Crosstalk (sketch) Jiang Kun's lines from Song of the Century

A: This photo studio looks really lively to me.

B: There are quite a few customers.

A: They don't take pictures.

B: Then what do you do?

I'm practicing my photo pose.

B: What do you want to pose for this ordinary photo?

A: The photographer told everyone: "According to the instructions of the superiors, all comrades who take pictures are in a standard posture."

B: What is the standard posture?

I see. (Holding quotations, stiff head posture)

B: Old people take pictures?

A: That's the same.

B: children take pictures?

A: That's the same.

B: I've really had enough practice for the time being.

A: So there are no photographers in a crowded room. They all practice this.

B: The photo studio has been turned into a gym.

A: There was an old lady next to her, who felt something was wrong after practice: "Comrade, old lady, my arms and legs are old, but I can't bear it." If you practice for a while, she won't take a photo with you. "

B: Then who should I take photos with?

A: "See a doctor."

Doctor?

Answer: "Take an X-ray to see if the bone is broken?"

B: Oh! Take a picture of the old lady quickly.

A: The photographer thought: Aunt is so old that I will take a risk if she doesn't take such photos or even develop the film. "That aunt, you which ..."

B: "I'll just sit."

A: "Oh, that won't do. It is the pursuit of comfort and easy to produce revisionism. "

B: "then I can't stand it!"

A: "I'll find something for you."

B: "slap the stick."

A: "Red tassel gun."

B: "With a red tassel gun?"

A: "Don't lean on it!"

B: "I'll take it."

A: "You carry it! Put on an assassination gesture again, and I will give you an inscription:' Auntie's silver spear pierced the sky'. "

B: "well, I'll go to Babaoshan after the stabbing."

Answer: Teach the old lady three assassination moves in succession, and then watch the old lady. ...

Yes, it is.

A: Cramp!

How fresh!

A: After the photo shoot, a customer came here with a ticket.

B: What's the matter?

A: It's a small fall.

Oh, my neck is crooked.

A: "Comrade, let me take a picture."

B: "You have to come to this position."

A: "OK."

B: "No, I have to turn my neck."

A: People say, "How easy is it for you? I haven't had an injection for six years. You mean turn around? Take a picture together! "

B: Let's take a picture.

A: The photographer kindly said, "You see how your neck is not so crooked. I think you must deal with this situation. Well, take this red flag magazine and take a photo of studying for the revolution, which not only highlights the political content, but also makes up for your shortcomings. "

B: That's a good idea.

A: I finally took a photo like this. (posture of looking down at a book)

B: this posture is not bad.

A: Not bad. What? The customer didn't even take a photo.

B: Why?

A: I don't look like my forehead when I am photographed.

Hello!

A: I can't stand it anymore: "Comrade photographer, can you not add these things?" It is not appropriate to add so much content to life photos. "

What did he say?

Pout again. As soon as I saw it, it was another "customer notice": "This photo studio stipulates that 20 photos should not be taken, so please revolutionary customers follow it."

B: Wow, what are these twenty?

Answer: "Don't shoot the profile, the background light, the perm, the braid, the red scarf, the dancing clothes, the gaudy clothes, the eyes with smaller eyes and the nose with higher eyes ..."

B: Wait, why don't you hold your nose high and take a picture?

A: It is estimated that a high nose bridge is likely to cause suspicion of having contact with foreign countries.

B: Huh? You are also in contact with Hu.

A: We don't know what's going on!

B: You ask.

A: The photographer said, "You don't understand this. There are political reasons here. "

What political reasons?

A: "Don't you think it's obvious? This is because ... good ... we are also confused. "

B: he can't explain it clearly either.

A: When I talked later, he also gave some reasons.

B: Why don't you take the backlight?

A: The backlight is black, which symbolizes darkness.

Can you stand it? Wearing a red scarf?

A: It was a reunion.

Wearing flowery clothes?

A: That's vulgar taste.

B: A perm?

The lifestyle of the middle class.

A braid?

A: Lack of revolutionary spirit.

A bun?

A: Politics is naive.

B: comb it?

A: The remnants of feudal society.

B: Hey! That lesbian wants to shave her head?

A: It's also a coincidence. At this time, two girls came in, wearing big belts and riding boots, each with a bare head!

B: Hey!

A: "Comrade photographer, we need to take a picture of the revolution and rebellion."

Is this a photo?

A: Yes! The two girls left the photo studio with their front feet and entered the madhouse with their back feet.

B: What's the matter?

A: If I ask, I am crazy.

I'm telling you, normal people don't do this.

As far as I can see, this place is much better than the cinema.

B: Why?

At that time, there were only eight movies in the cinema.

B: How about here?

A: You saw four or five new plays so soon!

Yes, another comedy.

A: No, there is a tragedy.

B: how can there be a tragedy?

The newlyweds should take wedding photos and sit there smiling.

B: young people are happy.

A: "Don't laugh! It has a rule that you are not allowed to laugh at each other when you get married. You are married for the revolution and United for the struggle. If you think there are still two-thirds suffering people in the world, you should take pictures for their liberation. "

B: This wedding is also of historical significance.

A: They got serious and took a photo.

B: Good!

Two round-faced young men came in.

B: How about going out?

A: I changed my face. The woman complained to the man, "Look at the way you take pictures. You look as if you have been wronged. People laugh, and the corners of their mouths rush up. You fall and twist. " Does the wedding photo look like you? "

B: Man, hurry to comfort!

A: "In fact, I also know that I am not good, and I want to change it according to your request. Let me see you. "

B: How about that?

A: "You are not as good as me!"

B: Oh!

A: The woman said, "Let's go!"

B: Go home quickly!

A: "Litigation!"

B: Why?

A: "Let's divorce!"

B: Divorced.

A: Although it was angry words, we had a quarrel for taking pictures. Do you think this is a tragedy?

Formalism is very harmful.

A: As soon as I look at this situation, I understand! I just ...

B: Take a picture!

A: I'll go.

B: How can I get there?

A: I came at eight in the morning. It's already half past four.

B: Take a walk for a day.

Hardly had I reached the door when someone stopped me. (with lips)

B: Why?

A: As soon as I saw it, oh, after work, customers and employees stood in a row and danced loyalty.

Yes, it's a form of "late report".

A: No. My stomach is growling here.

B: Go to the opposite canteen and buy something to eat!

A: "Comrade, I've been hungry all day. Please wait for me to buy two steamed buns. "

B: then buy it.

A: "Where are you from? This is a question of loyalty and disloyalty. Why do you eat at this time? "

Yes, it was sent back to Shanghai.

A: Jump when you think of it! (dancing)

Not bad.

Do you know what this means? (action)

B: Pick up the knife and gun.

A: (Action)

B: fight gangs.

A: (Action)

B: Wen attacked Wu Wei.

A: (Action)

B: Run ahead.

A: (Action)

B: think globally.

A: No.

B: Be far-sighted.

A: No.

B: Look at the world!

A: No.

What are you doing here?

I see that steamed stuffed bun!