you, and many who are many years younger than you. Many older leftover women like affordable men, and young girls also like them. Under the same conditions, boys will definitely choose the younger guy. As I said, a garage cannot be an advantage in front of a boy who has a garage. And age and youth are the little girl's biggest competitiveness. She just stood there and won just by showing off her face. "

Sister Jing seemed to have thought of something, and then continued: "I also told that girl, since you think she can do it, why don't you take the initiative to find her? Why do you have to wait for people to chase you? Most boys of this age don't have the energy and would rather coax little girls who are more easily satisfied. Therefore, once you think the other person is good, you should take the initiative to flirt with him. Use your gentleness and considerateness to impress him, use your kindness and sensibleness to anesthetize him, and make him think that this girl is more worry-free than the little girl and is worth marrying home because she will be a good wife. ”

After I listened, I silently said something that felt good. Sister Jing laughed and said that we have already passed the age of romance and should not use survivor bias to find love in our hearts. First, Weigh the pros and cons before telling the story in the future.

As for love, Sister Jing said that after two people get married, those who can really manage can also make love up in their future marriages. There are several examples of such couples that she has successfully matched.