Can I get married if I love incompetence? A woman meets an incompetent husband.

Pay wages, share housework, and have gifts on various festivals and anniversaries; You can also bring a baby to help with your homework; Do you like such a husband?

Every time Xiaoying says that she wants a divorce, her girlfriends will say that she is ungrateful, blessed and unhappy; What the naked eye can see is that in the past few years of marriage, she has obviously withered. Before marriage, she was a lively and beautiful girl, who dared to love and hate, and was in full swing. She has been in love twice and has been hurt. Later, I met my current husband, slowly and steadily, and soon entered the marriage; Even her family said Xiaoying was lucky and married a husband who was so kind to herself.

Xiaoying felt that she had withered like a flower after marriage. As a husband, the husband didn't show anything critical, but Xiaoying always felt that he couldn't get close to him. There is always a layer between two people, and there is no emotional flow. Xiaoying said: he is just playing the role of a good husband, but he has never opened his heart to love me; I want a divorce, but everyone says I shouldn't.

In this contradiction, she became pregnant and gave birth to a child, and the days passed day by day; She became more and more miserable and began to find fault and quarrel, but her husband rarely responded, but became more indifferent to her; Like a punch on cotton, Xiaoying's anger is getting bigger and bigger, but she can't send it out. When I came to consult, Xiaoying repeatedly asked me: "Is it really that I am not satisfied? But he doesn't love me, why should he marry me? "

Xiaoying and I combed her marriage story together and found that it was a typical pseudo-intimate relationship; Her husband didn't deliberately choose someone he didn't love to stay married, but he didn't have the ability to love at all. Talking about feelings with such a person, if a woman has no good way to influence him, she will seriously consume herself and even fall into self-doubt.

Xiaoying's seemingly beautiful but painful marriage, although to outsiders who don't understand Xiaoying's feelings, everything is an inevitable result:

On the one hand, for Xiaoying, although her husband has taken on many responsibilities in the family, he can't meet her most important emotional needs; This is fatal to marriage. The core needs of women are a sense of security and belonging. They need to realize in their feelings that the other person cares about their feelings and is willing to share the most secret feelings with themselves. This will make them feel their sense of existence, know my importance and know that I am cherished.

Our greatest need in feelings is to be seen by our lover, who understands our feelings, comforts us and makes us feel no longer lonely; Some people have a deep connection with me because they understand me. Such feelings will nourish us, otherwise it will be like a flower losing water and withering gradually.

On the other hand, from the husband's point of view, he actually didn't mean to hurt Xiaoying, nor did he think about marrying a woman he didn't love; But he doesn't know how to love someone at all. He grew up in a family with extremely high pressure from his parents and always lived according to their wishes. Over time, his feelings became less important and he hardly expressed his needs. Parents will only be happy if they think about what to do.

Xiaoying said that one thing that her in-laws mentioned and were proud of impressed her deeply: her husband played basketball well in junior high school, was the monitor, and was the man of the hour in the school; But his parents worried that it would affect his study and transferred him directly. My husband cried for a long time, but he still transferred to another school. Later, he stopped talking. He only knew how to study before he was admitted to a key university.

Xiaoying said that her in-laws are very proud to mention this. She didn't think it was right and didn't think much. When we analyzed her husband's personality together, she remembered it again; When listening to her story, I felt a suffocating pain; I also deeply understand her husband's emotional state, which is a psychological defense mechanism to avoid anxiety. In Origin and Fate, because parents are extremely narcissistic, they always ask him in the way they think is good and right. All his feelings and needs are ignored; Finally, I have to suppress myself and meet my parents' needs. But my heart is full of doubt and distrust of the world.

Therefore, as an adult, he dare not open his heart to another person easily; Enter the right marriage at the right age; However, he can't open his heart to his partner, and he dare not connect his feelings with each other. Because he is afraid that once he has established his feelings, he will be controlled and hurt again; So I am willing to maintain a safe pseudo-intimate relationship, just to play the role of a "good husband", but I don't want to let my feelings become a mere formality.

Any woman is crazy to meet such a partner. At the beginning, they will also try to connect their feelings with each other. After hitting a wall repeatedly, they will begin to wonder if the other person doesn't love themselves at all. Am I not attractive? This will make women less and less confident, the state will become very bad, and the whole person will begin to wither. When they can't stand it, they will break out, blame, complain about their partners and attack each other; So men want to escape, or attack women in turn to protect themselves; Finally, feelings will fall into the mode of quarreling and cold war, and there will be a serious emotional crisis.

If you always feel that your feelings are not satisfied in a relationship, but you don't know how to guide each other, you can trust me privately, tell me your details and I'll teach you how to do it.