It cured my obsequious character.

How to please personality and save yourself?

Are you a "likable person"?

If you can't always refuse others, find a way out for their mistakes, or even make everyone happy, then you may be a "please-type personality". Perhaps in the eyes of many people, you are a very good person; They always give you the highest praise for being considerate and helpful. But in your opinion, this kind of praise is hardly a reward, but more like a heavy burden.

You want everyone to like you, and you take it as your mission to win everyone's approval. However, when praised by others, people often feel unworthy, uncomfortable and even refute. The reason is that in order to take care of other people's emotions and make everyone happy, you hide the truest emotions.

This makes it impossible for you to feel safe from such a relationship and environment. You will feel very tired. It's you who are watching the excitement, and it's you who are active in the atmosphere. You seem to be the happiest and most insecure. Only you know how much unnecessary trouble flattery has added to your life. What is even more frightening is that the more flattering you are, the more thankless you will get.

We need "please" to maintain inner security and order. People think that in every relationship, you can't give each other more value except please. Just like the heroine in your new life. She doesn't like corn, but she will eat it by herself because of her mother's words: "This is the corn planted by her mother and grandmother. If you don't eat, they will die in vain. "

When you grow up, you also copied the model of getting along with your mother, pleasing your colleagues and boyfriends, trying not to disappoint them, but hurting yourself again and again. We need to correct this perception. The mature relationship between adults should be equal in strength, interdependence and mutual appreciation. Don't be afraid of anyone leaving, and don't be afraid of offending people without any kind of personality, so as to avoid offending people; Adults are not so blx, you need to be responsible and worry about their emotions.

You just need to see your own value. This is the real growth. When you are truly proud and happy about your shining point, no matter whether this shining point is valuable to others, others will re-examine you and respect you. Because in the end, you didn't put yourself as low as dust.

See? We don't have to be excellent. Only when we become what others expect can they be kind and like me. External feedback will bring you more confidence. You will get rid of your flattering personality and gain inner freedom and relaxation. True living high is true maturity.

In life, we can please moderately, but we can't be an apple polisher forever. If a person is in a state of pleasing for a long time, it is harmful to himself and himself. On the one hand, it is the inner consumption brought by self-doubt, which will limit self-growth and make many unnecessary changes; On the one hand, because of excessive flattery, principles and bottom lines are often lost, making interpersonal relationships more fragile.

Here are three specific suggestions:

1. When you are afraid that others will be unhappy, ask yourself what you are afraid of.

Are you worried about losing each other? Stranger, I have nothing to worry about.

Are you afraid that others will think you are not good? Your best friend has so many bad habits that it doesn't seem to affect your relationship.

How serious are the consequences of refusing a visa? In contrast, I seem even more reluctant to be a person who will not refuse others after ten years.

You see, practice more and rehearse more, and you will find that it is not so difficult to please others. Doing what you didn't dare to do before won't make a piece of your life less. Don't consider other people's reactions, make more subjective judgments. Slowly, you won't cater to other people's expectations.

2. Understand that the premise of liking is to recognize yourself from the bottom of my heart.

In fact, you can also make demands on others. We can observe the powerful people around us. They will take the initiative to say "I want it" and seek help and care from others by asking for help and showing weakness. Because they recognize themselves from the bottom of their hearts and believe that they can be loved.

They are not afraid to refuse, and they will not take SayNo as saying no to you. Being liked by others is not just the need of life. You need to look inside. You can try to record small achievements and happy things every day.

3. Create your own value.

Find your hobbies in the core memorials of life. Can fill the emptiness of flatterer's heart. The emptiness here is not a negation, it means that people who please are more inclined to seek external (environment, others) to get inner satisfaction.

To change this, we need to export to the domestic market and find our own "sense of value", playing ball, running, writing, painting, taking photos, cooking, giving speeches ... There are really many such things. When you are immersed in the satisfaction of self-creation, you will realize that I can still create my own value without being persistent. The significance of this point, let us find in action.

"Likable personality" is not developed overnight. Cure is not easy, but it doesn't mean it can't be done. Try to look back and embrace the fragile and lonely child who has been clamoring for care for many years, so that we can gain the power of self-affirmation and self-identity, and we can also get enough self-care in our hearts without "pleasing". Maybe someone inadvertently, you will be relieved: it turns out that you are the most worthy person to please.

Jiang once said: Everyone has his own unique value. If you give up your personality and value to create a person who is liked, it means that you attract people who don't really appreciate you. People who really appreciate you will always appreciate your pride, not your pretending modesty and loveliness. Have a good time after Qian Fan. Because it really doesn't matter what other people think of you.