Discover your beliefs and discover a better self

Hello everyone! I am a do-gooder and, by extension, a social worker. Professor Egan of the University of Chicago divides helpers into four levels, and social workers belong to the first level of helpers. I have been working for 5 years since graduation. During these five years, I have often been asked, what do you do? What the hell is social work? I won't explain it in detail here.

From May 1st to May 3rd, 2019, I entered the five-dimensional classroom with expectations and a little confusion. Through three days of experience, I gradually understood what awareness is? What is belief? So, here, I want to talk about my awareness and my beliefs.

In fact, the word awareness is considered a high-frequency vocabulary in my major, but I often use it mixed with reflection. Until we met Teacher Chen Xu, he told us that awareness is to see the reality and the objective world, while reflection is problem-oriented, similar to introspection, it carries judgment and evaluation, and reflects on our subjective value. Only then did I have a new understanding of awareness, and I realized the meaning behind awareness.

So, now I invite everyone to take a journey of awareness, a journey of faith, and a journey of knowing yourself.

The contents of my sharing include: What is awareness? What is belief? Discover a better version of yourself.

What is awareness?

The so-called awareness is to observe and see reality without judgment. Awareness is the function of self-awareness. Awareness includes three aspects: self-awareness, interpersonal awareness, and awareness of the environment. What I mainly share today is self-awareness.

So, we can think about it, is the world we see necessarily real? Do we really know ourselves?

In fact, we often talk about awareness, but many times we don’t really master it, so we often forget to be aware and fall into an unconscious or automatic state. In order to regain the ability to self-awareness, we need to understand the meaning behind awareness.

I believe that friends who have studied coaching leadership, psychology, and social work will know that there is a theory called the iceberg in Satir family therapy. It means that the human self is like a huge iceberg floating on the water. The behaviors or coping methods that can be seen by the outside world are only a very small part exposed on the water. Only about one-eighth of it is exposed on the water. The other Seven-eighths are hidden under the water. The larger mountains under the water are the "inside" that has been suppressed for a long time and ignored by us. Uncovering the secrets of the iceberg, we will see the desires, expectations, opinions and feelings in life, and see the true self.

Satir’s iceberg metaphor theory mainly includes seven levels, from top to bottom: behavior, coping style, feelings, opinions, expectations, desires and oneself (self).

1. Behavior ---- refers to actions and story content

2. Coping style ---- is our posture (including flattering, blaming, super rational , interruption and consistency)

3. Feelings (joy, excitement, fascination, anger, hurt, fear, sadness, sadness, etc.)

4. Point of view---that is Our beliefs, assumptions, default positions, subjective reality, thinking, ideas, values, and cognitions

5. Expectations---including expectations for ourselves, expectations for others, and expectations from others

6. Desire - love, acceptance, belonging, creativity, connection, freedom, etc. (the only things humans have: to be loved, recognized, accepted, purposeful, meaningful , freedom)

7. Self: Who am I ---------spirituality, soul, life energy, essence, core, existence (vitality, spirit, spirituality, core, essence)< /p>

So, many times we only see a very small part of the iceberg. The feelings, beliefs, intentions, desires, etc. under the iceberg are hidden underwater, causing part of the self to be suppressed and making us invisible. reality.

So what is it that prevents us from seeing the truth?

Here, I would like to use an example of my own to give a simple explanation.

Some time ago, I went through the experience of being supervised. There were two classmates who were supervised with me. In our minds, supervisors are actually very professional and attentive people. At the beginning, the communication between me and the supervisor was quite smooth. But at the end of the day, the supervisor asked us to write a paragraph. As feedback on this supervision work, I quickly wrote down my feelings and sent it to the supervisor, looking forward to the supervisor's praise. But the next few conversations made me feel frustrated.

The conversation went like this:

The supervisor said: Liu Qin’s reaction is a bit behind now

I said: Did I understand it wrong?

Supervisor Said: But that’s what you need now

I said: I’m not very clear about the part you said about “I need now”.

The supervisor did not reply to my questions but to other students’ questions.

So I continued: Do we need to live in the present, or do we need to understand more about life?

The supervisor still hasn’t responded to my question.

The supervisor finally said: Liu Qin, when you collect the internship weekly records next week, you will also collect the indirect supervision records. I will mark the homework and send it to everyone tonight. The form has been modified, please submit according to my modified form in the future.

Then we ended this supervision consultation.

After the supervision, I thought that the supervisor did not reply to me after I raised my doubts, which made me feel a little depressed. I was wondering, even though I was so positive, why didn’t the supervisor see me? Because I didn't see the reply I wanted, I spent the whole night thinking, where did I understand it wrong?

If this matter had happened in the past, I would have made two judgments and evaluations about this matter. In the first case, I would have felt that I was really bad and had misunderstood the supervisor’s words, which caused the supervisor to reply to me relentlessly. . In the second case, I will feel that the supervisor is evaluating me and think that what she is doing is wrong. So, friends, which one of these two judgments do you think is correct?

But now, because I have learned awareness, I have begun to know that judgment is not a fact, and evaluation is not a fact. Awareness means not making any evaluation or judgment.

Going back to my experience of being supervised, the reason why I became depressed was because I activated my own judgments and emotions, and my subconscious regarded my judgment of myself as fact. Therefore, once an incident occurs, I first judge first and activate the emotional switch at the same time, preventing me from seeing my own truth and the other person's truth.

It can be seen that it is really not easy for me to see the truth.

So, what is stopping me from seeing the truth?

I believe that judgments, evaluations, emotions, and beliefs may all prevent us from seeing the truth.

Now, I have found a path to discover the truth, which is that the five dimensions tell me my beliefs about coaching:

1. People are OK - so we accept (believe )

2. There is a positive intention behind people’s actions - motivation (exploration)

3. People have resources - focus (support)

4. People will make the best choice for themselves - creation (respect)

5. Change is inevitable - commitment (action)

Based on The above beliefs and five dimensions provide us with a tool for self-awareness:

Still my experience of being supervised:

Conflict incidents: a series of responses from the supervisor to me , I felt being judged, felt a little frustrated inside, and a little emotionally depressed. Expectations: I hope to be able to understand the supervisor's words well and be recognized by the supervisor. I also hope that I can have more communication with the supervisor and have a collision of ideas.

Why: Because deep down in our hearts, we are eager to communicate, which can improve our understanding.

In this incident, my outstanding qualities are: seriousness, diligence, carefulness, studiousness, and initiative

So through the previous awareness, I made my own decision: adjust myself Believe in yourself, understand yourself, and accept your emotions. ? Next time during the supervision process, I will better understand the supervisor's words. When setting supervision expectations, my goals and scope can be more reasonable.

After using awareness tools, my heart seems to have become calmer and I no longer have any worries. At this moment, I truly understood the fifth dimension? That sentence in class: I am the source of all problems. Looking back at myself, I have indeed realized that self-repression is caused by the judgment of myself as unsuitable and the way I deal with emotions first in interpersonal relationships.

The five dimensions tell me that self-awareness depends on my inner emotions, and behavioral changes depend on self-awareness. Behavior arises from our thinking, and thinking is affected by emotions. Emotions are actually automatic responses to beliefs.

Because of some experiences when I was young, I subconsciously formed a set of standards for self-judgment and standards for judging others. I think that I am superfluous, unloved, and dispensable, so I often think that in the eyes of others, I am superfluous, unimportant, and unworthy of love.

Under this judgment standard, I formed two extreme beliefs. One is that since I am not loved, then don't ask for extravagant things and just give up. The resulting behavior was to consciously give up opportunities, including promotions and salary increases, including fighting for the benefits I deserved. In the face of challenges, I chose to surrender first. The other is that I particularly need to be paid attention to and recognized, so I am cautious in doing things, hoping that I will perform perfectly, and I am afraid of making the slightest mistake, so I have formed a belief of avoidance and escape. Therefore, when speaking in public, speaking to leaders, or handling urgent tasks, my rationality is definitely not online. Self-judgment comes first and my emotions are activated at the same time. Therefore, I will be so nervous that I cannot hear what others are saying, and I will even feel nauseated. Vomiting, so this extreme set of beliefs consumes a lot of my energy. Even in relationships, I always have a feeling of being constrained, and this constraint always makes me feel like my inner flow is not smooth.

So I have been looking for a magic pill that can quickly cure this feeling of blockage. Until now, no magic bullet has been found. But in the fifth dimension, I began to learn to use awareness to see my true self and my beliefs.

Teacher Chen Xu said, what is faith? A belief is an idea you believe in, something you think is true. The biggest difference between humans and animals is that when encountering stimulation, humans will have various thoughts and humans can choose. I can choose this or I can choose that. Through awareness, when we see those negative thoughts, we actively raise mindfulness (the so-called mindfulness means seeing the current self (self) state without judgment).

During that experience of being supervised, in fact, no matter what the supervisor said, whether he spoke or not, I might instinctively judge and activate my emotions, because it is a long-term habit. and belief.

And now through awareness, I see these judgments, emotions, expectations, facts, and my own outstanding qualities, so I will take the initiative to raise righteous thoughts to believe in myself, embrace myself, Empathize with yourself and accept yourself. By creating mindfulness, you gradually improve your ability to cope with challenges and solve problems.

Teacher Chen Xu said that the farthest distance in the world is the distance from head to toe, that is, the distance from knowing to doing it. Based on new beliefs, I create new actions. Therefore, in response to this experience of being supervised, I created a new action decision:

Carefully understand the supervisor’s intentions, and use the awareness diary tool when your emotions occur.

In my sharing today, I talked about two key words: awareness and belief. In order to bring these two keywords to life, I used my experience of being supervised throughout the article. Through this case, I show you my changes before and after using awareness. When analyzing the case, I used the iceberg theory and subconscious concepts in psychology, as well as the belief and awareness diary tools in five-dimensional coaching. To summarize:

Awareness is a mirror, you can see your true self.

Belief is what I think is true, it is the thought we believe in. We can choose and create it ourselves.

A good coach should inspire the client to think

A good supervisor should inspire the supervisee to think

A good teacher should inspire Students' thinking

A good parent should inspire their children to think

So I think that a good helper should stimulate the thinking of all our service users.

Everyone can become a coach to help themselves and others live a better life.

Coming to the fifth dimension, I feel that I am lucky. As I shared with several five-dimensional friends, it was my first time to take a course outside of the industry, and I entered the five-dimensional field directly without taking any detours. In this field, I have met many outstanding people. They are already elites in the workplace, but they are still learning, growing and changing. Dai Dai is the teaching assistant of our fourth group. She is born in the 90s. She is versatile and proficient in playing, playing and singing. Her hosting style can ignite the audience. The most important thing is that she is very responsible. She is Qing me every day after class. Has the time for class sharing been set, has the theme been decided? I’m very grateful to Dai Dai for her hard work; Chunchun, even though she is a post-90s generation, she is a master of layoffs, photography, and P. Tu, who can host and plan, is indeed a heavyweight in our group; Brother Yong, who comes from the mountain city of Chongqing, has his own energy. Because of the power of his belief, he changed his career and became the best seller. In addition, he is also a considerate, attentive and warm person; Sister Xiaolin has a sweet voice and gives me a super friendly feeling. I just started to enter the five-dimensional field, and it was Sister Xiaolin who said a few words Greetings made me let go of my physical constraints and get involved quickly; Teacher Wen Tao is changing every day and brings the essence of the five dimensions into every aspect of my life; Teacher Liantian, if I describe her as a highly effective person, No ambiguity at all. The course ended on May 3, and on May 4, Teacher Liantian completed the micro class sharing and all the homework after class, praising her efficiency.