Is it true love that the online dating object has come to you all the way?

It is said that all beings are in the world, and human nature is thin and cool.

I have a best friend who has been immersed in a period of online love this month, showing love and sprinkling dog food in a circle of friends, which makes people "envy and hate".

She showed me his picture. He is a handsome young man. Looks like they're a good match. However, in this era of P-pictures, we don't know how real the pictures sent by the other party are.

Although it is difficult to judge a person from his appearance, from the study of some micro-expressions, from his action and posture of posing photos-his eyes droop slightly and his upper and lower lips open a distance-I can vaguely feel his desire for sex by psychological intuition.

Sure enough, recently, my best friend told me on WeChat: "My online lover is coming to see me! He is in Dalian, two thousand miles apart. This is true love. "

"Ha ha ha, bless you!" I reply.

"Online dating is finally here. It is not easy. He has booked a hotel now, which is in a very high-end hotel near us. He asked me to stay with him for two days. " She said.

"But, you also have to be careful, don't let him get away with it easily. Sweet words, everyone will say, don't believe what he says too clearly. I hope this is true love, but with all due respect, it may also be because the other person's sexual addiction is too great! "

02

The concept of "sex addiction" comes from the book Out of the Shadow written by Patrick Kearns, a prison psychologist, in 1983.

The so-called "sex addiction" means that sexual impulses are out of control, or that they have been in the turntable of sexual excitement, and in order to get the satisfaction of sexual desire, at all costs.

For sex addicts, sexual behavior generally has two stages.

The first stage is uncontrollable sexual impulse, even willing to go through fire and water for sexual satisfaction, in order to obtain sexual pleasure and enjoyment.

In the second stage, it is difficult for them to feel the joy of sexual satisfaction. On the contrary, they will feel pain, guilt, shame and anxiety, and even lose their sexual desire. But this is only intermittent and won't last long.

The causes of sex addiction are very complicated, involving many factors such as physiology, psychology, family and society.

Physiologically, it is because of dopamine dependence; Psychologically, it may be because of the psychological trauma of childhood; From the family point of view, it may be because of the misfortune of being born in a family, and so on.

Nowadays, sex addiction has become an excuse for many people to satisfy their sexual desire and gain sympathy and tolerance.

For example, from the love affair of the famous golfer Tiger Woods to the exposure of the sex scandal in harvey weinstein, the two stars excused themselves by claiming that they were sex addicts and needed treatment.

In order to gain the sympathy of public opinion and save their image.

Therefore, in my opinion, from the photos about him sent to me by my best friend, through the analysis of micro-expressions and the situation of booking hotels after meeting, my guess is not unreasonable: online dating is not necessarily true love, maybe it is too sexual addiction!

03

So, how to judge whether a person is true love, rather than having too many sexual addictions!

We can judge from three aspects.

Let's see if the other person can't help but want to have sex with himself.

From the pathological point of view of sex addiction, it is an obstacle to sexual desire control, and it will be impossible to control one's sexual desire and obtain sexual satisfaction.

To this end, he may persuade you through all kinds of rhetoric, or he may want to slap you at all costs, and even turn sexual satisfaction between partners into sexual assault.

Secondly, it depends on whether he loves you or because you are useful to him.

This standard is one of the judgment bases given to me by the famous psychological counselor Chen.

If he says he really loves you, because you can bring him happiness and make him enjoy great satisfaction, which is incomparable to other things. He is eager to hug you and develop further intimate relationship with you, and so on.

These are not true love, because these are just functional needs. She claims to love you only because you are useful to satisfy his sexual desire.

Finally, it depends on whether he is responding to you attentively or talking to himself in a perfunctory way during your conversation with him.

When you shared a special thing with him on the road, he didn't respond to you, was not interested in your topic, and turned the topic to intimate contact or sex, which showed his inner desire for sex.

He doesn't respond to your words and doesn't care about your feelings. This kind of person is definitely not true love for you. To put it bluntly, you may just be his sex toy.

These three points are the gold standard to judge true love, not sex addiction, and I hope they can enlighten you.