Draft comic dialogue between Jia Xuming and Zhang Kang.

A: Hello, audience friends!

Welcome to today's joke.

A: On behalf of the producers who have made countless jokes for us in the past year, to the people of all ethnic groups in China who like to watch jokes, and B: to our compatriots in the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region and the Macao Special Administrative Region.

A: Say a word to our compatriots in Taiwan Province Province, overseas Chinese and Chinese people who like jokes all over the world.

H: Happy Spring Festival!

A: There are jokes every year, especially last year.

B: The biggest joke maker in year of the snake still comes from our old friend, the famous comedian "China Men's Football Team". A: On June 15, China men's soccer team won a total victory again, with a score of 1 5. Not surprisingly, I lost to the second team in Thailand.

B: I've watched the football team in China for more than ten years. What commentators say most is that there is not much time left for the China team.

A: China lost football because there were no stars. Team sports need stars to succeed. Zidane retired, and France has not recovered for six years. Puskas retired, and Hungary has not recovered for 60 years. China never recovered from 1000 when he retired from golf. B: any civilization can only develop if it is passed down. For example, China's calligraphy, famous masterpieces and some works have even rushed out of the country and are well known to the world. For example, Wang Xizhi's Preface to the Lanting Pavilion, Yan Zhenqing's Xuduo Pagoda Monument, Wang Xizhi's Poem of Falling Flowers and Wang's Visiting Places of Interest.

A: According to historical records, the inventor of this kind of tourism is not a person, but a monkey. This monkey, named Monkey King, left a Monkey King on the Tathagata's finger to visit here and urinated as proof.

B: We are not sentenced because we modern people are much more civilized than monkeys, because now we only write and stop peeing.

A: Graffiti. When it is finished, it is called graffiti and becomes a work of art ... For example, the four contemporary murals in China are all graffiti works, which are deeply rooted in people's hearts. They are license, invoice, lock and sewer.

B: After voting by netizens, the four most sought-after tourism projects in the Eleventh Golden Week were selected. They are.

A: A seven-day tour of expressway.

B: Count the heads by the West Lake.

A: Walk into Jiuzhaigou.

Watch the crowds in the Forbidden City.

A: There are two kinds of people flow, one is in the hospital and the other is during the Golden Week. Because there are too many people, the long vacation tour has become a sin tour, which makes tourism lose its meaning. I hope everyone can arrange their travel time reasonably in the new year.

B: A foreigner got lost in Beijing during a long holiday, and got lost in a place with four locative words in its name. It stands to reason that a place name has only one locative word, such as Dongdan or Xidan. How can there be four locative words in a name? A: Of course, this place exists. It's to the east of the South Square of Beijing West Railway Station.

B: Traveling abroad is becoming more and more popular, and more and more people are consulting immigrants, and most of them are investment immigrants, with investments of several million. Such a huge amount of money makes ordinary people flinch.

A: Many friends can't help feeling that Mencius has foresight. Thousands of years ago, he concluded that immigrants belong only to the rich, not to the general public, because Mencius said: poverty cannot be moved.

B: Many departments merged at the beginning of the year, and the effect of resource optimization and integration immediately appeared. A man ate a bowl of beef noodles with clear soup and asked for a receipt. When the waiter asked what unit, he replied:

A: Qiantun Village Scenic Area in Zhoucun Township, National 5A-level New Tourism Project Development Zone, Scenic Area Management Comprehensive Management Committee, Leading Group for Comprehensive Management of Social Security in Scenic Areas and Surrounding Areas, UNESCO Scenic Area Application and World Intangible Cultural Heritage Work Leading Office. B: the boss said: free.

A: Some tourists find that the ticket prices are unreasonable when traveling in a famous scenic spot, such as 20 yuan in the off-season and 30 yuan in the peak season. After repeated research, the Price Bureau decided to cancel the off-season points and implement a unified ticket price, with 40 yuan per person.

B: Here is an educational broadcast. On June 65438+1October 2 1 day, Beijing Education Examinations Institute announced the reform plan for the senior high school entrance examination. Starting from 20 16, lowering the English score of the senior high school entrance examination and improving the Chinese score have become the highlights of the plan. Some netizens said that it is very difficult for China people to test English these years, just like foreigners have encountered such problems in testing Chinese.

Answer: The big uncle went to the second uncle's house to tell the third uncle that the fourth uncle was tricked into stealing from the sixth uncle's house by the fifth uncle. Seventh uncle put it in eighth uncle's locker. Nine uncles lent 10 uncle's salary 1 0,000 yuan. Whose money is this?

B: It turned out to be his uncle's.

A: We have a great responsibility to inherit the Chinese character culture.

B: This is an entertainment announcement.

A: This year's martial arts drama has been remake continuously, but please respect the original work and don't change it at will. Martial arts are attractive because the names of martial arts characters are handsome, charming and charming. If it's not called Wang Laogen, Huang Xiayao, Zhang Changgeng or Senior Colonel Zhou, how can we see this martial arts drama?

B: A martial arts fan said that he never wanted to watch martial arts dramas in his life, because a director changed the battle between Ximen Chuixue and Ye Gucheng from the top of the Forbidden City to Simon Montana and Ye Datou fighting for the top of the pigsty.

A: This year, many children discredited their parents in the entertainment circle, which led to the discussion of having boys and girls. At last, everyone reached a unanimous conclusion: it is better to have a boy than a girl, because the boy betrayed his father and the girl betrayed michel platini.

B: Love in the entertainment circle will always be the talk of ordinary people after dinner. Someone summed up the law of love in the entertainment circle. Today he loves her, tomorrow she loves him, the day after tomorrow he doesn't love her, she loves him, and she loves him before. Later, he was with her, she was with him, he was not with her, she was with him. She married him again, but he didn't He and her former self gave birth to a child that looks like him.

A: The following are a set of social announcements. On February 1 day, a huge fireworks explosion occurred in Yichang Bridge of Lianhuo Expressway in Henan Province, causing the bridge to collapse. It sounds like a myth, and there are similar stories in the myth.

B: One year, the Jade Emperor was merciful and gave special permission for the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl to meet on the Magpie Bridge before the Spring Festival. Knowing that the Weaver Girl is lonely in the sky, the Cowherd specially brought some fireworks and firecrackers from the people.

Unexpectedly, fireworks exploded on the Magpie Bridge and the Magpie Bridge collapsed. Weaver returned to heaven to find the jade emperor's theory, and the jade emperor said.

Hey, I told you, the bridge built by these birds is unreliable.

B: House prices are still rising all the way this year, but the lottery market keeps getting good news of winning millions of prizes. Today, we also got a friend who won the 5 million prize. Hello, my friend A: Hello.

B: What are you going to do with this 5 million?

Oh, pay the mortgage,

B: What about the rest?

A: The rest will be returned slowly.

B: Slow? Our interviewee is very humorous. Since the implementation of measures to practise thrift and oppose extravagance and waste, many departments and units have responded positively. We also interviewed a random passerby, hello.

A: Hello,

B: What did your company give you for the New Year?

Oh, I sent a message.

B: What is it? Your company is too frugal. 20 13 we learned a new meteorological term "smog". We also invited an expert on how to prevent smog. How does he prevent smog? Hello.

A: Hello,

Can you tell me how to prevent the smog here?

A: Very simple. Try to stay at home and don't open the window.

B: ok, how to prevent bird flu?

A: Open more windows and get more ventilation.

B: How to prevent bird flu in foggy days?

Answer: Open the window and stay in the toilet.

B: Thanks to the experts' wonderful answers, in recent years, there are still large and small earthquake disasters on the earth. To this end, we also invited an expert to introduce some common sense about preventing earthquake disasters. Hello.

A: Hello,

B: Can you tell us something about earthquake prevention?

A: Of course, you can sleep at home in grade one, but you must sleep outside in grade fifteen.

Why is this happening?

A: Because you can hide from the first day, but you can't hide from the fifteenth.

B: The expert's answer is always unexpected. In recent years, Chinese studies have been sought after by ordinary people from the court, but there are a lot of fake Chinese studies. Today, we also invited an expert. Hello a: hello.

B: Can you tell us what the true Tao of Confucius and Mencius is?

A: Oh, well, let's start with what is kingly bullying.

Then what is a king?

A: The opponent was disobedient and ran over him.

B: Then what is bullying?

A: The opponent obeyed and ran over him.

B: What is the way of Confucius and Mencius?

A: Tell him as before.

B: Thank you for your wonderful answers. In recent years, there are many disputes caused by rescuing the fallen elderly, which makes fear of getting into trouble a lingering obstacle in people's hearts. Today we also invited an expert to talk about his views. Hello.

hello

Excuse me, the old man fell down. Should we help him?

A: Of course,

B: Why?

A: Respecting the old and loving the young and helping others are the traditional virtues of our Chinese nation. We must help them. B: That's right. What if the old man falls down and touches porcelain on purpose?

That would be even more helpful.

B: Why?

A: Think about it. It is easy for people of this age to come out and insult others under the pressure of thousands of people saying that they are scolded by thousands of people. What spirit is this? It is a spirit of turning a blind eye to face. Can we refuse to accept this spirit?

B: I took it.

A: According to the regulations of the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, from 20 14 10, it is forbidden to sell exaggerated dubbing for TV shopping programs.

Wow, so all our good friends are here today, which is really a big gain. We really don't want three or four thousand, nor do we want one or two thousand. As long as 998, you really heard right, only.

1998, these experts will take them home.

A: Such sounds will be far away from our lives.

B: The Spring Festival is coming, and the masses are welcoming again. The annual Spring Festival travel rush Sports Meeting, referred to as Spring Festival travel rush for short, is divided into three events: online ticketing, telephone booking and queuing for tickets.

A: Each major event is divided into five minor events: slamming the mouse, pressing the key quickly, standing in place, walking with load, and crossing the sea of people.

B: * * About 200 million people from 23 provinces, 5 autonomous regions and 4 municipalities participated in the competition. A: We sincerely wish every player good results. At this moment, the whole family will stay in front of the TV and watch the cultural programs carefully prepared by our station for you. B: jokes and anecdotes have been broadcast this year.

I hope there will be fewer jokes next year.

B: the host opened it.

A: The host is joking.

Play a joke

Well, I want you to smile,