Find a good joke! ! !

1, in the advanced math class, the teacher wrote on the blackboard, and the bottom was in a mess. The teacher couldn't bear it: "Students, keep your voice down!" A buddy said, "Teacher, you will get used to it!" " "

The teacher fainted!

2. The whole high school must wear school uniforms ... Some repeat students never wear them. ...

The teacher in charge of this field squatted at the door every day to check ... A teacher saw that this classmate was not wearing a school uniform ... and asked him why he was not wearing it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead ... why did she wear mourning clothes? ...

The teacher was sweating like a pig. ...

3, this may not be mouth-to-mouth: the teacher procrastinates again and again, "Finally, I have to say one thing ..." Send a strong male interface to say loudly, "Twisted melons are not sweet!" , silence ...

"The teacher's face was livid ... class is over."

Our teacher once said in class: "The boss is the boss with a long face, and his wife is the old woman and mother. My wife will always be with you ~ ~ ~ "

My deskmate asked the teacher loudly, "Teacher, is that teacher just wet below?" "The teacher then broke out! !

5. When I was in junior high school, I liked a few boys to shoot butterflies after class (it's really boring to think about it now). As a result, a classmate was so excited that the math teacher asked him to answer several times when the bell rang.

Five minutes after class, the classmate ran to the door and called for a report. The teacher said angrily, "I call the dog and it wags its tail!" "

The classmate whispered, "I don't have a tail …" The whole class burst into laughter, and even the teacher couldn't help it …

6. One of my brothers asked the teacher in the advanced math class, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? My brother: No cavities!

7. In Chinese class, the teacher said: In fact, weasels don't eat chickens, which is obtained by scientists through experiments. Once put a chicken and a weasel together, guess what will happen the next day?

The classmate replied: The chicken is pregnant.

8. When talking about the use of neon tube in junior high school physics class, a fat man in the last row of our class stood up and asked: What should I do if the milk in the neon tube flows out?

The whole class was silent until the class was over. As soon as the class started the next day, the teacher began to get angry with the classmate yesterday, so the whole class knew the teacher's reaction speed.

9. The PE teacher shouted in class: Turn right, don't glance at it, and sweep the students next to him with the sidelight of the corner of his eye. Someone whispered below: only his bladder grows in the corner of his eye.

10, a painting teacher is famous, and a newspaper has a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always told me that you are really good, and you have published photos in the newspaper ..."

Me: "Looking for inspiration?" Results: The teacher stared at me for at least 5 minutes, and then gave a lecture.

1 1, senior three, geometry teacher, an old bt lady, likes to brag, which is really annoying.

One * in class: "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together. Every time I pick up the car ... and then send it by car." (Note: The old southern woman paused here to emphasize the tone).

Me: "Three rounds?" Results: I was banned from geometry class from now on.

12, junior high school leaders had a meeting, and the students below were unconscious and threw paper towels all over the floor (the temperature was almost 50 degrees that day.

After the meeting, a leader went on to say: students, sanitary napkins have been scattered all over the floor today, and the unclean floor has been deformed. All the boys stayed to clean up. Female students are in distress situation. .

13, I still don't know if the teacher is right or wrong. When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties and fifties) felt that some boys didn't listen to me, and she cursed:

"What are you thinking?" "I miss you!" So I answered. After the teacher was silent for half a ring, he pointed at me and cursed: you smelly rascal!

14, when I was in high school, I had my first labor class. The teacher was an old man and introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan." I immediately replied: "Looking at Chang 'an in the northwest, there are countless poor mountains. "

The whole class laughed, and the teacher was livid and punished me for doing heavy work. Cold ~ ~ Press: "Looking at Chang 'an in the northwest, countless mountains are pitiful" is taken from Xin Qiji's "Bodhisattva Man Book Building a Wall in Jiangxi"

15, in Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?" I won't scream either! "

Classmate: "Cheep." The teacher is sweating.

16, in photography class, a classmate took two children and played around the fountain. The teacher asked, "What is this picture?"

A sentence came from below: "Yuanyang plays in the water." Everyone laughed wildly ~ ~ ~

17. In music class, the teacher is a music solitaire, that is, the previous classmate drinks a "la" with one sound, and the next classmate must repeat the "la" of the previous classmate before singing a "la" with another sound.

A boy is bored. He added a word after everyone's "La" sound, such as "La Feng", "Lamian Noodles" and "Shit". After he sang "La" in a very beautiful tone, the music teacher smiled and said to him, "Let's see what you can play."

18, Chinese class "Yandang Mountain" Teacher: "... The above sentence shows that he is a very arrogant, steep and upright classmate, right? ! "The boy absolutely answered loudly:" Yes! ! ! "

A girl suddenly said, "Is it safe to come up? ! "People laugh wildly ... this class is endless!

19, I think our high school math teacher is the most classic. A girl in my class sat in the back row, listening to the walkman, and when her ears were blocked, she spoke loudly. She said to her deskmate, let me know when the teacher comes. Almost all the students heard it.

Teachers are no exception. Look at my classmates and say, I'm not going.

20. The chairman of the flag-raising ceremony made a thought report: "... I am the son of the people of China." The following students said, "I'm from China."

2 1, a school party, the teacher (more than 60 old women) gave up the program. The students booed: teachers also have festivals, dancing. A boy shouted, pole dancing.

The teacher didn't understand the meaning of pole dancing, thinking that she was busy dancing, and said, "I am old, and I was not good when I was young, but I am old."

22. When we were in high school, we were having a geography class. The teacher reported a place name on it, and we answered minerals below, saying that many local teachers suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan has beautiful women! ! ! ! "

23. In physics class, the teacher talked about convex lenses and cameras. He was writing on the blackboard. When he heard laughter below, he turned around and asked him what he said. The boy finally managed to squeeze out a sentence: "Teacher, you made a mistake."

So we looked back at the blackboard and saw that the words written by the teacher on the blackboard were cursive, which was impressively "according to the machine" ...........................................................................................................................................

24. During the self-study class, the academic director came in and asked the monitor "Help me find two people, I want a class flower", so the monitor organized the whole class to vote for the class flower. After a class, they finally agreed and chose the most pl mm in the class, so the two mm shyly went to the director, who said, "Come with me to the academic affairs office, I want to spend some time. . . "

25, sitting in the last row to sleep, next to the back door of the classroom, every time after class, I wake up at the same table, and then I go straight out of the classroom to bathe in the sunshine.

Once in class, the teacher asked me to answer questions for the first time. I was awakened by my deskmate while sleeping. I got up and pushed the door out of the classroom. Five minutes later, I felt very strange outside the classroom, and then I hurried back to the classroom. All the teachers and students were frightened.

26. The mid-term exam is coming. The teacher said, "Now is the critical moment. Everyone must really do it and do it well! " There is a cloud below: "The question now is what to do and how to do it!" " The teacher said, "as long as you work hard, you can do it!" " ! "

27, a junior high school biology teacher's masterpiece. Once he talked about the ecology of African grasslands, and no one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, Look at me! How can I know what African wildcats look like without looking at me?

28. When I was in high school, after class, my classmates all went outside to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut before others, and the manhole cover in front was not properly covered and she fell! At this time, she climbed up with a manhole cover ... very embarrassed, a group of junior high school students ran over to buy food, and she said while climbing: Hey! It's really hard to repair ... (sweat! )

29. In high school, the political teacher said in class? Developed capitalist countries, especially the United States, always bully other countries when they are strong. Our socialist China will not be like this. Even if it is strong, it won't bully you ... "

My deskmate replied, "How do you know if you are strong or not if you don't bully others?" The whole class laughed and the teacher ran away! ! !

30. In high school, there was an experiment in chemistry to replace silver ~ At that time, one of my classmates succeeded in replacing silver ~ Shouting: Teacher! There is really silver coming out! Then he said, teacher, why don't you sell money?

(Note: the teacher's daughter) The teacher didn't hear it, but also replied: Selling silver is not something that can be sold casually, and it needs the permission of the state. ....

Quanbandeng

3 1, Strong Sports Commission: In high school, the head teacher (a female teacher in her twenties) said to the Sports Commission, "Go to the class and find two boys who are strong, and I will use them later." I laughed hysterically after the teacher left.

32, junior high school, a * the whole school student meeting, the class teacher wants the Sports Commission to confirm whether all the girls are here. Say to him (the sports Committee member is a very strong and lustful boy), "You go and tidy up the girls in the class."

The Sports Commission is not a fuel-efficient lamp, so it quickly asked, "Who is it?" The teacher thought for a moment: "I know I want you to go!" " "

Respondent: GK dajian- manager level 412-3110: 36.

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The eagle chased the rabbit, but because of the rabbit's words, it fell and died. Do you know what the rabbit said? It shouted to the eagle, "You're not wearing a bra!" Hearing this, the eagle quickly covered his chest, and as a result, ...

& gt Jane Doe's corpse is convenient to enter the public toilet. Just because he forgot to bring paper, a pile of toilet paper popped up in the crack next door. "thank you.

& gt thank you. Who are you? "For a long time, a deep voice said," Lei Feng! "

& gt

& gt The hunter saw a bird in the sky and missed three shots, but the bird still fell. the result is

& gt Seeing that the bullet missed, the bird patted its chest and said, Scared to death, scared to death!

]

> Three nurses together described how they played tricks on the new doctor. I stuffed cotton wool into his stethoscope.

& gt in the device. I punctured all the condoms in his drawer with a needle. C fainted.

& gt A white man went to the ghetto to make a campaign speech. In order to win the support of black voters, he actually

& gt I blurted out, "Although my skin is white, my heart is as black as yours."

& gt

& gt On the cliff, a little mouse waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again to learn to fly.

& gt Mother Bat looked at her head and worried that if her father didn't tell her, she wouldn't be our own.

!

& gt An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and clipped one.

& gt paper: let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and two locks and a piece of paper were added, which read: Let you ride!

& gt

& gt A young man of literature and art boarded the Great Wall of Wan Li for the first time, and his poems were full of enthusiasm. He is going to write a poem and recite: "The Great Wall.

& gt Ah, the Great Wall ... It's so fucking long! "

& gt

& gt robber: tell me the password of the safe! Don't say kill you! Salesgirl: I won't tell you if you kill me! you

& gt I won't say anything if I ruin it! The robber looked her up and down and said, you must be beautiful!

& gt

& gt A man and his wife often turn a blind eye to this. A colleague sent a pair of couplets with the words: As long as you are alive.

& gt Go ahead, Part II: Even if the head is a little green, cross-batch: Teenage Ninja Turtles.

& gt

& gt One day, a drunk took a taxi home, reached out and stopped a 1 10 patrol car, shouting: Forget it.

& gt You are a piece of one kilometer, so there is no need to write so big!

& gt

& gt Women don't propose because of their small breasts, and they look at men every day. Man: Is it as big as steamed bread? Woman: Yes. man

& gt So I married it, and the wedding night passed like this. The man rushed out of the door screaming: Wang Zi Steamed Bread! Is it steamed bread, too

& gt

& gt Husband and wife quarrel, wife: I should have listened to my mother not to marry you! Dave: You mean your mother stopped you from marrying me?

& gt wife nodded. Dave slapped the table hard: I really misjudged her all these years!

& gt

& gt Do you remember? When you went to the TV station to sing a song, four referees and three fell down. Fortunately, there is a referee.

& gt Take the stage and hold your hand excitedly and say: Talent! It costs money for others to sing, and your singing is fatal!

& gt

& gt Two dwarfs lived in a hotel, and one of them went to bed early. Listen to the short man next door shouting "one, two, three, hey,

& gt one two three. Hey! "

& gt The next day, he boasted, "You are really something. You exercise all night. " Answer: "Shit, I spent the night."

& gt didn't jump on the bed!

& gt

& gt man: I like you so much ... I really like you ... May I kiss you? .. female: no.

& gt Proud ... Man: Then I will kiss you. ....

& gt

& gt Several people watched the sunrise, and one pointed to the treetops and said, I saw it. Others also said they saw it. At this time behind the tree.

& gt Someone came out with pants: You can see it when you see it. What are you shouting? !

& gt

& gt female spy "I got the latest plan of General Dai Yang, and I also caught his son" "Great!

& gt where is it? We'll interrogate him right away. ""no! It will be born in ten months. "

& gt

& gt queue up to go to the toilet alone. Finally, there was only one person left in front. He said, "I can't hold it any longer. Let me go first. "

& gt Are you going? "The person in front squeezed out for a long time:" At least you can fucking talk! "

& gt

& gt A flock of swallows pecked mud under the eaves to build their nests. After the bird's nest was built, swallows called on the roof, and the children in the yard were curious.

& gt ask dad. Father replied: alas, the contractor hid and didn't pay others.

& gt

& gt One day, the male mouse saw the female mouse get into the weeds. After a while, a hedgehog came out and the male mouse caught it.

& gt You also said there was no affair. Who bought you a fur coat?

& gt

& gt Today, you woke up to find a mosquito lying beside the pillow, and there was a suicide note next to it: I struggled all night, but I couldn't get it.

& gt break your face, your face!

Responder: Xiaojin Blog-Trainee Magician Level 212-3110: 37

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Joke: A man follows two nuns.

There are two nuns, one is called a math nun and the other is called a logic nun. It's dark now, but they are still a long way from the monastery.

Math: Have you noticed that there is a man who has been following us for 38 minutes and 30 seconds? I wonder what he wants to do.

Logic: That makes sense. He wants to invade us.

Math: Oh, my God! At this rate, he will catch up with us in fifteen minutes. What should we do?

Logic: Of course, the only reasonable way is to walk faster.

Math: It seems useless!

Logic: of course it's useless. That man walks faster and faster reasonably.

Math: So what should we do? At this rate, he will catch up with us in a minute.

Logic: The only reasonable way is for us to split up and go that way, and I'll go this way. He can't catch both.

Men continue to follow Luo Ji elder sister.

The math nun arrived at the monastery safely, but she was worried that something would happen to Sister Logic, and then she saw Sister Logic enter the door.

Math: Sister Logic, you are back at last! Thank god! Tell me what happened.

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. The man couldn't follow them both at the same time, so he followed me.

Math: Yes, yes, but what happened later?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. I ran like hell, and he chased like hell.

Math: Then what?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. He caught me.

Math: Oh, my God! then what

Logic: I did the only reasonable thing, pulling up my skirt.

Math: Oh, my God, Sister Logic! What about that guy?

Logic: He did the only reasonable thing. He took off his trousers.

Math: Oh, my God! What happened afterwards?

Logic: Is it unreasonable? A math nun, a nun who pulls up her skirt, must run much faster than a man who pulls down his pants! ! !

2. Joke: A reporter interviewed 100 penguins and asked them what they do all day. The first one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas, and the second one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas. I have been asking 99 of them. When I asked100th, I said: Eat and sleep. The reporter asked: Why not fight peas? Penguin said: I'm fucking peas, your grandmother.

The most classic joke and cunning sentence in the world.

More than 60 years ago, a friend told me a joke and made me laugh. Later, I was admitted to the hospital because my stomach hurt too much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I smiled like this, so I told him. He laughed hysterically and finally died laughing.

I was taken to court. The judge asked me to tell a joke, and the jury decided whether it met the factual elements of manslaughter. I want to sign an exemption contract. The judge announced that the court would be adjourned and reopened a day later, and announced that he would accept my opinion. So, I told this joke in court, and as a result, some people knocked on the table with a smile and some people rolled on the ground with a smile. Later, everyone who heard the joke that day died laughing.

I became a celebrity in an instant, and reporters from all walks of life asked to interview me. I know that telling this joke may constitute public infringement, so I vaguely said a sentence to the camera to the effect that "the reason is always a lie, and the belief is always masturbation." After the program was broadcast, it caused great repercussions. Unexpectedly, one day, some mysterious plain clothes broke into my bedroom and dragged me into a dark room. After a long time, a strong light shone on my face. I barely opened my eyes and was shocked. The man sitting in front of me is the only person as famous as me-the president.

The president roughly explained the purpose of arresting me, which was simple: record this joke and send it to the dictator of a hostile country in the Middle East, laughing him to death. I had to agree to his request, and at the same time put forward that this joke belongs to weapons of mass destruction and should not be aimed at civilians. The president agreed.

Two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology of the joke and successfully tested it in the desert area. This caused an uproar in the international community, and many countries panicked. International military scientists named it "Laughing Deterrence". At this moment, some eastern country suddenly announced that it had mastered this joke, and the buddy who told me this joke had taken refuge in that country. Thus, a "balance between laughter and deterrence" has been formed between us.

Three years later, on April 1 day, what I was worried about all day finally happened: a terrorist organization in the Middle East stole the original technology of that joke. As a result, civilization has been destroyed as never before, and governments all over the world are in constant fear. The United Nations had to hold a global summit and finally designated April 1 day as April Fool's Day.

More than 60 years have passed, and I am dying. Before leaving this world, as a historical witness, I feel it necessary to tell this joke to everyone. That day, my friend told me that the joke was simple and short, just one sentence:

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Funny SMS: You don't have to laugh, but you must laugh. Please indicate which one to start laughing from. g

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce someone to me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12, the beauty of learning is that people are confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in her stupidity.

No regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

13 I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy!