Classic funny jokes

In real life, some people like funny jokes very much. Most of these funny jokes are very infectious. It is also a good choice to share these funny jokes with friends occasionally. Then let's take a look at the classic funny jokes!

Classic funny joke 1 1, traveling by plane, sitting next to a couple. When I handed out the set meal on the plane, I said to my husband: Look at the one next to others, the woman can't finish it, and the man eats the rest. It's so loving. Husband said faintly: Will you be dumped?

2. My uncle came to my house as a guest, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." . Mother growled at once, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here. What zoo are you going to? "

My wife bought a hamster and a cage. I asked her how much it was, and she said how many hamsters and cages there were. I complain that this cage is more expensive than hamster. The second goods replied: "Do you think you will be higher than the current house price?"

4. In high school, I was the penultimate in my class, never came to school, and spent all day in Internet cafes. But the strange thing is that he comes to every exam and is never absent. Later, we found that the penultimate member of the class would go to the Internet cafe to give it to the penultimate member 10 yuan before each exam, begging him to take the exam. ...

When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends expressed his feelings: "My brother is getting married." A message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, will he?" Congratulations! " Later reply: "Not me, but my brother ..."

6. The wife asked her husband, "If I am crazy, will you still love me?" The husband said firmly, "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" " "

7. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "

8. When walking with my boyfriend, I like to hug his waist and pull his clothes. Walking one day, he suddenly said, "Will you stop pulling my clothes?" I was unhappy and said, "can't you have a baby when you talk to me?" Then he said, "Don't pull my baby's clothes, okay?" Me: "..."

9. After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. The wife was not only not afraid, but also said softly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming, my husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet."

10, "I like to get to the bottom of it since I was a child. My wish is to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? "

"I like to play since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. "

1 1. I went home at night and heard crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was violated by a pervert!" " Me: Are you all right? "The young lady replied," He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go ... "I said," Why are you crying? " The young lady replied, "because ... that pervert actually said it was unlucky to hug a man." "

12, the boss sat there depressed after work, and the secretary asked why? Boss: "I received a letter from a guy yesterday saying that if I don't leave his wife, he will kill me!" " Secretary: "Just leave his wife! "Boss:" But that guy didn't sign! " "

Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said, "Once upon a time, there was a man." Then there was a long silence, and the eunuch couldn't help asking, "What's next?" Ji Xiaolan replied, "There's nothing down there!

14, one day in class, the teacher asked Xiaoli, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli said, "Teacher, the motherland is my mother." The teacher said, "That's a good answer." Then the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, what is the motherland?" Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, the motherland is Xiaoli's mother."

15, late at night, my husband didn't return. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" " "

16, a buddy next door moved to a foreigner. One night, a foreigner knocked at the door for help and said, "My TV is broken and I can't change the channel." The buddy looked down at his watch and said calmly, "It will be fine after 7: 30"!

17, once borrowed a relative's megaphone, put a heart-shaped candle in the boys' dormitory to express his confession, pressed the switch and was about to shout. A voice came from the loudspeaker: "recycling, refrigerator, color TV, washing machine, gas tank." Then I started crying.

18, I saw an old man carrying heavy things upstairs, and I wanted to say, Grandpa, let me help you with your things! Open your mouth and become: Grandpa, let me help you with your old things!

19, my boyfriend and I quarreled to the point of breaking up, and both sides were very excited. I sent an angry message saying that I would roll my own package. When I was excited, I wrote "I would roll my own corn". My boyfriend sent a message "Goodbye hamster".

20. I went to my neighbor's house to borrow something. They are eating watermelon. When he lent me something, I said, I won't eat it. The face I lost at that time has not been found yet.

Classic joke 2 1, Bajie, don't think you are a night pig standing under a lighthouse.

I'm not bragging. With my education and diploma, I will definitely sweep the streets and alleys of this city in the future.

Don't look at me from your perspective. I'm afraid you can't understand.

4. Everyone speaks like a human being. I read the medical records. I can't even imagine a doctor.

5, how many people for the other half, from fat to thin, from love to hate, from simplicity to depravity.

6. If you can't do anything, you can't eat anything. Change your brain capacity and stomach capacity.

7. I don't accept garbage, so I can't let you be on call.

8. Wages are like a period. It comes once a month and disappears in a week.

9. When passing by a person, the clothes were scratched and there was no spark.

10. Later, I finally understood in tears that some people can't lose weight once they get fat.

1 1. Many aunts said I was handsome today. Why don't you introduce your daughter to me?

12, empty joy is waking up in the morning and thinking that you have grown taller. A closer look reveals that the quilt cover is horizontal.

13, old people can't fight, children can't fight, women can't fight, and men fight to the death.

14, men are not bitter. Don't hold a grudge against the woman you have been with all your life.

15, you are like a fairy who has been down for nine days, but it's a pity that your face landed first.

16, you said you would like to stay with me forever, no, I want black hair.

17, whether a woman is unreasonable or coquetry depends largely on her appearance.

18, there is no class teacher whose horror film is worth popping out of the window.

19, the application entered your heart, I knocked at the door.

20. Life can't give you sweetness, maybe I can.

2 1, the furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when the exam comes, others are reviewing themselves but previewing.

22. Although I was stunned by the top students' achievements, the top students were absolutely stunned by the speed at which I handed in my papers!

23, finished, you also ignore me, I became a dog ignore.

I looked down, not giving up, but looking for money.

25. I used to be thin, and I will be thin in the future, so I will be fat for a while now or my life will be incomplete!

26. I have many little secrets, so I won't tell you. Hey, I won't tell you!

27. Sometimes I feel ugly. When I took out my ID card, I found it worrying.

28. The only advantage of the monthly exam is that we know who to turn to for homework answers.

Classic joke 3 1, it takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to change from a human to a monkey.

2, heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at age!

Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing it!

4. When you grow up, marry Tang Yan to be your husband, and you will play if you can, but you won't just eat him.

5. Doing well in the exam depends on sitting at the same table.

6, breaking up is boring, we have the ability to play divorce!

7. I am small-minded, but I am not lacking. I have a good temper, but I am not without it!

8. You also let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling and heating really can't stand it!

9. Women like two kinds of flowers best in their life: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

10, two birds share the same life, a pair of poor butterflies.

1 1, a star can become more famous by taking off a little, but I was arrested for taking off my clothes!

12. Ambiguous is that I asked you to borrow money, but you didn't say that you borrowed it, and you didn't say that you didn't borrow it, only that your husband was not at home. ...

13, as the saying goes: laugh and the whole world laughs with you; You cried. You are the only one crying in the world.

14, if I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

15, teachers should be careful when their moral standards are not awake when they are particularly sleepy.

16, stupid man+stupid woman = get married; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love.

17, God said there should be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

18, I am a civilized person, and all swearing words have been disinfected with saliva.

19, the face is a thing outside the body. Whether it is necessary or not, money is a must.

20. The geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I replied: pleasant goat, beautiful goat, lazy goat, boiling goat.

2 1, so tired, I want to cut a knife on the back of my head, and then collapse to the ground and install a piggy bank.

22. When you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

If I were a princess, I would save a frog, but all I met were toads.

There are two reasons why inviting girls out to play failed. One is that she is too lazy to wash her hair, and the other is that your invitation is not worth washing her hair.

25, poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani.

When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock. ...

I go to bed like a wild animal, especially like a koala. I slept 18 hours.

28. Mozzie, you have hands and feet. Why don't you get a job and live a good life?

29. I will be good friends with anyone who says I am white, thin and beautiful.

30. The teacher said that you can't eat snacks in class. Fortunately, I brought hot pot today.

3 1. If I don't love you, I won't be bored enough to care about you.

32, too late to say, has become a regret in our hearts.

33. Sometimes, things are simple, and the complicated thing is your own head.

34. I may not love you, because having is the beginning of losing.

35. Say to those women who love me: You can love me all your life if you have the ability.

36. You are my belief, which makes me firm and inseparable from you!

37, people can't take money into the grave. But money can take people to the grave.

38. It is better to forget you happily than to be in a world you don't want.

39. A woman who misses the first person when she is drunk is the one who hurts her the most.

40. It's not that I don't want to play computer in the morning, but it's already noon as soon as I get up.

4 1. People's eyes are black and their hearts are red. Once jealous, the heart is black.

42. The person I trust most taught me not to trust anyone easily.

You said you could dance with me even if there is a cliff ahead, but that's just talk.

44. Why is RMB so valuable? Because the image spokesperson is.

45. A man can't put a wedding dress on a woman. Please don't untie her underwear!

46. Without existence, who will witness your shameless happiness?

47, Beijing love story Lin Xia said to the madman: I love you has nothing to do with you.

48. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

49. Lies are sweet words when told, and disgusting when poked!

If you forget how to move forward, think about why you came here in the first place.

5 1, turn you into my bad habit, it is better to turn me into your good mood!

52. Since I was a child, I have a dream that everyone in China will give me a dollar!

53. Those who can board my number are either people I trust or people I love.

There is no moon in Mid-Autumn Festival. Is there a clear night sky like your heart?

55. There will always be a moment when you feel so strong that you don't need anything.

56. There is no distance between points in the world, only the distance between hearts.

57. Women nowadays are really great. Unconsciously pregnant, there is a child without a father!

58. Someone taught you how to love, but he doesn't love you anymore.

59. Our English teachers and math teachers can form an invincible alliance …

60. I can't rely on anything these days. I have to rely on myself. In short: I ... Shit!

6 1, people are divided into groups, which is why my list is so beautiful.

I have been single for a long time, let alone unscrewing the bottle cap. I can unscrew the fire hydrant.

63. Other girls can be gummy bears, angel babies and sweetheart babies. I can't. I want to be an aunt and a living ancestor.

Don't smile at me with your pirated Mona Lisa smile. My stomach is not as strong as you think.

65, a lot of things, between injustice and melodramatic.

66. The people I hate most are those who are good at flattery and proficient in rhetoric, because being with them will make me look like I don't know how to be a man.

67. When I came home from college holiday, my mother cooked me a good dish. My father: Eat freely and make yourself at home!

68. Two couples are chatting. The woman asked, honey, people say that women in love will become stupid. You think I'm stupid? Male affectionate style: fool, you are so stupid, how can I think you are stupid?

69. Don't mess around if you don't look good. Some people spend a lot of money to burn exquisite princess rolls, but they look like Newton instead of a princess.

70. When I have money, I will buy two lollipops, one for you to eat and the other for you to eat.

7 1. A few months ago, I found a place where my wife put her money. After that, I always reach out and touch one or two pieces of change every month. Until yesterday, I reached out and caught a cactus inside, and I knew it was time to stop.

72. The advantage of science lies in that you can't understand the answers, while the advantage of liberal arts lies in that you don't want to copy the answers after reading them.

I will give you a pair of scissors when your hair reaches your waist.

74. Eating food is like a train. To sum up: shopping, shopping, shopping.

75. Don't panic when life is not smooth. Looking at my wallet and savings, I cried.

If you can appreciate my strangeness, you will be as lovely as me.

77. I have returned all the heavy rains I missed in those years to you these days.

78. Smart girls are generally fatter, because the latest scientific research proves that women use adipose tissue to store their IQ. The thicker the fat layer, the higher the IQ.

79. Experts say, don't stare at your mobile phone for a long time, or it will be dead.

80. The first thing to wake up every day is to want to sleep.

8 1. We are best friends. I'll give you a hand when you fall, but only after I finish laughing.

82. Teacher, I wish you as many years as you give me.