I was hospitalized four times for severe depression, and finally I was discharged. I still have the right to look up at the stars.

Editor | Miss Dong

Editor on duty | Xuanhe

All the pictures and photos in this article are from the author.

In the early morning, a girl who failed to commit suicide was taken to the hospital by the police. She was lying in the emergency room of the hospital, wearing an oxygen tube, with many tubes inserted in her body, and surrounded by many nurses and doctors. Her face was full of despair, but relatives around her said, "The child just doesn't know what to do. He thinks too much ... "

Yes, I have experienced this scene many times. Yes, the person in this hospital bed is me. I am a 19 girl with severe depression. Maybe I don't have any success stories, but I want to share my story with people like me. I hope all my friends will stick to it and find their own light.

I committed suicide many times because of depression and discrimination.

After I was diagnosed with depression, I often hurt myself again and again because people around me misunderstood and discriminated against depression.

Countless nights, I was sleepy but couldn't sleep; I shed tears inexplicably, but I don't even know why I am sad; I don't feel any emotions and hopes, and I lie numb in bed every day; I have lost my appetite, and all my favorite foods have lost my appetite. General weakness and pain, sometimes even unable to breathe, flustered and chest tightness; Memory declines, thinking ability declines, and you can't remember anything. ...

However, I have experienced so much, but no one can understand.

Relatives said under the banner of being good for me: "You just think too much; Just open your heart; Depression is no big deal, it is not a disease at all; You lie in bed every day, have no disease, get up and exercise ... "

Classmates and neighbors said, "She just doesn't understand and doesn't look at what's going on at home. If she has nothing to do all day, it's just melodramatic ... "

The last straw to crush patients with depression is often not the disease itself, but the misunderstanding of depression in this society.

Faced with the double torture of illness, depression and discrimination, I have committed suicide many times. But I was lucky enough to be rescued by the police every time. They gave me the last warmth.

After waking up again and again in the emergency room, I realized that I can't punish myself with other people's mistakes, because it will only make people who love me and help me sad. Don't care what others think, just be yourself! Strange doesn't matter at all. If you can, try to be your own light!

Maybe we are depressed and our life is much slower than others, but we don't have to grow into roses. If you like, why not make a jasmine, a daisy, a sunflower and a nameless flower?

There is no standard answer in life, and Qian Qian has 10,000 choices. Go your own way, let others talk, and be a person who only looks forward.

Lulu made a handwritten account, which recorded her own anti-depression way.

The world is never short of warmth.

After my illness, although I was tortured by the disease, I also gained a lot of warmth.

I still remember sitting on the third floor of/kloc-0, and the police comforted me and pulled me back. A man was running on the highway, and the traffic police sent me home; When I cut my wrist, the police grabbed the knife in my hand regardless of the danger and carried me to the hospital. ...

In fact, they could have sent me home safely and left me alone, but several policemen left me contact information. They said to me, "You can come to me if you are in trouble, and you can chat with me if you are unhappy. I will definitely call you back when I have time. " They gave me a second life and gave me a place to talk. They won't hate my bad mood.

Now every time I think of these lovely police uncles, I am grateful.

In May this year, apart from emergency treatment, it was my fourth long-term hospitalization. I spent a lot of money a few times ago, and my family still owes money to others. In the face of high hospitalization expenses, I am confused again. I want to live, but my family's economic conditions don't allow it.

When I was about to give up, the caring people in the society made me see hope again. I set up a water drop fund. With the donations of friends and strangers and the help of tulips, I successfully controlled my illness. Soon after, with the warmth and blessings of those caring people, I was discharged from the hospital.

After I was diagnosed with depression, I also began to send videos online to record my antidepressant experience. At first, it was just to record this bad time, but later it became to let more people know about the disease. I want you to see how a real depressed person survived all the way.

Lulu's video number home page

My video caught fire on the Internet unexpectedly and got more and more attention.

Gradually, I helped others with my own stories. Among my fans, a patient's family said to me, "Thank you for letting me know how to accompany my children. My relationship with him is getting better and better now. " A patient as terminally ill as me told me, "You showed me the motivation to stick to it."

When I feel desperate and can't comfort myself, my fans tell me: then we will comfort you; When I was lying in the emergency room at night and couldn't contact my family, even though we had never met, the fans turned to me without hesitation. When I didn't have the money to be hospitalized, it was my fans who helped me forward the water drops again and again and donated money for me.

Fans also gave me a lot of snacks and dolls just to make me happy. I asked them: Aren't you afraid that I am a liar? They said, "If you were really a liar, you wouldn't get depression."

Although only a few people watched my video, I also let more people know about this disease and helped some patients like me. I am very happy, and I find that my existence is not so useless. The people who watched my video also gave me warmth, and we encouraged each other to love life.

Depression may make us only see unhappy things, and those happiness and warmth are often ignored by us. Don't be afraid, it's because our brains are sick. As long as we don't give up, we will gradually get better. Although we have experienced malice, misunderstanding and discrimination, the world has never lacked warmth.

What you insist on will hug you in turn one day.

Living in the sewer, you still have the right to look up at the stars.

I dropped out of high school because of depression, so I missed this year's college entrance examination. I thought about giving up. I haven't been to school for a year, and my memory and thinking ability have declined, which is far worse than before. But when I saw my friends on the road to the college entrance examination, I decided to try again.

I don't want to be defeated by a diagnosis for more than ten years. Although I am a little slower than others, so what? Can't compromise on life before trying?

So I took out my old notes and books and started my own unique learning journey. Maybe a year later, I can't work miracles, but I'm only young once. I have worked hard for my college dream, with no regrets!

Lulude's desk

Now, I am beginning to love life. I like photography, recording those beautiful moments in my life that can't be copied. Although I don't understand those complicated parameters, I am glad that my photos can be liked by others.

I went to a photo contest and won the prize. No one can give it to me. These small competitions may not be known by many people and are not very important, but for me, they are a way to let me see my value.

Lulu's photographic works and award certificate

Now I am preparing for the college entrance examination next year. I will write articles occasionally, record the scenery in my life with my camera, draw pictures and learn to cook. ...

People with depression often lose hope for the future and feel that they are a very useless person. Actually, it's not. Everyone has his own advantages and uniqueness. Each of us is a unique existence in this world, and each of us has the right to look up at the stars.

To all patients with depression:

I know you are in pain now. You are experiencing the most torturous disease in the world. But you still insist, you are already great, because not everyone can bear such pain, so please embrace such a strong self!

On the day when you beat depression, looking back, you will find that you have climbed a mountain that some people can't climb, and you can even bravely face the difficulties you may encounter in the future. Your admirable applause, bless you!

Please put down your worldly vision and follow your light!

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