Did anyone see the joke about spitting rice? If so, stay and share.

1. Toad was taking a bath in the river when he saw the turtle.

Tortoise: Haven't you seen a beautiful woman like me? Look, your eyes are popping out.

Toad: Sister, don't tease me. Can't you see I have goose bumps?

2. The oriole saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You thief have been sneaking around all day, losing the face of the old Huang family."

As soon as the voice fell, the oriole was shot down, and the weasel scolded, "Silly X, you don't even know how to sweep pornography now!" "

Dragonfly made a girlfriend "cicada". Mother dragonfly asked anxiously, what does she do?

Dragonfly: That's a singer!

Mother Dragonfly: Singer? I've dug tunnels before!

4. An ant quarreled with the crow in the tree!

Ant: Come down if you dare!

Crow: Come up if you have the guts!

Ant: OK! You wait for me, and you will know!

Crow: What do you want?

Ant: I'll let all my brothers shake you down and kill you immediately!

8. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!

(2) When the old couple went to take pictures, the photographer asked, "Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light?" Grandpa said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

(3) One day, a barber beat a candied haws seller and went to the police station to ask the barber: Why do you sell candied haws? The barber said, * * *, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "burn it" outside.

(4) A man is constipated when he goes to the toilet. Suddenly, he saw a man rushing in, and suddenly it was stormy. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I haven't had time to take off my pants yet!"

(5) When a foreigner was playing in Laiwu, he met an old lady teasing the cat and asked: What are you doing? The old lady replied: ancient cat! Foreigners are frightened, even the old people can speak foreign languages! Give it chocolate, and the old lady thinks it's dried sweet potatoes and says, I have it in Laiwu! Foreigners are dizzy!

(7) {Peer} dung beetles fell in love with mosquitoes. Dung beetles: "What is your occupation?" Mosquito: "What about you, nurse?" Dung beetles smiled: "Fate, peer, I am a Chinese medicine pinch pill."

(9) The young couple fought and threw pillows downstairs. A beggar happened to pass by and was very happy. Then he flew away from the quilt. The beggar was ecstatic and cried upstairs with tears: Eldest brother, please throw that woman down.

(1 1) A young woman took out the garbage, accidentally slipped in the garbage and was about to get up. She was held in her arms by an old rag-picker. The old man said with emotion: people in the city just can't live, and such a good daughter-in-law said no.

The tortoise wants to eat zongzi on Dragon Boat Festival, and the snail is asked to buy zongzi. Two hours have passed, and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise is in a hurry and scolds: I will starve to death if I don't fucking come back! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you fucking said I wouldn't go!

One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

3. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

9. Someone raised a pig, annoyed him and abandoned it. However, the pig knows the way home, and it is useless to abandon it. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It roared, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!" "

10. Elephants accidentally stepped on an ant nest, and their nesting ants climbed onto the elephants. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

1 1. One morning in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

13. Xiaoming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy ..."