How about a few jokes?

1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Uncle, do you want side light, backlight, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can I give it to you?" "Aunt, leave a pair of underwear?" 2. Wife's Quotes: You are allowed to get drunk, and you are allowed to hook up with girls, but you must return to my team at night. If you dare to break my heart or hurt my lungs, I will definitely take your third leg. Beat the cripple and let your bird sleep forever. 3. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: I hate it, you won’t recognize her when she takes off her clothes! 4. Two old couples had a sudden idea while having dinner one day: eat naked! Find the feeling you had before! After taking off her clothes, the old woman said: I still have a reaction! The breasts are still as hot as when they were young! The old man glanced sideways and said: It drooped into the soup! 5. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and none of what a man says is true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and a man cannot survive without fighting; if a man is rich, he is destined to be with everyone. , men can be relied upon, pigs can climb trees. 6. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a whole day and make my feet itch; C: I don’t feel safe on the street only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, go back Go home and hug the cat. 7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but was shaken off. Only one ant held on to the elephant's neck tightly. The ants below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, little boy, still Damn it! 8. A child stole a parrot raised in a brothel home. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot screamed: Moving! When he saw his mother, he yelled again: The boss has changed too! When he saw his sister, he shouted again: "The lady has changed too!" When he saw his father, he yelled again: We are still a regular customer! 9. Life is a long road, who can take the right steps! The family needs to be taken care of, and the lover needs to be taken care of! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a good-looking person sitting across the table, and someone I miss far away! Keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six, seven! 10. A puppy climbed up on your dining table and crawled towards a roasted chicken. You said angrily: "I will do whatever you dare to do to that roasted chicken." As a result, the puppy licked the chicken's butt. You fainted, the puppy said happily: Let's see who is cruel. 11. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts linger, the dead light appears again, and ghosts wander around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your bedside in the middle of the night, touch your face with a pale face, green eyes, and dry hands, and say to you on my behalf: Good night! 12. A man always has a smile on his face and his eyes are sparkling. He is either being mean or cheating! A woman with enlarged breasts and slim waist, who is slutty and coquettish, will either pick your pocket or put a black knife on you! These days, men, monsters, and witches, be careful! 13. The mouse was very depressed when he didn’t have a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. QQ Space Funny Diary Others laugh at him because he has no vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a flight attendant after all. 14. You were walking on the road, and a female dog pounced on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot, and quickly swallowed it. When you stretched out your foot and was about to kick it, the dog said with tears: Go ahead, it’s in my belly anyway. I already have your flesh and blood! 15. A friend asked a bat how he could marry a mouse. The bat had tears in his eyes and said meaningfully: Alas! That day he took Viagra, which gave him strong firepower. He jumped up to the ceiling and succeeded. 16. I spent a dime to send you this text message to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime text message is my birthday gift to you. 17. The ant is lying lazily in the soil with one leg stretched out. Your friend asks you what you are doing? Ant: The elephant will come later, trip him up. 18. When a magpie comes, my mother says it is a happy bird and a guest; when a swallow comes, my mother says it is a beneficial bird and a guest; when a crow comes, my child asks, are you also a guest? The crow cries: Yes, I am a hacker! 19. A beautiful woman found that her lipstick was too heavy, so she wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly realized, he caught up and said: Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off! 20. Cucumber cried bitterly when she was heartbroken, and Eggplant comforted her: love is not only sweet and intoxicating, but also heartbreaking and tearful. well! Who made you fall in love with onions? 21. Yesterday I dreamed that God said he could grant me a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change to another one. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful. He thought for a moment and said, take the globe and I Look again. 22. A girl is so ugly that she cannot marry and hopes to be abducted. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: "Let's go, I don't want the car anymore." 23.Twenty years ago, when your father was holding you while waiting for the bus, everyone laughed at his ugly appearance, and he cried. QQ log: An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Brother, stop crying. Give the monkey a banana to eat! It's so pitiful. It's so hungry that there's no hair left." 24. An old farmer was hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and pooped on the old farmer's face. The old farmer raised his head and cursed: "CAO, your mother! You don't even know how to wear underpants when you go out!" The crow said, "CAO! You poop in underpants!" 25. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig also imitated the parrot and said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw both the parrot and the pig off the plane. . At this time, the parrot said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly." 26. Xiao Ming told his mother that when the guests came to play at home today, his brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair, and I saw it.

Mom said: "Then what did you do?" Xiao Ming said: "I stood aside, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him." 27. One day in a crowded restaurant A conversation on the bus went as follows: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" "(I want him to give up his seat...) The man said nervously: "The child is not mine! 』 28. It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal. It’s just a dream, but it’s so real. You lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down. I finally can’t help but say to you: next time you fart , say it! 29. A pair of lovers were caught by savages in the mountains and said, "You will let them go if you eat each other's shit." The lover did it, and the woman cried loudly on the way back. The man asked why, and the woman sadly said: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't poop so much! 30. One day, a certain gentleman's wife gave birth to a baby. He hurried to the hospital to visit him. After waiting for n hours, crying came from the delivery room. He shouted happily, I am a father! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that the child was born with a congenital malformation.

A certain gentleman stayed there and didn't understand the reason. Suddenly, his wife shouted from the delivery room: It's all God's fault.