How to chat with friends (how to chat happily with others)

Everyone has their own frequency of chatting.

When we are not on the same chat frequency as the other party, it is difficult for us to form a chatting situation with the other party and have a smooth conversation.

Only by entering the frequency that the other party recognizes or likes, or letting the other party enter our communication frequency, can everyone understand what each other is saying and achieve a smooth chat effect.

For example, if a sales person chats with customers at his own frequency, without understanding the other person's needs and wishes, and recommends various products right from the start, this approach will easily arouse the customer's resentment. Emotional.

On the contrary, if he can get to know the other person's interests a little bit, know the other person's job and other preferences, then he can talk to the other person slowly and deeply about these parts, get the other person's needs, and finally find every opportunity to use them. Direct the topic to your own products, so this approach will not feel too abrupt.

The most taboo thing in chatting is to show a strong sense of "need" and "compulsion".

The best way to eliminate these feelings is to adjust your frequency to be consistent with the other person's, and use the topics that the other person is interested in as an entry point to get familiar with the other person.

By chatting in this way, you can slowly eliminate the strangeness in your heart, thereby improving your relationship with each other.

So what can we do to find out the other person’s points of interest and gain opportunities for conversation? Looking for the *** ringing point

What is the "*** ringing point"?

What you say is what the other party is willing to listen to and can trigger their inner emotions. Then these words are the conditions for creating a buzz point.

When we chat with others, it is best to find topics that are similar to the other person’s interests and hobbies.

The key point of business negotiations is the consensus reached by both parties. The main point of chatting in ordinary life is the same view and feeling of things.

When we start chatting with strangers, we need to find suitable topics and build a chatting situation based on the characteristics of the object. With a good topic, each other can lower their guard and talk in a natural manner.

In other words, the topic chosen must be appropriate to avoid awkward conversations.

Generally speaking, from the perspective of chat analysis, the topics that can be used for conversation can be divided into four types:

1. Topics that only one party is familiar with;

2. Topics that both parties are familiar with;

3. Topics that one party is familiar with and one is interested in;

4. Topics that both parties are interested in;

These four topics can all form a chat situation. But by developing from the bottom up, the more you can look for topics from the upper consciousness, the more smooth, natural and unrestrained chat you can make.

In other words, the best chat topic is one that both parties can talk about and both parties are interested in talking about.

Of course, sometimes when the other party is a "guest", we must use the other party as the protagonist and talk about topics that the other party can talk about and are interested in talking about.

So how can we talk step by step and find the topics that the other party is interested in? Get information from chatting

Chatting is the most commonly used way of chatting in our social activities.

The topics of small talk are small and ordinary contents that each of us will come into contact with, and do not involve too much personal privacy. For example:

"I don't have enough space on my phone recently and I often need to clear the memory. Do you have such a problem?"

"I found that going to bed early and getting up early has a negative impact on a person's mental state. "It will be a big improvement. What time do you usually go to bed?"

"I went to a newly opened restaurant with my friends before. The buffet was only 68 people, and you could eat all kinds of seafood!"

These topics are included in the "clothing, food, housing, and transportation" of our lives. With this as a starting point for chatting, anyone can have something to say without worrying about not being able to start a conversation.

Starting with these simple topics and then deriving other topics step by step is a good way to expand the topic.

Regarding these chat topics, you can exchange opinions in depth or switch them at will. After chatting one after another, for people who don’t know how to chat, you can quickly build a chat situation and break the awkward situation. atmosphere.

Use small talk topics to arouse the other person's desire to chat, and then raise some small questions to further discuss. In this way, each other can start chatting with questions and answers.

For example:

You: "I found that going to bed early and getting up early will greatly improve people's mental state. What time do you usually go to bed?"

< p> Him: "I usually have to go to bed at one or two in the morning, I can't help it, I'm used to it.

"

You: "Can you survive the next day? Don’t you feel physically tired or something? "

Him: "Yes! I always feel very lack of energy the next day, as if I didn’t get enough sleep, which greatly affects my work. "

You: "I saw a Chinese medicine doctor before and said that the best time to sleep is to go to bed at 10 o'clock in the evening and get up at 6 o'clock in the morning. Rather get up early and work than stay up late trying to get things done. "

Him: "Of course I know, but I can't finish the work. I keep thinking about it and I can't sleep! ”

If your trouble happens to be someone else’s trouble, then this kind of chatting can arouse other people’s screams, which in turn will trigger the other person’s psychology of strong communication.

Many times, chatting does not have to be deliberate. Start with small talk and gradually start chatting naturally. Use details to get close to the other person.

The biggest difficulty in chatting with people you don’t know well is “not knowing what to do.” "Talk about", I don’t know what to talk about. Even if it is a casual chat, it is difficult to initiate a topic casually.

At this time, the best way is to understand the other party and build a structure based on information that the other party is familiar with. Topic.

Of course, the process of "understanding" must be completed in a short time, otherwise it will be protracted and it will be difficult for others to know what you are going to do.

< p> How can you "understand" the other party in a short time? The answer is to use your observation skills.

As long as you can obtain some obvious information about the other party through observation of details, you can use it. This builds a topic and eliminates the feeling of strangeness.

For example, if you are taking a high-speed train and the person sitting opposite you is a girl, and you want to chat with her, then you can observe what she is doing or what she is talking about. , understand everyone's "*** similarities", and then build a topic.

For example, if the other person is reading a book, you can use this book as a subject to ask about the other person's reading experience; or overhear the other person's reading experience. When you want to travel somewhere, you can use this as a topic to ask about the other person’s travel experience.

But this is not enough. This is just the beginning of small talk. Next, you have to continue to use observation.

The so-called observation is to discover as much as possible the details that can reflect the other person's personality and hobbies. After you open up the other person’s chat box through small talk, you can use these judgments to talk about some topics that the other person is interested in, and then go further. After getting to know the other person deeply, the chat situation will finally be formed. For example:

You: "Sorry to bother you, I just heard you say you want to travel to Wuhan, right?" "

The other party: "Ah, yes. ”

You: “I am going to Shanghai for work now. After I finish my work, I want to find a place to play for two days. I just heard that you are going to Wuhan to travel. I would like to ask if you have any relevant travel plans that can help you.” May I refer to it? "

The other party: "Actually, we don't have any detailed plans, but we generally know the places in Wuhan that we must visit. "

You: "How many days do you plan to play? "

The other party: "About three or four days, just casually shopping, these few days are enough for us. ”

You: “Seeing that you are fully equipped, including a camera and sun protection clothing, I think you must travel often and be prepared before departure. On the contrary, I am the kind of person who goes I just go wherever I go and rarely do any travel tips. So when I saw such an experienced person in front of me, I couldn't help but ask for advice. "

The other party: "Where? I was just bored on vacation and found a place to hang out. It was also my first time to go to Wuhan. ”

You: “That’s it! ”

It can be seen that if you know the other party’s situation in advance and then use it to cut into the topic and chat with the other party, then this kind of preparation is very useful for the conversation that is about to begin.

In other words, by improving our observation skills and our quick thinking ability, we can quickly come up with topics for communication.

If we want to improve our observation skills, there are many ways to improve our observation skills. You need to do two things:

First, focus on the other person.

Focusing on the other person does not mean that you have to use a vulgar way. , or observe in a way that makes others feel uncomfortable. Instead, you need to know how to adjust your speaking direction according to the other person's different reactions.

If the other person is a warm and cheerful person, you should. Show a corresponding attitude. If the other person is more reserved, the topic of your chat should be conservative and polite.

Second, focus on the relevant areas;

In addition to focusing on the other person, you should also pay careful attention to some places that are related to them or that echo the current topic.

For example, when talking about travel on a high-speed train, when the train passes by a beautiful place, you have to combine the scenery with your topic and properly integrate it with the scene at that time.

When you do this, you will be able to maintain a keen sense of the topic, know what to talk about, avoid what not to talk about, and make the conversation with each other more enjoyable. Chat about topics that the other party is interested in

With the above preparations, then you can actually chat about topics that the other party is interested in.

Dale Carnegie, the late famous interpersonal scientist, once said that if you want to make friends and become a popular speaker, you must treat others with enthusiasm. The best way to get in touch with the other person's inner thoughts is to talk to the other person about the topics that interest them the most.

So as long as we make appropriate use of this psychological characteristic when talking and "catching up" on what the other party wants, it will be easy to resonate with the other party and create a happy chat situation. .

So how can we find the other person’s points of interest?

You can start from the following three aspects to filter and understand purposefully.

First, choose content that everyone is familiar with as the topic.

When talking to people you don’t know well, it’s best to talk about events that everyone knows about. This kind of "public topic" can be discussed by everyone and can be discussed.

Through the other party’s opinions on these topics, we can understand the other party’s thoughts and values ??and pave the way for subsequent chats.

Second, you can ask some "hypothetical" questions to test the other person's preferences.

For example, in the above example, if you are talking about travel with the other person, you can assume that the other person often travels around, and then ask a question, "Listen to what you said, it seems that you like traveling very much. You have been to everywhere. . ”

The other person may not have been to every place, but they will definitely have some opinions of yours about your “hypothesis”. Whether you confirm it or deny it, you can use it. Get to know each other.

Third, find keywords from the other party’s conversation to construct the topic;

What the other party says is the expression of his thoughts. If you can grasp a certain keyword in the other party’s words , as an entry point to raise a question, then this question is more or less what the other party is interested in.

For example, if the other party says, "I have always found people watching live broadcasts boring. I would rather go out and do some exercise." Then start with the keyword "exercise" and ask what the other person is interested in. It can open the other person's chat box and let him talk about his own affairs naturally. Things to note when chatting

In addition, chatting must be done in a moderate manner, and you cannot talk about everything. It is best to implement the following points consciously when chatting.

1. Do not open or pick up any pot.

Not all topics are worthy of chatting. When the other party is hesitant to talk about certain topics, don’t continue to ask questions.

2. Praise the other party appropriately.

When you are surprised by something about someone else, complimenting the other person from the bottom of your heart can reduce the tension between you. No one likes to chat with someone who is deliberately criticizing. If you can truly praise the other person, it shows that you have the potential to create a commotion.

3. Give the other party the right to speak.

Although chatting requires you to express yourself, there is no need to rush to express yourself all the time. Knowing how to listen to the other party's thoughts and focus on the other party's expression is also an important means of communication. After you finish saying what you want to say, let the other person do the rest of the time and just listen carefully.

4. Ask questions in moderation.

Asking questions is a science. If you ask too little, you will not know the other person’s situation. If you ask too much, you may arouse the other person’s resentment. Therefore, questions must be measured. It is best not to ask too many questions at once, but to add some of your own content in between to share your own opinions. Otherwise, only you understand others, and others do not understand you, and it will be difficult to get rid of their wariness.

Of course, there are many things that need to be paid attention to during chatting, but these are the basic levels and it is best to do them.

As your chatting skills improve, you will understand your own chatting principles and know how to chat well with others in your own way.