***Read "Learn to love yourself first, then meet the right you"

There was a time when, because of many unsatisfactory things in work and life, my mood was extremely low, and my inner fear and helplessness had nowhere to rest. Many times I have been blaming the people or things around me, which has brought me a lot of troubles and emotional experiences.

But. When I read the book "Learn to Love Yourself First, Then Meet the Right You" written by Teacher Zhou Fan, the content in the book was like a magnet that attracted me deeply and deeply touched my heart. Me, I even feel like this article was tailor-made for me!

In the article, "All feelings are created by oneself. Whether it is the feeling of being loved before, the feeling of being hurt later, or the current feeling that transcends being loved and being hurt, all of them are "I created it all by myself" words go straight to the core, wake me up, and make me reflect - it turns out that the crux of the problem is "me", and it is undoubtedly a fool's dream to expect to kill the "bad guys" outside to restore myself to a stable state. , in the end we have to come back to improving our sense of security and strength!

The author of this book is Zhou Fan, a happy psychology relationship coach and female self-love explorer. This book is a collection of all articles written by Teacher Zhou Fan on the exploration of "self-love". The book uses warm and eloquent words, combined with multiple case stories, to lead everyone to deeply explore the powerlessness that people often feel in this era. , causes of stress and anxiety; explore unconditional love and the ability to love yourself unconditionally.

The following is divided into two parts to lead everyone to understand and love themselves.

Part 1: Learn to love yourself before loving others

For many years, I have been trying to get rid of the weak person in me who always insists that things should be the way I want them to be. Don't let yourself become an over-giver or an over-requester, turn your attention back to yourself, and your strength will come back, because there is no one else at all, you are playing with yourself.

But in the process of seeking love from others, you lose your true self. When a person has no love or trust in himself, he will naturally hope to receive it from others. However, the paradox is that a person who cannot even love himself cannot give love to others. What you give may be flattery, sacrifice, compromise, or pretense...but what you give is not love. What you give is not love, and you cannot get real love. When we strive to get the love we already have, we create a cage for ourselves. The way to break out of the prison is to learn to love yourself before loving others.

Part 2: The happiness of marriage comes from your own control.

The high divorce rate is a common phenomenon in today's society. Anyone who has experienced the honeymoon phase of love knows that at the beginning of a relationship, the feeling of loving each other is so beautiful. Because I love this person, I go to sleep and wake up with a smile every day. Even the whole world becomes lovely and alive because of the existence of this person.

The sweet and warm feeling during the honeymoon period will make two people get closer and closer. While being intimate, the personality shadow hidden under the social personality will gradually emerge clearly.

And then slowly, one thing happened one after another, more and more quarrels took away some trust and intimacy each time, until finally all the good things that remained in the beginning were wiped out, love I am getting more and more tired and weak. I want to love but can’t see the hope, and I can’t let go of separation. In the end, I was stuck in an embarrassing dilemma and turned into a pool of stagnant water. The motivation for many people to maintain relationships does not come from the present or the future, but is supported by the good memories of the past, or the sense of security brought by being with a familiar person, even if this sense of security may be just an illusion.

When you first got together, you had a very close stage, but why did you still become estranged step by step? Is it the alienation in your relationship that caused your current situation, or is it really just because of the appearance of one person that you became alienated? As long as the intervening person disappears, your relationship is safe?

Initially, it is not so much that we love each other as a person, but rather that we love the person we imagine the other person to be. It's like many parents love their imaginary children, and when they find that their children are different from their expectations, they will be disappointed and angry.

Don’t think that maintaining the status quo will be easy. The energy of everything is flowing, and you are also a flowing energy. Expecting to keep your life the same is like trying to hold the boat in place in a fast-flowing river. The price of maintaining the status quo will not be easier than leaping forward.

Never be numb to pain, stay sensitive, take back control of the relationship, and have greater ambitions in your life. No matter what kind of dream life you want to have, you can have it...because you definitely deserve a better life!

This book made me understand my own emotions, and also made us realize that all root problems are within ourselves. Looking outside can't change anything. We can only look inward to continuously improve. Only by continuously improving your own abilities and making yourself more powerful can you solve all problems. The realization of all this must first rely on oneself, be able to know yourself, and love yourself.

Just like a glass of water, only when you fill it yourself first and have overflowing love can you give love to others.

If you are also in a confused period of life and can't find the way forward, then you can read this book.