"No money to decorate, money to buy a car?" Should the marriage calculated by in-laws continue?

0 1. Should I continue the marriage calculated by my in-laws?

Netizen Liu Chang (not his real name) posted on the Internet for help. She asked: Should the marriage planned by her in-laws continue?

Liu Chang has been married for almost a year. Before marriage, she agreed with her husband that she would not live with her in-laws after marriage. Her husband and family agreed.

The husband's family has two suites, the old house is about 80 square meters, and the newly bought house is 127 square meters, which is suitable for living separately.

Before marriage, her husband often took her to see the new house and asked her about the renovation plan of the new house. Therefore, Liu Chang has always felt that the new house is her future wedding room.

Unexpectedly, when she was about to get married, she discovered that the new house was for her in-laws. Husband said that if you don't want to live in an old house, you can live with your in-laws.

Liu Chang would rather live in an old house than live under the same roof with her in-laws. What's more, living independently after marriage was a good thing at first, and she didn't want to change it casually.

When her husband saw that her mind was made up, he didn't say anything, except that she could live in the old house, but she had to redecorate it.

02. The husband broke his promise and didn't want to decorate the house.

However, after a period of time, the wedding is just around the corner, but the renovation of the old house has not progressed.

Husband explained that it is the end of the year, and the cost of materials and labor for decoration is very expensive. Besides, the house will be ventilated for a while after renovation, and the time will not catch up.

My husband also said that getting married is a big event related to the face of a large family. If it can't be handled, the wedding room will be set in the new house first.

Liu Chang didn't think much at that time, thinking that he would only stay in his new house for a few days. Who knows, he will stay for months at a time. Moreover, the renovation of the old house has been dragged on and has not yet started.

Liu Chang was angry and accused her husband of breaking his promise. The husband said, "Well, you can move if you want, right away, but there is no decoration."

Liu Chang lives with her in-laws. Although she doesn't get along well with her in-laws, she is not incompatible. It's just that my mother-in-law is a little strong and has to take care of everything, which makes her feel depressed.

Especially her husband has a sister, that is, her eldest sister. Because close relatives get married, she often runs to her parents' house.

03. Living with my mother-in-law is depressing.

It is normal for a married daughter to go back to her mother's house, but her sister-in-law has a bad relationship with her husband and often quarrels.

Every time my sister-in-law comes back, she is full of negative energy. Moreover, her husband and mother-in-law will even make noise at home, which will make the family restless.

Plus the elder sister-in-law and mother-in-law are similar, strong and eventful. Liu Chang couldn't stand it, so she had to force her husband to decorate the old house every day.

Husband was anxious, so he used the lack of money for decoration as an excuse.

Husband really has no money.

After the marriage, Liu Chang found that except for the banquet money, the wedding expenses were overdrawn by her husband's card, including the wedding company, photography, wedding photos, rings and so on.

There is almost no deposit in the husband's account, and most of the salary income after marriage is used for installment repayment.

Liu Chang has no money of his own, only 40,000 deposits. When she got married, her family asked for a bride price of 58 thousand. Later, her parents added 65,438+million yuan and bought her a car as a dowry.

Your parents have a pension of more than 10,000 yuan. Why not pay for the decoration?

After much reasoning, Chang Lu decided to let her husband go to her in-laws' house to get money and decorate the old house together.

In-laws are retired, and their pensions add up to more than 10 thousand. But they said they had no money, and all the money was spent on buying a house and getting married.

Liu Chang was very angry. At that time, the change and red envelopes given to her husband by her parents were put away by her mother-in-law. My husband invited five colleagues and friends, and the gift money was also taken away by my mother-in-law.

What makes Liu Chang angry most is that the renovation of the house is promised before marriage and belongs to her husband's family. Now they are willing to pay 40 thousand, but not a penny.

Liu Chang wanted to go back to her parents' house to get money, but she was a little reluctant to use her mother's money to decorate her husband's house.

For a time, she didn't know what to do, so she had to endure it silently and save money silently.

Not long ago, my husband wanted to borrow money to buy a car, and the down payment of 30% needed more than 50 thousand. Liu Chang doesn't agree, because she is trying to save money for decoration, and her husband's original car has only been in operation for 67 years.

However, my mother-in-law gave money soon.

05. Have no money to decorate and have money to buy a car?

This may make Liu Chang angry. Have no money to decorate and buy a car? Moreover, after buying a car, you have to carry a car loan. My husband's income is completely beyond his means, so it is impossible to save money for decoration.

Liu Chang finally calmed down and recalled what her in-laws had done more than a year before she got married. She felt that she had been calculated step by step.

She doesn't know whether this marriage should continue.

There is a classic line in the TV series Divorce Lawyer: "Marriage law only protects property, not feelings."

Indeed, the current marriage law, protecting evidence and contracts, may not be able to protect girls' innocence and kindness.

Where there are people, there are benefits, and where there are benefits, there must be calculations. What Liu Chang's in-laws did was really calculated carefully, which also contained elements of deception.

06. If you want to manage a good marriage, you must first manage yourself.

However, as Sheng said in Know No:

"In the final analysis, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are husband and wife. If the husband is like a mirror, there is not so much. "

In the final analysis, marriage is still a matter for husband and wife.

For Chang Lu, whether the marriage can continue depends on her ability to make her husband stand on the same front and run the marriage together.

Joseph Bourgau, a psychologist, said that people's psychological defense mechanism will make a person think of fleeing first when facing difficulties and pains.

Marriage is long. In a long marriage, problems of one kind or another will inevitably arise. If you encounter problems, you can't run a good marriage by passively avoiding them.

Of course, happiness cannot be harvested.

In My Daughter, papi sauce puts itself first in the order of love.

In fact, the same is true of running a marriage. If you want to manage a good marriage, you must first manage yourself. When you become excellent, you have the ability to protect your marriage.

Moreover, many times, your importance depends on your own value and ability.

Carnegie wrote in the woman's mode determines the result:

"Women who are economically independent have the ability to create happiness and do not need to please and rely on men; Marriage is just icing on the cake for them. "

When marriage is just icing on the cake for you, I believe you are not far from happiness.