Composition for a One-Day Tour in shenzhen safari park (going with the teacher)

Professor Foldin is always careless. His wife asked him to throw a bag of rubbish into the dustbin outside the building.

In the room, he got on the subway, went to the laboratory, and finally took it home.

The wife was surprised: "What do you have?" Faldyn said, "Oh, I forgot to throw out the garbage."

Yes "

The wife took it and looked even more surprised: "Where did you get a pack of ham?"

Careless professor

A professor always forgets three things, either his glasses case or his walking stick. special

This is an umbrella. His wife buys him one almost every month. The professor secretly made up his mind,

Be more careful in the future. One day, the professor went out in the morning and came back in the afternoon, proudly telling his wife.

He said, "Hey, Tao Le, I didn't lose anything today. I brought my umbrella back! " He said, and then

Show an umbrella. "Oh, look at you careless person, you didn't take your umbrella out today!"

Different wording

The cardinal was driving very fast, and a policeman caught up with him on a motorcycle and stopped him. The bishop asked, "mine?

Are you driving too fast? Policeman: "No, your eminence." Your car didn't drive too fast, but

Fly too slowly. "

get a ride

A naval officer stood beside the driver on the bus and didn't sit down to avoid being broken and burned.

Wear a straight uniform. A drunk got on the bus, walked up to the police officer and pulled his sleeve.

Say buy a ticket. The officer ignored him. But the drunk insisted, so the official turned and said, "Peng!" "

Friend, I'm not a commander, I'm a naval officer. "

"Then," replied the drunk, "stop the boat. I want to take a bus. "

answer

Customer: "Waiter, can you explain the flies in my soup?"

The waiter bent down to look at it carefully and replied, "it's swimming, sir." It's swimming. "

Dial the wrong number.

As soon as the lights in the cinema went out, a thief put his hand into Regal's pocket and was immediately sent away by Regal.

Now The thief said, "I tried to get my handkerchief, but I was wrong." Please forgive me! " "

"It doesn't matter." Regal calmly replied.

After a while, the thief got a heavy slap with a bang.

"Sorry, wrong number, there is a mosquito on my face." Rega said.

Mosquitoes play lanterns

Two Scottish immigrants who had just arrived in new york spent the night in a hotel. They were awakened by mosquitoes all night.

Very angry, the last one said, "Sandy, cover your head with a quilt so that mosquitoes can't bite us."

Yes "After a while, Sandy put her head out to breathe fresh air, and then he saw something he had never seen before.

I've seen fireflies, so he cried, "God, it's no use covering your head. Mosquitoes are playing lanterns. "

Looking for us. "

sound of snoring

Little John's father went to bed as soon as it got dark, and the rough and annoying snoring fired little John.

I can't do my homework at all. "ah! Wake up, wake up! " Little John shook his father hard.

Wake up.

"Bah, I just lie down, what are you yelling about? ! "Old John lost his temper. "I see you played.

Snoring for two hours is really tiring. I hope you sit up and have a good rest. "

Play water polo

An athlete went to eat and saw a big plate of soup on the table with only one bean in it.

Nothing else. He immediately stood up and undressed. When his companion asked him what had happened, he replied:

"I'm going to take off my clothes, jump into the plate and play water polo with that bean."

Gangster 1

A condemned man asked Interpol, "What time is it?" % Interpol snapped, "I'm going to die,

Why ask the time? "The prisoner said," this is the event of my life. Remember that this time is very important to me.

It means a lot to me. "

Gangster 2

A gangster listened to the priest's sermon.

The priest said, "It is better to make more friends than to offend one enemy ..."

"I have no enemies." The gangster said.

"Great, why are there no enemies?" "I killed them all!"

Gangster 3

The thief went to church for mass. The priest asked, "What brings you here? You didn't steal the fire this week.

Chicken steak? ""No, not one. "

"Did other chickens steal it?" "No."

"Great, you are one step closer to God."

Whispered, "If he asks me if I stole the duck, I will stay away from God."

Gangster 4

The policeman asked a criminal who was about to be hanged what he wanted for breakfast. "Yes, I remember,

I like peaches best. "said the criminal.

"You know, it's winter and there are no peaches!" The police said.

"Never mind, I can wait."

Singular and plural

Teacher: "Nick, do you know singular and plural?"

Nick: "I see."

Teacher: "Tell me, is' pants' singular or plural?"

Nick: "It's singular above and plural below."

worry

The wife said to her husband, "Every time you go out, I am worried." "Dear, don't bear.

Heart, "the husband comforted her," I will come back at any time. " "This is what I'm worried about. "withered

Don't eat eggs

The lioness gave birth to a little lion, and the little lion wanted to eat. The bitch gave birth to a puppy, and the puppy came to eat.

"……

"In other words, all mothers have to eat."

Little Tom thought and thought, always looking for a guy who was born not to eat, but he found it three times in a row.

I haven't thought of it for days.

On the fourth day, he finally figured it out. He saw it with his own eyes. This is a fact. He ran to tell the old man.

Teacher: "Teacher, hens lay eggs, but don't eat them!" " "

of course

A man keeps a parrot that can only say "of course", so he decides to sell it. "Your parrot?

How much is Nautilus? "Asked the buyer 1000 yuan. "The seller replied." Why is it so expensive? "

"My parrot is very clever!" "Parrot, are you smart?" Asked the buyer. "Of course."

The buyer then bought the parrot. He was born when he found that parrots could only say "of course"

He said angrily, "Only a fool would spend 1000 yuan on such a parrot." "Of course!"

The parrot replied.

Guide dog

John was about to cross the road when he saw a blind man crossing the road with his guide dog.

At the green light, the dog didn't take the owner across the road, but peed on his pants.

Unexpectedly, the blind man reached into his pocket and gave the dog a biscuit.

John was surprised and said to the blind man, "If that is my dog, I will definitely kick its fart."

Shares. The blind man replied very calmly, "Yes, I want to kick it, but I must kick it first."

Find its head! "

out of luck

Miss Jenny was on the night shift when she saw a man coming towards her with open hands. "Rogue!" Zhan (Han)

Miss Connie scolded and kicked the man in the stomach. With a bang, the man shouted, "Oh, my God!

That! The third piece of glass still can't be taken home! "

Things succeed or fail.

A gentleman politely asked the lady sitting next to him in the trunk, "I'm here to smoke a cigarette to get in your way."

Really? The lady said kindly to him, "No, you are as good as at home." "The gentleman will accept it immediately.

Back in the cigarette case, he sighed and said, "Still can't smoke!"

A new chapter in morality

"Dad, what is morality?"

"What is morality? Wait, how do you explain this? For example, someone put a thousand pictures in it.

Gehrig left his wallet in the shop, and I found it. Should I keep the money alone or sell it with him?

Share the goods equally? It's called morality. "

It's hard to get

The defendant promised his defense lawyer, "If you have the ability, I can only go to prison for half a year."

Prison, then you will get an extra 1000 yuan reward. "The defendant finally understood.

While collecting money, the lawyer said, "This is really a hard job. Originally, the judge wanted to be acquitted. "

Put it on. "

hard-earned

Someone invited a friend to his house for dinner. The friend asked, "Are you sure your wife knows I'm going?"

Dinner? "

"Of course I know. I argued with her about it all afternoon! "

Waiting for the cat to catch the mouse.

Man: "Madam, I accidentally stepped on your cat when I was walking." I'll get you one.

Come on, okay? "

Woman: "Then you have to hurry, there is a mouse in the kitchen at the moment."

The third possibility

The nurse said to the parturient, "Your husband called to ask if he was having a son or a daughter?" "Please.

Ask him if there is a third possibility. "……

telephone

1876, Alexander g bell won an award for a set of devices that transmit sound through wires.

Eight years after obtaining the patent, a farmer in California, USA, went to the telephone office for the first time to try this new thing.

He scribbled a few words on the paper first, rolled up the paper, pushed it to the messenger with a pencil, and then

Sit down and wait for an answer. After waiting for a long time without response, the farmer crumpled the paper and threw it into the handle. I waited.

After half an hour, there was still no movement on the phone. The farmer was very disappointed and walked away swearing.

Yes The staff took apart the damaged mobile phone. Is it dental caries? That piece of paper reads:

Order wrenches from the store.

telephone

A man calls home at work.

It was a strange woman who answered the phone.

The man said, "Who are you?" "I am the maid here." The woman replied.

"We didn't invite a maid." "The hostess of this room called me this morning."

"Oh, that I am her husband. Is she there? " "But ... she and one I thought was her husband's.

The men in the upstairs room ... do ... do ... do something that couples can do. "Listen to the man said.

Very angry. He said to the maid, "Listen, do you want to earn 50,000 dollars?" "I want you.

Go and take out the gun on my desk and shoot those two adulterers and adulterers! "The maid put the phone down.

Go down.

The man heard footsteps, followed by two shots

The maid came back and picked up the phone.

"What should I do with this body?" "Throw them in the swimming pool." "What swimming?

Swimming pool? ""hmm? ... um (expressing hesitation, etc.) ... is this phone number 262 1-5656?

Tv bug

Ferguson likes watching TV very much. His classmates looked for him in their spare time and nine times out of ten saw him sitting on the phone.

In front of the TV, so everyone called him "TV nerd".

No, the literature teacher announced in class that day: "I suggest you watch the eclipse tonight."

Gerson immediately asked, "What channel?"

TV fan

Uncle Martin's chattering parrot is ill. Don't eat or drink. Take it to the vet for consultation.

After the break, I said nothing was wrong. The vet asked Uncle Martin if there was any serious accident at home, which made him feel like a parrot.

Uneasy. Martin said that the only thing that happened was that the TV set was repaired.

"Get it back quickly," said the vet.

Sure enough, as soon as the TV set was brought back, the parrot's appetite recovered.

The rules in the shop

Manager: Remember, the rule of this store is that the customer is always right. Now tell me, just.

What did the gentleman say?

Shop assistant: He only said one thing-your manager is a big idiot.

fish

Patrol: Fishing is prohibited here, and it will be fined 20. Fisherman: I'm not fishing, I'm teaching earthworms.

Swimming.

Policeman: Really? Let me see.

Fisherman: Look.

Patrol: swimming naked, fined 50.

Change it.

The future father-in-law said to Pierre, "I agree to marry my daughter to you, the marriage of 60 thousand marks."

I'll deposit the cosmetics in the bank for you. "

Pierre said sadly, "You'd better give me 60 thousand marks and deposit your daughter in the bank."

Inches "

Overlapping quilt

Instructor: Kameda, why is your quilt always worse than Yamamoto's?

Kameda: Sir, Yamamoto made tofu before joining the army, and I made steamed bread with flower rolls before joining the army.

Yes

bullfighter

A matador is drinking in the country. His friends advised him not to drink too much, but he drank until he was brave.

Stumbling uncontrollably, and then taking a shortcut to the arena, there is already a bull lying on the field. bullfighter

At once, he put down his horn and fought fiercely with them. Finally, the bull ran away. Later, the matador followed his friend.

He said, "I really drank a little too much just now, otherwise I would have to drag the child off the bike."

But! ! "

Reading and curing diseases

A: "Where have you been all these years?"

B: "to the medical university."

A: "Then your illness must be cured."

take a risk

Four gentlemen got together to gamble. Before gambling, they said to John, "Go and see if there is one outside the door."

No police. "

John walked for ten minutes and came in panting and said, "There is no police outside the door, so there is no police station."

So I went to the station and called one! "

target

I came to you to propose to your daughter. Said the young suitor.

Have you talked to my wife? Father asked.

Yes, but I prefer to marry your daughter.

Make unnecessary moves

A swimmer swam across the English Channel. When he landed, many cheering people surrounded him.

Male ... A Jew came up and asked inexplicably, "You didn't know there were ships sailing here."

Really? "

The more the better.

A speeding car was stopped by a police patrol car. The policeman took notes and said to the driver.

"You will get a speeding ticket because your speed has just exceeded 60 miles."

The machine immediately said:

"Sir, would you please write down one hundred miles? You know, I'm going to sell this car.

So what! "

Years later

She (gently): "Dear, when did you first find yourself in love with me?"

He (angrily): "When people say you are stupid and ugly and I start to go crazy!" " "

Malicious slander

A plump woman came to the court and asked the judge sadly:

"If a person goes around calling me a hippo, can I sue him for malicious slander?"

The judge said, "Of course, when did he treat you like a hippo?"

"He has often said this to everyone since three years ago."

"What? Since three years ago? Then why do you want to sue now? "

"I went to the newly-built wildlife park yesterday to know what a hippo looks like."

Crocodile's big mouth

The keeper of the zoo stood in front of the crocodile with his mouth wide open and kept pushing it into his mouth.

Look at that.

Passers-by tourists asked, "What happened to the crocodile?" The administrator said, "I don't know yet. The doctor noticed him.

I went to my mouth and didn't come out for half an hour. "

crocodile skin shoes

Customer: "I want to buy a pair of crocodile shoes."

Shop assistant: "OK, madam, what size shoes do you want to wear for that crocodile?"

A loving couple

Once upon a time, there was a king who lived in an ideal city. Before entering the city, he issued an order: Enter the city.

All women can avoid death and leave the city with their most valuable things before dawn tomorrow.

Chi, the king guarantees their safety. At dawn the next day, I saw all the women in the city carrying them on their backs.

Carrying heavy burdens one by one, they were so tired that they sweated and walked out of the city gate out of breath. origin

Come on, it's all behind my husband's back.

Common sense of children

The wife of the drama director of Radio Delhi took the children to the zoo. All of a sudden, kid

Seeing a fat and big cat, I asked, "Mom, is this a husband or a wife?"

The director's wife was embarrassed and didn't know how to answer the children's questions. At this time, the child since

I have made a judgment: "Mom, I know. This cat is a husband! "

"Why?" Mother asked in surprise.

"I just gave it a hard twist, but it didn't bark or jump. It just lowered its head and said,

Say nothing. "

voucher of purchase

Morocco had a delicious lunch in a restaurant, and had to pay a ruble, but he couldn't even get a Gaby.

No, so he asked the shopkeeper, "Please tell me if someone hit someone here."

How much will he be fined if he slaps his face and the lawsuit goes to court? "

"I think it's five rubles!"

"Well," Morocco said, "please give me a slap in the face and give me the remaining four rubles.

Boss! "

invent

The Italian said to the Jew, "We found the cable underground in ancient Rome, which made me understand."

Our ancestors invented telephone communication. "

Jew: "Do you know what you found in Jerusalem?"

Italian: "What?" Jew: "Nothing was found."

Italian: "Ah" Jew: "That means our ancestors invented nothingness.

Line electricity. "

Cryptographic mystery

"Joan garment resistance, you went to school in law school, can you tell me something about what is the Talmud?

Really? "asked shimer.

"I want to give an example to explain. Shimer, I want to ask you a question: two Jews from

A tall chimney fell down. One of them is covered with soot, while the other is very dry.

Net, then who should wash it himself?

""the dirty one, of course! "

"Wrong! The man looked at the man who was not dirty and thought, "I must be clean."

Yes People who win the general prize think they may be dirty when they see people covered in dust. place

So, he wants to take a bath. Now I want to ask you the second question: they fell in again later.

Tall chimney-who should take a bath? "

"Now I know, the man who won the general prize!"

"Wrong! The average winner finds that he is not dirty when he takes a shower; And the dirty people looked at each other.

On the contrary, he understood why most winners take a bath, so he also took a bath.

Now I ask you the third question: They fell down the chimney for the third time-who will?

Take a shower? "

"Now, of course, the bather is dirty!"

"Wrong again! Have you ever seen two people fall from the same chimney? One is clean and the other is clean?

A dirty thing? You see, this is the mystery of the Talmud. "

legal ground

Other families are remembered for calling others pigs. The court sentenced him to 70 rubles.

"This is so unfair!" Don't cry "Last time I swore, my family was a pig."

A fine of thirty rubles! "

The judge plausibly shouted, "Don't you know that the price of pork has already gone up?"

refute

Klaus hobbled out of the hotel drunk. "Oh, my God", a friend standing at the door.

Usalz shouted, "You're wearing your hat backwards!" "How to wear it backwards?"

Klaus retorted, "You have no idea which direction I want to go!"

Oppose marriage

An old man and a beautiful young girl fell in love, but the old man didn't anyway.

Willing to marry her.

Honey, I can't marry you, he told her gently. Mom and dad will object.

What! Are your parents still alive at your age?

No, it isn't, he corrected. I mean father's timing and mother's nature.

Think about it.

"If you earn as much as God of Wealth, what will you do?"

"What will happen to the God of Wealth if he earns as much as I do?"

reaction

One day, Joe walked into the classroom, and his hair stood straight. When the teacher asked what had happened, Joe said:

"This is the reaction of hair gel." The next day, Joe came into the classroom cheerfully, and the teacher asked

Joe said,' this is my father's reaction to hair gel.'

Different methods

At the product sales meeting, sales were extremely low, and the manager reprimanded our sales staff.

Tao: "I have seen and heard enough about your work level and reasons." If you can't do it,

In this job, someone will replace you and sell these valuable things that each of you should be proud of.

Products. Then, he said to his new employee, a retired football player, "If a football.

What happens if the team can't win? Players must be replaced, shouldn't they? ! "A few seconds of silence.

Later, the former football player replied, "Actually, sir, if the whole team is in trouble."

We usually get a new coach.

The slogan on the roof

A film studio built next to the airport, in order to avoid the interference of plane sound, is on the roof.

Wrote a big slogan: "Please be quiet!" Each letter is eight feet square.

As a result, the slogan brought more noise, because all pilots wanted to see the room clearly.

What does it say? Competition makes the plane fly lower.

expense

The hotel customer asked the manager, "What is the daily fruit money? We didn't touch it either.

Some fruit. ""But the fruit is in your room every day. You can't blame me for not eating.

Kid. "I see," said the man, subtracting 150 yuan from the bill.

"What are you doing?" The manager shouted anxiously.

"I reduce 50 yuan a day as the cost of kissing my wife." "What did you say? I didn't.

I kissed your wife. "Ah," the man replied, "but she is there every day." ..."

Angry dog

When the clothing store manager came back from lunch, he found that the clerk's handbag was bandaged and didn't wait for him.

After asking, the clerk told him a very good news.

"Guess what happened, manager," said the clerk. "I finally put it on hold.

I sold my ugly suit! "

"It's not that terrible pink double-breasted blue striped suit, is it?"

"That's it."

"Great!" The manager shouted, "I always thought we couldn't get rid of that monster costume."

Yes, that's the ugliest thing we've ever been in. Oh, by the way, what happened to your hand? How did it get entangled?

Bandage? "

"It's no big deal," said the clerk. "When I sold that suit to that guy, he

My guide dog jumped on me and bit me hard. "

Angry robber

The shopkeeper was picked up from bed by robbers in the middle of the night. The robber was carrying a sharp knife. Ah!

Severely threatened: "Give me all the money."

The little boss said with grievance: "There is really no way. Last night, your colleague came to put all the money. "

Took it. "

The robber roared angrily, "Why didn't you lock the door?"

romantic

Before the masquerade, the wife suddenly felt unwell and asked her husband to go to the party alone. Later, my wife felt better.

At 8 o'clock, then put on a suit that her husband had never seen before and drove to the dance. Just entered the door, too

When I saw her husband flirting with other women, I was so jealous that I decided to test her husband.

She walked up to her husband and threw herself at him with a charming voice. Finally, he was lured to the back garden to have fun.

Romance arrived at midnight, when everyone was about to take off their underwear, my wife quietly left. Her husband is heterosexual.

I didn't come back until three o'clock in the morning. "How was the dance?" The wife asked. "It's not funny at all." Husband?

Answer. "What the hell did you do there?" The wife asked repeatedly. "To tell you the truth,"

The husband said, "When I got there, I saw some friends without wives, and we were there."

Playing cards in the study. ""Have you been playing cards all night? "The wife screamed." Yes, it isn't.

But I lent my clothes and mask to another old friend. The guy fell at the end of the dance.

He boasted to me that it was the best night of his life! "

Rheumatoid patients

Patient: "Do you remember? Last year, you showed me rheumatism, and you told me to avoid it.

Wet. "

Doctor: "Yes. What do you want to see now? "

Patient: "I wonder if I can take a bath now?"

Division of labor between husband and wife

Tomu said to his friend, "Pierre, there is a division of labor in our family. I am in charge of several things. I "

Ma 'am, she also manages some things. ""Tom, what are you in charge of? " "I am in charge of children and servants.

People. ""What about your wife? " "She cares about money and me! "

Get his son.

Beautiful Egyptian female spy, returning from Israel, reported to Cairo headquarters. "I see.

General Dai Yang's latest attack plan was stolen from his desk, not only like

At this point, I also caught his son ... ""Great! " The Egyptian general shouted, "Where is it? I

The children asked him questions at once. ""no! " The female spy said, "We have to wait another ten months. "

Children's parents

During Clinton's visit to Britain, she had dinner with Margaret Thatcher and Jeffrey Howe. It's an active gas

Margaret Thatcher asked Geoffrey Howe, "Your parents have a child, not your brother.

He's not your sister either. Who is he (she)? "Hao smiled and replied," it's me, Hao. "Scold or play?

Linton was very interested. When he returned to the White House, he asked Christopher, "Your parents have a child.

Neither your brother nor your sister, who is it? "Christopher can't answer. Kelin

Gordon smiled proudly: "It's Hao."

Father and daughter share happiness.

Father asked Natasha, "You didn't attend class yesterday. Where have you been? "

"I went to the opera with a classmate." Natasha answered without hesitation.

"How can I go to the opera during school hours?" Father said angrily.

"Yesterday was not your day off, but I saw you sitting in front of me in the theater."

Father's parting

"What's the difference between Baron Calder, Emperor Qian Wei II and Tsar Nicholas II?

Really? "

"Yes, Calder has a rich father; Qian Wei II had an evil father.

Pro Tsar Nicholas II has a cruel father. "

Father-son letter

Harry wrote a letter to his father in boarding school. The whole letter has only six words:

"No money, boring. Son. " A week later, he received a reply, the content is:

"How bad, how sad. Father. "

Then go to see a doctor

Bill knows that it costs three yuan to see a doctor for the first time and one yuan for the second time.

So he went into the clinic and said to the doctor, "I'm here again."

The doctor looked at him and said, "Just take the medicine prescribed last time."

dry-clean

The professor was sitting in the bathtub, and his wife asked strangely, "Why did you take a bath with your clothes on?" teach

Only then did he realize that he had not taken off his clothes. He was just about to jump out when he suddenly calmed down: "Nothing,

Fortunately, I forgot to put water in the bathtub beforehand. "

Willing to fail and accept punishment

"Blau, I pour a can of water on you, and your clothes won't get wet. Can you believe it? "

"Nonsense, how is that possible!"

"How about we bet a crown?"

Glen called a can of water and poured it on Blau's head. Blau shouted, "Stop, stop,

Stop. My clothes are all wet! "

"Then even if I lose!"

sigh with emotion

After watching the TV movie describing the story of the inventor Edison, the wife said to her husband, "Dear.

Yes, if Edison hadn't invented the electric light, we would still have to watch TV by candlelight.

Yes "

God bless (you)

The priest said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage, "This horse only knows the language of the church: barking."

"Thank God," he ran and shouted "Praise God" before stopping. "Farmers who buy horses will be skeptical.

He tried to say "Thank God" and the horse ran faster and faster at once. Just to escape.

On the edge of the cliff, the frightened farmer remembered the password of "Praise God" to stop it. Sure enough,

The horse stopped, and the farmer who survived the accident gave a long sigh: "Thank God ..."

golf

An old but still energetic golfer asked what was in the wizard's paradise.

Is there a golf course? The guide said he would check it out and give him an answer the next day.

The next day, the old man came again. The wizard said, "I got good news and bad news."

The old man said, "Tell me the good news first." "There is a wide golf course in heaven" wizard

Go ahead. "This stadium is covered with green lawn and equipped with the best equipment." The old man then asked, "Now?

Tell me the bad news. "The wizard said," It's your turn to serve at ten o'clock next Sunday morning! "