God replies to classic funny quotes

Classic funny quotes about God’s replies

There are always a group of weird gods in life. Here are the classic funny quotes about God’s replies that I have collected for you. You are welcome to read them. .

God’s reply to classic funny quotes 1

1. Question: My girlfriend’s income is 30,000 times that of mine. I want to work hard but have no talent. How can I improve this dilemma?

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Li Peng: Your income is 0, and your girlfriend’s income is also 0. Children, stop making trouble. Have you finished your summer homework?

2. Question: If you say angrily:? Say it again. !? Someone else said it again, what should I say next so as not to weaken the momentum?

Liu Yu: Being low-key but not losing momentum can effectively kill the enemy with cuteness

3. Question: What is the standard for a girl to have a good figure?

Gaoke: Let me be more direct: it looks good and works well, it means it is really good.

4. Question: Why do so many people say that they are lonely, alone, and want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, but they are still single?

Xu Tiantian: Because not only are I ugly, but I am also single. I think others are ugly.

5. Question: What should I do if I don’t have a lover on Valentine’s Day?

Maobao: If you are sad that no one loves you to accompany you and care about you on Valentine’s Day, please remember: Valentine No one will love you, accompany you, or care about you every day except Christmas!

7. Question: Divide an earthworm into nine segments. After these nine segments grow into nine earthworms, what is the relationship between them?

Zhong Yezi: The most familiar strange earthworm?

8. Question: How big are 70A’s breasts?

Linghua: Straighten your legs and touch Touch your knee, that's what it feels like.

9. Question: What things make you feel? Wow! You can still do this?

Chang'an: When my little niece plays Plants vs. Zombies on the iPad, she only does two things: Harvest the sun + plant potatoes for zombies to eat. She thinks this game is raising zombies? Hey, why am I so cute?

10. Question: If I send a piece of shit to a guest, what consequences might I bear?

Wang Tonghe: The distinguished guests would send it to Meituan. Meituan and Fanfou were in the same office, but I mistakenly thought it was from Sina Weibo and sent it to Fanfou, so I sent it back to Sina Weibo. The people on Sina Weibo gritted their teeth and thought, Damn, Tencent Weibo should be so damaged, so they sent it to Tencent. The people at Tencent News took a look and thought, hey, NetEase News just released a mobile client. What a bummer! So they sent it to NetEase. Ding Lei took a look and realized that this must be an encouragement to my pig-raising career!

11. Question: What are some examples of low emotional intelligence?

Liang Lijun: Be respectful to strangers and respectful to those who are close to you. People get angry at will?

12. Question: How would you write a three-line suicide note?

Don’t eat spicy food

I said slightly spicy

13. Question: What embarrassing things have you encountered when chatting with foreigners?

Zhan Ci: My dad and the others When I was playing in Guilin, I taught the Japanese to sing "Cut off the Japs on the Head with a Big Sword" on the Lijiang River. The Japanese learned very enthusiastically and had a good time along the way.

14. Question: There are 1,000 identical bottles, 999 of which are ordinary water, and one bottle is ◇◇. Any creature that drinks ◇◇ will die after one week. Now, you only have 10 mice and one week, how to detect which bottle contains ◇◇?

FelixPF: Chop 10 mice into stuffing and divide them into 1000 bottle caps. Pour an appropriate amount of liquid from the corresponding bottle into each bottle cap, place it outdoors, and replenish the appropriate amount of corresponding liquid every day. Observe for a week to see which bottle cap has no rot or maggots in the meat filling.

15. Question: Do you have the patience to read an answer of more than 5 lines on Zhihu?

Jing Lei: Someone always mentioned "140 words" before, but now they say "?" In line 5, I just want to say that people who care about size often lack experience or have not met people with good work.

16. Question: Most of the common graffiti in men’s restrooms are abusive and sexually suggestive, while the graffiti in women’s restrooms are mainly riddles and short stories. How do you view the difference between the two?

< p> Xu Jieyun: By the way, I admire classmates who are familiar with both sides of the men's and women's toilets?

17. Question: Why do people like to draw crosses on mosquito bites?

Biallo: Because Are vampires afraid of crosses?

18. Question: Which dynasty in China has the highest degree of sexual openness and why?

Anonymous: Primitive society is good, primitive society is good, primitive society runs naked, men He chased her, and the woman ran away. After catching her, she pushed her to the ground and fucked her.

XGaoChao set off a primitive society.

19. Question: Every time you ask me to tell a joke, which one do you have to tell?

Xie Sheng: A: The name of my hometown’s province starts with H, guess what? ?

B: Henan?

A: Wrong.

B: Heilongjiang?

A: That’s not right either.

B: That is?

A: Hujian.

20. How to translate into English?

Magasa: Young Fault lasts for life.

21. Question: I am not familiar with you How should girls talk when going to dinner?

Qin Chunshan: I have read a sentence that says some people find communication difficult or tiring because they always try to show qualities they do not possess.

22. Question: What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Yao Hang: An operator received a call from a customer. The customer was stuttering and spoke a little slowly: I, I, I? Think about it, I, I, I? What is the cost of the phone call? The most recent? Why does it cost so much? The operator just said: Brother, big brother, it’s just you, can you not charge it? After that, he was Fired!

23. Question: Huang Rong wears soft hedgehog armor. Why does Ouyang Ke’s hands tingle when he touches her body lightly, but Guo Jing is fine when he hugs her tightly? Is it possible to automatically control the thorns instantly? Get up?

Su Lian: Some QQs are invisible and visible, and some soft hedgehog armors are thorny and touchable.

24. Question: Why do cold jokes begin with Xiao Ming?

Zhang Chun: Because people with low laughter points start laughing when they see Xiao Ming.

25. Question: How to identify whether a girl is good-looking through Weibo photos?

Zhang Ke: Two simple steps: first, find the sisters she often @; second, find her sisters’ Found @her photo in the post. (Believe me, women always post the most beautiful photos from their own perspective. As for what other people look like? It’s none of my business?)

26. Question: What cuteness-killing moments have you experienced? Moment?

Lin Xiaochai: I just watched the joke yesterday and almost went crazy laughing. A teacher was correcting primary school students' Chinese exercises. One of the questions was: Rewrite the following sentences into anthropomorphic sentences. This sentence is: A teacher corrects primary school students' Chinese exercises. One of the questions is: Rewrite the following sentences into anthropomorphic sentences. This sentence is: ?The bird is chirping in the tree. ?Most children routinely change it to ?birds singing in the tree?, but suddenly an answer reads: ?birds singing in the tree: I am a human being!!! I am a human being!!!? < /p>

27. Question: A beautiful woman is eating candied haws. How can I make her believe that I am not here to strike up a conversation but want to know where I bought the candied haws?

Tu Weihao: Actually, the order of striking up a conversation is The other way around is OK. ?Beauty, hello, you are so beautiful. I saw you from far away and wanted to come over and say hello to you? Well, I want to know where you bought the candied haws you eat?

28. Question: How do boys act coquettishly?

He Tianjun: How do people know about such things as coquettishness? God’s reply to classic funny quotes 2

1. Don’t grow up with someone by the sea When older children go to the aquarium together, when you point at the glass in the underwater corridor and say, "Wow, look at this, look at that, wow, it's so cute!" they will only say, "This is too fishy, ??need to be marinated more." Yes, which one tastes best when grilled?

2. Let’s guess a riddle. You, stand up. Take some Chinese herbal medicine. ?This is simple. I am a human being. When I stand up, I am ginseng (human ginseng). ?Wrong, it’s wolfberry!?Don’t run!?Let’s guess a riddle. You, stand up. Take some Chinese herbal medicine. ?This is simple. I am a human being. When I stand up, I am ginseng (human ginseng). ?Wrong, it’s wolfberry!?Don’t run away!?

3. When I go home in the elevator at night, I often meet a beautiful girl and her mother. The poster is bolder and often makes eye contact with the girl. The girl is always shy and ready to make a move when she wants to refuse. There was a sudden power outage in the elevator just now, leaving it completely dark. Thinking that the opportunity had come, the host reached out to hold the girl's hand. The girl also reached out and kissed him forcefully without saying a word. Anyway, this wasn't the first time she had acted like a gangster. Just as I was feeling sentimental, the elevator lights came on, and I caught a glimpse of the girl next to me with a frightened face!

4. During class, I suddenly felt my Dantian sinking, and a burst of true energy wanted to burst out of my body. I then patted the girl next to me. Table:?Me. . . I. . ?My deskmate said: ?If you fart, just let it go!? I let out a wave. He smiled and said: You still understand me.

5. President, there are a lot of people doing business today. Just work hard and don't take a rest. I will buy you whatever you want to eat. Teller, I want to go to the toilet. President, please bear with me a little longer, and I will arrange for you to take a break when there are fewer people. Teller, I want to go to the toilet.

6. I had a cold yesterday and went for intravenous drip. I was charged more than 100 for a small bottle of medicine. So I asked the nurse, nurse, why the medicine used to be in big bottles, but now it is so small? Nurse, save money. Use water, start from scratch

7. The class is about to end, and the teacher asked me how much battery the mobile phone has left at the end of the class and how many points it will score in the final exam. A big guy in the corner of the class said that I brought two batteries, and the second one is still 60 % more. . . The teacher on the podium silently said, "That's your score for the make-up exam."

8. After the old bachelor died, he went to heaven to see God and complained, "I have never met anyone who is willing to spend my whole life with me. Why are you so unfair!" ?I sent it to you. When you were 23 years old, you see, it was her. ?God pointed his hand, and a beautiful woman appeared in front of the old bachelor's eyes, ?But, I have never seen her before!? God replied, ?Oh, when you were holding your phone and lowering your head to read the cold joke, you just missed her. .

9. I failed in the exam today and I was very depressed. My father comforted me and said, "Son, in the future you will not only have good grades to have food, don't be discouraged!" I was deeply moved after hearing this and said, Yes, you were such a scumbag when you were a child, and you still live the same way now.

10. I went to the mall to buy something for a friend. I passed by an instrument that could test IQ. I said, "Take a walk to test whose IQ is higher." I stood on it and the machine said: "Sir, your IQ is 521." ,?My friend stood on it, and the machine said:?Sir, please don't put the stone on it. ?He went home frustrated. In the past few days, I was asked to take an IQ test again. Mine was still 521. He went up and the machine said: Sir, this stone looks familiar.

11. Don’t go to the aquarium with children who grew up by the sea. When you point at the glass on the seabed promenade and say, “Wow, look at this, look at that, wow, it’s so cute!” They would only say, "This one is too fishy, ??please marinate it for a while, which one is best when grilled?"

12. There was a couple who both loved to eat durian, but were afraid of injuring their five-year-old son, so they Hiding in the kitchen to eat, my five-year-old son opened the door and said in shock, "You guys eat." . . Are you eating shit?!

13. I was having dinner with my girlfriend and a group of her friends. During the dinner, someone said, a good cabbage has been eaten by a pig again! How could I hear this? I swallowed my anger, got up and slapped him, "How dare you say my wife is a pig!"

14. Someone has a girlfriend. Very beautiful. One day, I showed my girlfriend’s photo to my friends. He said, "Isn't my girlfriend pretty?" My friend looked at his proud look and said, "If I were to use a bird to describe her, she would be like a swan." If I were to use a vegetable to describe her, it would be a good cabbage. If I were to use a flower to describe her, I can only say that she is a flower.

15. I have been chasing the goddess for a long time, and I finally succeeded today. The goddess asked me how I felt, and I said I couldn’t believe it all. She said, if you don’t believe it, you have to face yourself. I did as I was told, and then I woke up, stopped talking, and moved bricks?

16. A 100-year-old couple divorced, claiming that their relationship had long since broken down. Someone from the Civil Affairs Bureau asked, "It's been so many years. If they wanted to break up early, why are they getting divorced now?" The old couple said, "In the past, they had always taken care of their children, but now that their children are dead, there is nothing to worry about." , so I decided to divorce. < /p>

18. When I was in college, six people in the dormitory smoked. After a while, a girl from the class came to the dormitory. Girl, I really can’t stand you group of old smokers. At this time, the dormitory chief spoke, We all use our bodies to filter and leave the best part to you! Girl.

19. That year, my girl asked me if I had ever kissed a girl, and I said no.

The girl said she could teach me, but I said there was no need to teach me this thing, it would come naturally! A few years later, I realized what I was doing? Ahhhhh, I was too stupid back then!

? ;< /p>