Jokes, how many?

Classic joke: Confessions of an Ugly Man I was born twice. For the first time, a doctor dragged me out of the womb and suddenly fainted. A nurse closed her eyes and groped for me and stuffed me back ... After the second time I was born, all the people in the hospital hid in the morgue and cried. The dean smoked his own mouth and blamed himself for being as blind as a bat and shouldn't be greedy for money to take over my business ... Maternal love is great. She doesn't abandon me and raised me, but he is in my face. At the age of eleven, when I was in the third grade, the whole class was the most curious, and they all desperately wanted to see what I looked like behind the mask. A classmate named Li Dadan tore off my mask while I was urinating. Since then, Li Dadan has suffered from a strange disease, unable to speak, glassy-eyed, doing nothing all day, killing a person's skull without blinking an eye, and crying when he closes his eyes ... The Education Bureau sent someone, because all the students in the school transferred, the principal could only eat half a bowl of porridge every morning, and the teacher's salary had not been paid for two months ... After the people from the Education Bureau saw me, the director immediately resigned and went to sea, and the chain reaction led to the dissolution of educational institutions across the country ... I was walking in the street, and people on the roadside were all vomiting wildly. A group of pigs rushed to me from behind, rushed to wear red flowers for me, issued trophies and gave me one. Next door, Pockmarked Liu's daughter-in-law wants to brag to him, saying that his pockmarked face is so disgusting that he must leave! It happened that I went to their window. When Pockmarked Liu's wife saw me, she stopped talking, took out the money and went to the insurance company to insure Pockmarked Liu's hemp. A pockmarked Liu's hemp was 1, ... and shocked the United Nations (? Why do you want to say it again?), Annan was at his wit's end and asked me to have plastic surgery, but it didn't work. All the plastic surgeons cried when they saw me. Nearly half of the doctors went to a mental hospital with the same symptoms. They said nothing but one sentence: Ugliness ... The ugliest thing ... Arafat sent a special plane to pick me up and asked me to stand at the door of the presidential palace to resist the encirclement of the Israeli army. I went to stand there for a minute. The whole country of Palestine rejoiced, but when Arafat wanted to introduce me as a national hero, the people of Palestine couldn't find me with lanterns ... A writer came to me with tears in his eyes: I grew up, and my greatest dream was to get a Nobel Prize in Literature, but now the master is too powerful ... I have a unique skill. As long as I can write a book in front of you, I will definitely win the prize! I don't believe it, so he stayed with me for a week and wrote a novel "Seven Days of Hell" with a length of five million words. As a result, he even won the Nobel Prize in Medicine ... The Nobel Headquarters announced that if you can find out the words that describe my face in the world, you can win the literary prize. As a result, all the writers switched to buying pork, and Nobel Prize in Literature disappeared from now on ... The National Football Association specially recruited me to join the team, hoping to really rush out of Asia. At the World Cup, Every game is a score of 12:, one player has a ball. After the kick, we will have a picnic on the lawn. I am alone in front of the goal BBQ, and all the opposing players, including the goalkeeper, vomit on the ground. The referee even pulled out the red card. Of course, our team members also went through the devil training step by step. They first looked at my photos, then looked at my photos for dinner, and then played football ... The World Cup stayed in China forever, and foreign media commented that I was the devil incarnate. At the start of the world lying contest, contestants of all races were boasting wildly for the first time. I walked onto the stage, won the championship with only three words, and kept the title forever. I said, I'm not ugly ... I cried at night, facing the moon, and asked softly, Me, is it nice? A white object fell gently on the moon. I picked it up and saw that it was a small white rabbit crushed to death by the claw of nine Yin bones ... I called to the sky: God, am I the ugliest? Suddenly, the sky rained heavily and fell on me. I touched it, but it was all vomit ... I left the world and came to the ancient castle. I asked the mirror: Mirror, mirror, who is the ugliest in the world? The mirror burst in tears and committed suicide ... God forbid me, why did you give birth to me? I held a grudge and ended up depressed, but who knows, the terrible man gave me an Amnesty and let me go back to the world ... So I wandered around the world, having nothing to do, playing on the Internet, and I wanted to chat, so I applied for a QQ number, who knows ... System prompt: because of your disgusting face (please forgive me, my literary level is not high, I can only explain it to this point), our company will never provide you with the number ... I don't know.