600-word comment on perfect composition

Writing teaching is not only the output and application of language, but also the psychological growth, emotional enrichment, determination and personality perfection of students in writing practice, thus achieving a truly people-oriented educational realm. The following is a 600-word comment on the perfect composition I compiled for you. I hope it will help you!

Full mark composition 600 words and comments 1

Mom, I have to go.

? Confessions of a seed

Dear mom, I'm leaving. I want to go out of my little world and see a different world.

Mom. Don't blame Uncle Feng for taking me away. I left and chose my own way to wander.

People say? Parents are here, not traveling far? But I left your warm arms and no longer enjoyed my knees! Mom, I grew up under your cultivation; Flying wings are getting stronger and stronger, and wandering thoughts occupy my whole heart. Mom, I want to realize it!

In spring, in your warm heart, I have a desire to go to the outside world. So, in the call of spring breeze, in the baptism of spring rain, in the touch of spring, I poked my head out of your branch. Ah! Grass, fragrant flowers, thawed lake, dancing butterflies, singing birds? How beautiful and energetic all this is! Seeing these scenes, I feel full of energy, so I stretch my waist, let myself grow up a little, and even produce tiny but delicate flowers to add color to spring.

In the hot summer, the sun lost the charm and tenderness of spring, like a vicious witch, frying and roasting us severely, and I became listless, shrugged my shoulders and hung my ears. In order to resist the power of the sun and the attack of the storm, I have to constantly absorb nutrients and water from you and try to make myself strong. Finally, I shook off the scattered petals, and the remaining calyx was full of nectar of life, and I became a small fruit standing on the branch!

Autumn is the season of parting. Uncle Feng brought wonderful things from afar, and my heart became restless. Mom, I want to go out of my little world and wander far away under your protection. In that distant place, I will settle down and stop wandering, mom, please don't be sad! Next spring, maybe I will take root in the desolate desert and build another home, where there will be infinite vitality because of my arrival; Maybe I will take root on the steep cliff and build another home, where I will add infinite scenery because of my arrival; Maybe I will take root on the busy roadside and build another home, where the infinite dust will be reduced because of my arrival; Maybe?

Mom, please don't think about me, please don't worry about me. Under your care, I am strong enough, I can adapt to the harsh environment, I can resist the wind, frost, rain and snow, and I believe that I will be able to break out of my own small world and break into a new world.

Mom, I left with love and hope to realize my dream.

Dear mother, please don't get up early to kiss your child when the first sunshine shines between heaven and earth again in the morning. He's gone, and you'll never find him again! Maybe he will appear in the poet's hymn, maybe he will appear in the photographer's work, maybe he will appear in people's words-then, please be proud of him!

Comments by famous teachers:

This is a masterpiece of examination room with different styles, which is eye-catching and touching.

First, the skill of holding things to express your wishes. This paper symbolizes teenagers with a seed, vividly shows the growth process of teenagers with the growth of a seed, and expresses the ideal that teenagers should bravely go out of their own small world, break into a new world and create a new life. Be unique and superior.

Second, express your mind directly in the way of first person and true confession. The article is touching, which not only makes them reluctant to leave their mother, but also has a strong desire to see the outside world, strive to dedicate themselves and create a new life. There are repeated calls to my mother in the article, which are affectionate, but high-spirited, which makes people feel sorry. Ruthlessness is not necessarily a hero? !

Third, the theme is profound and grand. The article not only shows the courage and determination of young friends, but also praises the spirit of selfless dedication. The last paragraph is actually a tribute to this professional image, which deepens the theme and adds bright colors to the article.

Fourth, the language is beautiful and fluent, sincere and touching. The article uses metaphors and personification, especially a large number of parallelism sentences, which makes the article look good and literary.

Full mark composition 600 words and comments 2

Let dreams fly

The light shines on the mirror, which accumulates it and refracts it on me. I am weaving an uncertain dream of youth in this small world woven by light beams.

? Notes before the text of a book or after the title of an article.

On a dark night without the moon, I was walking in the shadow of a lamp and suddenly smelled a strange and sad smell. Depression followed. I really want to grow up and walk through this boring and boring cardamom years. I looked in the mirror at the window, and an ordinary figure appeared in front of me, with acne all over my face and out of shape. Hey, what an ugly duckling!

Suddenly I seemed to hear a voice calling in the distance, and I hurried back. Stunned by the beautiful scenery in front of us, meteor, ah, meteor! I want to make a good wish, but the time for making a wish has quietly passed away in surprise. Meteors cut through the boundless night sky and disappeared at the end of the day. I can't feel tears. I'm afraid this self-pity fragile heart will break into this tear. I regret this fleeting and short-lived beauty. Should my life be so brilliant? Have I ever been so brilliant?

I was imprisoned in a cage of inferiority and couldn't find a way out. Heartache numb, at a loss, pain at a loss. I just sat at the window for a long time, a long time?

I don't know how long it took. Dawn opened my sleepy eyes. I took a deep breath of fresh air outside the window, walked to the mirror, stretched out my arms and stretched for a long time. I'm still ordinary, and suddenly, I have a strange smile. I seem to be suddenly enlightened in the mirror, like a butterfly flapping its wings, full of growing passion and vitality. Suddenly saw the bright light of the meteor illuminate the night sky?

Everything is self-evident. I open my palm, hold the golden sunshine carefully, bend and fold my hands into a heart shape, facing the mirror and myself!

Let dreams fly

I live in my own little world,

Sadness and inferiority are my clothes.

One day, the dawn shone on me,

Broke my sadness,

So I spread my wings,

Rush out of the cell

Let the sun shine.

Weave new dreams

I spread my wings and fly,

Walk with your dreams!

? postscript

Comments by famous teachers:

The author of this excellent examination room is good at creating situations and describing them carefully.

First of all, we can think of the article as two pictures fixed by the focal plane. A picture is gloomy in tone and dull in atmosphere, showing a kind of depression, hesitation and inferiority? Self? Another picture is bright and full of passion, showing a new life full of vitality and passion? Self? , contrast, vividly expressed the topic? Out of your little world? .

Second, can we regard the little author as? Stream of consciousness? Master of writing. The delicate brushwork and description of the article? Me? His every move is a long description of his psychological activities, with a single description object, but flexible brushwork and no sense of repetition.

Third, we lament the ingenious conception of the little author. The inscription and postscript of the article echo each other from a distance, making the article natural. The feelings in the inscription are lonely and depressed, while the poems in the postscript are a summary of the full text, which makes the finishing point and expresses the spirit of realizing the value of life and being positive.

Full score composition 600 words comment 3

God's darling

? Dong Shi's new biography

I went down in history with an ugly name. But for thousands of years, I have been depressed and unhappy!

It is said that from that day on, I learned from the beautiful girl next door that I was frowning and hugging my heart and fell ill. I was laughed at by people at that time and created an idiom? What's the effect? After giving it to me, I will stay at home all day and go to Lacrimosa. (However, although I don't think about tea and rice, I haven't lost weight. I don't understand that when Shi is sick like that, smelly men are my heroic feelings of pity, sympathy and masculinity. As for me, I just studied and imitated it. Why does it cause so much dissatisfaction and irony? I know, because I have a Zhang Chou face, so depressed! I can't help blaming my parents' carelessness and God's injustice. God must have been distracted when he created me, otherwise my five senses would be so rough and dislocated!

I must settle accounts with God! Strong thoughts occupied my mind, and I decided to go to God at all costs to find out what I had lost!

After waiting for thousands of years, I finally got it. Shenzhou 10? Manned spacecraft flying into space, flying to God? Anle Palace? Let's go God's home is not ordinary beauty, it is difficult to describe it in words! Although I am jealous and envious, I have no desire to stay and go straight? Blissful Hall? Let's go Hey, who is that old man sitting in the garden with his eyes closed? , is god! So, I dressed myself, stepped forward and coughed and said, God, you are carefree, too! Why not go to the folk to observe the sufferings? I, Dong Shi, grew up like this because of your negligence, and suffered people's eyes and ridicule. You must make a decision for me! ? When I said this, I couldn't help feeling sad. My skirt was wet with tears. God opened his eyes, smiled at me and listened to me. When my complaint came out, he said slowly: My poor child, you have been living in everyone's eyes for so many years. You lost yourself and woven a cage of self-restraint. You have never found your own advantages and highlights from yourself! ? Then, God said slowly:? Everything in the world is born and has its own value. You see, in this garden, grass is not as beautiful as flowers, but without grass, the beauty of flowers is not outstanding. What about you? Don't imitate others, don't envy others, get out of this small world of yourself, find your own strengths and advantages, help others and serve the world, and you will get the love and respect that people deserve! ? Say that finish, god waved his sleeves and closed his eyes.

After listening to God's words, I froze there?

After I came back from God, I reflected on myself and examined myself. I have a strong body and enough strength, so I have finished my work in my field and can help my neighbor Li Nainai's family. My voice is very tactful. When I sing, I not only make myself happy, but also give the working people a happy enjoyment. Ah, I also stepped onto the stage of the Avenue of Stars. I, with bright eyes, made embroidery and embroidery that can attract butterflies to fly, and was shortlisted for the international prize?

Haha, I always smile. I walked out of my little world and accepted various media interviews. I am no longer synonymous with ugliness. I am the embodiment of personality and the representative of women in the new era.

On this day, I received a greeting card from heaven: Are you my pet? Angel's help, congratulations! ?

Comments by famous teachers:

After reading this masterpiece in the examination room, people can't help laughing, but also hide their own ideas, which is worth tasting.

This composition adopts a new story writing method to express the theme, which is a bold innovation and a success for young authors. The article is based on what people are familiar with? What's the effect? Based on this, this paper weaves a story about Dong Shi's distress and anger because of his ugly appearance, which makes him want to ask God questions, and then be enlightened and inspired by God, reflect on himself, get out of the small world of self-restraint, realize the value of life, and vividly expound the theme connotation to be expressed. The little author travels through time and space, imagining strangely, and the story application is not limited to the old model (the image of God is not sacred but full of human feelings); The little author is good at spreading stories, trying to render Dong Shi's distress and grievances, and preparing for the following plot changes. What is the language of the article? Original? 、? Pretty girl? Shenzhou 10? This is humorous and vivid, full of characteristics of the times.