In the "involution era", it is even more necessary to stop internal friction, find a goal in life, and fight to the death!

Accept yourself. Stop internal friction

On June 5th, a news item from Beijing Evening News appeared on the hot search: At the wedding scene of Xueba in Tsinghua, a guest was asked about the college entrance examination score, and the answer was that the wedding was changed to Versailles.

According to the video UP, more than a dozen visiting guests scored 680 points in the college entrance examination.

In the video, the blogger interviewed many guests present at the wedding scene.

"660、696、685……"

Everyone's college entrance examination scores are almost above 600, and some have a total score of more than 700.

One of the girls said in an interview that her score in the college entrance examination was 1096, and stressed "Really!"

What's more "excessive" is that they are all online, all online! What is this, the big scene of Versailles? ...

Netizens lamented that all the friends of Xueba are Xueba!

Some netizens said that it would be nice for mortals to see God's party.

It's amazing, but it's normal to think about it.

In addition to passing the exam in the school and screening the qualifications of famous schools, after the school comes out to work, it also needs certificates from various industries as endorsements in the workplace in order to enhance competitiveness and compete.

For example, friends belong to the engineering industry, and colleagues are preparing for the qualification certificate of construction engineer.

We found that when junior college students and undergraduates sit together to prepare for the exam, undergraduates have stronger willpower and concentration than junior college students. For the time being, besides other factors, there may be other influences, such as workload and life pressure.

A friend said that his colleague who was preparing for the exam with him had just graduated from college, and his life pressure and ideological burden were less. He still maintained the momentum of learning at school and had no distractions. However, he graduated for a long time, was relatively lax, had a heavy ideological burden and was difficult to concentrate.

Similarly, sitting together reading books and watching videos, it is obvious that their active learning ability, concentration and thinking ability are much stronger, so they persisted together for a period of time. Because of the influence of trivial matters in work and life, my friend quickly lost his will and finally gave up studying directly, while his colleague worked hard for several months after work and successfully got the certificate.

Some people try to go to other places: library, paid study room, coffee shop, 85 degrees C, hoping to force themselves to concentrate through the atmosphere. The environment is of course important. Obviously, a person's persistence and willpower are more important than the environment. People who have no determination are likely to go nowhere.

On the Internet, I collected some netizens' different views on the educational level gap:

One of the netizens said: Most people with low academic qualifications lack self-control and don't like reading.

Some netizens commented: I am not illiterate, I can't think, I can't analyze why, why and what I have learned. After reading it, I have passed it.

Is it painful to hear this? I seem to be talking about myself.

The last one said: a high degree of education is actually screening out a group of people with strong intelligence and willpower. Although not all talents, but the probability is much greater. Similarly, if they have high intelligence and willpower, but for some reason they can't get into college, such people won't get along too badly in society.

This is a more pertinent evaluation. There is no one-sided view that people with high academic qualifications must be better than those with low academic qualifications.

Education is naturally the first choice for recruitment agencies. In the case of not knowing the ability, it is understandable to start with academic qualifications and then choose the best candidates. After all, the standard of an enterprise is to maximize benefits and recruit people who can provide the greatest value to the company, not to cultivate people.

In other words, in addition to recruiting companies, even if you are looking for an object, you should also pay attention to the right match. People with high academic qualifications will naturally give priority to academic qualifications, followed by personality and other conditions.

I heard that there is a special university fellowship, and the threshold condition is at least a master's degree or a doctor's degree.

I often visit Zhihu, and I think I have also brushed the advertisement of a dating platform (Ivy League Love). Many of them come from there, and there are also university student activists. At first glance, it looks like the college campus love wall. To put it bluntly, it is an independent dating platform.

Compared with university fellowship, it has a wider scope and provides more space for free and fair competition and self-expression. Although there is no direct setting of academic qualifications, the academic information displayed on the personal page is enough to symbolize personal business cards, which keeps some people out of the door, consciously unattainable and stay at a respectful distance from others.

Zhihu, who accidentally found the staff, replied, Wow, this wave of reverse operation is a blockbuster without screaming.

"I am a staff member. Anyway, I don't like using a dating platform.

1. Only college degree or above is allowed.

I just like to see the uneven world and don't want to find someone! dislike

2. You need to upload your ID card and academic credentials.

At what age are people so serious? Not recommended

3. Pictures and materials need to be manually reviewed before they can be displayed.

Why not use a fake picture? I like to disguise myself! dislike

4. If the function is single, you can only find serious objects.

I hope to chat and video in groups, which is too monotonous! dislike

5. Only 10 people are pushed every day.

Whether your essence is expensive or not is bullshit. I just want to cast a wide net! dislike

6. Introduce yourself by writing down your hobbies, feelings and expectations.

I don't want to brush the screen quickly, I just want to find someone to chat with me! dislike

7. You can only start chatting if you like each other.

Don't give me a chance to harass handsome guys! dislike

To sum up, it is very, very discouraged.

However, if you are not like me,

But if you want to seriously talk about a reliable relationship with a clean person.

You can also visit and clean the love ticket office. "

Presumably, most user traffic also knows this media.

Its double authentication, manual audit and a series of operations, first screened out a number of lawless elements, crooked people.

Compared with other platforms, it is indeed a clean stream.

After many twists and turns, the registration was successful, and after several days of wandering, I finally found my way.

Many people regard it as another circle of friends. They have nothing to do with visiting the village entrance, complaining and spitting. Anyway, they are strangers who have never met, and there are no relatives and friends to see. Everyone is single and open.

People from all over the city, with different degrees and backgrounds, wandered around the village entrance, and from time to time they got a master's degree of 985,211,which made people laugh at themselves: "I feel inferior", and there will be endless college fresh meat in the future. I can't help but sigh: "It's good to be young!"

Literary youth, running and mountaineering, photography and music ... in short, it is a dazzling gathering place for talents.

But there are still many people who spit, and it is really difficult to find a person who likes each other, matches each other and chats with each other. Feelings may make people more engaged and dull than work.

There are puzzling problems and sharing experiences of success and failure. The entrance to the village is a big theater. There are many discussions, and you can even see a debate scene similar to Qipa.

Sure enough, there are scenery all over the world, and I am fortunate to see different wonderful things.

Looking through personal data and profiles casually, I feel that I have gained a lot of knowledge.

It is hard to imagine what kind of sparks such a group of people will collide when they gather on a platform.

Back to the topic we are discussing: how does the gap between high and low academic qualifications widen? It must be accumulated over time.

The most important thing is to look at: personal willpower.

In addition to the circle and environment, how should a low academic degree cultivate their willpower and thinking ability and shorten the gap with Excellence?

What is willpower? Will refers to the psychological process that people consciously determine their own goals, adjust their actions according to the goals, overcome difficulties and achieve the predetermined goals. Will is a concentrated expression of people's conscious initiative and a unique psychological phenomenon of human beings.

Will shows people's initiative to change reality, and has the control and adjustment functions of starting, persisting, stopping and changing psychological state and external behavior.

Once many people resign, it is easy to "lie flat" without external pressure. Because there is no self-control, people without self-control need to force themselves to practice and complete tasks under the pressure of the environment.

Such people are not suitable for self-employment or freelancing.

But willpower can create conditions and can be consciously cultivated.

Seriously, if you want to do something, it often seems simple, but it is not so easy to stick to it. This requires our willpower to resist immediate anxiety and timely temptation.

Even people who are not as highly educated realize this earlier than you, so they can effectively control their willpower to complete each learning task, which may be related to family training or the environment.

Anyway, they just found it before you. We have experienced some things ourselves, or read some books, and we have some feelings because of some words, so it is not too late to start now.

Many people often say, "The best time to plant a tree is ten years ago, followed by now."

Zhao said to him, "Don't let me seize the opportunity. Once I have it, I will seize it desperately! " With a strong sense of self, it is gradually recognized and liked by everyone. She is successful. She overcame herself by willpower, so she has achieved what she is now.

Action never delays, and it persists in delaying satisfaction.

By consulting books, I collected several psychological cases that I think are useful, entered psychology, analyzed, perceived and alerted, found my own shortcomings, broke through myself and achieved superego.

If you are sick, you need to know what disease it is before you can prescribe the right medicine.

Then the psychology is the same. If you are aware of it, you should be alert to your own conscious cultivation and overcome it effectively.

1

▍ Learn to delay satisfaction.

In 1960s, Walter Mischel, a professor of psychology at Stanford University in the United States, designed an experiment called "marshmallows" to study the role of willpower in people's lives.

In a kindergarten, the researchers found dozens of children and took them to a small classroom to sit for 15 minutes.

In the tray on the table, there are things that children like to eat-cotton candy, biscuits or biscuit sticks.

The researchers made the following rules and started the test:

1. Children can eat marshmallows immediately, but there is no reward.

If you can wait until the researcher comes back, you will get an extra marshmallow as a reward.

Children who can't wait can ring the bell on the table, and the researchers will come back immediately. You can eat candy, but you must give up the second piece.

Children struggle painfully with the desire to enjoy themselves in time.

After the experiment began, they found that:

? A small number of children eat sugar immediately without thinking;

? Most children stare at marshmallows, and after 30 seconds, they can't wait to ring the doorbell.

? Only about 30% of the children succeeded in waiting for the experimenter to come back.

Research tracking found that children's academic performance is related to their ability to wait for marshmallows.

Those children who are good at waiting are more likely to succeed in their future career development, while those who are not good at waiting are more likely to be overweight, take drugs and have relatively low achievements in adulthood.

In order to explain this phenomenon, scientists scanned the experimenter's brain with fMRI and outlined the brain neural circuit diagram of the automatic control circuit.

Studies have found that children with self-awareness are more patient and therefore better at delaying enjoyment.

According to the self-control shown in this kind of waiting, Professor Michel put forward "delayed satisfaction".

People who delay satisfaction are willing to give up immediate satisfaction for more valuable long-term results, that is, they have stronger self-control.

Being unable to resist temptation is one of the sources of our many pains.

Delaying satisfaction allows us to temporarily avoid the interference of many temptations, thus making it easier to control our lives.

2

Never put off starting.

College students generally admit that they spend one-third of their waking hours on procrastination, but who knows how much? Tess teaches health psychology in case western reserve university. She identifies procrastinators in class in two ways.

First, at the beginning of the semester, she asked students to fill out a study habit questionnaire.

Then, she assigned a paper to be handed in on a Friday in the middle of the semester. She said that students who didn't hand it in this Friday can hand it in next Tuesday. She also said that if it was not handed in next Tuesday, it would be handed in to her office next Friday-a whole week later than the original deadline.

Later, she found that students with high scores in procrastination questionnaire didn't even bother to write down the first two deadlines. For them, the two extended deadlines are the only deadlines that count.

It is some lecturers who correct the papers. These lecturers don't know when the papers will be handed in, but Tess and baumeister do, so that they can compare the scores of different students. Procrastinators (measured by study habit questionnaire and paper submission time) perform worse, no matter which indicator: lower paper scores, lower mid-term and final exam scores.

Procrastinators suffer in their studies, so is it possible to gain something in other aspects?

Tess also assigned another independent task to the students in the mental health class: recording their health status, including all symptoms and diseases, and how often they go to the school infirmary or other medical services.

Looking back on the first semester's research, Tess found an amazing phenomenon: procrastinators are healthier! They report fewer symptoms and visit doctors less frequently.

It's like a seesaw: it's true that the early bird finishes his homework on time and gets better grades, but the procrastinator is healthier.

There seems to be a price to pay for using willpower before the deadline, which may be to transfer glucose from the immune system.

However, after careful consideration, baumeister and Tess remembered that the task of recording health status ended before the last week of the semester, and the procrastinator wrote a paper in the last week of the semester.

When they don't do their homework, they may be healthier, but what will happen when the term ends and the deadline comes?

So, the researcher did another experiment on another class in another semester. This time, the students recorded their health status until the end of the final exam.

Third, procrastinators get worse grades and better health in the first half of the semester, while some early risers catch a cold while writing papers.

When the deadline is far away, procrastinators live a good life, often play Frisbee, attend parties and get enough sleep.

By the end of the term, the pressure of procrastinators is obviously greater than others.

Now, they must concentrate on finishing their unfinished homework, and their reported symptoms and diseases have increased dramatically. In fact, the procrastinator was too ill at the end of the semester, which offset the health advantage of the first half of the semester compared with others.

They paid the price for staying up late. Generally speaking, they have more health problems throughout the semester.

The worst procrastinators even missed the third and final deadline. They got an "unfinished grade" and put off their homework until next semester-extremely late.

three

▍ Extract willpower from the same narrative.

From Roy, too? Baumeister? A concept put forward by a psychology professor at Florida State University.

At the beginning of every day, you have the greatest reserve of willpower, especially after you have a good sleep and a healthy breakfast. However, after a whole day's work, your willpower will slowly wear off.

Life is so complicated now that it is hard for you to remember that all these seemingly unrelated trivial matters and needs are based on the same account inside your body.

Imagine what happened on an ordinary day. Even if your body still wants to sleep, you still drag yourself out of bed.

Sometimes it takes me a few days to write an article, collect material cases and organize words. In these days, I have to live on takeout. If I cook by myself, I'll take longer. Sometimes it says that if you find that your hair is itchy, you will wash your hair first, or entangle it. This is also a process of internal friction. I use willpower to fight against my thoughts.

Order takeout with your mobile phone. Your mobile phone is very stuck. Want to buy a new mobile phone, no matter what you do, it is always easy to fall into such a trivial environment, which also requires willpower control.

Writing a text, without an established framework, will extend countless themes, such as an uncut tree and extended branches, which need human control and willpower.

In order to avoid such a thing, if you decide to do something, you must set a goal in advance, define a range, and try your best to achieve this goal. It may be a little difficult at first, but in the long run, you will find it easier and easier.

The first step of self-control is to set clear goals.

The technical term used by researchers to refer to self-control is "self-regulation", in which "regulation" highlights the importance of goals. Adjustment means change, but especially purposeful and meaningful change.

Adjustment is to keep up with a specific goal or other standards (other standards refer to the maximum speed limit of expressways and office buildings, etc.). ). Self-control without specific goals or other standards is just aimless change, just like trying to diet without knowing which foods will make people fat.

However, for most of us, the problem is not that there are no goals, but that there are too many goals.

We list a lot of tasks every day, even if there is no external interference, we can't finish these tasks in one day, not to mention the external interference always exists.

By the end of the week, unfinished tasks piled up, but we still put it off again and again, hoping to finish all the tasks at once at some time.

Because of this, ergonomics experts find that managers usually list so many tasks on Monday that they can't finish them in a week.

four

As long as you keep doing some exercise, your willpower will be enhanced.

Some of the most successful strategies were put forward by two Australian psychologists, Megan Otten and Ken Cheng.

They widely recruit people who want to improve a certain aspect of their lives, but there is a requirement that this aspect of their lives can be improved by giving direct help.

They divided people into two groups. One group was the experimental group, which gave immediate help. The other is the control group, which will give help later, but it will effectively ensure that the experimental group and the control group have similar goals and desires.

Everyone gets the same service, but some people have to wait a while to get the service; During the waiting period, these people received the same tests and evaluations as those who were instructed to do willpower enhancement exercises.

Those exercises are directly related to people's goals so that they can see the benefits of following the instructions and be encouraged.

An experiment recruited people who wanted to be healthier but didn't exercise regularly. Some of them immediately joined a gym for free and made regular exercise plans with the help of experimenters.

These people keep diaries and record every movement.

Another experiment recruited students who wanted to improve their study habits.

The group that got help immediately, with the help of the experimenter, determined the long-term goals and general tasks, and decomposed the long-term goals into stage goals and the general tasks into small tasks.

Their study plans should also be coordinated with other aspects of life (such as part-time jobs). In the process of carrying out the plan, they keep logs and diaries to monitor the progress.

Another experiment recruited people who wanted to improve their financial habits. With the help of experimenters, they made a budget and planned how to save more money.

In addition to keeping accounts, they also keep diaries to record their feelings and their struggles of spending money but not spending it-how to force themselves to stay at home to avoid the temptation of shop windows, or how to force themselves to sacrifice their holidays to save money, or postpone their regular shopping.

In all experiments, the subjects will come to the laboratory from time to time to do an exercise that seems to have nothing to do with the self-improvement project. In this exercise, the subjects must look at the computer screen. There are six black squares on the screen, three of which will glow briefly, and then all the squares will slide on the screen and change their positions randomly. After 5 seconds, the subjects must use the mouse to point out which squares glow first.

In this way, in order to get good grades, you must carefully write down which squares you should always stare at.

To make this exercise more difficult, there is a one-man comic performance of eddie murphy on a TV nearby (the audience laughs from time to time).

If you go to see him or listen to his jokes too attentively, you can't stare at the square. In order to get high marks, you must ignore jokes and laughter and focus on boring squares.

This exercise absolutely requires self-control. Every time they come to the laboratory, the subjects have to do this exercise twice. The first time I did it when I was still energetic in the laboratory, and the second time I did it after I lost my willpower.

The results of all these experiments basically show the same pattern.

As time goes by, those who often train their self-control in fitness, study and financial management will pay less attention to Eddie Murphy's comedy performances and track the moving squares more and more.

In particular, the most important improvement is losing resistance (that is, every time I come to the laboratory for the second self-control test, my grades are getting better and better). Therefore, practice enhances the endurance of the subjects' willpower, so that they can persist in resisting temptation after wasting their spiritual resources.

Not surprisingly, they are close to their respective goals.

People who exercise regularly are healthier; People who improve their study habits finish more homework; People who improve their financial habits save more money.

However, there is a real surprise-they have also improved in other aspects. People who participated in the research project reported that they did more exercise and spent less money. People who participate in fitness programs and financial programs report that they study harder.

Training self-control in one aspect of life seems to improve self-control in all aspects of life.

They smoke less and drink less.

They have tidied up the house more neatly. Instead of stacking dishes in the sink, they cleaned them in time. They wash clothes more often. They procrastinate less.

Instead of watching TV or killing time with friends, they do things first. They eat less junk food and their eating habits become healthy.

You may think that people who start to exercise will naturally start to eat healthier, but in fact, other studies often observe the opposite.

Once you start exercising, you feel that you have performed well and are entitled to a reward-let yourself eat a high-calorie meal.

By the way, this is an example of the "licensing effect". The so-called licensing effect means that when you do good things, you act as if you have the right to do bad things.

However, in this experiment, the fitness group did not indulge themselves to eat junk food just because of excessive exercise.

The budget team did not give up expensive fresh food or other healthy food to save money, and made do with cheaper food. If anything, it is that more money has been spent on healthy food, which is obviously because self-control has been enhanced in an all-round way.

Some people even report that their temper control ability has increased. This interesting finding was later verified in another study, which was conducted by Otten and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University and other psychologists on domestic violence.

The researchers asked people how likely they were to use physical violence against their partners under certain circumstances. The situations involved include not being "respected" by your partner, or seeing your partner have sex with someone else.

Physical violence includes slapping, beating or imitating a person. Then, the researchers asked the people in the experimental group to do willpower exercises for two weeks.

Two weeks later, these people reported that when they were angered by their partners, they were less inclined to use physical violence against their partners, whether compared with their own previous situation or compared with the control group (people who did not practice willpower). For ethical and practical reasons, researchers can't calculate how often people actually commit physical violence against their partners, so they can only rely on people's self-reports. )

If self-control is enhanced, domestic violence will be reduced.

In a word, these studies show that training willpower has great benefits. People who are committed to improving one aspect of their lives will unconsciously improve other aspects of their lives.

Laboratory tests provide an explanation for this: their willpower is gradually increasing, so they are more tolerant.

Focus on changing one aspect of self-control, and many other aspects will benefit.

?

Psychological experiments show that in order to enjoy the results of willpower training, you don't have to have extraordinary willpower like Franklin or Brian at the beginning: as long as you insist on doing some exercises, your willpower will be fully enhanced.