What should I do if I meet true love in marriage?

All men and women with fresh literature and art have probably never seen the movie Bridges of Madison County. Francesca is a full-time wife with a second child and two teenage children. After years of marriage with her husband, she has entered a "greasy" middle age. Lack of passion, business-like sex life, never asking each other's dreams, and being entangled in family chores. Francesca thought that no one would ever ask her heart again in her life. Daily life inspired her enthusiasm. In a small town in America, she lives a seemingly idle but boring life.

However, photographer Robert Kincaid entered Francesca's small world because of a covered bridge shooting. He is a famous photographer for National Geographic magazine. He traveled all over the world because of his work. He is single, divorced, handsome, powerful, talented and has a story. He just came to ask the way, but he didn't expect to stay at Francesca's house. Her husband took the children on a business trip. It was this week that he entered the heart of this middle-aged woman.

"It took me a while to know you, a while to fall in love with you, and a lifetime to forget you." -"Bridges of Madison County"

With his interest, sincerity, concentration on the covered bridge shooting, natural love for women, and the need for a sense of belonging, his two hearts, which also love art, began to collide.

He reminded her of her pursuit of love and beauty, and he reminded her of all kinds of dreams of art, love and life in her girlhood ... They fell in love because of soul collision, and began to immerse themselves in Ye Zhi's poems and each other's romance together, and their body and mind were strangely integrated, which her current marriage could not give her. But two people have to be separated and miss each other all their lives. ...

In fact, it is not uncommon to meet your soul mate and so-called "true love" after marriage. So what kind of treatment scale should we master? What kind of psychological mechanism is behind this?

Married men and women, but in love.

My best friend Youyou told me about an emotional experience after her marriage. After seven years of marriage, she and her husband belong to the type of love and killing each other, but they are inseparable. Their marriage has many twists and turns in the recent TV series National Life, and it is also a vigorous and solemn type. But they are very different from each other. Regional differences, cultural differences, family education differences, plus gender differences. ...

Gavin is a project partner of Youmei Capital Company, an American executive, a Chinese American, and his wife has two children in the United States. He is over forty years old, with a successful career, a proud spring breeze and a charming life. What about her? At first, I only came into contact with him for work reasons. Gavin is resolute, clean, capable and eye-catching, and naturally gets the favor and appreciation of Youyou.

He seems to be a magical person. She described the aura with him as different, as if it had solidified. At that time, Youyou and her husband were occasionally unhappy. She feels that the other person, as an only child, is self-centered and hardly considers his dreams. By this man's side, he can accompany her quietly, listen to her inner voice, say her ideal, and have the ability to help realize it.

He will listen carefully and patiently to her suggestions on the project plan, and even tolerate her sensitivity and picky about details. She can give full play to some of her artistic talents to share her unique ideas with him, and he will also keep open and embrace and cast admiring eyes. This feeling of appreciation seems to be hard to get from my husband for a long time.

Husband is a cold-hearted person, he will focus on what his wife has not done, so that his wife can sometimes get along with him like an error-prone student. On the other hand, Gavin is a spring breeze man. He will smile when he sees other people's mistakes, but he will be humorous from other angles, and then he will learn from them. In the end, a blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise. He won't make people feel nervous, but he can get emotional and understanding support.

Around Gavin, Yo-Yo feels that his potential has been developed, if God helps him. Attention is no longer focused on checking your own mistakes, but on the success you can bring without judgment. In this way, her grades and sense of accomplishment have increased several times. Slowly, she began to feel that she could not do without this man's support, and at the same time she became emotionally dependent on him.

She accompanied him to international and domestic conferences and appreciated his efficiency, enthusiasm and sensitivity. His success only lies in attaching importance to the long board and ignoring the short board (he is actually a flawed person). In the eyes of Youyou, Mr. Wang also has excellent background and ability. The only difference is his attitude and mentality. Mr. Wang attaches importance to the correctness of all aspects, as if man is a well-designed computer. However, people are not machines after all, and there will be mistakes and emotional support and encouragement.

Slowly, her emotional balance was biased towards Gavin. The two are quite ambiguous and related. Yo-yo needs more freedom, humanization, emotional care and tolerance, elasticity and softness ... In middle age, she fell in love with the soul of Lan Yan's colleague. And he can really inspire her high-powered side. When she thinks of him, she is like spring in Gao Shanqing, ethereal and clean.

This should be the feeling of a soul mate. However, meeting "true love" in middle age is also a very tangled feeling.

They just held hands and hugged for a short time when they were on a business trip together, and there was no further development. Everyone has a family, but there are some rigid and ineffective communication modes in the family that cause mutual loss. Perhaps the two sides are Boya and Zhong Ziqi, and it is more suitable to live together safely to keep the border of friendship.

Occasionally, at midnight, Yo-Yo dreams about Gavin, and sometimes he has the urge to cross the line. But reason pulled her back from the edge. Bury this spring breeze love experience in my heart.

Middle-aged people's love and marriage project important people from families.

Stories like Youyou are very common in life. In fact, it is important that she found a better way to encourage, love and understand each other between extramarital affairs and the opposite sex, which was not better cultivated during marriage.

It's easier to fall in love than to get along. My husband and I were passionate and fell in love. However, occasionally stumbling and being honest in getting along, we planted the seeds of mutual harm.

"Marriage is like a besieged city. People around want to go in and people around want to come out. " Trapped men and women will inevitably have the desire to transform, possess, criticize and assimilate each other. They are so close that they seem to forget to leave a blank for their feelings. And the increasingly rigid and wrong way of communication makes the other party feel suffocated. In marriage, only when there is enough space can fresh oxygen come in.

However, Youyou finally didn't choose to cross the line and let her make a decision to stay in the marriage, instead of really cheating. This is a hypothetical thinking she made, and she has developed amazingly. In fact, Gavin and her husband still have many similarities in their bones. The result of this thinking made her quite shocked.

Both of them are highly developed in rationality, pay attention to personal achievements, social status, care about state affairs, have a sense of responsibility and are also very delicate. They consider things carefully, and occasionally they get to the point of finding fault. I like the pace of work step by step. ...

She thinks she is estranged from her husband and seems to have a good impression on him. The problem lies in the lack of distance and imagination in marriage. She also found that Mr. Wang actually encouraged himself and tolerated himself, but his inner father seemed too picky and strict, which made her feel a little nervous and difficult to be kind to herself.

She learned to think internally and found that maybe there were some problems in her internal interpretation mechanism of the outside world. In retrospect, Yo-Yo had a strict father. She can't make mistakes in front of her father since she was a child. Once she made a mistake, her father would fly into a rage and severely punish her by beating and cursing, which frightened her.

Dad has been demanding of himself since he was a child, and he never seems to be really satisfied. He always finds small things to accuse her of not doing well ... which makes her have some tendency of interpersonal tension and always worries that she is not good enough to cause trouble to others. So she is very demanding of herself, always afraid of not being recognized. If there are problems or mistakes, she will feel so guilty that she can hardly forgive herself, making her feel uncomfortable and tangled.

From this point of view, 70% of the hat originally worn on Mr. Wang's head was actually caused by his relationship with his father in his early years. Miss Wang is introverted and seldom encourages and praises her actively. That silence sometimes reminds her of her father's strictness, and she mistakenly thinks that Mr. Wang is also a strict, rigid and humanized person. In fact, if you think about it carefully, Miss Wang seldom criticizes her. ...

On the other hand, Gavin is an outgoing and sociable person. He is better at expressing, giving people space, encouraging praise and inspiring others than Mr. Yu. So, from a certain point of view, yo-yo has healed the small wound in her heart. She likes to experience the feeling of being tolerated, accepted and allowed, and also begins to learn to sympathize with herself and stop being harsh on herself. Therefore, her feelings are biased towards him.

Courageously heal the soul and embrace the inner innocence.

I remember that in my psychological counseling career, I also received such a similar case. A married woman meets the true love of life. But according to my experience, many of these cases are inextricably linked with their parents. Some lack paternal love, so the "true love" she meets will be a paternal uncle. Some parents are at odds all the year round, and she often meets attractive men who are good at dealing with emotional relationships.

No matter what kind of example, many extramarital affairs project a tendency of self-healing and a deep pursuit of love.

Thirty-year-old Hugh grew up with his mother. Although his parents didn't really divorce, they separated all the year round, and his father had been having an affair. Hugh, who lacks fatherly love, fell in love with another married uncle less than two years after marriage.

Hugh can't really trust his husband. He always thinks that the other party will have an affair and leave him, so his feelings are not good. However, this married uncle comforted her in her most painful and uneasy time.

Uncle and wife are separated, and the children are in high school. He and Hugh hit it off very well, helping and supporting her like an ideal father in many ways, which made her feel infinite warmth. And Hugh's beauty, gentleness and talent also attracted the married uncle's approach and gradually became each other's soul mates. Ah Shui thinks his uncle is old, but the possibility of new love is less. As a spiritual mistress, she has a sense of security, which is lacking in her relationship with her father and husband for many years.

In the past, she often felt uneasy because her husband would be ambiguous with other women, and she would have ambiguous delusions. All the beautiful and capable women who have come into contact with her husband will be scanned by her, and then she will feel like a knife ... Looking through her husband's mobile phone and making a fuss with each other out of thin air is what she used to do.

But now, the relationship with uncle's soul has stabilized her heart, and they have not really crossed the line, mainly to maintain the feeling of empathy. Pour out some marital troubles to each other, exchange views on life, find some happiness in getting along, and comfort her uneasy and suspicious soul.

Therefore, after marriage, we and other members of the opposite sex are not all forbidden areas. A certain degree of openness of the soul is necessary. No one can guarantee that we have no injured family background. And the mind often heals itself. If your partner is not a good therapist, no one will stop you from finding a beneficial heterosexual relationship and give you a sense of peace of mind without destroying your marriage relationship.

Especially if you have some problems with your opposite sex parents, the opposite sex relationship that suits you may become a key to heal your mind and help you settle down and grow up better.

Of course, the best way is to find a suitable psychologist to help yourself. Psychologists will be a good transition object to heal the wounds left by your childhood contacts with your parents. With the help of a psychologist, you can gradually mobilize your parents with internal resources to hug your inner child and help yourself calm down.

Therefore, it is not a problem to meet "true love" after marriage, but an opportunity to help you find your inner problems and get a chance to grow. That person may help you see the shortcomings of your childhood, the problems and shortcomings in your relationship with your parents, and he/she will help you face them and deal with them in his/her own way. The two sides will actively promote and accept each other in a relationship similar to bosom friends.

Of course, if this relationship is in danger of deepening and crossing the border, you still need to see what is missing between yourself and your partner, which will lead to your empathy. You might as well choose a relationship therapy to help yourself and your partner jump out of the rigid marriage communication mode, find a better communication mode that can appreciate, be happy and promote each other, and make yourself a person who can optimize your partner's life. Maybe this is a way to try.

Of course, some people do find that they can't integrate into their current partners after hard work, and finally choose to leave their current partners and be with the "true love" outside marriage. But this premise is that you really see your inner needs through such an "affair" incident and can cure your past problems.

Otherwise, your divorce and remarriage is not the end of the problem, but the beginning of another problem.