Ancient and modern jokes

Diner: How much is a night's sleep? (How much is a bowl of jiaozi?)

Attendant: Rogue! (sixty cents)

Businessman: Sixty cents? Too fair. I have been here for three nights.

Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" " "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

"Don't be a cantaloupe, I'll pick up a shit and lick it for you. . . "

Stop it. Let me tell you a story. . . )

Someone might eat this stuff.

Someone may know the story. )

Don't worry if you can't eat.

(I don't know and don't worry)

I'll pull it out for you right now-

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan and Cao Cao were flying together, and they suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did I find that there were only three parachute bags left on the plane. Everyone is nervous. At this time, Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan and cleared his throat. He said, "well, if the mountain man can answer a few questions, he will skydive, and if he can't answer them, he will jump by himself." Others have no choice but to agree. Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought it was very simple and replied, "One." So I took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied: "One." I also took an umbrella bag and went down. Finally, it was Cao Cao's turn, and Zhuge Liang asked, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Cao Cao was puzzled and couldn't answer, so he had to jump himself. Unexpectedly, I jumped into the sea and saved my life. Cao Cao secretly rejoiced. The second time, when four people met an emergency by plane, they still discussed it in the old way. Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "Which battle did Zhou Wuwang defeat the crepe king?" Liu Bei thought simply and replied, "The Battle of Makino." Zhuge Liang nodded, and Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a moment and said, "About 30,000 to 40,000." Zhuge nodded, and Sun Quan went down with an umbrella bag. Cao Cao couldn't help laughing and thinking, "Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I know everything from ancient times to the present, especially the military." You were planted this time, hehe! " Zhuge Liang asked, "What are their names?" Cao Cao almost fainted and had to jump by himself. Unexpectedly, I jumped into the sea again and saved my life. Cao Cao smiled to himself: "md, I am deadly." Old Zhuge, what can you do with me? " ! "The third time, the same four people flew, and the plane encountered an emergency. Cao Cao thought about it, and Zhuge tried to fool me again, so I jumped myself to avoid being insulted. So I jumped into the air at high speed. I heard Zhuge Liang's laughter from above: "Cao Cao, Cao Cao, you are so smart, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today!" " Cao Cao fainted with a "ah-".

The child stole the parrot kept in the brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer.

A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but were knocked down by the earthquake. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Fuck you! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "ah! You shit and wear underpants! "

The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, backlight or full light?" "My uncle said shyly," I don't care. Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? One day, the wife of a gentleman gave birth to a baby. He hurried to visit the hospital. After waiting for n hours, there was crying in the delivery room. He shouted happily, I'm dad! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that the child was born deformed. A gentleman stayed there and didn't understand why. Suddenly, his wife's crying came from the delivery room: it was all because of the murder that day. Failure to reply is retribution.

Once upon a time, there was a kind of soft candy. After walking in the street for a long time, it suddenly said, my feet are so soft!

One day, two ice creams competed for swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming, and the last two melted. "