Looking for funny jokes

1. The legend of mosquitoes

①A: "Oh! I never slept well last night!" B: "What's going on?" A: "I killed one Just a mosquito." B: "Then you should sleep better!" A: "I thought so at first, but who knew that a bunch of mosquitoes came and held a memorial service for it? We actually had a dinner together!”

②Two Scottish immigrants who arrived in New York stayed at the hotel for the night. They were very annoyed by the mosquitoes all night, and one of them said: "Sandy, cover your head with the quilt, so the mosquitoes can't bite us." After a while, he stretched out his head to breathe fresh air. At this time, he saw fireflies that he had never seen before, so he shouted: "Oh God, it's useless to cover your head. Mosquitoes are looking for us with lanterns."

3. Who is thick-skinned?

Miss Tan said to Mr. Lin: "Do you know what is the best in the world?" "I don't know." Mr. Lin said. "That's your beard! You are so thick-skinned, but they still break out." "Do you know what is the thickest thing in the world?" Mr. Lin asked. "I don't know." Miss Tan replied. "That's your face." Mr. Lin said, "The beard is so sharp, but it just won't grow under your face."

4. Disadvantages

Teacher: "Have you realized the disadvantage of sleeping in class?" Student: "Yes." Teacher: "What is the disadvantage?" Student: "The disadvantage is that it is not as comfortable as sleeping in bed."

5. Solve the problem

Teacher (pointing to the Pacific region on the globe with his index finger): "What is this?" No one answered. Teacher: "Ted, you are good at solving difficult problems. Please answer it." Ted: "It's the index finger, one of the ten fingers."

6. There is one less question

< p>In chemistry class, the teacher assigns homework. "Exercise 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 16, 19, just do these." Suddenly I heard a few boys shouting: "Teacher, there is one less question." The teacher was overjoyed, thinking that finally the students would take the initiative to learn. day. So he said with a smile: "Okay, let's add questions 22 and 27." The bell rang after class, and all the boys ran to the lottery betting station, saying as they ran: "Our teacher is so good, we have special numbers now. ”

7. Interview

Jack went to a bar to apply for a guard job. The bar manager asked him: "Do you have any experience?" "Of course!" Jack looked around and saw a drunken drinker. He walked over and grabbed him immediately, then kicked him out of the door. Then he proudly asked the manager: "Can I see the general manager now?" "Then I'm afraid you have to wait for him, because he was kicked out by you just now."

8 .Make the same mistake again and again

A certain gentleman was late for the banquet. After hurriedly taking a seat, he saw the roasted suckling pig in front of him, so he said happily: "It's not bad, I'm sitting next to the suckling pig."

As soon as he said this, he realized that there was a The fat lady looked at each other angrily, and he hurriedly said with a smile: "I'm sorry, I meant the baked one."

9. Wrong direction

On the Orient Express, The conductor looked at the ticket of an old lady and said: "This is a ticket from Berlin to Paris, but our train is to Istanbul."

The old lady looked at the conductor seriously and asked: " What should I do? Didn't even the driver notice that he was driving in the wrong direction? "

10. Fishing

Patrolman: "Fishing is prohibited here, and the fisherman is fined 20 yuan." : "I'm not fishing, I'm teaching earthworms to swim." Patrolman: "Really? Let me see." Angler: "Look." Patrolman: "Swimming naked, fined 50 yuan."

< p>11. Bird recognition

In a certain university's animal subject examination, the professor in charge announced the test question: "There are ten birds in front of the classroom. Each bird is covered with a cloth bag, and only the legs are exposed. . Please carefully observe the legs of each bird, and then tell them their common names, habits, etc. "A college student observed the legs of each bird, but in his opinion, these birds seemed to be the same, and the more he looked, the more annoyed he became. , stood up and said to the professor: "This exam is too boring." The professor was surprised by his words and deeds, and quickly asked: "Which class are you in, and what is your name?" The angry student walked to the podium and lifted up his pants. , patted his thigh and shouted to the professor: "Aren't you awesome? Then look at my legs and see which class I am in?"

12. Same as above

There are couples During the quarrel, the wife was a shrew and cursed a lot, "Fuck you, go to hell..." The husband was a professor and couldn't curse, but he couldn't bear it and shouted: "Same as above, same as above!"

13. Aesthetics

Question: "What are the differences between the aesthetic concepts of the Qing Dynasty and the Tang Dynasty?" Answer: "The beauties of the Qing Dynasty, such as Lin Daiyu - 'beautiful people don't know how to mount a horse'; the beauties of the Tang Dynasty, such as Yang Guifei - —'A beautiful woman cannot support herself'."

14. Monk

A man had a meal with a beautiful woman. It was a hot day, and the beautiful woman in a miniskirt secretly spread her legs. The man shouted: "Close!" The beautiful woman quickly closed her legs. At this time, a monk sat down at the next table.

15. Wukong

A certain man teased his niece at night: "I am Sun Wukong." The next morning, the man woke up in pain, and the niece said: "Uncle Wukong, I will stuff an embroidery needle into you. It's in my ears, please help me conjure a golden hoop.

”

16. On the plane

During the journey, one propeller of the plane stopped turning. Except for a woman who was sleeping on a plane for the first time, everyone was praying. After the plane landed , people praised her bravery. However, when she learned the truth, her face turned pale with fear and she exclaimed: "Oh my God, I thought it was stopping to save fuel." "

17. To the duck's butt

After the downpour...an old man was driving ducks...a man driving a BMW asked him: "Is the water deep?" The old man said, "Don't worry, the car will definitely be passable." "Soon... the car was submerged in the water. The man yelled: "Isn't it passable..."

The old man: "Yes, the water only reached the duck's butt just now!" ”

18. Fake cleanness

There is a friend who always washes his hands after going to the toilet. I admire his cleanliness very much. However, one day he came out without washing his hands after going to the toilet. I asked him why in surprise, and he said: "I happened to bring toilet paper today. "

19. Class Belle

During the self-study class, the academic director came in and said to the monitor: "Find two people for me, I want to (move) the class belle! "The squad leader immediately organized the whole class to vote for the class beauty. After a class, they finally unified their opinions and selected the two most beautiful girls in the class. The two girls shyly went to the director, and the director said: "Follow me. Go to the Academic Affairs Office, I want to move the flowers..."

20. Spot it at first sight

The woman said to the matchmaker: "You are lying, he is blind in one eye, and you are not. tell me. "Why didn't I tell you?" The matchmaker said: "After you met for the first time, I said: He took a liking to you at first sight." "

21. Urine test

Dumb was doing a physical examination, and the nurse asked him to do a urine test and a stool test. The result took a long time, and the nurse was surprised: "Can you do the test? Dumb: "I've swallowed the urine, but it's a little difficult to defecate." "

22. Picking up girls

My husband was giving my 3-year-old daughter a bath. As soon as I put her into the basin, my daughter yelled: "Mom, look, daddy is picking up girls." ”

23. Arbitrary

A woman was so arbitrary that her husband had to take her to see a psychiatrist. The husband waited outside for almost an hour, and his wife finally came out. The husband asked He said: "Are you feeling better now? "There is no big change," the lady said. "It took me 50 minutes to convince him that the hospital bed is much better if it is placed on the side against the wall than in the middle..."

24. Turn over Disc

A lunatic was lying on the bed singing. As he sang, he turned over and continued singing. The doctor asked him: "You can just sing. Why are you turning over?" "The psycho said: "Are you stupid? After singing side A, of course I sang side B! "

25. Teeth grinding

The husband was rushing to write a paper, but his wife just kept nagging at the side. The husband was helpless and sighed and said: "People have red sleeves to study, so I Reading is complicated by red sleeves; when someone writes an article, a beautiful woman grinds his ink, and when I write an article, a beautiful woman grinds her teeth. "

26. Settlement of accounts

A butcher who just became a father said angrily: "It's just crazy. The obstetrician's consultation fees, hospitalization fees and nursing fees add up to more than 100,000 yuan." This kid actually costs 800 yuan per kilogram! ”

27. Parking

One day I took a bus home with my classmates. There was an old lady in the first charity seat. She stood up every time the bus arrived. . I stood dozens of times along the way. The classmate couldn't bear it, so he asked the grandma: "Grandma, why do you stand up every time the car stops?" Grandma: “Every time the car pulls into a stop, the display panel above the driver will display ‘Stop for a moment’, so I have to stand every time the car pulls over!” "Classmate: "Please, grandma, that means 'stop at the next stop', not 'stop for a while'. "

28. Donate

On a certain day in a certain year and a certain month, a couple got married. After the wedding...

The best man: "What are you doing? A bitter face? "

Groom: "Ugh... I just asked the pastor how much he should pay? He originally said there was no charge, but he also said that some people donate based on the beauty of the bride: the more beautiful the bride, the more donations. ”

Best man: “Then how much do you give?” "

Groom: "1 yuan. ”

Best man: “Then you’ve earned it!” Why are you still grimacing? ”

Groom: “But...but, he asked me for 50 cents!” "

29. Responsible

A 5-year-old boy kissed a 4-year-old girl.

The girl said: "You kissed me? ”

“Yes. "The boy said.

"Then you must be responsible. "The girl said.

The boy said seriously: "I will, because we are no longer 3 years old. "

30. Quiet method

The class is having a class meeting, and the students are talking all over the place and are very noisy. At this time, the head teacher said: "Dear students, let's go now. To do a facial exercise, please open your mouth into an O shape. "Everyone acted cooperatively, and the whole classroom fell into silence. The teacher continued: "According to my many years of experience, it is the most effective way to make students change from noisy to quiet immediately. It has been tried and tested without fail. "

31. Elegant Language

One day in the physics class, when the teacher was frothing at the mouth, a classmate raised his hand.

The teacher said: "Does this classmate always have a bowel movement?"

The student said: "I want to poop..."

The teacher said: "It's all like this Now that you are older, can’t you speak more politely?”

The student immediately raised his hand and said, “Teacher, my anus makes me want to vomit…”

32. I can beat you more accurately.

Mom: "Aren't you shy about fighting with your best friend?"

Son: "But he hit me with a stone first, so I used a stone too. Throw him."

Mom: "When he throws stones at you, you should come back and tell me immediately."

Son: "What's the use of me?" I have to be more accurate than you."

33. Experience the script

Wife: "Dear, stop drinking, you are about to get drunk!"

Husband: "It's better to be drunk. This time the director asked me to play an alcoholic. I just want to experience it..."

Wife: "Okay, then I'm leaving!"

Husband: "Hey, why are you leaving?"

Wife: "I read the script. The drunkard beat his wife when he was drunk..."

34. Reasons for divorce

The husband went to the court to file for divorce from his wife. The judge asked him: "Why do you want to divorce her?" A travel permit for a vacation in Bulgaria. I immediately called my wife and asked her if she would go with me..."

"She doesn't want to go?"

"No, She shouted with joy and said, 'I do, I do!' and thanked her again and again."

"Then..."

"But she finally asked: 'You. Who is it? '."

35. Looking for a partner

A girl came to a marriage agency that uses an electronic computer and entered her marriage requirements into the computer: I want to I’m looking for a partner who shouldn’t be too tall, who likes to wear dresses on weekdays, and who likes ice sports. After the computer beeped for a while, it immediately gave her an answer: Penguin.

36. Bullfighting

A bullfighter drank until he was shaking and unable to control himself. Then he took a shortcut to the arena, where a bull was already lying on the arena. The matador immediately held his horns and fought fiercely with the bull, and finally the bull fled. Afterwards, the matador said to his friends: "I did drink a little too much just now, otherwise I would have to drag the guy off the bicycle."

37. A perfect shot

Fans: "Your players' shots in the game were either high or wide. How do you improve the accuracy of the shots?" Coach: "I punished the players who used 'anti-aircraft guns' in the game to keep practicing shooting at one point. "Fans: "How is the effect?" Coach: "The accuracy has improved greatly beyond my imagination. In the next game, they all shot the ball accurately at the opponent's goalkeeper."

38. .Heredity and environment

My son is thinking about the issue of "heredity and environment". The mother interjected: "This question is very simple. Everyone knows that if a child is like his father, it is genetic; if he is like his neighbor, it is environment."

39. Example

Grammar Lesson Above, they are all teaching verb tenses. He asked Eileen: "Tell me, what is the future tense of 'love'?" Eileen replied without hesitation: "Marriage!"

40. Answer

Teacher : "The stairs in a building are divided into 4 sections, each section has 20 steps. If you want to go to the top floor, how many steps do you have to climb in one step?" Student: "All the steps!"

< p>41. Drunk man recognizes home

The police sent a drunk man to the door and said to him: "Is this really your home?"

"If you open the door for me Open the door and I'll prove it to you right away!" The policeman opened the door and took him in.

"Do you see that piano? That's mine. Do you see that TV? That's mine too." They went up to the second floor. "This is my bedroom 0. Do you see that bed? The woman sleeping in that bed is my wife. Do you see the person sleeping with her?"

The policeman asked suspiciously Said: "How?"

"That's me."

42. The Road Home

The police saw a drunk touching the side of a large wooden barrel While walking in circles, he said: "What's wrong with you?"

"It's okay! I'm going home. The end of this wooden fence is my home."

43. Hurry up and scold me.

Husky returned home drunk, opened the bedroom door and said to his wife: "I'm back, you hurry up and scold me. Otherwise, I won't be able to find a bed in the dark."

1. Mobile phone text messages

1. Do you remember when you were in kindergarten? The teacher said to the children: Anyone who pees on the bed will be fined three yuan for the first time, five yuan for the second time, and ten yuan for the third time. At this time I saw you stand up and say loudly: How much is the teacher’s monthly subscription?

2. In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet, you go to relieve yourself, fall into the latrine, fight with maggots, compete with shit, no one saves you, sacrifice heroically, great life, silent death, in memory of you , the toilet has lights.

3

11. I have almost finished thinking about you. My eyes turned blue in the middle of the night. I forgot to pay for the things I bought. I am not even hungry for pork vermicelli. 1+1= 3 all found it difficult. Zhao Benshan looked at Sun Nan and cried so much that he even wanted to hurt himself. .

12. The man gave up his seat to the beautiful woman. The beautiful woman wiped the seat with paper before sitting down. Unexpectedly, she farted loudly as soon as she sat down. The man laughed: The lady is really good at hygiene. She wiped the seat and wiped it clean. Blow on it. .

2. Continuous classic short jokes

1. A soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: "What can I do? If I step on it, I will pay according to the price."

2. I haven't received your message for a long time. I feel very sad.

I thought about death. I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, and jumped over the building with a parachute.

I hung myself with noodles, but I didn't die.

Just treat me to a meal and forget about it until I die

3. If you feel that your heart is broken, please call me! If you want to talk about love, please press 1, if you want to talk about work, please press 2, if you want to talk about life, please press 3, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press 5, if you want to ask me to eat, please say so, if you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

4. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later the giraffe filed for divorce: I don’t want to live this kind of jumping up and down life anymore! The monkey was furious: Just leave! Who has ever seen someone climb a tree to get a kiss?

5. Fish said: "I open my eyes all the time so that I can't leave you." Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and hold you tight." .” Guo said, “It’s almost too late and there’s so much nonsense.”

6. Have you eaten? Please receive text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Ya La Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7. You have grown up, and there are some things you should know: the sky is for wind and rain; the earth is for growing flowers and grass; I , is used to prove how great human beings are; you are used to stew vermicelli.

8. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

10. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! Alas, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

11. I give you the 12 zodiac signs. I wish you are as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, and as naughty as a sheep. Monkeys are as beautiful as chickens, loyal as dogs, and look like pigs!

12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the poop of the gibbon. The gibbon gently and carefully cleaned it and they fell in love. Others asked how they got together? The chimpanzee said with emotion: Ape dung! It’s all ape dung!

13. The lion and the bear defecated next to a tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his defecation was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes - lion poop. Better than bear poop!

14. You think of a number in your mind, add 52.8 to it, multiply it by 5, then subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your mind. The answer Very romantic!

15. You keep farting loudly in the office, and your colleagues can’t help but ask you if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shaking and shaking, and asked you what you were doing. You replied that I had set it to vibrate!

17. Legend has it that you were so ruthless that you lay down across four seats in the theater. When someone asked you to get up, you just grunted and stayed still. The security guard came and said: My friend is ruthless enough. , which road? You gritted your teeth and said, "I fell down from the aisle upstairs!"

18. I miss you, think of you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water and look at you all day long - are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

19. Dear user, at this time we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the cause of Palestinian national liberation. For this reason, the Palestinian Autonomous Government has decided to award you a lofty title in the name of the entire Arab world: Ben Shalebacki!

20. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being so stupid that they have no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying so that they can see ghosts in daylight.

21. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I care about you, little boy. , I’ll make you dizzy!

22. Have you heard of it? Five hundred times of looking back in the past life are only exchanged for one brush with each other in this life. For close friends like you and me, it seems that we didn’t do anything in our previous lives except to look back!

23. Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to take them to a remote mountainous area to spend them. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 yuan of candied haws. , they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

24. Portrait of your life: Learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten - Zhu Ziqing; shine at the age of twenty - Zhu Shimao; find a job at the age of thirty - Zhu establishes a career; be employed at the age of forty Servants - pigs get servants; learn to play basketball at the age of fifty - pigs shoot!

25. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said: "I love you." The little girl said: "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said: "Of course, we are no longer one or two years old!"

26. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

27. One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: It’s weird that I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally one day you couldn't help but declare loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

28. The three most popular words during the Iraq War: peace, war. To find out, connect these three English words and read them aloud three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (The fart was made by me)...

29. People can fall in love, which is not special; cows can eat grass, which is not special; pigs can ring the phone, which is special; also according to! What a miraculous pig!

Wow! Still laughing! What a cool pig!

30. There are two sentences that I have always wanted to say to you, and today I finally got the courage: the first sentence, I love you and I like you so much; the second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously< /p>

31. Psychological test:

Press down if you think you have a high IQ

Press down if you think you are quite humorous

If you think you are quite attractive, press down

If you think you are quite handsome, press down

Quiz results:

Quite shameless

p>

32. I see the vicissitudes of life between your eyebrows, I see confidence in your eyes, I see the years on your forehead, and I see leeks between your lips and teeth. Go and brush your teeth!

33. Eat shit, 簟璁, 醭歙, 艽绱, 癀穑,鍍惃,偬彘, 皪璁,祭写, how many of the above words do you know? Have you found that you have nothing but eating? Shit can do nothing?

34. Two cows are eating grass. One of them said, "There is an epidemic of mad cow disease recently. We won't be infected, right?" The other said, "No, we are kangaroos." Already crazy!

35. I have always been an unknown knight in the world, until one day I met you, the most mysterious person in the legend, and I actually called you by your name. From then on, I also became famous in the world. No.: Zhizhu narrow!

37. Doctor: "Why can't you find my pen? I want to give you a prescription." The patient reminded in a low voice: "Doctor, didn't you put it under my armpit? "Is it in?"

42. A student said, "Where did you take my shirt?" The roommate "sent it to the laundry room." "Oh my God, I took it from the history class." All the key points are recorded on the sleeves."

43. A lunatic was lying on the bed singing. He turned over and continued singing. The doctor asked him: Just sing, why do you turn over? ah? The lunatic said: Fool, after singing side A, of course I will sing side B!

44. nHZ! HS OM knows that you can’t guess or understand.

Take a closer look! Still can’t see it? Do you know pinyin?

There must be a limit to your stupidity, right? Turn your phone upside down and look!

45. Father: "Why are you so stupid? You are such a little pig! Ahem! Do you know what a little pig is?" Son: "Yes, he is the son of a pig."

< p>46. Girl: I always feel that your character is exactly the same as mine when I was a child. Lover: Really? The two of us are really destined. Girl: When I was a kid, I loved lying. Lover: ...

47. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived.

48. A man was about to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: My dear, don’t be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! After hearing this, the man jumped down. The policeman said: You really shouldn’t threaten him like this!

49. The prisoner was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, please strangle me to death! It’s so fucking scary....

1. Buy popsicles. 1.5 yuan. Give the boss 10 yuan. The boss gives 8.5 yuan in change. Then throw the 8.5 yuan into the trash can. Thinking something was wrong, I threw the popsicle into the trash can again. I left a sorbet wrapper on my hand. . . cold. . . . In the end, I went through the trash can myself. .

2. Some time ago, I went shopping at Jiayichu Lotus. There were two foreign friends checking out in front of me at the checkout counter. At that time, the clerk asked: "Can you speak Chinese?", and the two foreign friends used The Chinese replied "If you speak slower, we can understand you!", the clerk then said: "Can...you...speak...Chinese?"

3. Since I have the habit of washing my hands every time after eating, do I pay attention to hygiene?

Unfortunately, one day, a classmate asked me very loudly in class: "Why do you wash your hands every time after eating?" I answered him inexplicably: "Wash your hands before eating and after using the toilet." . . ” Suddenly, the whole class was silent. . .

4. That was in the first grade of elementary school. Now that I think about it, it’s really... In the self-study class that afternoon, the teacher arranged for us to do homework and said: Who? You can go home after finishing your homework for the day! The teacher will correct your homework on the podium!!!! I was a good student back then. It only took 15 minutes for me to finish the 40-minute self-study class, because I almost finished it. I was so immersed in it that I forgot I was in class and thought I was at home. I thought I was almost done writing, so I raised my head and shouted: Mom, I want to eat steamed sausage and fried eggs tonight (this is my favorite)! I didn't pay attention at the time, and the teacher didn't pay attention either and agreed: Okay! (The teacher also has a son). The teacher and I felt something was wrong in the voice at the same time, and then we looked up and realized we were at school. We were both sweating... ........Then there was a flood of laughter from the whole class......So...the self-study class ended early Yes, I was laughed at by my classmates for a whole semester

5. Once I invited a friend to dinner and after ordering many dishes, I suddenly realized that I didn’t bring my wallet at all! ! I was so dizzy, but I didn't want to say anything. The meals after that were already like a piece of cake for me, and I was just thinking about how I could get through this. Then suddenly something came to my mind. I picked up my phone and pretended to make a call. I yelled at the phone for a long time and said some nonsense about why I took my wallet away without saying a word. (At this time, my friend was already embarrassed and said that I paid. , I’ll pay, you don’t know your husband took the wallet away, it’s okay) Just when I was feeling happy that this white lie was about to succeed, suddenly the phone rang loudly in my ear...

< p>6. The freshmen started military training and stood in military posture in the summer. A boy in the class fainted. His classmates surrounded him, and some knowledgeable classmates shouted from the outside circle: pinch people, pinch people.

The female classmate closest to the boy thought for a long time, made a lot of determination, and accurately pinched the penis of the fainting man.

7. I went back to my hometown in the countryside last Sunday to see I was watching my grandparents, and my uncle happened to be there too. We chatted and watched TV. Halfway through, my uncle suddenly had a stomachache, so he went to the toilet to defecate... A few minutes later... I suddenly heard a loud noise in the toilet. Say one sentence: Ah~~~~~~~~Damn it~~!!! My grandma went to the toilet and scolded her little uncle, saying: He is such an old man and he still talks dirty! Uncle: I’m sorry, oh my god .When I was wiping my buttocks...halfway through wiping, my nose suddenly started to runny. So I naturally picked up the toilet paper in my hand and wiped my nose...!

..... .....

That was the most intense laugh I have ever seen my grandma...!

8. My girlfriend asked me to go to the hospital a few days ago, and I asked What's wrong, she said, her legs are a little bent, commonly known as O-shaped legs. She felt that it was affecting her appearance, so she decided to go to the hospital to see if there was a solution. Because my girlfriend has always been polite, she felt a little embarrassed. It was her first time to come to the hospital just to look beautiful. So when the doctor asked her what was going on, she said: Doctor, there is a strip between my legs. Meet. The doctor was startled, and then said: Nonsense, it’s the gentlemen who didn’t meet me...

9. During the Mid-Autumn Festival when I was a sophomore in high school, my pager suddenly beeped during class. As a result, it was confiscated by the teacher. In the afternoon, the teacher called me to the office, gave me a severe scolding, and asked me to write a 2,000-word review. After finally finishing the training, the teacher pointed at the desk and said, "Take it back." I was so dazed by the training that I looked up and saw a box of beautifully packaged mooncakes on the table (actually, it was given to the teacher by the school). Welfare), I was so grateful that I completely forgot about my BP machine, grabbed the mooncakes and ran away... The teacher walked out slowly and said "Hey——" blankly...

10. In class that day, I drew a pig and stuck it on the back of the classmate in front of me. He soon discovered it, tore the pig off and glared at me. I was very confused and asked him: "How do you know there is a pig behind you?"

11. I pinched the neck of a big rooster but did not dare to cut it. After hesitating for a long time, the chicken unexpectedly I strangled him to death

12. Once while eating and chatting in the canteen, I suddenly realized that I had dropped a piece of rice outside. I secretly felt that I was sorry for the farmer uncle by wasting food, so I picked it up and ate it. But later I found out that the meal didn’t seem to be mine...

13. One time I was on a bus, and there was a pretty girl next to me. A pervert was harassing me behind her. When I saw my girl, I turned around and yelled: "You squeeze me." "A JB!" Everyone in the car was silent, only to hear the pervert timidly said: "A JB." The whole car burst into laughter, and then the pervert got off at the next stop.

14. Come again. A toilet. My classmate's university is a key university. I have never been there, but I heard that all the facilities are in place, such as an electronic reading room and a campus card. What's even more ridiculous is that the toilet still has voice-activated flushing.

Once, she was sending text messages while defecating. When she was done and was about to get up, she accidentally dropped her cell phone. The urinal was very shallow. In fact, it would be okay if she picked it up immediately and wiped it clean. thing.

But--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------She was startled by the phone falling, and unconsciously shouted: "Ah!" As a result, the phone was washed away...

15. A: Does my avatar look like a cow?

B: Like

16. One day, the water was turned on in the workplace canteen. I accidentally splashed water on my hand. A lady behind me took my hand and asked with concern: "Are your hands not burned?" Although it hurt, in order to show my manliness, I gritted my teeth and said, "It's okay, it's okay." Pretending to be nonchalant. MM suddenly turned around and said to the people in line behind her, "Go back, the water is not boiling today."

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