How to give gifts to repay those troubles is not embarrassing.

In this beautiful day of "Golden September and Silver 10", many people, big and small, are rushing to the wedding scene. On the big day, when the couple are busy with the wedding, the most important thing for the guests is to "be present" in addition to watching the ceremony. How can I spend less money on a wedding? A red account book, a list page by page, and a sum of money after another ... When this heavy red account book is attached with a pile of cash and sent to the host's house, the wedding is drawn to a perfect end.

The small wedding ledger seems simple, but there are many unknown right and wrong stories hidden inside. This week, we interviewed many citizens and listened to what they had experienced related to gift money.

A kind of "deliberate rudeness"

Only accept gifts, not refund. He is famous in the circle of friends.

Narrator: A 29-year-old male teacher and an old friend who wants to fly.

At my age, everyone who should get married is basically married. Just got married in September this year. If it weren't for personal experience, I really can't believe that someone didn't give you a "return gift".

One month before the wedding, I began to inform people one after another. My buddy asked me, "Did you sue Lin Tao (a pseudonym)?" I said, "Sue". Lin Tao is our high school classmate. He got married in June 5438+last year 10, and I attended the wedding, which cost 300 yuan. "If you sue for nothing, he will definitely not give you a gift!" The buddy looked positive and said that Lin Tao's marriage didn't give him a "return". I hesitated. At least I have been with Lin Tao for three years, and I feel that he is not bad. When I called him that day, people also sincerely congratulated me and said that I would definitely come when I had time.

When I got the gift list, I really didn't see Lin Tao's name. Asked, he didn't show up at all on the wedding day, and he didn't ask anyone to give him a gift. Boy, there are such people! Buddies say that not giving money once is an accident, but twice and three times is not an "accident". Besides, when we met again, he never explained as if nothing had happened. It is a question of reciprocity. Therefore, it seems that we should really consider whether the boat of friendship will capsize. ...

He is notorious in our circle of friends because of "returning the gift". Before he got married, everyone still had a lot of contacts. But after he got married, the distance between us gradually drifted away. Everyone seems to recognize him clearly and has quietly pulled him into the "blacklist" of friends.

When students get married, they only send blessings, not gifts.

Narrator: Xu Lai, a netizen from Jinzhong, is a 27-year-old female employee of a public institution.

I got married in June 5438+10. When it comes to things related to gifts, I feel a little blocked.

Before informing the guests, I will think twice and try to choose close friends. For those friends who have contacts on weekdays, but their friendship is not very deep, I take a conservative measure-I don't tell them all. Some of these people are much older than me, and they are married. It's hard to avoid being annoying to let others give you gifts. So I made a list carefully, basically all of them are old classmates and friends who have a good relationship, or friends who have been together for a short time, but they hit it off and feel that they will continue to maintain friendship.

The list includes one of my college classmates-Xiaoxue (a pseudonym), who is my classmate. In universities, the circle of girls' communication is relatively small, taking the dormitory as the unit. Xiaoxue and I are not in the same dormitory, but because we joined a club at the same time, we have more intersections with each other. More importantly, we are still in the same unit after graduation. So I decided in my mind that I should inform her when I get married. At that time, I sent her an invitation specially.

On the wedding day, just over an hour before the wedding, I received Xiaoxue's WeChat language. She said she couldn't attend the wedding because of something, and by the way, she said a few words of blessing. After thanking me, reply to me and get together later. After more than a week of marriage, I felt a little sad when I looked through the gift account. I didn't see Xiaoxue's name or receive her WeChat red envelope. She got married early. At that time, for some reason, she only held a wedding in her hometown, without inviting people from work or other friends. When I asked her, she said with some difficulty, "It's a long story." The wedding can only be so simple and hasty, saying that she will not treat anyone again. Later, she became pregnant and had a child of her own.

I don't know if it was because I didn't give her a gift at that time. She may feel a little lost, so she saved money. But it really makes me a little uncomfortable. I didn't ask her for a small gift. At that time, I was still thinking that when I got married, I would have a chance to meet Xiaoxue's children and wrap a big red envelope so as not to make people feel "lost". But after reading the list of gifts, I hesitated ... friendship can't be measured by money, but does money also reflect one thing?

B "I accidentally forgot to attend the ceremony."

I accidentally forgot to give a gift and was blacked out by my best friend.

Narrator: Wang Qian, a 28-year-old bank clerk.

Speaking of gifts, I still have a knot in my heart. My name is Wang Qian, and I went to college in Xiamen. At that time, I usually didn't come back because I was far from home. It's still hard for girls to go out, so don't mention how happy I am when I know that there is a girl in the dormitory next door who is also from Shanxi. At school, we often went out to play together, and later graduated. I was admitted to work in a bank in Taiyuan and she went back to Yuncheng. Sometimes she is not busy at work, so she makes a phone call occasionally.

In fact, the bank is very busy, and I am not allowed to play mobile phones at ordinary times. Besides, I haven't been here long, and I'm not familiar with many businesses. Sometimes after a busy day, I just want to sleep when I get home. Early last month, I received a phone call from my best friend. She said 10 10/3 that she was getting married and asked me to see her off, but it was my turn to be on duty that day and I couldn't leave. We chatted for a while and then hung up.

Later, I have been busy. On the last day of National Day, I went home in the evening to lie in bed and brush my circle of friends to watch everyone's "National Day Photo Contest". When I saw someone taking a wedding photo, I suddenly remembered that my best friend's wedding had passed. Suddenly broke out in a cold sweat and forgot to pay a New Year call! I quickly found her head and transferred it to 1000 yuan. Unexpectedly, it failed, and the screen showed "The other party is not your friend".

I called, but nobody answered. To make up for it, I turned to another friend and transferred the gift money to her. But this friend gave it back to me awkwardly. After that, this best friend was unkind in the classmates, causing gossip, and I also made myself a stranger inside and outside. When I was angry, I also fought back in the group, and everyone quarreled as a result. I finally sent her a short message, saying that in the future, they would be fine and not disturb each other.

The best man didn't attend the ceremony, which turned out to be "dereliction of duty".

Narrator: The provincial netizen "Da Li ~ Fight" is a 28-year-old male who is the head of the training institution.

Marriage is a life-long event. I got married on May 1 this year. Within a few days of marriage, my parents gave me the gift account, among which I specially listed all the gifts from my friends, colleagues and classmates. After I got married, I formed my own family, and I have to pay back these favors slowly. When I was sorting out the accounts, I found that a buddy didn't give me a gift. After reading the gift list for the first time, I felt a little unbelievable. That's my friend who grew up together. Ten years have passed, how can he not give a gift? I looked through the WeChat red envelope record and Alipay account, but there was really no record. At first, I felt a little sad. But on second thought, I don't think this is a problem. Based on my understanding of him for more than ten years, there must be a reason. Besides, true brothers don't care about this.

A few days later, the best man called and said that his buddy asked him to send a gift and sent him a WeChat red envelope. But because I was a little busy on my wedding day and drank too much, I forgot about it. The money was returned because I didn't get the red envelope in time. There are many people in a hurry, and it is normal for such a thing to happen. Later, when I met my buddy, he was also embarrassed. He said that he had sent a red envelope to call the best man and asked him to give him a gift. He happened to be distracted and then forgot. I smiled and said, "Nothing".

Before and after we got married, there was no difference for a few days. Later, he got married, and according to the rules of gift money, I didn't return it to him. But when he got married, I also went to help and congratulate my buddy. Originally, the gift money was a one-on-one thing. How much you pay, how much the other party returns, and it is popularity. "Rites" can be dispensed with, but human feelings cannot be broken!

"unbalanced gift"

When my friend got married, I got 500 yuan, and he paid me back 568 yuan, which made me feel very warm.

Narrator: Xiao Liu, 29, is an employee of a foreign company in the provincial capital.

Speaking of gift money, I still remember one figure-568 yuan, which is the only zero integer in all my gift list accounts. The gift giver is a heterosexual friend of mine, Xiao Wei.

Wei and I met in college. Xiao Wei and one of my girlfriends are high school classmates. The three of us are in the same university, but not in the same department. Introduced by my best friend, I met Xiao Wei, who is very willing to make friends. Xiao Wei is tall 183cm, strong and looks safe. When he was in college, he was very entrepreneurial and had been doing various part-time jobs. Because of the relationship between girlfriends, we gradually became familiar and often ate and chatted together. Sometimes, I work part-time with him. The three of us became "three musketeers on campus" and talked about everything.

After graduation, everyone went their separate ways. He stayed in the provincial capital, I went to the south, and my best friend went back to his hometown. Of the three of us, he was the first to get married. Because he is in another province, it is not convenient to go. I specially asked my best friend to send me a gift of 500 yuan to express my blessing. Later, it was my turn to get married. When I hosted a dinner party in the provincial capital, Xiao Wei attended as one of the few friends of the opposite sex. Interestingly, he specially prepared brand-new change and made a lucky number of 568 yuan for me as a gift. I smiled when I saw the bill. I didn't expect such a rough person to have such a delicate heart.

Because we all have our own families, we have less contact after marriage, but this friendship and intention make me miss it.

His return is less than mine, 200 yuan, but it doesn't affect our relationship.

Narrator: provincial netizen "Struggle" male 30-year-old university faculty member.

I have a friend named Xiao Guo, who is my college classmate. In his senior year, Guo got married. As a good friend, I discussed with several other students and gave him 700 yuan each. At that time, as a college student, this kind of money was very heavy, but I think that only when a good buddy got married, the gift was heavy.

I got married this year, and Xiaoguo gave me 500 yuan, less than my 200 yuan in those years. Besides, he is married, and I am married. It has been five years. But in my opinion, two missing grandfathers are not enough to measure our friendship.

Xiao Guo is a diligent, hardworking and pragmatic person, who is particularly capable in everyone's eyes. At that time, we studied together in the provincial capital, and he was a man of the hour. During his four years in college, he lived a full life almost every day and was never willing to waste it. When he was a freshman, he founded a club called "Inspirational Society" and took a group of students to participate in activities. He once walked from the provincial capital to Taigu Agricultural University, and his classmates called him "inspirational brother". Many of his ideas are consistent with mine, and we can talk together all the time. Later, I followed him in the club activities. From college to graduation, and now to work, we often come out to talk about life and ideals. At that time, he chose to get married in his senior year, hoping for stability. After getting married, he worked harder and started his own business all the time, running two training institutions and surrounding Dai Yuefei every day. When I got married, he was too busy to attend the wedding. Although he only went to 500 yuan, I know that this represents his mind, and he has no intention to care about the so-called "return gift" rule. Usually when we eat, he knows that my financial conditions are not very good, and he basically pays the bill every time. So, how can we make it clear? How can you care about missing 200 yuan?

"Deliberately polite"

Classmates who haven't contacted for many years formed a group and announced that they were getting married.

Narrator: Chen Lu-nan, 25 years old, is a company employee.

I am an unmarried "post-90 s". Although I have entered the older male stage, there are still many classmates and friends around me who are still single. I went home to read WeChat last week and found myself inexplicably pulled into a junior high school classmate group. There are many classmates who have lost contact for many years. Several people who had good relations at the beginning didn't contact each other after going abroad. Now I see it in the group. Everyone was very happy, talked a few more words and exchanged the contact information of several friends. The group owner said that he would get married in a few days. Students we haven't seen for many years have expressed their congratulations and lamented that time flies. After a few simple pleasantries, we went our separate ways.

Unexpectedly, this group owner suddenly opened the names of many people in the group yesterday, saying that he was married today and finally bid farewell to being single. In order to celebrate and let everyone feel his joy, we hereby invite everyone to send red envelopes to celebrate. Finally, he said in a joking tone, "It is very impolite to get married without a ceremony. Everyone quickly sent the red envelope, don't take it wrong. "

When he said this, someone actually gave him a red envelope. I felt ashamed at once, and thought it was a trap to pull people into the group with empty gloves. Sure enough, when the group owner said this, friends chatted privately and fried the pot: "It is too obvious to ask for gifts and money, sir, absolutely sir." "Mom, this marriage is simply crowdfunding." "Do you think he will add another group when he gets married?"

Later, several of us, because of our feelings, each sent him 66.66 yuan, meaning "66-66 Dashun". After this incident, no one in that group spoke anymore. Later, when I sent my blessings in the group, I found that I had been removed from the group to chat.

E "feedback type"

College students called and said that they had won the 500 yuan, hoping to return it.

Narrator: Xiao Di is 28 years old.

Speaking of "gift money", I think of a wonderful thing I experienced not long ago-an unmarried college classmate said that he had overpaid the gift money and asked for a refund.

Anyway, I went to the south for my honeymoon when I got married. In the meantime, I received a phone call from my college classmate Fang Fang (a pseudonym). The other party told me on the phone that on my wedding day, besides herself, she also took gifts for three other people, namely, three 600 yuan and 1 500 yuan. It turned out that she had prepared 2300 yuan in advance and put it in her wallet. However, there may be too many people at the ceremony, and I don't know why. Finally, I found that there was still 500 yuan missing. Helpless, she had to go back to her seat first, then borrowed 500 yuan from another classmate and went to the ceremony again. "I remember very clearly that I have 2300 yuan in my hand. I shouldn't have lost 500 yuan ... maybe I have more, and I should have more." The implication of the other person's words is that she should not be mistaken, it is a gift or something, and I hope I can return the money to her.

Alas, I didn't care to turn over the books after I got married. I don't know what the specific situation is. Moreover, I didn't hear the uncle in charge of the account say that the amount of the gift money was different, so I only replied to her at that time, saying that I would reply to her after I knew the situation.

Hang up the phone, my heart is a little blocked. I've heard a lot about gifts, but it's really new to ask for a return. Besides, Fangfang is not married. If there is more, I will return it directly to the other party, and I have to return it. This is a great wedding. It's really a little choked up when this happens.

After the honeymoon, I went home and looked up the books. Indeed, as Fangfang said, she gave everyone two gifts. There are three people next to them, and the other person is separated by a page, but the amounts shown in the names of these four people are correct, namely, three 600 yuan and 1 500 yuan. I can't see who gives more gifts. I checked several names immediately before and after Fangfang's name and found nothing wrong. And the total number of accounts can be matched, and there are no more 500 yuan. After reading it several times, I told Fangfang the situation. She was a little unhappy and said she could only admit it herself. But it's a big deal. When this happens, doesn't my heart bend in panic?

Noisy-heated discussion, everyone wants to get a word in.

Listen to netizens' views on gift money.

Netizen "spicy rough noodles": Those who haven't exchanged gifts have been hacked, and I hate these people the most. It seems that everyone else in the world is a fool, and he is the cleverest.

Netizen "Selling Cute Panda": 500 yuan? He paid back 200 yuan? I know that maybe she can't find her bookkeeping book and can't remember how much you sent, but in her mind, your relationship may only be worth 200 yuan, or she estimated that you sent it to 200 yuan before, so she sent it directly to 200 yuan.

Netizen "Kevinpengtao": Life is too short to care about what you want. Don't think about getting the money back when it is sent out, so you won't be angry. In the future, people will reciprocate, and there will be no loss. If the stone sinks into the sea and the friendship is gone, why are you still thinking about money?

Netizen "grow up with me": it is worthwhile to spend hundreds of dollars to see through a person.

Netizen "Luca": Last time my high school classmate invited me to her wedding, I couldn't go because of something. She even asked directly, "Is the gift money transferred to WeChat or Alipay? If it's convenient, you'd better use Alipay. The amount of WeChat 1000 is full. I will charge a handling fee for withdrawing cash. " I just want to say, "I feel dizzy."

Netizen "Tang Xiao loves noodles": The most hateful thing is that my little friend who hasn't been in contact for 10,000 years suddenly jumps out and announces that she is getting married. When he met such a person, he immediately said that I was getting married or the full moon was coming, so he didn't ask you for a gift.

Extended reading

How to give gifts in return without embarrassment?

China has advocated "reciprocity" since ancient times, while China people pay attention to human relations. How do they get closer when giving gifts and returning gifts, instead of showing embarrassment? In fact, there is a big question. The so-called "no rejection" reflects the communication between each other. If you blindly "just come and don't go" or "go and don't come", it will become an imbalance in the relationship.

First of all, keep records. When someone gives a gift, you'd better make a good record, so that you can be sure when you return the gift. Although it's a good idea to give more gifts and less gifts, it's best to follow the custom and the local general market, and you can also discuss with your partner to get the same amount so as not to cause criticism.

Secondly, gift exchange should abandon the mentality of taking advantage. It is a one-sided approach to measure each other's intimacy only by money, and the supremacy of feelings is the key. At present, some parts of Shandong Province and Yuncheng District of Shanxi Province still retain a little more attention when returning gifts. Don't go to a 200-yuan wedding reception or get married and have children. After all, the price of wedding banquets has gone up now.

In addition, it is most important to do what you can. Although we have always stressed that intimacy does not depend on the amount of gift money, everyone's own situation is different. We must decide according to our own economic situation, do what we can, do not blindly follow the trend and gain weight, nor are we immune to destroying the established market.

In foreign countries, newcomers will attach a website when sending invitations, which contains the "list of items" that newcomers need most. Generally, the amount will not be too high. Guests only need to choose one item to buy for the couple, which is more memorable than a simple gift.

Don't let the smell of copper spoil the ceremony of life.

Wedding is an important holiday moment in life. Congratulations, this is a warm expression of human nature. However, when accepting the gift money becomes a prescribed action in the wedding, it becomes a burden for many people to attend the wedding.

Some people even gathered all the colleagues and distant relatives who had little contact at the wedding and invited them to attend one by one. The invited people are afraid of "rudeness" and have to bear the pain to spend money. There are always people who think that I have given him (her) so many gifts this time. Next time it is my turn (or my child's) to get married, I must inform him (her) to attend, and I must ask him (her) to return the money I took from me, preferably more, so that I can have some "surplus".

When sending and receiving have become utilitarian calculations, and even evolved into taking, the receipt of gift money is almost ugly. This kind of "you come and I go" will form a cycle and spread of evil. We can't stop a wedding tradition that has lasted for thousands of years, but at least we should keep it as far away from utilitarianism, taking and ugliness as possible. And this starts with the organizers and participants of each wedding. Everyone should think more about love and righteousness, do less simple self-interested calculations, and don't let the copper smell disturb the wedding, a life ceremony that is very important to everyone.