My ex is seamlessly connected, and she plans to travel with other girls less than a month after breaking up. I feel very uncomfortable. What should I do?

We say that the two most painful things in a relationship are not getting love and losing it after getting it. Both painful endings are the same: you can't get it. However, I want to say that there are more painful things than these two things: what you lost, others got.

When we broke up, we found that we couldn't forget ta, still loved ta, and wanted to save ta. But at this time, you find that ta has a new love. What should you do? In fact, in the process of emotional recovery, the most feared situation is that the predecessor has already had a new love. Because when we save it, we will pull it in:

If you insist on saving it, you feel like a mistress, and you are not sure whether the other person still loves you. After all, there is already a new lover.

If I can't get it back, I feel unwilling, because I don't really want to break up, and I still love each other.

No matter what I do, I feel in a dilemma.

In fact, you don't have to care too much about new love. The person you saved is your ex, not your new lover. Having a new love doesn't mean you can't save it, and not having a new love doesn't mean you can't save it. But you must grasp the scale of your recovery. Scale is very important, because if the operation is not good during the recovery process, it will easily become a poacher. So if you want to save your success, you still have to do it in a way. If used properly, your new love can help you get back together to a great extent.

So today I will talk to you about how to save my ex who has a new love.

First of all, you must have become an ex for a reason, so the first step is to find out why you broke up. If your broke up for external reasons and a third party intervened, it would be clear. But even if a third party comes in and causes you to break up, you should think about what happened to your relationship with your ex, so that the third party can take advantage of it. If you broke up for your own reasons, what is the specific reason: the relationship between the two sides is unbalanced? Without communication, there will be no * * same topic * * same language? Put too much pressure on each other? Or because of the other party's neglect ... If you want to save your predecessor, you have to start from the root of the problem, so that you can get the right medicine and get twice the result with half the effort.

The second step is to analyze the time when new lovers appear, and formulate corresponding strategies according to the time when new lovers appear:

1. intervene in the new love that appeared before breaking up.

If that's the case, it's not exactly a new love. It means that your new lover has been involved in your's relationship before you broke up, but you didn't realize it. This new love involved can also be divided into two situations. The first is that you had an affair before you broke up, but you just missed a chance to become a regular. In the second case, being friends lurking around each other actually likes ta, but it can't provoke your's relationship, so wait for the opportunity, or take the initiative to cause conflict, you break up, and ta takes advantage of it.

In the first case, it is a bit difficult to recover, because before you broke up, ta and your new lover had already started to be ambiguous. With an emotional foundation, it means that your attraction to ta has been replaced by another person. In the second case, the new lover likes your latent heat unilaterally and replaces it with the opportunity of your breakup, so your predecessor still likes you in essence, but for a time your attraction is covered up by shortcomings, and ta can find a balance with the new lover.

Then at this time, if you accuse your ex-lover and new lover as a victim again, it will only make the other party feel that the decision to break up with you is right. Therefore, what you need to do is to reflect on your previous communication methods and ways of getting along, and find your fundamental willingness to break up, in order to successfully recover.

2. The healing new love that appears after breaking up.

Healing new love: also called rebound relationship in psychology. After breaking up, many people are eager to find a partner to quickly repair their feelings with the freshness brought by new love or the irrational choice made by the other party to stimulate you. The biggest feature of this new love is that it is a completely new person. Moreover, this rebound relationship will not last long, ranging from one to two weeks to two or three months. Therefore, in this case, we must grasp the opportunity and method of recovery.

In the process of redemption, many people "quit" because of their new love. First, I feel that I am destroying my feelings. The most important thing is that I feel that I am not as good as my predecessor. But actually think about it, how many feelings have been lost to the predecessor. Therefore, many times, the predecessor is the more threatening person. You are afraid of new love, and new love is more afraid of you.

Therefore, this is a psychological war. Only by figuring out our own advantages can we win this war. So, what are the advantages of the predecessor?

Combining the two new lovers we mentioned earlier will attract ta in a short time. Because in the process of getting along with you, you have accumulated many contradictions. When you break up under such circumstances, he has a bad impression of you. Just at this time, with the new love, the new love is in sharp contrast with you. Coupled with freshness, ta will be very easily attracted by new lovers. But this attraction is only a short-term attraction. After a while, when the new love filter doesn't exist, all kinds of contradictions will break out, and you realize that the new love is just that. Then at this time, you will seize the opportunity to save, and the success rate will be greatly improved.

Moreover, as ta's predecessor, the affection between you must be much deeper than your new love. The little habits and hobbies you developed together will always be remembered at some point in your life. Even with a new love, the beauty you have experienced together is irreplaceable. ? People may not be abandoned by a more attractive new love, but they are likely to give up a short-lived new love for an old love with a deep emotional foundation.

Therefore, there is no need to be afraid of new love. It's normal to have a new love. Before it is saved, it is not a new love, but your own fear. Believe in yourself and build self-confidence in order to better save your predecessor.

After analyzing the previous series of problems, the key point is, what can be done to correctly save the ex who has a new love?

First of all, you should make it clear that what you want to save is your relationship with your ex, not the relationship between ta and your new lover. Even if ta is with her new lover now, can it show that ta loves her new lover very much? Of course not, it's just that the new lover seized the right moment and took advantage. So, relax and adjust your mind.

1. Know your location

In the process of recovery, we must be clear about our position. You have broken up and are no longer lovers. Your only identity to ta now is your predecessor. In the process of ta's relationship with a new lover, you have no right to be jealous, and you are not qualified to ask about ta's new relationship. The reason why many people fail to recover is that they don't understand their own position, and they take it for granted that they can lose their temper with ta by virtue of their past relationship and interfere with ta's current relationship ... These behaviors are unreasonable and demanding in ta's eyes. These behaviors will only backfire, which will not play any role except letting you vent your anger, and will also make you lose your manners in front of your predecessor and current ta. This also gives the predecessor a contrast, and the current one is better than yours. Therefore, in the process of recovery, we must be clear about our position, what to do and what not to do.

2. Self-incremental filling

Self-appreciation filling, the most important thing is to do self-love first, and then do value-added filling.

Why did I say that I should learn to love myself first? As Yi Shu said, "Love yourself, be calm, and then love." If you don't love yourself, others won't love you; On the contrary, if you have the ability to love yourself, then you can love others better and really enjoy love. Secondly, this is' to fill a vacancy'. In a word, you must have a new love. "Filling a vacancy" is not an imitation of the advantages of new love, but a kind of "value-added" of self. Then in contrast, your advantages may be magnified, and the disadvantages of your new love will be magnified. Therefore, you must find a "contrast point" that can fully show your advantages, so that your predecessor can see your goodness again.

For example,

When the new love is unreasonable, you are open-minded and tolerant;

When the new love is particularly clingy, you play hard to get;

Xin Huan quarrels with him, and you make him be caring and attentive. ...

In short, there is no harm without comparison. You must make up for the vacancy through self-appreciation. Compared with your new lover, how good you are and how bad your new lover is.