Funny version of Confucius’ story

『一』 Confucius’s humorous story

Enthusiastic netizens

Two scholars who believe in Confucianism will quarrel whenever they meet: they boast that their version is true Confucianism, saying that the other party is a fake Confucian scholar. Quan and Quan couldn't stop arguing, so they went to ask Confucius for advice.

Confucius walked down the steps, bowed to them and said: "The content of Confucianism that I advocate is very broad, why do the specific arguments have to be the same? Both old gentlemen are true Confucianists, and both of them I have always admired. , is there anything else fake?" Both of them left happily. The disciples asked: "Why does the teacher praise them?" Confucius replied: "These people just need to coax them to leave. They are not worth talking to."

『二』 Confucius’ humorous story What are 5

Confucius wanted to learn from Laozi, so he took several disciples such as Yan Hui and Zilu to Luoyang. They waited for several days and finally saw me.

Early in the morning, I introduced Confucius's master and disciples into the lobby. After they were seated, Confucius couldn't wait to express his intention: I have long admired your reputation, and this time I brought the fools to pay homage. Sir, how is your recent progress in practicing Taoism?

Confucius and others were preparing to listen attentively, but they didn’t expect Lao Tzu, but they opened their mouths and laughed and said, "What do you think of my teeth?" Confucius and his disciples looked at Lao Tzu’s teeth inexplicably - they were all in pieces and had already been damaged. It’s a mixed bag. So, they shook their heads, no one understood what I meant. At this time, Lao Tzu stuck out his tongue and asked: "So, where is my tongue?" Confucius' master and apprentice looked at Lao Tzu's tongue carefully again. At this time, Confucius suddenly had an idea in his eyes, and he replied with a smile: "Sir, you are indeed very knowledgeable. Well-deserved!"

At this time, Laozi said: "I guess you already know how accomplished I am in practicing Taoism, right?" Confucius nodded knowingly and said, "It's like a sudden enlightenment."

In the afternoon, the master and the disciples said goodbye to me and returned to the state of Lu. On the way, Confucius felt as if he had found a treasure and his face looked like a peach blossom. Disciple Zilu was full of doubts and could not be relieved. Yan Hui asked why, and Zi Lu said: "We came all the way to Luoyang. We originally wanted to learn from Lao Tzu, but we didn't expect that he would not teach us anything. We only asked him to look at his mouth. This is too rude. Right?"

After hearing this, Confucius shook his beard and laughed. Yan replied: "Our trip this time is worthwhile. Mr. Laozi taught us great wisdom that we can't learn elsewhere. He opened his mouth to let us see his teeth, intending to tell us: Although the teeth are hard, they can be rubbed up and down. After a long time, it will inevitably become incomplete; he also asked us to look at his tongue, which means: although the tongue is soft, it can overcome hardness with softness, so it is still intact."

After hearing this, Zilu suddenly realized.

Yan Hui continued: "This is just like the running water on the journey, although soft, but when faced with the rocks, it can break through the mountains and rocks, and finally leave the rocks behind; although the wind passing through is nothing, But when it loses its temper, it can knock down a big tree and uproot it..."

After hearing this, Confucius praised: "Yan Hui really knows the whole leopard with a glimpse of it, and a word he hears can lead to thousands of miles. ! ”

In 501 BC, the fifty-one-year-old Confucius became the governor of the capital of Lu. Confucius worked for a year and achieved great results. He was promoted to Sikong in charge of construction projects; soon, he was transferred to Sikou, in charge of judicial work. In this way, Confucius' ambition to participate in politics was finally realized. When Confucius was fifty-six years old, the great minister Kou acted as prime minister. After only three months of his participation in state affairs, the customs of Lu State changed greatly. Confucius' achievements frightened Qi Jinggong. He specially selected 80 beautiful women, put them in gorgeous clothes, taught them how to dance, and added 120 horses. They were given to Lu Dinggong who was greedy for pleasure in order to corrode his will. This plan really worked. Lu Dinggong indulged in singing, dancing and sexual pleasure and no longer interfered with political affairs.

When Zilu, a student of Confucius, saw this situation, he said to Confucius. "Teacher, we can leave here!" Confucius replied: "The State of Lu is going to offer sacrifices in the suburbs now. If the barbecue after the ceremony can be distributed to the officials according to etiquette, then I can stay." Result , Lu Dinggong violated common etiquette and did not share the barbecue with the officials. So Confucius left the state of Lu and came to the state of Wei. Duke Linggong of Wei asked Confucius how much salary he received in the state of Lu. Confucius replied that it was sixty thousand dou of salary. So Duke Linggong of Wei also gave him this amount of salary. The students who followed Confucius were very happy to find a place to live. Zilu was particularly happy and asked Confucius: "The monarch of Wei is waiting for you to govern the country. What will you do first?" Confucius thought for a moment and said, "I think the first thing is to correct the status." Zilu said politely: "Teacher is too pedantic. What is the need to correct it?" Confucius retorted: "You are so rude! A gentleman only has doubts in his heart about what he does not know.

If the status is not right, the truth will be the same. It doesn’t make sense; if it doesn’t make sense, things can’t be done; if things can’t be done, the country’s etiquette and music education can’t be established; if etiquette and music education can’t be established, the punishments won’t be appropriate; if the punishments aren’t appropriate, the people will not know what to do. Well, I don’t even know where to put my hands and feet. Therefore, the title used by a gentleman must be reasonable and can be expressed, and the principles must be feasible.

" Soon, someone said a lot of bad things about Confucius to Duke Ling of Wei, so Duke Linggong of Wei sent people to monitor Confucius's comings and goings. Confucius was afraid that something would happen if he stayed here, so he only lived in Weiguo for ten months and then left.

I judge people by their words, but Zaiyu is a loser; I judge people by their appearance, and I lose Ziyu.

Confucius had many disciples, among whom there was a man named Zaiyu who was eloquent and eloquent. He had a good impression on Confucius at first, but gradually the truth was revealed: he was neither benevolent nor very lazy; he did not read or listen to lectures during the day and slept in bed. For this reason, Confucius called him "a rotten tree that cannot be carved." Another disciple of Confucius, Tantai Mieming, named Ziyu, was thirty-nine years younger than Confucius. Ziyu was ugly in appearance and wanted to serve Confucius. Confucius began to think that he had low qualifications. However, after he studied as a teacher, he devoted himself to self-cultivation and practice when he returned. He did things honestly and did not go astray. He never met with officials except for official duties. Later, Ziyu traveled to the Yangtze River and had three disciples with him. Hundreds of people, his reputation was very high, and his name was recited in all the vassal states. When Confucius heard about this, he said with emotion: "I only judge the quality of people by words, but my judgment of Jaeyu is wrong; He judged a person's quality and ability based only on his appearance, but his judgment on Ziyu was wrong again. ”

Confucius played the piano

As we all know, Confucius was a great educator, but he was also a musician, who could sing, play the piano and compose music. He was communicating with people When singing together, if someone sings well, he will definitely ask him to sing it again, listen attentively, and then sing it again. His educational policy is not to cultivate some idiots who are obsessed with reading, but to develop some well-rounded talents.

Confucius once studied piano with Shi Xiang. One day Shi Xiang gave him a piece of music and asked him to practice it. He practiced for more than ten days and still had no intention of stopping. Shi Xiang couldn't help it. Say, “You can change the song and practice. Confucius replied, "Although I am familiar with its melody, I have not yet figured out its rules." After a while, Shi Xiang said again, "You have figured out its rules. You can change the tune and practice it." Unexpectedly, Confucius replied, "I haven't realized its musical image yet." "After another period of time, Shi Xiang found that Confucius had a solemn expression and a healthy body. He seemed to have changed his appearance. This time, without waiting for Shi Xiang to ask questions, Confucius said: "I have already experienced the musical image. He is dark and swarthy. He is tall, has far-reaching gaze, and seems to have the air of a king. This person must be King Wen. "Shi Xiang was shocked after hearing this, because this piece happened to be called "Wen Wang Cao" and he had not told Confucius beforehand.

Confucius can also be said to be a first-class music connoisseur. "Shao" According to legend, it was the music and dance of Yao and Shun. Confucius had never had the opportunity to listen to it in the state of Lu. Later, he finally enjoyed it during a palace banquet in the state of Qi. Confucius was completely fascinated by this solemn and solemn music, so much so that he lost consciousness in March. Wei, said: Don't do it just for fun.

Confucius's father, Shu Liang He, was a strong man who could lift thousands of pounds. Confucius was also tall. History books say that he was "nine feet and six inches in length." , was called the "eldest man". Confucius was once recommended to apply for a job at the home of Ji Si, a doctor in the state of Lu. During the interview with Confucius, Ji Si got up to go to the toilet. When he arrived outside, someone from Feiyi suddenly came to report and said. "When we dug a well, we dug out an earthen pot with a sheep in it. I wonder what kind of monster it is?" Ji Si wanted to test Confucius's knowledge, so he told the man not to speak. When he returned to the house, he asked Confucius: "What kind of monster has it been?" I heard that someone dug up a dog while digging a well. I wonder what kind of monster it is?" Confucius said: "I must say that the thing dug out is definitely not a dog, but a sheep. Ji Si was shocked and asked why. Confucius said: "I heard that the monsters in the mountains are called kui wang liang, the monsters in the water are called dragons and elephants, and the monsters in the soil are called fen." Sheep, the monster you are talking about was dug out by digging a well. It is a monster in the soil. It must be a sheep. Ji Si asked: "Why do you call this monster a sheep?" Confucius said: "It is neither female nor male, so it is called a sheep." " Ji Si summoned the Feiyi people to ask, and it turned out that the monster really couldn't tell the difference between male and female. Ji Si was shocked and said: "Sir's knowledge is really unparalleled. So he hired Confucius as the "Zhongdu Prime Minister".

This matter soon spread to Chu State. King Zhao of Chu sent people with gifts to Lu State to ask Confucius about what he got when he crossed the river. What is it? Confucius said: "It's called Pingshi, and it can be cut open and eaten. The envoy said: "How do you know, sir?" Confucius said: "When I traveled to Chu State, I heard a children's rhyme: 'The king of Chu crossed the river and got a bunch of seeds, as big as a bucket, as red as the sun, and when he cut them open, they were as sweet as the sun. honey'. Know from this. "The messenger asked: "Can we often get Pingshi?" Confucius said: "The so-called Pingshi is the fruit of those rootless things floating in the river. It may not be possible to produce one in a thousand years. It is very rare. . This is a sign of dispersion and reunification, decline and revival, and it is worthy of congratulations for the king of Chu to get it!" After the envoy returned to his country, King Zhao Zhao of Chu was amazed.

Later, when Confucius was appointed as the chief military officer of Lu, Suddenly, a big bird flew from the southern border of Qi State. It was about one meter long, with white neck feathers and black rest. It had a long beak and one leg. It was flying around in the fields. No matter how hard the farmers tried, they couldn't catch it. Let it go. After flying for a while, it flew north. When Ji Si heard about this strange thing, he asked Confucius what happened. .

When it is about to rain, the 'Shang Sheep' will fly and there will be heavy rain wherever it passes. Qi and Lu are adjacent, so preparations should be made in advance to prevent rain disasters. Ji Si then quickly informed the people in Wenshang (near the southern border of Qi State) to repair their houses. Three days later, it rained heavily in Wenshang, but because the Lu State had prepared for disasters in advance, the people were safe and sound. After this incident reached Qi State, Qi Jinggong regarded Confucius as a god. From then on, Confucius became famous all over the world for his erudition and knowledge.

In Confucius' time, Confucius became famous all over the world. Information is very underdeveloped and there are few ways to obtain information. Under such circumstances, Confucius's erudition is so all-encompassing and involves many disciplines and alternative issues, so it is not surprising that Confucius is called a "sage".

『三』 Confucius’ short story, true and short

Confucius’ story:

Confucius was very modest in learning, He was particularly diligent. Once, Confucius studied drums and qin with Shi Xiangzi, and the song was called "Wen Wang Cao". Confucius practiced hard for many days, and Shi Xiangzi said, "That's it. "

Confucius said: "I have mastered the playing method of this piece, but I have not mastered it. After practicing for many days, Shi Xiangzi said again: "That's it. You've reached the number." "

But Confucius still said: "No, it is not possible. "After a while, Shi Xiangzi thought that this time it was really good, but Confucius still thought that he had not played the music well.

Finally, Confucius understood the connotation of the music through repeated study. He didn't give up until he saw the image of King Wen reflected in the music.

(3) Extended reading of the funny version of Confucius' story:

An important proposition of Confucius's thought of governing history is this. Straightforward means that when studying history, we must seek truth from facts. We must not only pay attention to the basis, but also know what we know and don’t know what we don’t know.

He tried his best to oppose those who are arrogant and not straight, saying: "Arrogance without straightness is Dong Er." "I don't know if I don't want to, and I don't believe in it." His consistent opinion is also reflected in his attitude towards history.

Confucius's view on history not only reflects his attitude towards history and his Confucius believed that history is constantly making gains and losses. He said: "The gains and losses of the Yin Dynasty can be known because of the Xia rites; the gains and losses of the Zhou Dynasty can be known because of the Yin rites. ”

The Zhou Dynasty achieved unprecedented civilization on the basis of summarizing the Xia and Yin dynasties. History does not go backwards, but catches up from behind and develops forward. Although this idea is very hazy, it is A valuable beginning for the theory of evolution in the history of Chinese history

『四』 What are some interesting stories about Confucius (briefly)

Original text of story 1:

Zi Lu. When Confucius saw him in military uniform, he drew his sword and danced it, saying: "The gentleman of ancient times used his sword to defend himself?" Confucius said: "The gentleman of ancient times used loyalty as a pledge and benevolence as a defense. He did not leave a closed room and knew the distance of a thousand miles. Externally, if there is evil, use loyalty to do it, and if there is violence, use benevolence to strengthen it. Why hold a sword?" Zilu said, "Now that I have heard this, please come and learn from me."

—— "Confucius' Family Sayings: A Good Life on the Tenth Day"

Easy to understand in vernacular:

One day, Zilu, dressed in military uniform and fully armed, came to see Confucius. After seeing the Confucius, he drew his sword He started dancing and asked: "Master, the gentlemen in ancient times also used swords to defend themselves, right?" Confucius replied: "The gentlemen in ancient times took loyalty as the goal they pursued in life, and used benevolence as their own protection. Although If you don't leave a small room, you can know the great things happening thousands of miles away. If there are evil people, you can use loyalty to influence them; if there are people who are in trouble, you can use benevolence and righteousness to calm them. In this way, there is no need to use force with a sword. "What?" Zilu was very impressed after hearing this and said with emotion: "Ah! I just heard such words today. From now on, I would like to sincerely and respectfully seek advice from you!"

Original text of story two:

Duke Ai asked Confucius: "How long does the wise man live? How long does the benevolent man live?" Confucius said to him: "Of course! There are three deaths for people, not their destiny. It is up to you to do what you want. I don't sleep in my place from time to time. Those who eat and drink improperly and work excessively will be killed by the death penalty; those who live in a lower position and work for their superiors, who are insatiable in their desires and want more than they want, they will be killed by the death penalty; those who use the small to offend the masses, the weak to bully the strong, Those who are angry and do not measure their strength will be killed by soldiers. For these three people, death is not a matter of fate, and people take it by themselves. Even if it harms one's nature, it won't last long, isn't it?"

——"Confucius's Family Words: The Seventh Interpretation of the Five Rites"

Easy to understand in vernacular:

Once, Duke Ai asked Confucius for advice and asked: "Master, do smart and talented people live longer, or do kind-hearted and kind-hearted people live longer?" Confucius replied: "That's right. There are three kinds of people. Death does not mean that one's life span has expired, but that one has lost his life. For example, not having a regular routine, not eating in moderation, often overtiring the body, or overindulging in excess are all caused by not knowing how to take care of the body. In this way, disease can take away his life. Secondly, if a person in a lower position ignores the king and commits a crime, he will not be restrained in his own hobbies and desires and is greedy. Such people can also be punished. His lifespan.

Furthermore, there are few people but they offend those with many people; they are weak but they still bully the strong ones; when they are angry, they do not know how to restrain themselves and act on their own impulse; or they do not overestimate their own capabilities and act regardless of the consequences. In this way, sword fighting can kill him young. In these three situations: "killing by illness, killing by torture, and killing by soldiers", death is an unnatural death, and it is also one's own fault. As for benevolent and honest people, they act in a measured and moral manner, feel and anger at the right time, conduct themselves with integrity, and know how to cultivate their noble temperament. Isn't it reasonable for them to enjoy a long life in this way? ”

『五』 Interesting stories about Confucius without math questions

Two children debating on the sun

Confucius traveled to the East and met two children arguing on the way. , and asked them the reason for the argument. A child said: "I think the sun is close to people when it first rises, and is far away from people at noon." Another child thought that the sun is far away from people when it first rises, and is far away from people at noon. close. The first child said: "When the sun just rises, it is as big as a car hood, and at noon it is as small as a plate. Doesn't this mean that things far away from us look small and things close to us look big?" Another child said: "It's very cool when the sun first comes out, but at noon it's as hot as putting your hand into hot water. It's not that things that are close to us feel hotter, but things that are far away from us feel hotter." Is it cooler?" Confucius couldn't decide who was right and who was wrong. The two children laughed and said: "Who said you are well-informed?"

"Lu" Confucius's growth experience (an interesting story is required)

Humorous Confucius

Confucius was serious and Confucius was humorous. These two aspects constitute the real Confucius.

Confucius’ humor manifested itself in various forms.

Joking humor. Zigong asked: "How am I like this person?" Confucius replied: "You? It's just like a vessel." He asked again: "What vessel is it?" Confucius said: "The precious vessels in the ancestral temple are made of Hulian. Yeah. ”

Children’s humor. Confucius looked at a goblet, looking left and right, looking at it, and murmuring: "This doesn't look like a goblet. Is this a goblet? Is this a goblet? How can a goblet look like this!"

Disapproval humor. Confucius was ill, and Zilu asked Peng to pray for him. Confucius said: "Is there such a way?" He replied: "Yes, it is said in the "Emperor": 'Pray to the gods and gods for you.'" Confucius said: "Oh, if this is the case, I have already prayed for you. ”

Self-deprecating humor. Someone said: "Yes, Confucius is great and has extensive knowledge, but it is a pity that he does not have a specialty to build his reputation." After hearing this, Confucius said to his students: "You tell me, what should I specialize in? Should I specialize in driving? Or should I specialize in archery?"

Innocent humor. Zigong asked: "There is a piece of beautiful jade here. Should I hide it in a box, or should I wait for a good price and sell it?" This was actually to inquire about Confucius's attitude towards himself. Unexpectedly, Confucius immediately replied: : "Sell it, sell it! I'm waiting for a buyer like this!"

Free and easy humor. Zilu asked about serving gods and ghosts. Confucius said: "If you can't serve a living person well, how can you serve a dead ghost?" He asked again: "What about death?" Confucius said: "If you can't explain life clearly, how can you know death?"

Turnaround humor. Confucius arrived at Wucheng, a small town. After hearing the sound of playing the harp and singing poems, he said with a smile: "Well, how can you kill a chicken with an ox's knife?" His student Ziyou asked: "I heard the teacher say in the past, 'A gentleman If you learn the Tao, you will love others, and if you learn the Tao, you will be easy to do. Why has it changed now?" When Confucius heard this, he quickly changed his words and said, "Students, what he said is right. I was just making a joke."

Straightforward humor. Someone asked Confucius to become an official there, and Confucius agreed. Zilu said: "In the past, I heard from my teacher that a gentleman would not go to a person who has done bad things himself. Now you are asked to go to a person who is plotting rebellion, but you agree to go. How can your words and deeds be inconsistent?" Confucius said: " That's what I said. But you know, the hardest thing can't be polished, and the whitest thing can't be dyed black. Besides, can I just hang there without eating?" /p>

Mischievous humor. There was a man named Rubei who wanted to see Confucius, but Confucius didn't want to see him and refused because he was sick. But when the messenger went out, Confucius took the harp and played and sang, deliberately hoping that others would hear him.

All the above things generally show the humor of Confucius. Of course, some of them can only be tasted after experiencing them. Agree 0| Comments

"Qi" About Confucius The more short stories, the more concise the better

Short stories about Confucius:

1. Confucius had many disciples, one of whom was named Zaiyu, who was eloquent and eloquent. . He had a good impression of Confucius at first, but then gradually the truth was revealed: he was neither benevolent nor very lazy; he did not read or listen to lectures during the day, and slept in bed. For this reason, Confucius called him "a rotten tree that cannot be carved." Another disciple of Confucius was called Tantai Mieming, whose courtesy name was Ziyu. He was from Lu and was thirty-nine years younger than Confucius. Ziyu's body and appearance were ugly and he wanted to serve Confucius.

Confucius began to think that he had low qualifications and would never become a talent.

But after he studied as a teacher, he devoted himself to self-cultivation and practice when he returned home. He dealt with things honestly and did not go astray. He never went to meet with ministers or officials unless it was for official business. Later, Ziyu traveled to the Yangtze River. There were 300 disciples who followed him. His reputation was very high, and his name was recited in all the vassal states.

Confucius heard about this and said with emotion: "I judge a person's quality and ability only by words, but my judgment of Jaeyu is wrong; I judge a person's quality and ability only by appearance. Whether it was good or bad, Ziyu’s judgment turned out to be wrong again.”

2. Zi Lu once asked Confucius: “I heard that an idea is good, should I implement it immediately?”

Confucius said: "There are fathers and brothers who are more experienced and experienced than you. You should ask them for advice first. Where can you do it right away?"

But Ran You also asked the same question. Confucius: "I heard that an idea is very good, should I implement it immediately?"

Confucius replied: "Of course it should be implemented immediately." Gong Xihua saw the same question but gave a different answer, and he couldn't figure it out. So he went to ask Confucius.

Confucius said: "Ran Qiu is timid when things happen, so we should encourage him to be brave; Zhong You is rash when things happen, so we should tell him to be cautious."

3. During the Spring and Autumn Period, Confucius and His students traveled around the country to promote his political ideas. One day, as they were driving to the Kingdom of Jin, a child blocked their way by playing with broken tiles in the middle of the road.

Confucius said: "You shouldn't be playing in the middle of the road and blocking our car!"

The child pointed to the ground and said: "Old man, what do you think this is?" < /p>

Confucius saw that it was a city made of gravel and tiles. The child said again: "Do you think the city should give way to the car or the car should give way to the city?"

Confucius was stunned by the question. He thought the child was very polite, so he asked, "What is your name?" "Name, how old are you?" The child said, "My name is Xiang Xiang. I am 7 years old!" Confucius said to the students: "Xiang Xiang knows etiquette at 7 years old. He can be my teacher!" /p>

4. Once when Confucius arrived in the state of Zheng, he was separated from his disciples. Confucius stayed in a daze beside the east gate of the city wall.

Someone in the state of Zheng said to Zigong: "There is a man by the east gate. Look. He looked tired like a "lost dog". Zigong told Confucius this passage.

Confucius said: "To say that I look like this is an exaggeration. But to say that I look like a homeless dog is indeed true!"

5 , A certain county official in the state of Chu asked a disciple of Confucius to share his opinion on Confucius. The disciple was dull and cautious and said nothing, so the county official had to return in dismay.

When Confucius learned about it, he was very unhappy and complained: Why don't you say: My teacher is a good scholar who is angry and forgets to eat, and is happy and forgets to worry!

Disciple 1 He understood immediately and said ashamedly: "Teacher, it was me who was confused. Now I finally understand. If someone asks me again in the future, I will answer according to the teacher's instructions."

Confucius felt comfortable and pleased. He smiled and said: "Okay, okay, okay."

『8』 Funny little story about Confucius

One day, Lao Tzu, Confucius and Mencius went to **** a woman. At that time, Confucius and Mencius were afraid and walked back. As a result, the police came. Who was arrested?

1. Confucius (the answerer is a fool)

2. Mencius (the answerer is also a fool)

3. Laozi (the answerer is even more of a fool)< /p>

4. The writer Lao Tzu (the answerer is very smart)

"Nine" a humorous story about Confucius

As long as two scholars who believe in Confucianism meet together, There will be a quarrel: brag that you are a true Confucian scholar, and say that the other person is a fake Confucian scholar. The two couldn't stop arguing, so they went to ask Confucius for advice.

Confucius walked down the steps, bowed to them and said: "The content of Confucianism that I advocate is very broad, why do the specific arguments have to be the same? Both old gentlemen are true Confucianists, and both of them I have always admired. , is there anything else fake?" Both of them left happily. The disciples asked: "Why does the teacher praise them?" Confucius replied: "These people just want to trick them into leaving. They are not worth talking to.

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