Self-consistency: Searching for a Comfortable Life Internally

Self-consistency: Looking inward in an uncertain day is written by Shi Xinyue, a lawyer. This book discusses the thinking path that young people actively explore inward when dealing with the relationship between themselves and the outside world, and tells readers how to live in harmony with their inner conflicts. This is a personal growth book, but it is by no means an empty chicken soup for the soul.

"self-consistency" is a popular word, which comes from the English word "self-consistency" and literally means "self-harmony and self-consistency". A self-consistent person can objectively know himself, evaluate himself, accept himself frankly, be confident and frank, face the advance and retreat of life, keep a steady mind and always stick to his own direction.

in a nutshell, self-consistency refers to an inner comfort.

how can we achieve real self-consistency?

First, knowing oneself is the starting point

Nietzsche, a writer, said, "A wise man will lose nothing as long as he can know himself." Mr. Zhou Guoping once said: "Know yourself, everything in the past has been explained, and everything in the future has a direction." It can be seen that knowing yourself is the beginning of the maturity of human wisdom.

Self-knowledge happens all the time. At a very young age, we can all feel what we like and dislike. But to truly recognize yourself, you need to stabilize your personality after adulthood to know your own nature with certainty.

To know yourself, we must first know the objective self, that is, the genetic and physical conditions, the small environment of family and growth, the big environment of the region and the times, and more importantly, the subjective self. Subjective self is your hobbies, personality, temper and way of thinking. Subjective self is the real self, and subjective self is sometimes difficult to grasp, that is, to know where you come from, where you are now, and where you are going.

Only by knowing yourself correctly can we locate ourselves accurately and find the right direction of life. Milan Kundera, a novelist who caused a sensation in the literary world because of the novel Unbearable Lightness of Life, was a poet before becoming a novelist. He has made no amazing achievements in the field of poetry, and spent several years in vain. It was not until he wrote a short story at the age of 3 that he finally realized that he was more suitable for novels, so he resolutely went to the road of novel creation, which led to the world-famous unbearable lightness of life.

Second, self-acceptance is the key

Maslow said: "A self-accepting person can accept himself and others, and will not be troubled by his own shortcomings or others, and feel embarrassed and uneasy. They can calmly accept their own status quo, including their own needs, levels and wishes, and also tolerate the weaknesses and problems of others and live calmly. "

Accepting yourself means cherishing yourself unconditionally, regardless of your strengths or weaknesses, you should cherish everything you have. The author takes himself as an example. After years of pleasant or unpleasant experiences, he realizes that he hates pressure, is insensitive to money, and is only willing to do what he is interested in and likes. He has no spirit of facing difficulties, nihilistic thoughts and insufficient progress. If these "shortcomings" are unwilling to admit, he will be very embarrassed and will make a gesture of "I am not like this"; However, when he accepted that he was like this, things became easier. For example, he hates pressure, so consider what the source of pressure is, how to disassemble and deal with it when it comes, and what common mistakes should be paid attention to under pressure. In this way, he is still the person who hates pressure, but he is more calm in the face of pressure.

So, either change yourself or accept the reality, or you are asking for trouble. And true maturity is to change what you can change and accept what you can't.

Third, self-improvement is fundamental

All changes in the mind must be put into concrete actions. If you want to be self-consistent, you have to improve yourself on the basis of knowing and accepting yourself. This is the only way to achieve change.

The author believes that there are the following ways to improve yourself:

First, looking for a life mentor

The growth process of people is a process of constant inspiration. If the person who inspires us points out some truth on his own initiative, he can ask an expert to give us some advice; If you see the bright spot in someone and learn by yourself, you can call it the power of example.

the expert's guidance is not to tell us a specific knowledge and technology, but to point out the current growth position and point out the future direction from a higher and broader observation angle.

The role of example inspiration has two functions: the primary function is that you try to learn what advantages you see in him; The advanced function is that when you don't know what to say, think or do, you bring in your role model and think about what he would do if he faced the same situation as you.

"In a threesome, we must learn from each other." It is the key method of self-growth that can not be separated from life to get guidance from others and find examples to demonstrate.

Second, don't set limits for yourself

Opportunities are all tried out, not imagined, and it is not advisable to make plans without making decisions. How can we "break"? It is by action. Action is the best antidote to choice anxiety caused by too many ideas.

Everyone will always enter different stages, contact different fields and associate with different colleagues when they are on the career path. Even in the same unit and department, we should always use the thinking of "changing jobs" to treat people and things. The work content is not static, and the majors you have studied can't be held for a lifetime. Learn more when you have the opportunity to learn, try more, don't be afraid of difficulties, don't be conservative, and switch when it comes to it. Everyone can have such determination and adaptability within their own ability range or even slightly beyond some ability range.

Third, do more useless things.

Zhuangzi said, "Only when it is useless can it be of great use". The richness of life is not defined by usefulness and uselessness, or it is those useless things that make you an interesting person and make your mind calm and rich. When people reach middle age, they need to do subtraction in life, but mentally they need to do addition and do more useless things to relax and calm their minds.

Maybe if you study photography, you won't become a photographer, but as long as it makes you feel the existence of beauty; Maybe you can't be a painter if you learn to paint, but it can enrich your spare time; Maybe you can't be a marathon runner by running, but it can make you feel the joy of enterprising while running forward; Maybe you can't become a writer by writing, but it will calm you down and start a dialogue with yourself.

As Liang Wendao said, "Reading some useless books, doing some useless things and spending some useless time are all aimed at keeping an opportunity to surpass oneself in addition to all known things. Some great changes in life come from this moment."

everyone, throughout his life, is looking for a state of self-consistency, which can achieve self-balance and certainty, but at the root, if he wants to be self-consistent, he must first cross the river.