Literary female photographer walking on the edge

In the photography circle, I named myself Mimi. The name comes from my surname, and I hope I am a woman who has become more and more educated over time, so I have the clumsy name "Mo Mo".

? My first contact with photography was five years ago, when I was a young college student. Before I knew nothing about photography, I was a girl who liked writing. Not to be famous, not to please, just to look back on the past one day in the long years, have memories to think about, someone to read and something to hide.

Maybe a woman who likes to write poetry is always like a sentimental cat, at least I am. In the dead of night, my thoughts surge up like waves, stirring my soul, just like a swordsman drinking a glass of liquor and dancing a sword under the moon, seeking comfort in the shadow of the sword, while I, with a pen, write down many rambling thoughts and gallop thousands of miles in the world of words, wantonly publicizing, in which my soul can have a deep dialogue with another self.

? For me, writing is another outlet of my life, a window that God opened in that terrible days of darkness. I grabbed it like a straw. In every lonely time, I wrote a lot of moaning words in different notebooks. Later, I walked out of the ivory tower of the university. After experiencing some social changes in the world, my once beautiful writing was eroded to the point of surviving in the cruel reality.

I have been studying hard at the cold window for ten years. I firmly believe that there is a golden house in the book, and there is Yan Ruyu in the book. So I found the best and most comfortable self again and again in the book. The farther you go, the wider the world you see and the more problems you encounter. When all the puzzles in the book are always puzzling and it is difficult to give me a satisfactory answer, I throw away the book, go out of the book, go to the world and go to the endless world.

? I am as scared and confused as a newborn baby. I hesitate to search in the world, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying, sometimes expecting love, and sometimes I can't control myself. It is also like a yogi struggling for the Tao in the world, praying and crawling all the way. During that time, I willfully refused to read all the printed books. I stubbornly want to realize a book of my own from the bleak world.

Believe it or not, no matter how difficult the road is, as long as you keep going, no matter how difficult it is, it will go smoothly. Just like one summer afternoon, I flipped through a photo book. The whole book has no complicated words, but a pair of photos that impact the vision and go straight to the heart. I stood in front of the bookshelf, as if standing at the mouth of a lonely and dark world. There is light at the mouth of the cave, such as the warm sun in winter, which warms my heart and makes me comfortable in bed. At that moment, I knew what it meant to be unique in the world.

So I made up my mind to fight for eight years and told my family categorically that I wanted to change careers. How can the family agree, so it's natural to burst into tears while persuading and scolding. I silently endure, since I choose to go out of this step, I have to bear all the consequences, and I can accept both good and bad. My parents think that I am like Jing Ke who stabbed Qin in the Warring States, so I can only acquiesce in my decision.

When I hand my resume to the boss or director, they will raise their eyebrows and sit up straight, deliberately saying that girls are particularly tired as assistants, that they have to carry heavy camera bags on location, that they have to bask in the sun in summer, and that they often carry lamps. I looked them in the eye. I said I'm not afraid. I said I like photography. There was an incredible flash in their eyes, and then they added, can you stand being an assistant as an undergraduate? I smiled and said, who said that college students can't be assistants? Then they will all say, try tomorrow.

As far as I know, in the past, even now, many photographers generally have low academic qualifications, and many of them graduated from secondary vocational schools, so it is unthinkable for them to join me, but they want to see how long I can last.

I can't remember how many times I carried the camera light from the second floor to the fifth floor. I only remember that my feet were blistered and it hurt when I walked. I can't remember when my clothes got wet when I was on location in Qingdao in winter. All I remember is that I was busy walking around in my boots soaked in seawater until I got home and found them half dry. I can't remember how many times I came home in the middle of the night. I only remember sitting in a shooting car on the highway. I slept with the male photographer because of fatigue. ...

? When I became a photographer, I picked up the camera and pressed the shutter, looking back on those years, as if I still remembered them vividly. I remember a director in Shenzhen asked me why I chose photography, because there are still many ways for girls. Very tired and bitter, it is difficult to find your own way. I sat in his car and said calmly that I like photography. Then he asked me if I had written a script. I said no, I said I wrote novels or poems. He turned the steering wheel leisurely, and then told some brilliant experiences of self-study over the years, so now he has become a free media person with small achievements. He said earnestly, photography is very tiring, you are a girl ... I think, if it weren't for my friend's presence, I really want to tell him, stop the car, I want to go down. ?

Reason kept me from doing this. Anger or anger can only prove my incompetence. I don't want to become crazy in front of this self-righteous uncle.

In this world, not many people really care about how hard your past experience is. Even if they give sympathy or help, it is only to appease their poor sympathy or moral conscience. Before you succeed, they can even ignore you and sneer at you to show your weakness and their superiority.

? When I took more photos and reached a certain aesthetic level, I found that they were more pitiful than me. They cling to their own inherent achievements, belittle their opponents, copy stolen pictures as their own works, and sell photography as cheap art at a discount, just to make a lot of money. Their photos use cool lights, and in the later stage of dazzling, they are piled up with "blockbusters" that I don't know why, in order to attract the attention of ignorant and opinionated photographers on the Internet, so as to collect considerable training fees, and their works are so empty that only mysterious skills are left. At first glance, it's amazing. If you watch it again, you will feel deeply bored.

? Some people will say, what do you know about this little girl film? How many years have you been in the business and how many awards have you won? How dare you lecture us here?

I think this is the sorrow of the photography industry in China. In China, a formalist, and China, where many things like to be superficial, photographers pay attention to lighting, especially the late stage and awarding prizes, but few people pay attention to themselves and the people in the photography. They imitate Man Chen, and they imitate her lighting. Later, they wave after wave. They are busy and feel good about themselves.

Someone asked me, Mo, what do you want?

? I said, I hope that under my lens, I can take enduring photos of people's souls and all kinds of people. I said, I hope that one day when people talk about me, they will say the same thing about me. This photographer is very thoughtful, and her photos are very touching.

? I think this is my dream. I want to be a real photographer. I hope that one day my work will be deeply rooted in people's hearts and make people feel that this photo has something to recommend. Besides light and shadow, they can also read many meaningful things. They can appreciate beauty or feel evil or ugliness. They can get what they want from my photos.

Although I don't have a lot of money, I have many dreams, walking bit by bit, and making my heart a little rich. This is my motivation to stick to the road of photography.