Excerpt from "Millennium Sigh"

A Thousand Years' Sigh is Yu's diary-style prose collection.

Attachment: Self-preface

one

This is a diary, which records my experience of hiking 40,000 kilometers with the Hong Kong Phoenix TV off-road vehicle team at the turn of the Millennium.

We are looking for the roadbed of ancient human civilization, but we find that there are so many sections of grassland that are blurred, ditches are densely covered and bandits are rampant. The wheels of the jeep rolled close to the ground one kilometer at a time, and I had no idea what would happen next kilometer. All they know is a series of real horror stories: here, religious extremists shot and killed dozens of foreign travelers in a few minutes; There, three groups of foreign hostages were kidnapped by anti-government forces in the past two months; In addition, more than 30 policemen have just been killed by drug trafficking groups. ...

In the past, when I visited the existing primitive culture in China on the spot and wrote "Cultural Journey" and "Notes on Mountain Living", I also devoted myself to physical adventures and spiritual adventures again and again, but compared with this time, I was always able to find help and protection in a roundabout way. I remember once I got lost in the mountains in order to catch the early ferry. I followed a few old coughs to find a cabin to see the mountain people and got some advice. Once again, I got lost at night and met someone on the other side. I was afraid and deliberately summoned up the courage to hum, and the people on the other side hummed as well. I didn't believe each other until I passed by and smiled back. This kind of opportunity is hard to meet this time. A small motorcade is like a few ants crawling on the wasteland, and any unexplained violence can twist them into pieces.

Not just wasteland. There are dilapidated castles, dark shadows and sparkling eyes in the depths of the wasteland. It is not true to insist that I have no fear, but more than half of my fears are covered by shock, and the huge structure that shocked human civilization collapsed in such a sad way. How on earth did they collapse? History books provide some speculative answers, most of which are large and vague. In fact, all injuries are concrete, and all grievances are hard to express, so those answers are also questionable. Undoubtedly, as a result, rotten grass and rubble have carried disasters from ancient times to the present.

We are willing to face all this in the danger of no protection mechanism, just like taking off gloves to touch their scars.

This touch often leads to thinking: as the foundation of our life, Chinese civilization is also scarred, but how can we avoid the overall collapse? How much did this evasion cost? Which costs are positive and which costs are negative? Can the avoidance of the past guarantee the future?

More importantly, in the new century, will the young and vibrant civilizations in the world repeat the fate of the rise and fall of most ancient civilizations?

This question runs through the whole diary.

two

It is not easy to keep a diary every day in such an adventure.

At first, no one expected me to insist on traveling through these countries one by one. Due to the need of work, many hosts, directors, photographers and drivers rotate in batches. After Chen Luyu returned to Hong Kong, he felt guilty every time he ate. He felt sorry for his brother who continued to suffer abroad, so that he couldn't help saying hello after every news festival. Several of these brothers have not been rotated, and one of them is me.

Unfortunately, we can't hear Chen Luyu's greetings, because we have no time to watch TV. Driving for more than ten hours every day, I can't buy anything decent to eat along the way. After I found the hotel, I was still hungry and sleepy and fell asleep, but my friends would look at me with concern before going to bed. Everyone knows that I have to stay up late to write. I can't smoke. I can only refresh myself by drinking tea, but there is no boiled water in hotel rooms in ten countries along the way. Zhao Wei, who is in the same car, carries his own thermos cup every day and goes to the restaurant with a big smile and asks the waiter for half a cup of the remaining black tea, and then pours it for me. Other partners know that I like carrots, and every time I go to a city, I look for them all over the street. Finally I bought a black radish and sent it to Iran. It's a pity that this black radish is really terrible.

I can't write in many places, so I can only write on the side of the road in the car, so most of the words are crooked. These handwriting will be transmitted to Wan Li by satellite on the same day, and the receiver can't read it clearly, which will cause many mistakes and mistakes in the publication of newspapers and periodicals at home and abroad. I kept the manuscript in a plastic laundry bag with me until a few minutes before I entered Iraq. The laundry bag is printed with Israeli Hebrew, so stop and change it quickly, or it will be discovered by Iraqi customs and I don't know how serious the consequences will be. How can I make it clear that this thick pile of hieroglyphs in the pocket of the enemy is actually a "diary"?

When crossing the border between Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan, which is the most dangerous area in the world at present, I put this package of manuscripts in my backpack closest to my body. Even in my dream, I ran away with this package of manuscripts in a mess. Every time I ran away, the result was the same: snowflake-like pages fell one after another in the barren hills, and gangsters scrambled to grab them, but I didn't know what it was.

For this reason, I cherish this writing style, and I am willing to carefully preserve its original state and rough state. I will only give this package to the publishing house after the Spring Festival team goes to Beijing, and basically do not make any finishing changes. This kind of practice is a bit like modern performance art, everything is only done in the process of behavior, and no painting is done outside the behavior. It is also a bit like China's calligraphy. There are always many regrets after a stroke, but it is not appropriate to draw a face after the pen is closed. Roots are climbing, mud and water stains remain, and the picture is true.

This is also a marginal test about writing attitude. There is no data to research, no time to ponder the sentence, and it has been sent out and published without modification, completely blocking any attempt to "learn from" or "make a fuss". There is still a trace of "doing" in my early prose, and it is easy to touch some areas that I have left. I can finally express myself in this way this time. I value footsteps more than the end of writing; I pay more attention to life than articles; I am more embarrassed than a fine. Sighs on the wasteland are always rough. If I want to adjust them into soft voices in the study or sharp voices in the salon, how can I live up to my resignation and travel many years ago?

The longer it takes, the happier I am about my choice. It is the silent readers who support my choice. Just walk back here with peace of mind and be refreshed.

three

Seeing so many ancient civilization sites along the way and setting foot on the land of the motherland again, we all shed tears. The extraordinary resilience of Chinese civilization has impressed our descendants, but none of us has forgotten that it has never been easy from the past to the present. It is easily destroyed in grass and stones like other civilizations. I don't think it has been struggling for thousands of years and is still struggling to open up the future for future generations, which makes people pay more attention to its ecological environment.

One thing that made the team particularly sad after returning to China was that the diary I held in my hand all the way was robbed. The pirate group took it off Phoenix. com and pretended to be Guangming Daily Publishing House, and published it under the name of "Millennium Diary". It publicly stated that it printed 500,000 copies for the first time and sold it for several weeks. Now it has basically sold out. Traditionally, piracy has always been punished according to the number of prints, so piracy groups always try to keep the number of prints to a minimum. This time, being so bold is equivalent to telling the world how much money they can earn, regardless of what crime they should be convicted of.

Most of the team's partners know little about the domestic cultural circles, and they don't understand why the cultural thief is so arrogant when he clearly committed a big crime. I said with a smile, there are bolder ones. Journalists from Jiayuguan and Chengdu told me that during my long journey, a college student actually fabricated my history 30 years ago and printed it in black and white based on the rumors of so-called "colleagues of the year". A reporter pointed out to his face that his forgery was unreasonable and illogical. The college student calmly replied that he didn't take it all personally. "Some doctoral tutors in Peking University and Tsinghua even went to the principal." (China Newsweek, third edition, page 1 1) slandered a lot in the most relaxed tone, and even the units and positions were specified.

These two robberies and slanders happened to be met by the motorcade in the middle of the road, which was a little unexpected, but the arrogance shown during them was really jaw-dropping. This arrogance needs soil, and as long as the soil exists, it will inevitably continue to spread. Therefore, we have to be cautious about some optimism that has just recovered.

We have just come back from the ruins and have a little understanding of the mystery of the rise and fall of civilization. I think, whenever and wherever, if cultural robbery and cultural slander have reached the point where there is no need to hide them, even whimsical children will pretend to be judges and drag out one or two cultural people casually to make them bow their heads and repent; If this chaos is not stopped for a long time, even the surprised bystanders will gradually become adaptors, appreciators and participants. At this time, all local inversions will inevitably lead to the overall inversion by domino effect, until the stone pillars occupy an area and the grass meets the sky.

four

By the way, there is a small decision to explain to readers.

In view of the fact that the piracy of my book in the domestic market is far more than the original, and it has flowed into the overseas Chinese literature market in large quantities, I have written many times in recent years to expose that it is not only ineffective, but also besieged, so I can only stop writing and no longer provide goods for pirated groups.

I insist on opposing piracy, mainly not because of personal economic losses. If we only consider this point, it is totally acceptable to accept the huge amount of money and inducements from pirate groups many years ago. They have already lived a quiet life. What I can't tolerate is that the spiritual exchange between an author and a reader is actually arranged by a group of thieves; I don't want to see that these thieves can buy public opinion with huge illegally obtained funds and lock people up without hindrance. I admit that I am alone, and I am at the end of my rope in the struggle with them. I can only use my last right. Dear readers, please forgive me, but I have no choice.

At most, I will write a group of pirated and slanderous articles, especially for them to pirate. The more copies, the better. The autobiography that has been written has also added the most important chapter because of the story of the past two years, but its publication will wait until the piracy frenzy stops.

Personally, this cut is both passive and active. From academic research, educational administration to on-the-spot investigation and thesis writing, I have experienced many complete interruptions and changes. Every time I leave when others think I am in the best condition, I start from scratch again and again, which can be called self-abandonment, self-accumulation and self-demolition, so as to avoid the inertia and rigidity of life. I am a traveler, and I don't want to stay in one place for too long. Comfortable shanzhai is easy to bury fear, rich springs are easy to stay in life, any detention is self-enclosed, any settlement is a trap of creation, any fame will lead to competition, and any competition will include destruction. So, if there were no external factors, I should have got up and left long ago. In the recent period of my life, since I bravely learned to write my first essay, I have published four books, namely, Cultural Journey, Notes on Mountain Living, first frost River and Millennium Sigh, which is just the end.

This preface was written in the middle of the night of 2000 1 March 3 1 day. Looking from the window to the hukou of the Yellow River, I saw that all the waves were frozen. There was no wind, snow and sound, but it was freezing cold, and I could only write with my hands out. There are five days before the end of the "Millennium Journey".

Attachment: Supplementary explanation

In Baghdad, the capital of Iraq, I finally received a long-distance call from Hong Kong after hardships. Mr. Wang Jiyan, the director, asked me if it was possible to write a theme song for this trip. I lingered in front of a crater with a diameter of one or two meters for a while, and then drafted a song:

A case of the Millennium

Once in a thousand years,

These mountains are tall and long.

The wheels are rolling and the dust is flying.

My ancestors asked me to visit.

I am the cloud of Kunlun,

I am the waves of the Yellow River,

I am a nirvana phoenix, flying again.

Pharaoh's mausoleum,

The walls of Babylon,

The Greek coast rises at night,

Autumn in Jerusalem is very cool.

You are the tears of the ruins,

You are the injury of a generation,

Where is the Sanskrit sound by the Henghe River?

Once in a thousand years,

These mountains are tall and long.

Some orientals remember their faces,

My ancestors asked me to visit.

I am Qu Yuan's dream,

That's Li Bai's song,

That's Nirvana Phoenix flying again.

This song was later sung by Mr. Tengri Singh. Impressed and sincere, I am very satisfied. All the team members have learned it.

I want to add one thing.