Why do you say that "a woman who doesn't marry is not perfect, and a woman who doesn't have children is not complete"

Yesterday, I read Kenichi Ohmae's "Low Desire Society". In his book, he said that the core consumer group in Japan is "single aristocrats", and more and more people don't marry and marry late.

This is also a trend. In the past, the word "marriageable age" was often mentioned, but now more and more young people find it troublesome to get along with the opposite sex. Getting married is time-consuming and expensive, so it doesn't matter if you don't do it deliberately.

In addition, Kenichi Ohmae also said that more and more women don't want to interrupt their careers because of pregnancy, which is also a reason for the increase in the proportion of unmarried and late-married people.

Similarly, in our country, according to the data of the Ministry of Civil Affairs, the number of single adults in China has exceeded 200 million in 20 18, and the number of adults living alone has exceeded 77 million.

Not only has the single population skyrocketed, but the marriage rate has decreased year by year in recent years, while the divorce rate has been rising. When the college entrance examination ended a few months ago, a hot topic in Weibo was: Will you choose to divorce your partner after the college entrance examination?

Many people choose divorce. They often say: If it weren't for the children, I would have divorced him or her.

There has also been such a hot topic in Zhihu: Why do post-90s people want to get married less and less?

The most frequently mentioned word is: no money.

Marriage requires buying a house and a car as a bride price, ranging from hundreds of thousands to millions or even millions. For the post-90s generation, if they don't have enough economic foundation, marriage is not safe for them.

Nowadays, when many young people get married, they will borrow a lot of money from relatives and friends, lose their parents' pension money, and then pay off their mortgage for decades. Sacrificing the quality of life of a family, tying one's life to such a lifestyle, and finally, if the marriage fails, it will be a fatal blow to people.

After the romantic era, everyone began to think about real life.

Too bad a life, no one wants it.

02

As the first generation of post-90s generation, many of my classmates are still single, and most of them work in first-tier cities. When I fell in love with them or got married, they told me: I don't have time to meet others, I'm fine alone.

No time is real. I work in a first-tier city and have been busy all week. I just want to have a good rest alone or go out with my friends on weekends.

Sometimes someone will introduce you to someone. Although you are in a city, because the city is big, meeting them feels like a long-distance relationship. Everyone is very busy and has no time and energy to maintain their sensibility. After a while, they didn't want to meet again.

My friend took part in more than a dozen blind dates last year. She said she was full of hope at first, and then she went through the motions. I'm very busy at work. I can't talk together when I meet you. I feel awkward when I return to my own state. It feels like running away.

You can live a good life when you are alone. Why do you have to be uncomfortable with people you don't like?

The People's Daily once launched a small survey on the Internet-"Young people, why do you get married late?"

Among them, 53% are "unable to bear family responsibilities" and "have not met the right person". Some people conclude that they are in their twenties after school, busy after work, and have a small circle. If they can't meet the right person, they will get married slowly and late.

It is a fact that the work is busy and the circle is small. At school, our family told us to study hard and not to fall in love. After work, we are anxious to find someone and get married quickly. It's not as simple as buying food. Whether to buy or not depends on the mood.

A friend asked me to introduce someone before. He said: "You have many friends on WeChat and many people you know. If there is a suitable girl, you can introduce me to one. "

Our social circle will expand after this job, but after a few years of work, there will be few people coming and going.

Many things are experienced before we know the truth.

03

My own friend is also one of the operators of WeChat official account Huaizuo Classmate. Xiao Cong, an inspirational girl that everyone likes very much, is also single at present.

Sometimes I jokingly urge her to find a partner with Xiao Wu and say that I want to marry her, but we all know in our hearts that people have a good life and arrange their lives in a colorful way.

She studies, writes, takes fitness photos, respects marriage in the best state of being single, and is not demanding or stubborn. Nature is the icing on the cake, and she can live well without nature.

I think she is in a good state at present, just as Fromm said in his classic "The Art of Love": Independent living is a permanent and universal ability.

Whether you are married or not, you must live your own life first. This is the most fundamental person. Many people are not independent, have no complete love ability, and lose themselves quickly in their feelings and marriages, which will easily lead to emotional breakdown and marriage failure.

I have met many people who love each other to death. One of them loves the other very much, and he will agree to whatever the other party asks. Once I thought it was great love, but Fromm said: Good love can make you yourself.

Behind the blind investment, it may cover up the lack of ability to love. Feelings are like seesaws. We only have fun when you come and I leave. How can this relationship be harmonious if you only care about yourself and yourself and don't let the other party play?

This is like in many families, a man who has domestic violence is not because he is masculine, but because he is cowardly and has to use violence to disguise masculinity; A loveless mother cares too much about her children, not because she loves them too much, but because she has to make up for her complete inability to love.

Too much force is often abnormal. It is now that I gradually understand this truth.

More and more people see through marriage. In fact, they are not refusing or rejecting, but looking forward to a better marriage after seeing through it.

Who doesn't want a better life?