The Art of Balancing Work and Life 32- Treating emotions as information won't make you emotional.

There is a saying: "A stable and peaceful emotion is more powerful than a hundred kinds of wisdom."

Emotion is actually the external expression of people's inner world and a mental state reflected by obvious changes in the body.

The ancients often said that worldly desires was the one who had worldly desires. Man's desire is just one of man's natural emotions in the eyes of the ancients. Eating is also normal.

The earliest source can be found in the Book of Rites: "Happiness, anger, sorrow, fear, love, evil and desire, seven of which can be learned". I'm talking about the basic emotions of these seven people, the innate instinct of people, and the expression of emotions that can be learned without learning. Man's desire is one of the seven emotions.

There are also secular desires in Buddhist wisdom, similar to the Confucian "seven emotions", which refer to the seven emotions of "joy, anger, worry, fear, love, hate and desire", and put desire at the end of the seven emotions.

Emotions are complex and changeable, and I want to know how many kinds of people there are since ancient times. But we have to say that secular desire is just a simple and primitive statement.

Simon Byron-Cohen, a psychologist at Cambridge University, found that there are 4 12 independent emotional concepts in English context! A study by social psychologist Dacher Keltner confirmed that human beings have 27 emotional expressions.

There are 22 to 25 kinds that can be expressed by accurate facial expressions, body language and tone signals. Under different races, regions and political systems, human beings also have about 20 kinds of emotional expressions that are interlinked. Every emotion is not an island. It usually exists with other emotions, such as hatred and sadness, nostalgia and romance.

Every emotional change will change muscles, blood vessels, viscera and endocrine, and these changes and the perceived mental state are emotions. Without these physical changes, there would be no emotion.

No one is immune to diseases caused by emotions.

In this world, I'm afraid nothing is more elusive than physical disorder.

People who lack common medical knowledge often mistakenly describe the cause of this disease as "nervousness". It was not until 1936 that medical scientists began to systematically study the emotional mechanism that can induce diseases: functional diseases, or diseases caused by emotions.

John A. Schindler, a famous American psychological counselor, first put forward the medical concept of "Emotion determines health": this part of the nervous system related to emotion is called autonomic nervous system, which is not controlled by will. So many times, emotions bring us unexpected troubles.

At present, the functional disease E.I.I (short for Emotional Induced Disease) is one of the most obvious diseases, and now many people seek medical assistance because of it. In other words, if you think you are going to get sick, or you are already sick, you are probably suffering from emotional illness rather than physical illness.

For people who don't know, it's hard to believe this statement, but in fact, the probability of suffering from this disease is very high. A few years ago, the ochsner medical institution in New Orleans published an article, which pointed out that 74% of every 500 patients who continued to receive treatment for intestinal diseases were found to have E.I.I.; ; The Department of Medical Diagnosis and Treatment of Yale University also said in a research report of 195 1 that 76% of patients were diagnosed with E.I.I.

Everyone, no matter who they are, may suffer from emotional diseases at some point. If you have ever seen a doctor because of an emotional illness, but the doctor failed to give you a definite diagnosis, there are two reasons for this result:

Unhappy emotions are usually manifested as skeletal muscle tension and visceral muscle tension. If these emotions make the muscles tense for a long time, or repeat them monotonously for a long time, the muscles involved will be hurt.

The stomach is one of the human organs that can best reflect emotional changes. Everyone's daily mood changes can be felt in his stomach. Compared with any other organ, the colon is a probe of human emotions and is very sensitive to emotional changes. So a few years ago, a doctor in Philadelphia published the view that "the colon is a mirror of human emotions, and when you are nervous, the colon will contract."

Anyone who is given the same emotion will show it in the same way every time it breaks out. For example, when someone is anxious, the muscles at the back of the neck will squeeze downward. When the same emotion appears, these muscles at the back of the neck will always have the same reaction.

As we know, migraine is caused by changes in blood vessels caused by emotions. 85% of headaches are caused by emotions. For some people, the causal link between emotional distress and headache is obvious. Another emotional disease is neurodermatitis. Many diseases, including skin diseases, will be aggravated by negative emotions.

Therefore, if we focus all our attention and consciousness on any common "pain" we experience every day, then pain will become the main experience of their lives. The way to make a slight pain worse is to focus on it. In this way, "pain" will begin to become more obvious, unbridled and spread until your body stops working. On the contrary, when we consciously "foresee" that the pain range is shrinking, the pain nerve will gradually disconnect.

Many people don't know the root of the disease, and often think that they are superior in intelligence, so they are immune to emotional-induced diseases. In fact, E.I.I is more likely to appear in people with more responsibilities, higher vigilance and stronger ability.

This may be because a clear mind can find ten things to worry about and pay attention to at the same time, while a chaotic mind can only think of one thing at the same time. The higher the IQ, the greater the responsibility, which usually means more nervous.

Smart people are not prone to emotional illness, because wisdom includes not only IQ, but also the ability to use knowledge and control emotions. But obviously, people with high IQ, that is, we often say smart people, do not necessarily have the ability to control their emotions. In addition, their brains work very fast, so smart people are often the people with the lowest ability to guide their emotions out of the trough.

In short, before you vent your emotions, think about what consequences this will bring to yourself.

Emotion is actually a signal. It reminds us of the problem and lets us take immediate action to avoid or escape from this scene. In this case, it can be used by us.

But when the emotional response points to "self", we try to find out our own problems to deal with emotions, such as:

This emotional reaction itself will become a real problem, pointing the finger at yourself. In the long run, depression will come to you. When we regard emotions as enemies, we will do the right thing with ourselves and push ourselves into a trap.

Emotion is a powerful force, which usually moves under the lake of thoughts, just like a shark swimming underwater. If you don't guide your emotions, you will disturb the whole lake.

So, try to pay attention to what thoughts or pictures flash through your mind. These ideas are our explanations of situations, which will produce different emotional reactions, and the explanation of situations is the reason for different emotions.

We can find out how the thoughts that pass through our brains affect us. At the same time, I will also find that ideas are just ideas, and ideas are not equal to myself.

Aware of our inner world-emotional change is self-concern, which can activate the neural circuits activated by the attention and care of others in childhood, that is to say, awareness/meditation practice is to give you what you should get in childhood here and now. When we keep close relationship with others, he will make us feel more secure.

We will find out how the reaction to emotions affects us, and more importantly, it provides another more reasonable way to deal with emotions: transforming the old mental model into a brand-new mental model.

And if we can understand how these emotional fluctuations stimulate the old thinking mode, which is accumulated by past feelings, it will be easier to relax and be more tolerant and understanding of ourselves.

Things never give us pressure. Stress comes from our judgment and reaction to things. Emotion never comes from someone's words and deeds or changes in the environment, but from our attitude towards these issues, that is, our beliefs, values and rules.

Our body is the product of evolution, which helps us to perceive the dangers in the environment at the earliest and respond. The body is closely connected with our unconscious, and the body is a highly sensitive emotional receptor.

However, when we are busy in life, we can easily perceive the change of mood, but often fail to perceive its influence on the body. If we don't want to deal with these physical tensions, it will cause more depression and problems to the unconscious of body and mind.

When we are aware of the body-describing feelings, you will notice every part of the body and know your feelings without trying to relax or make any changes. Remember, in addition to tension-related feelings, you should also pay attention to which ones feel good and which ones feel quiet.

In fact, the study found that we care about our bodies for learning and growth. Moments of awareness and mindfulness, like candlelight in the dark, will bring us out of the abyss of pain in an instant. Therefore, awareness itself is a kind of healing.

Emotion always gives us a motivation to learn from things. If you learn, your emotions will disappear. I didn't learn, and the same thing will come again. When we can successfully coordinate our thoughts, emotions and behaviors, we can achieve better performance.

It represents what we need:

Facts have proved that it is much easier to let emotions dissipate than we thought. Contrary to popular belief, it seems very reasonable if we know how to deal with these emotions, fear, depression and anger. When you get the information behind these "negative" emotions and react to them, these emotions will dissipate on their own.

When you learn to treat emotions as information, you won't be emotional. You look engaged, thoughtful and existential, because you don't react to fear, frustration, anger and disappointment in an unconscious and inefficient way. You begin to adopt a calm attitude to solve problems, and at the same time use the physical signals generated by interpersonal challenges and threats in the environment.

As time goes by, you are really no longer afraid of fear itself. You gain the ability to calm others down and stay focused in an environment that breeds panic and struggle.

In the end, because you no longer waste energy but suppress your emotions, you liberated your body, mind and spirit and found creative ways to solve other people's problems.

Your enthusiasm for life and work began to spread, and what was also infected was the deep sense of peace brought by the confidence you gained when riding the emotional roller coaster of life in elegant, light and occasional happiness.

Be patient with yourself in the process of trying to guide your emotions. If you dare not examine your own thinking process, you have made a serious mistake.

You should look at all your fears, and then you will find that most of them are imaginary and absurd. Then you will reflect on yourself. Gradually, you will have the ability to examine the thinking process without interference.

Everyone has emotions, so we should not only pay attention to our emotions, but also distinguish whether we are being blackmailed by emotions-the other party has not properly handled his inner space, but is trying to control us, hoping that we will not violate his values and norms to reduce our inner fears.

Their usual practice: "I feel this way, it's all your fault."

They are very persistent, ignore our feelings and bottom line, and do whatever it takes to achieve their goals: belittle us or our abilities, arouse our guilt, deprive us of our sense of security, amplify our own needs, transfer pressure and anxiety to us, and project shame on us when they are angry.

They never realized that this was originally their own heart, and they always took off themselves and shirked their responsibilities, always feeling that they were mistreated.

But why are you vulnerable to emotional blackmail? In fact, when we are used to self-doubt, want to be a "good person", care too much about others' feelings, hope to gain others' affirmation, and are suppressed by the dogma of "you should", we are easily blackmailed by emotions.

The only way to end the cycle of emotional blackmail is to improve self-worth-take your feelings seriously and set your own boundaries.

We can accept a person's motives and emotions, but not his actions. Accepting motives and emotions is accepting that person. That person will also feel your acceptance of him, so he is more willing to let you guide him to make changes. No action is equal to a person. The premise of accepting another person's motives and emotions is that you also accept yourself.

Stress and emotion induce diseases not because there are many troubles, but because they don't know how to deal with them.

In fact, as far as we know, a good mood is the greatest strength of human health. For example, peace, calmness, courage, firmness and pleasure will stimulate the pituitary gland to secrete hormones and achieve the best hormone balance. The effect of this balance may be better than any medicine in the world.

Usually a person who lets his emotions vent freely will be labeled as "immature". Emotional tension is a child's reaction to danger, while a mature person will calmly deal with it under the same circumstances.

In other words, maturity means emotional stability, which means being able to remain calm, conform to nature, have courage, determination and happiness. The ability to deal with different situations in daily life in an effective way, that is, to deal with them in a way that creates maximum enjoyment and produces minimum pressure, is called maturity.

In addition, maturity means giving, not taking. A typical childish mentality is to get what you want. Immature people do things: "What can I get by doing this?" Such an attitude is a springboard that easily causes irritability.

In fact, people who stand in a neutral position and keep asking for it will never know the enjoyment brought by giving. Their embarrassment, insatiable greed and nervous mood keep them in an unhealthy state and suffer from diseases.

Of course, psychology shows that few or no one is fully mature. Some parts of most people's personalities make them feel childish and nervous, so they still react like children in an emergency.

If children need to grow up, maturity also needs people to keep learning. Unfortunately, there is no place to learn how to become mature at present.

I hope that the following qualities contained in maturity can be used for your reference:

1. Good sense of responsibility and independence;

2. The attitude of giving rather than taking;

3. Not self-centered, not competitive, friendly cooperation with others;

4. Acknowledge and accept the social constraints on sex, and make sex a part of a happy married life;

5. Recognize that aggressive hostility, anger, remorse, cruelty and willingness to fight are all manifestations of the weak, and those who are gentle, kind and kind are truly strong;

6. Flexibly face the impermanent fate;

7. Be able to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

Finally:

In Satya's family therapy, the ego is compared to an "iceberg". What we can see is only the tip of the iceberg, and a larger part is hidden under the water. All the behaviors or coping modes we see are closely related to the bottom. The most common causes of unpleasant emotions are related to the level of "desire", such as love, security, recognition, creation, new experience and self-esteem.

Everyone has six basic psychological needs. If a person's life, any kind of needs can not be met, then his life will be unhappy, nervous and uneasy, and he will be unknown so and at a loss. These needs are to find love, security, creativity, recognition, new experiences and self-esteem.

If you lack love-give others your love.

Insecurity-there is no need to worry, worrying will only make things worse; Raise the banner of healthy emotions.

Lack of opportunities to show creativity-start looking, nothing can stop you.

Lack of recognition from others-give recognition to others first, and you will be recognized.

Lack of new experience and new life-go out and look for new experiences; Always ready for a new life.

Lost self-esteem-remember: you are as good as me, and we are as good as them!