Modern humorous stories and jokes

Andy Lau took May to drink water in Stephen Chow. Suddenly Nicholas Tse blew and a Nicky Wu emerged from the water. Nicky Wu and Ekin Cheng rode Ka Kui Wong together and took May. Andy Lau held Emil Wakin Chau, stepped on Deric Wan, crossed Zhao Benshan, crossed Rosamund Kwan, leaped over Pan Changjiang, grabbed May, returned to Aaron Kwok, and hung a flag in this city called Richie Jen! Two counterfeiters made a counterfeit coin of 15 yuan and spent it in the mountains. They saw a seller of candied haws and bought one 1 yuan. I cried when I came back. The old man found two sevens and gave them to him at once. . . . . 1 I am like a fly lying on the glass, and my future is bright. Don't blame the dog for following me if I don't have two steamed buns. Boss, don't you eat beef noodles? Why don't you have beef? People call it the old woman's cake. Maybe buy it and give it to your wife. 3 Before, look at * * * without * * Now, look at * * * with *** 4 What is an optimist? Just like a teapot, * * * is burning red, and I am still in the mood to whistle. Why is pear the hottest fruit? A: Pears (ions) are hot. Who is the darkest anime character? A: Robot cat, because you can't see your fingers? A: Robot cat, because he always reaches out to others. What will a wolf become when he comes to the North Pole? Answer: Betel nut (direwolf) 8 What kind of chicken does it run in the world? What chicken is slow to answer: KFC (fast) Nicole Kidman (slow) 9 What animal is the owner? Answer: Pig, because the owner of pig (pearl) is 10 triangle tree, which was sent to the North Pole for planting. What tree has it become? Answer: trigonometric function (cold tree) 1 1 Mr banana took off his clothes when he was walking in the street. He fell down after it was very hot. 12 Why did Adam and Eve steal the forbidden fruit? Teacher: Why is the body cold after death? Classmate: Because peace of mind is naturally cool. Xiao Qiang: Dad, 2004. How can you be a silly child? 15 ants fell from the Himalayas, but they didn't die. Why? A: He starved to death. It took a long time to float down because it was too light. 16 Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller? A: Because we are getting farther and farther, 17A picked up a mirror, looked at it and said; People here are familiar with each other. Is it? Let me see (holding a mirror), it's me! I don't even know you. 18 The white cat fell into the water and the black cat saved him. What did the white cat say to the black cat? Answer: Meow 19 An egg came out of its ass. Hen: What are you doing? Egg: Your fart stinks. A white horse is a white horse, a black horse is a dark horse, and a black and white horse is a zebra, so a black and white horse is a shy zebra. I have slept all night, and I can't sleep for two generations. His wife asked him strangely, "Two generations of love, why don't you sleep?" "I'm already asleep." Two generations of love replied. "When did you sleep?" The wife is separated. "I dreamed that I was sleeping in my dream last night, and what I slept at that time may be tonight's sleep." Two generations of love replied. The men's and women's toilets in the school are adjacent. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. She was at a loss when toilet paper came from next door. The girl turned pale and asked, "Who is it?" A deep and powerful male voice replied, "Lei Feng!" 1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, backlight or full light?" My uncle said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? " 2. Wife's Quotation: You are allowed to get drunk and hook up with girls, but you must return to the team at night. If you dare to break my heart and my lungs, I will definitely cripple your third leg and let your bird sleep forever. 3. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! 4. Two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! * * * The old woman said: I still have a reaction! The nursing room is as hot as when I was young! The old man squinted and said, it's drooping in the soup! 5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. 6. The sky is blue and the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees. 7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards! 8. The child stole a parrot from a brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer! 9. Long road of life, who is better! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven! 10. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken and you fainted. The dog said, look who is cruel. 1 1. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your bedside in the middle of the night, touch your face with pale face, green eyes and dry hands and say good night to you for me! 12. Men are always laughing and their eyes are discharging. They are either sick or cheating! A woman with breast enhancement and waist reduction is dissolute, either take out your pocket or let you have a black knife! These days, freaks and banshees, look out! 13. When you were walking on the road, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach! 14. Mice are particularly depressed without girlfriends. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess. 15. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat's eyes are full of tears, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Brother Wei, with strong firepower, and jumped on the ceiling to let him succeed. 16. I sent you this message for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you. 17. The ant lay lazily in the soil and stretched out a leg. What is your friend asking you? Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him. 18. The magpie came, and my mother said it was like a bird and a guest; The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker! 19. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off! 20. Cucumber was lovelorn and cried. Eggplant comforted her: Love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbroken and tearful. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions? Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe. 22. A woman is too ugly to marry and wants to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car. 23.20 years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "24. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess," Give me a glass of water. The pig said to the stewardess like a parrot, "Give me a glass of water." "The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig, "you are so stupid, I can fly." "25. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Cao, you mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Cao! You shit and wear underwear! "Section 26. Xiao Ming told his mother that a guest came to play at home today, and my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair. I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it? "Xiao Ming said," I stood by, and when the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. "27. One day on a crowded bus, a conversation went like this: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to him," Don't you know I'm pregnant? " (I want him to give up his seat ...) I saw the man nervously say, "The child is not mine! 』