Jiang Yang: Being gregarious is the deepest loneliness.

Loneliness is unique and expensive.

I once read such a question on the Internet: "What is the loneliest thing you have ever done?"

The following answers are various.

It is said that when a person goes to eat, he is afraid that the waiter will accept the meal and dare not leave his position;

It is also said that when people are alive, they see a cockroach crawling in front of them and are reluctant to shoot it to death.

But the answer that impressed me the most is: force yourself to integrate.

Yan Rujing once said in Qi Yuan Shuo:

"Being unsociable is only superficial loneliness, and being gregarious is inner loneliness."

In order to avoid loneliness, each of us may be forced to get along with others more or less.

But after going through a lot, you will find that sometimes, the harder you work, the more lonely you feel.

0 1

In the movie Piano Boy Who Wants to Fly, Victor, the protagonist, once lived in the shackles of gregarious, unable to extricate himself.

He has a superior IQ since he was a child and has an extraordinary piano talent.

But this makes him a different kind in the eyes of his peers and is excluded.

In order to be able to integrate into the group and get along with everyone, he pretended to be brain-dead, became an ordinary person and lost the ability to play the piano.

In this way, he was finally accepted by everyone and became a gregarious teenager.

But this disguise didn't bring him happiness.

He loves the piano and has to listen to rock music to cater to his classmates.

Obviously, he is very clever. In order to appear gregarious, he should try to play dumb.

Life just goes by day.

Until one day, Victor found a piano album in a CD shop.

He cried after playing at home.

He suddenly realized that his disguise had always suppressed his true thoughts.

Only by pursuing musical dreams can we get real happiness.

I have read such a sentence: "The real loneliness is not that one is lonely, but that one loses himself in the endless noise."

Reluctantly fit in, like Tetris, and you disappear.

The process of trying to integrate into others is actually a process of desperately denying yourself.

Nothing will change except embarrassing yourself.

02

San Mao once wrote in his prose:

"We refuse to explore our own value. We attach too much importance to the participation of others in our own lives and care too much about the evaluation of others. "

Growing up was originally a lonely adventure, but too many people integrated into the group and gained a sense of belonging and identity.

My cousin just found a new job this year.

Before leaving work, he either exercises or learns some photography he likes.

Now I play games with my colleagues as soon as I get off work.

I asked him, "Why don't you study when you come back?"

Who knows, he said helplessly:

"This is not just a new job. My colleague called me to play games. It is not easy to refuse, which shows how unsociable I am. "

In fact, many people in life are like this, because they are afraid of loneliness and try their best to squeeze into the lively circle.

Douban netizen @ Haimaojun posted a post and got a lot of abuse.

She said she used to be afraid of being labeled as "unsociable".

Going to dinner or going to the movies alone is very afraid of meeting acquaintances.

Whenever this time, she will pretend not to see it, or make up a lie that she is waiting for someone.

It seems a shame to do it alone.

So she often goes to class, eats, plays and watches movies with her three roommates.

I agree with them in almost everything and try my best to hide my thoughts.

After a long time, she felt very tired.

So she tried to get rid of them, no longer to speculate on other people's ideas, no longer to adapt to other people's tastes, preferences and schedules.

She found that "unsociable" was not as bad as she thought;

"When I watch a movie alone, I can stop obsessing and start at any time and choose my favorite movie."

"Traveling alone, you don't have to force me to take pictures and punch in at the crowded tourist attractions."

Gradually, in the time of being alone, she cultivated the ability of independent thinking and accepted others' different views and different lifestyles.

Mr. Jiang Yang once said: "The graceful life is not the affirmation of outsiders, but the inner calmness."

Learning to be unsociable and get along well with yourself is the beginning of a person's inner strength and richness.

Because in this process, we can calm down and reflect, see the truth of life clearly and understand our own life.

When you learn to be unsociable, you can live comfortably.

03

Zhuangzi has a saying: You are unique. Unique people are the most expensive.

Many times, we are afraid of being alone and eager to get along with others.

But groups of people are not necessarily happy; People who like to be alone are not necessarily lonely.

Tao, the host of the round table school, has been in business for more than 30 years and has met countless celebrities from all walks of life, but he hardly participates in social activities.

His circle is very small, with only a few close friends.

Some people say, "Although Tao is laughing and laughing in the program, he is actually an unsociable person. He would rather read at home than go out to eat. "

Lu Yu once asked him, "What are you doing at home alone?"

He replied:

"I am very busy when I am alone. I want to have breakfast. I want to see this picture. I want to see that book. There are hundreds of episodes of British and American dramas to watch, and I have to walk on the treadmill every day ... "

No matter how noisy the outside world is, Wendu Tao still lives in his own world.

Feng Jicai said: "Ordinary people fill the emptiness with excitement, and excellent people achieve themselves by being alone."

The more excellent people are, the more they enjoy being alone, and the more alone they are, the more calm they are.

Mr. Qian Zhongshu, a master of literature, is also an unsociable eccentric. At a certain age, he even worked behind closed doors and concentrated on writing.

This created Fortress Besieged, known as the "New Scholars".

So is his wife, Jiang Yang, who seldom participates in entertainment activities in the cultural circle. She just hides in the study, reading and writing.

Later, she translated Don Quixote and published millions of copies. /kloc-at the age of 0/02, she also published Jiang Yang's Collected Works.

I have read a sentence: "Some people are doomed to be unsociable, otherwise you can't see his dazzling light."

Only when a person gets rid of useless circles can he see a wider world and become a better self.

Tu Youyou once said a very thought-provoking sentence in his acceptance speech:

"Don't chase the horse, use the time of chasing the horse to plant grass. When spring blossoms, there will be a group of good horses for you to choose from. "

Give me a compliment. Instead of being gregarious, let me calm down, not please, not cater to, and spend my time on self-improvement.

At that time, you don't have to take the initiative to integrate, and excellent friends and circles that suit you will take the initiative to come to you.