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The most complete collection of jokes with homophones for Chinese characters in history - 510 (slips of the tongue) - 3 Wednesday, December 26, 2007 01:31401. The most classic is Ou A college classmate, nicknamed "Ma Tan", often quarreled with others. One day he pointed at someone and said: "You, you, you are just a dog with peeing moss, you are what I peeed in once

!"

402. It was him. He got too hot in the billiard hall and squatted in front of the air conditioner to cool down. He found that the boss's pit dog was also blowing the air conditioner. Yi's cleverness came again. "Boss, your air conditioner is specially made for dogs!"

403. It was still him, one day he was insulted by a classmate, "The ambition is to eat the meat of Hulu when he is hungry, and he is laughing and drinking the blood of Ma Tan when he is thirsty." Ma Tan sneered, do you want to drink urine? !

404. Fill in the blanks with Chinese knowledge. The famous writer Sun Li belongs to the ______ (Lotus Lake) school. Some people filled in the words "rightist". It’s right to think about it!

405. A classmate once said to me very seriously: "Be careful, just eat and walk"! . . .

406. Selling little matches for girls>. . . Sweat!

407.money, bring the money quickly! (I originally wanted to ask mommy to bring the money!)

408. Mom, it's too late for me to get to work. I'll brush my face and wash my teeth first! You help me make breakfast!

409. When I sang "The Waves are Blossoming":

I want you to look at me and swim with the turtle in the water. . . . . .

Original lyrics: I want you to accompany me and watch the turtle swimming in the water

410. A girl in our company was raped. Once when she saw a girl wearing hot pants and riding a bicycle, she yelled on the factory bus: "Look at the little girl in front of you, she is wearing bicycle shorts." She almost fainted while riding the bicycle. It resulted in a car crash and fatalities.

411. This kind of thing happens to me often. It's not surprising. Last time I went to Kunshan to play football, I was worried about who was kicking the ball to me.

412. One of my classmates liked to say the wrong things. One day while playing basketball in physical education class, another classmate accidentally dropped the basketball on his head.

He yelled: Don't hit my ball with your head!

413. Why haven’t the old man’s rags come yet?

414. I have a classmate who made a mistake once. The teacher called to ask. He said: "Humans will always make mistakes, just like how can you eat sesame seeds without losing sesame seeds..."

415. In junior high school, we beat a man in a group and pushed him to the ground. He said: Scholars can be humiliated, but not killed!

416. When I was still in school, I went to the cafeteria to eat. When ordering, I ordered "pulled pork skin".

417. The politics teacher was talking about the inevitability of the development of things in class. When it came to human beings, he gave us an example and said: For example, if a man turns into an ape!

418. One time I saw an old man sweeping the steps on the way to school. Because I often saw him sweeping and knew that he was obligated, I was really touched. When I went up, I wanted to chat with the old man. I originally wanted to ask someone how old they were, but ended up asking, "How old are you?" I was so sweaty as soon as I said the words...

419. A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had been eating seafood since he was a child. He said that among poultry, I usually do not eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but often eat seafood.

420. During morning self-study in junior high school, the representative of the Chinese class wrote on the blackboard: "Read the 15th lesson silently". After the deskmate came, he looked at the blackboard and read "Black Dog Reads the 15th lesson".

421. Wu The bean curd at Sanyou Laotongcheng is delicious. When I went to eat, the cashier said: "Have a bowl of "roasted bean curd"!

422. Xi'an calls rice rice. My classmates came back from Xi'an and went to the restaurant. , shouted: “Boss, get a bowl of rice! "Boss is cold!

423. Master, give me some Pazhou Deji Chicken.

424. One time, my classmate stuttered, and I became anxious: I will straighten your tongue. Squeeze your tongue before you speak!

425. Once my friend and classmate said that he was really charming. My friend corrected me and said it very loudly. ;Am I about to splash!!

426. My boss is very young, probably in his mid-twenties (family business). He is always very serious in the company, and I feel a little intimidated when I see him occasionally. A few days ago, he was explaining things in my office. I was so nervous. After he finished speaking, I said: Okay, Mr. 88. I was so nervous that I thought I was on the phone!

427 , GG sent his younger brother to the car. After he got in the car, he said, "You have remembered what I told you." Younger brother: "I understand, brother."

GG: Okay, then I'll hang up.

428. A JJ in the office couldn’t find his calculator. He grabbed my calculator and said: Why is it here?

I said loudly: I am a calculator. .

Everyone in the office is looking at me, so cold.

429. When I was in college, the class teacher (a very old and serious man) called the dormitory. As soon as the classmate answered the phone, he shouted, ＊＊, handsome guy’s call!

＊＊The first thing the head teacher asked me after answering the phone was: Am I really handsome?

That classmate will blush whenever he sees the class teacher.

430. I occasionally have a good friend who is also from my hometown. We often get together. I call her "fellow", but I often call him "husband".

Fortunately we know each other very well. . . How embarrassing

431. My mother also had something like this happen to her. When I was talking about how nice someone in my dormitory was at the dinner table, my mother would ask: Is he a boy or a girl?

432. In the third grade of junior high school, I was the representative of the mathematics department. When I was handed out homework for the first time, a classmate named Xun Wensheng, so I called him: XUN Wensheng, XUN Wensheng,

The boys in the class gave I said, instead of pronouncing it XUN, pronounce it XIN (second tone), so I changed it to XIN Wensheng, XIN Wensheng.

The boys in the class started to laugh,,,,

Hey, you don’t understand (I’m from Jining, Shandong, my local dialect there: marry a wife, say Since I am XIN’s wife, I have to take that classmate XIN home, but I am a girl)

433. After graduating from high school, I helped a classmate’s house during the summer vacation. Their family just opened a company.

My classmate’s GG is two years older than me. He is studying in college in other places and is at home during the summer vacation.

This GG is handsome and tall. Whenever I look at him, my face turns red and I dare not speak to him.

And he started barking a day or two after he came back. I am "Xiao Tao's MM", "Xiao Tao's MM", "Xiao Tao's MM"

My classmate's GG nickname is Xiao Tao, and his family members are used to calling him Xiao Tao

I heard his little girl "Xiao Tao's MM", and I felt so vain and beautiful in my heart.

So when he called me, I would be happy and happy

Later my classmate said, don't let him call you "Xiao Tao's MM", it's so unpleasant

I don't understand, what's wrong,

Classmate How bad it is to say "a thief's girl" seriously

Ahhhhhhhh

I was bored for three minutes,

I finally thought about it< /p>

I am a peacock in full bloom, I am so sentimental,,,

My surname is Mo,,, the sound is similar to the touch,

That bastard Xiao Tao, take advantage of The word "petty theft",

calls me "the thief's girl"

oooooooooooo

How depressing,

From then on,

when Xiao Tao asked me to go to his house again, I would give him a blank stare,,,,,

434. When we were sophomores, a newly graduated graduate student came to teach us the history of ancient literature. His surname was He, and he had the same name as Taiwanese music godfather Li Zongsheng. His characteristic was his big yellow buck teeth, which we privately called "Ya Ca Su". One day I and I Miss Liao was walking around the campus and was smiling at Mr. He's iconic teeth when he came over from a distance. We stopped laughing in a hurry. I was just thinking about asking someone to show politeness when Miss Liao shouted seriously and nervously. Saying "Hello, Mr. Teeth!", our dear Teacher He's face changed several colors within half a minute. I suppressed my blush and dared not laugh out, and Miss Liao's face turned pale with fright... .

435. Our school's final exam, I remember it was a literature test. The invigilator discovered that someone was cheating in our exam room, so he yelled: "What are you doing!!! Copy your own!!!"... There was silence for 3 seconds. ...Everyone in the examination room was laughing crazy... I still want to laugh when I think about it~~~

436. A man said excitedly to his favorite girlfriend: “I’ll treat you to Adidas (Haagen-Dazs).

I’m dizzy (who treats me to Nike)

437. Yesterday, At 3:00 in the afternoon, I called someone from the courier company to pick up the package. Maybe because I talked too much on the phone that day, my brain was a little out of control, so I actually changed what I originally wanted to say: "Hello, I have courier here. "Please come and pick it up" was replaced by "Hello, I have a fax here, please come and pick it up" and the person didn't respond for a long time!

438. Maybe it's because the word "4S shop" is said every day I said too much, but I actually said that the A4 copy paper I wanted to order was 4S paper, which made our brother Xiong stare at me for a long time without coming back to his senses, haha!

439. One of my buddies told me that a female colleague in their unit was just about to get some gloves when my buddy passed by. The female colleague actually said, "Wait a minute, I'll bring the condoms." My friend My mouth is watering! !!

440. A friend called us to ask what time the car show would be on that day. The test was supposed to be from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. , but when I got excited, I said it was 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., and I was still working from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., which became the bus schedule. In order not to miss that friend, I quickly changed it.

< p>441. When I was a sophomore, all the girls in the dormitory liked Zhou Huajian’s songs, and everyone borrowed a tape.

One day, the girl on the upper bunk asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: It's on my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then they all collapsed on the bed.

442. Haha, I remembered it too. I had only been dating my girlfriend for a month that year. One day she told me that her waist was so sore and she was so tired. I said with concern, "What's the matter? Do you want to go to the hospital?" She said no, I was on my period. I wondered: What period? It's still early for winter vacation. My girlfriend was embarrassed. I still joke about this to this day.

443. Watching TV at home, when the Forbidden City was shown, I said "uterus" in one breath - I didn't dare to say anything for a long time. I wonder if my parents and sister heard it?

444. I went out to eat with my colleagues. There were a bunch of men and women drinking liquor. I dug out a new-style lighter. It was the kind that was designed to prevent children from playing with it. A group of people were curious and played with it. Someone asked if this was a good thing. What's the purpose? I blurted out: "I'm just wearing a condom!" After saying that, I realized something was wrong. Sure enough, there was silence for a few seconds at the dinner table. I wanted to get under the table... it was so embarrassing! !

445. When I was in the third grade of junior high school, I had diarrhea every morning for a period of time. When I was chatting with the male classmates at the back during class, I proudly broke out a professional vocabulary: "I've been feeling a little sick these days, maybe it's premature ejaculation" ( At that time, almost every telephone pole had this word on it.) The male classmate was stunned for a long time because I was mm.

The profession of a teacher is similar to that of a crosstalk actor - both rely on words to make a living. However, actors often make deliberate slips of the tongue to make people laugh, while teachers' slips of the tongue that make people laugh are actually unintentional.

446. Physics teacher G: "Today we are going to learn free naked movement -" Everyone was shocked, and suddenly remembered that it was his accent, and he was talking about "free falling movement".

447. Chemistry teacher L: "...the gas that smells like rotten eggs is called hexaoxide..." (sulfur dioxide)

448. Teacher of Mathematics Little Z: "Look at that little kid from so-and-so's family, how serious he is in studying, without opening his head or eyes."

449. One day I was telling students about reading "Reflection and Self-examination is the Best Memory of Ba Jin", and I accidentally said: "We must reflect on ourselves in order to..." The students laughed.

450. Teacher M: "...I was so moved that my eyes were sore and my nose almost dropped."

451. Sasha: "Looking out of the airplane window, there are so many marshmallows..." (should be called the porthole)

452. Teacher Ayong: "Some people are not active in studying, but they are the first to fight for the basketball court after class!" The students suddenly had objections and winked at each other. He was even more annoyed: "I know I used the wrong idiom. It's useless to compare my Chinese proficiency with the physics teacher!" :(

453. When I was a cashier, a woman once took a I paid for a pack of sanitary napkins. After paying the bill, I wanted to say "please go slowly", but accidentally said "please use it slowly"...

454 in high school. A classmate was talking about the situation in the Middle East during the chat, and suddenly he said: Jordanian Kingdom Sain. I burst out laughing...

455. One time, I was having an emotional conversation with MM and she caught me crying. She pointed at my eyes strangely and said: What's wrong? I answered innocently: My eyes fell into the sand.

456. One day, my roommate and I went to the cafeteria. Since I got there too late and had no food, I had to cook noodles. At the window of the stir-fry department, I said to the sister who was responsible for grabbing vegetables and putting them into the basin: stir-fry a bowl of noodles and add beef. My roommate tossed the basin: Miss, make a bowl of noodles and lay an egg for me.

457. A certain girl was very arrogant in class, chewing gum while stretching her feet outside the table and shaking wildly. The teacher couldn't stand it anymore, so he walked up to her and slammed the table and shouted: "Spit out what's in your mouth! Put your feet in it!!"

458. When I grew up, I loved singing. Once when I sang, I loved the country more than the beauty. I sang "Flowing the same water, drinking the same blood." From then on, my classmates often called me a witch.

459. I once listened to the radio and asked someone to call a shopping guide hotline. The host asked him: "What's your surname?" He replied: "No need to be surnamed Guiwang!"

460. When I read the text aloud in junior high school, the joy of victory was on the faces of the soldiers: "We have worked so hard just to have a monument for each of us! (Commemorative coin)"

461. In a history class in high school, it was mentioned that Lincoln was assassinated in a theater...

The teacher said: Lincoln was assassinated in a brothel...

The whole class laughed for ten minutes. The teacher is very helpless....(Author: Be a good boy)

462. I remember when I was in elementary school, one time the teacher handed out homework books

As a result, a classmate yelled: "The teacher didn't approve it" (pronounced in Shanghainese, it means "the teacher has no butt") (Author: Xiaolian Fluorescent lamp)

463. Our teacher... I wanted to say it was a complete mess, but I also wanted to say it was a complete failure... I thought about which one to say... and then "a complete mess"

There is also a mess. (Author: Xuan Qing)

464.

At the end of the history exam, one of the questions asked what is the longest epic poem in the world. A student wrote about "The Dead Hippopotamus" (Author: meiyoutianli)

465. I used to be a cultural and entertainment committee member. Once I was preparing a singing repertoire for the class. I flipped through the lyrics book for a while, and the sports committee just happened to come over and ask me: What to sing?

As a result, the title of the song on the page I turned to happened to be "I Love You". I was so desperate that I even said it loudly.

It was really embarrassing at the time, my face was as red as a monkey’s butt... (Author: Xiong Xiaokai)

466. In a debate competition in college, a girl agreed that love should be discussed in college. When she retorted to the other party, she said in a fit of passion: Love is not about talking, is it because it can’t be done!! (Author: I can’t die)

467. A classmate from primary school, while learning Zhu De's pole lesson, enthusiastically pronounced "go to the hut at the foot of the mountain to pick up food" as "go to the hut at the bottom of the mountain to pick up food"

The whole class burst into laughter , the teacher said: "There is no food in the latrine, only..."

This classmate is also a relative of a famous cross talk actor in my country, haha, the sense of humor is hereditary: (Author: knightsky)

468. The head teacher of the university had a bare forehead, so we nicknamed him "Onion". But one day, a female classmate seemed to have something urgent to do and came to the head teacher. She shouted from a distance: "Teacher Cong, wait a minute@#%&*@ #$^&^%%%$$" (Author: lead___king)

469. When I was in my senior year of high school, I was chatting with my classmate about "Ecuador", and a girl in the front row immediately turned around and said: " I know the country Eldogua”. (Author: Wan Chuan Ruhai)

470. One and two male friends went to ride the rapids. I was afraid of getting wet. I wanted to say "I didn't wear a raincoat", but I didn't know what was wrong. When they matched up, they said, "I'm not wearing a swimsuit..." and immediately made the man laugh.

471. When my colleague mentioned the Taekwondo class, whether it was a blue belt or a yellow belt, I grabbed it. He said that there was still leucorrhea, and everyone laughed wildly (including the two leaders)｜｜｜(Author: Yun Haier)

472. When I was in school, it was popular to learn from Zhang Haidi, so I wrote in my composition , we must learn from Aunt Zhang Haidi’s spirit of being physically disabled and having a weak will.

(Author: lanmeimei233)

473. Another time when I was singing in a KTV, a friend ordered a song The singer was very similar to Yuan Chang. I wanted to make sure if it was sung by him, so I asked him if the song was sung by a human or not, which made him angry to death. (Author: lanmeimei233)

< p>474. I remember when I was in high school, our English teacher’s surname was Wang. He looked like a hippopotamus, and he was very serious. One day, one of our classmates met him on the street. When he got nervous, he said “Hello, Mr. He” (Author: Apple Sister)

475. One night after the college entrance examination, I was playing in the Civic Square with my classmates. One of the classmates bought poker cards to play. I don’t know which nerve was wrong. While touching the cards, he said, "This card "You're so new"... The most terrible thing is that when everyone was laughing, I didn't react yet, and even after I drank, I didn't think I was wrong.

It was also that time. Later, when it was too late, I pointed to a light and said: "Let's go under the sun, it's bright over there"... Kuangbiaohan.

(Author: Fenghou Jiangyun)

476. Let me tell you something. The most BH thing I have ever done was once receiving a call from a parent. After introducing myself, I opened my mouth and said, "Ah, Xiang XX's father, right? Hello, what's your surname?" The other person was silent, probably confused. It took me a long time to remember...his father's surname is also Xiang. (Author: Listening to the Dark Night)

477. One day this colleague of mine (hereinafter referred to as Zhang'R) was going to call a client... Maybe because this client was quite serious, Zhang'R was very nervous. Nervous...

Picked up the phone, dialed the number, and the other party answered. Zhang'R started to speak: Hello, Mr. Wang. What's your last name... .....

Hahahaha... We all laughed like crazy... It's so embarrassing... (Author: Bubble Gum)

478. University Girls like to chat at night.

One day, when I was angrily talking about someone’s bad deeds, I said: "This person is a grandson."

The room director who was reading suddenly said: " Who called me?" The whole room burst into laughter. Absolutely real people. I still miss him. (Author: Poison Hand Medicine King-k)

479. When a group of buddies got together in high school, they always liked to make fun of one of the boys, often calling him a "dog." As time went by, the boy was really upset, and one time he finally burst out: racial discrimination! ! Everyone was stunned for a while----then burst into laughter... (Author: Rachel_800)

480.

A while ago, a company called me to inform me to come for an interview. I felt very happy because it was a company I liked very much. Finally, I politely asked the HRmm on the other end of the phone: How many rounds of interviews will your company have in the future? The dizzy girl on the other end replied: Your company has two more rounds...

481. In the past, in junior high school, the teacher loved to drag the class during recess. Once, after he spoke eloquently for five minutes, he said to the whole class: Okay, I will stop talking here. Let's continue to drag. The whole class was shocked. . . Then he laughed wildly. (Author: Tourmaline Pig)

482. When I was little, my mother asked me to help her get some rose curd from the refrigerator. I opened the refrigerator and shouted over my shoulder: "Mom, do you want rose breasts?"

It's so cold... Then everyone pretended not to hear. (Author: Butterfly Loves Rock)

483. One time, I was chatting with a friend and complained about the poor quality of the stainless steel iron doors in my home. As a result, I got excited and accidentally said: "My steel (anal) anus..."

After saying this, I really wanted to commit suicide! (Author: Butterfly Loves Rock)

484. When I was in high school, I once had a meal with my mother at a relative’s house, and there were all elders at the table

Because it was spring, one of the dishes was spring bamboo shoots

I remembered that my mother got sick eating spring bamboo shoots. Rash

So he blurted out: My mother will get spring after eating it!

There was silence in the banquet where we were chatting and laughing...

I wanted to dig a hole, but I didn’t even have the nerve to look at my mother! (Author: Buan's Restlessness)

485. The high school physics teacher taught our class earnestly and thoughtfully during the critical period

About making up lessons, he said:

It’s okay if you want to do it on your own

You If you don’t want to do it yourself, I won’t insist on doing it for you

Like a girl in No. 1 Middle School, her mother asked me to do it for her, but I really had no choice, so I helped her do it

If you want to do it yourself, come to me in the office

The following is so funny that you laugh to death... (Author: Buan's Uneasiness)

This paragraph has become a classic in high school A joke, told and laughed over and over...

486. I was still in high school, and I had a little quarrel with my Chinese teacher

At that time, I was studying an ancient essay, which seemed to be the Banquet of Hongmen, in which there was a traitor Cao Wushang

The traitor Cao Wushang quickly became I got the teacher’s nickname

It took a long time, and I almost forgot his original last name

When I met and said hello, I didn’t have time to think about it, “Teacher Cao...” (Author: Buan’s Uneasiness )

Haha, I miss my school days so much

487. According to the memories of my old classmates on MSN, there was a story about "5 is greater than 6" in high school

The boss was writing an argumentative question on the blackboard while I was sleeping with my eyes open (classmate's original words)< /p>

The boss finally wrote down 5 is greater than 6, then called me up and asked if it was correct

I pretended to be sober and said calmly: Yes

Boss Said: This is correct!! It should be 5 greater than 6!

The whole class burst into laughter! And I haven't reacted yet~:P(Author: Buan's Uneasiness)

488. In the last century, there was a very popular TV series in Singapore called "Getting ahead",

The aunt next door to us said it was "Heads on the Floor". (Author: Maoyu Zhiren)

489. When I was in primary school, I read the text "Little Heroes Come in the Rain".

There is a sentence in it: Only the little belly is left floating on the water.

A classmate said directly: Only the little butt is left floating on the water. . . . . . (Author: 7131)

490, I remember one time in a philosophy class, the teacher asked the students to ask questions. They could ask anything.

Someone mentioned why most people who engage in philosophy are single? The teacher didn't answer, and then asked others to ask questions.

At this time, a girl said: I am asking an ambiguous question.

We were all wondering what personal questions she wanted to ask the teacher.

Then she said: Ah, I'm sorry, I'm taking the liberty to ask a question...

491. I joked to my sister: "Don't say you know me, it will affect my reputation!"

My sister said: "Are you fertile? Are you able to have children?"

492. Once I read an article and there was a "jealous man in the family" who said that his younger brother loved to be jealous of his older sister. The story was very interesting, so he excitedly told it loudly to other classmates.

There was silence. It looks like "a virgin at home"...it's cold, it's cold...

493. A female friend of mine got car sick. One time while riding in the car, before the car started, she suddenly turned around and said to me: "Oh, I forgot to take the anti-sickness (pregnancy) medicine!" It was very cold at the time,,,,

494. A friend went for an interview, but the interviewer was a female. She asked him what activities he usually liked.

He originally wanted to say that he liked playing football, but he accidentally said PLAYBOY. At that time, he was so cold. . .

495. When I was in high school, our chemistry teacher was doing an extraction experiment and said: "We pour the solution in the test tube into the large boiler B"...

496.

A group of people from our office went to Yunnan for a trip and passed through the security check by plane.

A woman looked a little different from the photo on her ID card. The security officer asked her: "Who do you belong to?"

MM replied confidently: "Pig! I'm a pig!"

It doesn't seem like much, but what would it look like if you emphasized the tone of the first word in MM's answer? The effect!

497. That time I sent a text message to MM asking her to come to my house. I was originally going to text "Come over in the morning" but I didn't expect that I would text "Come over to me" instead. It was so embarrassing!

498. Super girl Zhou Bichang has become the youngest and most popular female singer in the history of the music chart.

Winning such an honor, Zhou Bichang said that the fans’ contribution is the greatest.

When the media asked about today’s

Nervous Bibi actually changed "As a junior, I'm still very nervous"

to "As a 'senior', I'm still very nervous",< /p>

It immediately caused the reporters to burst into laughter,

499. At the meeting, a leader yelled at his subordinates: "Let me tell you, I never rub the blind in my eyes!"

500. On the stage, the actor playing the role of the police chief said proudly to his subordinates: "Now, their fox tail has finally shown its feet!"

501. The tour guide pointed to the kneeling stone statue of Qin Hui and said to the tourists: "Look, everyone, this is the minister Aloe Vera who framed Yue Fei!"

502. The aunt said kindly to the children: "Now, aunt will tell you a fable called "The Tortoise and the Hare Horse Racing"!"

503. Xiao Ming accidentally broke the bowl. He was so frightened that he cried and shouted: "Mom, you broke the bowl!"

504. A leader patiently said to an employee who made a mistake: "I'm telling you, it's not scary to make mistakes. What's scary is that you won't make them again after you make them!"

505. The teacher yelled at a student who was talking in class: "Student XX, stand up!"

506. An employee who made a mistake carefully explained to the leader: "Boss! I know my mistake, but I really did it on purpose!"

507. When Xiaopang saw the water on the stove boiling, he hurriedly shouted: "Mom! Come on, the water is on fire!"

508.

A girl said coquettishly to her boyfriend: "I'm hungry, let's go to the bathroom quickly!"