Wisdom and Thoughts: No matter how tired parents are, don’t pass on negative energy to their children

As a teacher, I come into contact with many problem students. After careful observation and slow thinking, I finally discovered something. Yu Hua once said: "A person's childhood determines his life. The best development opportunity to determine his own destiny is our childhood." Freud also said that all shadows come from childhood injuries, although I do not completely agree ( After all, people still have a lot of room for external shaping and the ability to shape themselves), but this is indeed a big warning to remind us to learn to have correct parental postures and behaviors.

Every woman is a mother for the first time, and no one has any experience. Apart from learning from their predecessors or communicating with their peers, it seems that they can only follow the books. My personal approach is: I don’t know what is best, but I can observe what is bad.

For example, they often yell and repeat over and over again, are indulgent and unprincipled, do not pay attention to grades, shout when they encounter something, and find fault with their children when they have no achievements.

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No matter how tired you are, don’t pass negative energy to your children

Although I am a Chinese teacher, I am not a son myself teacher. Growing up, I had little guidance on my son’s composition because he was overwhelmed by pointing fingers. I just silently typed his better compositions into electronic manuscripts and put them on my blog, so that he would be very proud and slowly he would be able to figure out what kind of articles I admired.

When he was in high school, it was already past ten o'clock when he came home from self-study every night. I naturally knew that he was tired. In addition to giving him a big hug and saying "Thank you for your hard work" when he came into the house, I also prepared one or two of his favorite late-night snacks every day. He changed his shoes and sat down to study so he could drink hot soup and delicious food, while I accompanied him silently.

If a child comes home after a tiring day, he will see the boring face of his parents and hear nagging, resentful complaints and accusations: "Eat quickly, I'll do my homework right away. My grades are so bad. When can you save me some worries? I'm so tired from work, but you're causing me so much trouble! So-and-so's grades are so good..."

If it were you, would this be the place you go back to right after school every day? When you are sad, aggrieved, and powerless, is this home the haven you want to rely on? Would you throw yourself into the arms of such parents without hesitation?

Of course, I know that my parents are very tired after a long day’s work, and I am often too tired to speak after a long day’s work. In addition to making a living for ourselves, we also want to create better living conditions for our children. But if the parents' fatigue becomes a sharp sword that stabs the children, then the parents are no longer the children's relatives, but the children's enemies.

When you tell your child, Mrs. Xianglin, about your hard work, what the child thinks is: I don’t want you to work so hard.

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3In addition to nagging, please find other ways of communication.

How do you feel when a person (especially a woman) nags in your ear every day with a sharp and mean voice? Going crazy. What next? No matter how reasonable she is, you can't listen to her, right?

This is especially true for children. When they find that you are always nagging, then you say the first thing After you say it once, he won't listen to you the second time. He knows that you will say it a third or fourth time. As time goes by, a vicious circle will form.

In fact, each sentence is only said once. If the child does not listen, he will lose his loved one. That is a long-term memory, and he will listen to you carefully next time.

Don’t speak like a machine gun. Parents should speak clearly, speak at a normal speed, and express what you want to say clearly. That’s it. If it's really important and you're worried about it, write it down on a note.

When my son grew up, I wrote him many letters even though he was under the same roof. They were all handwritten on beautiful stationery and placed on his desk after writing. I never asked him if he needed to read it carefully.

Growing up, whenever I had free time, I would take him into nature on weekends and ask him to be the photographer. I was the one who chose the scene. Fields, crops, ancient towns, flowers, grass, rivers... I gained knowledge, broadened my horizons, and became grounded. If people live in a reinforced concrete forest for a long time, their hearts will become narrow-minded and their tolerance will be limited. Climbing mountains and wading in rivers, climbing high and looking into the distance, blue sky and white clouds, nature is a good teacher. This way of getting into nature should start when your child is young. Otherwise, when he is addicted to mobile phones, computers and TV, he will no longer be able to call himself a "homebody".

Apart from traditional furniture and desk lamps, my son's room does not have a TV or computer. Less radiation, better sleep. I just throw one or two extracurricular books next to his bed and he will read them for a while before going to bed. After a certain period, I will change one or two more books. I did not order my son to read extracurricular books. But the books he read must have been read by me myself, and then I recommended them to him quietly.

My son bought the mobile phone after he went to college. Before that, he didn't have a cell phone.

I remember he once asked me: "Other students have mobile phones, will I be out of touch with the times?"? When they talk about games, I can't get a word in. ”

But he soon stopped worrying. Even in his senior year of high school, I still made sure that he spent two hours every Saturday and Sunday on the computer, browsing the news online, and chatting with his good friends. Playing against military chess masters online was very enjoyable. Even in his senior year of high school, he still couldn't play football with his teachers at school, so that on the first day of our university, he formed the Chinese Football Club. The captain and referee serve as both captains and referees.

In communicating with children, let them clearly see the bottom line of their parents: they do not seek to become talented, but only seek to be adults. Physical and mental health comes first, and it is very important to protect their eyesight; learn as much as possible. , learn well; housework must be shared, be polite.

My son's father and I are both short-sighted. When we go out, we often say to him that it is amazing to have such good eyes. Envy. "I don't wear glasses when I go out. I have such good eyes." Such positive hints made him feel how proud we are of having good eyes, and he was not allowed to bend. I have a hunched back, and I did not use mobile phones in my pre-college education, so I really did not develop myopia as a student. In his graduation work photo of college students, there were no boys in the group, and he was the only one not wearing glasses.

Because I have been able to raise our students since primary school, so I know his IQ, EQ, and ability development level very well. I am not demanding in my studies and learn what I can learn well. Although I am a teacher, I have no vanity. I don’t want my children to be first or second in exams, and I don’t want to be extremely anxious because my children’s performance is average. After teaching for so many years, I know better than anyone else that in the growth of an educated child, inherited things cannot be changed, and things that can be changed the day after tomorrow cannot be changed in a hurry. The education of students should be the first priority in China.

When a child's test scores are not satisfactory, if my parent says to him: "I believe you, you are a late bloomer. Your grades in elementary school are better in junior high school and better in high school." A little bit, there will be more prospects in the future. "God will be kind to kind people."

I also told my son's high school teacher: "Don't have any work pressure. Since we have studied in many high schools, we will always be happy." Being able to get into a normal university is just a matter of being a famous person. The most important thing is that he has a long life ahead of him. ”

4. Please believe in the school and the teacher. good intentions.

I remember that when my son was in high school, his teacher once saw him talking nonsense during evening self-study. His class teacher immediately punished him by suspending evening self-study for three days in accordance with our school management regulations. , and require students to write a letter of apology and have it signed by parents and teachers.

I signed my son’s letter of apology. To his surprise, I also gave him the letter of apology I wrote. I sincerely apologize to my classmates and teachers because my son has created a bad learning environment for everyone. Influence.

The child was surprised. The parent told him: "Everyone must abide by the rules and cannot do things that harm others and do not benefit oneself. Not causing trouble to others is a human being and an important development rule." A self-study violation occurred.

I am a teacher, and I clearly understand the good intentions of every teacher. The progress and regression of students affects the mood of these teachers every day. When facing a student, although we can know that they are not our own children, but getting along with them every day, we can't help but get deeply involved and become the parents of our children. Teachers smile with joy when they see students making progress; when they see students not wanting to make progress, they hate the fact that iron cannot become steel. If you try to stand next to teachers, you will find out how stupid teachers are: they only care about the happiness, anger, sorrow and joy of a group of other people's children.

Please understand our good intentions: in education, we must strictly treat kindness and rewards and punishments, both of which are indispensable. Children trained in that way are tough guys. Blindly praising will make us vulnerable once we encounter a little setback of our own; blindly punishing children will lack cultural self-confidence in learning and easily give up on themselves. Please believe that teachers are always looking for the best time to praise and criticize. This is the professionalism of teachers.

Teacher, our child is the worst at Chinese in primary school. He is now in junior high school. Can you give him extra lessons? "

"Teacher, my child doesn't study seriously and doesn't listen to what we say. What should I do?"

"Teacher, are you in your first year of work? Do you HOLD students? ”

“Teacher, my child’s vision has increased. Can you let him sit in the front?” ”

…

Many times, parents’ anxiety is likely to “kidnap” schools and teachers. Such schools and teachers will become less and less confident. . Just like when a child is doing homework and his parents point and yell, the child becomes confused and less confident. This is also the reason I have studied from my son's growth for more than 20 years. The education of students, studying the education of sons from the growth of students

Having a peaceful mother in the family is a blessing for children.

Dear parents, when you are anxious, Look up at the sun and the moon. Between heaven and earth, there are trees, flowers, and grasses, some bright and plain, some in full bloom, and some in bud.

The love of the sun and the moon always accompanies you silently and waits quietly.

Because of this, even an inch of grass can report three rays of spring.