Buddhist classic jokes and stories

Buddhist classic joke stories

Buddhist classic joke stories 1: Lao Niu’s music career

Although most researchers have no idea There is no hesitation in classifying Lao Niu as a writer, but there are still many people who believe that such a simple classification method will undoubtedly obliterate Lao Niu's amazing attainments in music and his unparalleled outstanding contribution to music.

Compared with Lao Niu’s literary experience, Lao Niu’s musical career started much earlier and can even be traced back to the first day Lao Niu came into this world. When Lao Niu announced his arrival with a warbler's cry, the tranquility of the delivery room was completely torn apart. All the medical staff prostrated on the floor devoutly, foaming at the mouth. Later, within a few months of Lao Niu's stay in the hospital, the hospital's patient discharge rate hit a record (although the vast majority of them were carried out).

Although many scholars have shown strong interest in Lao Niu’s musical life in kindergarten, all this is still a mystery that no one understands. Because the music teacher in Lao Niu's kindergarten was insane, he did not leave any written clues for inspection.

Generally speaking, the beginning of Lao Niu’s music career is generally recognized as Lao Niu’s elementary school stage. Before meeting Lao Niu, Lao Niu's primary school music teacher never imagined that someone could sing all the notes exactly the same. This directly led to him later voluntarily requesting to be transferred from the music teaching position and transferred to the communication room so that he could have enough energy to sort out and study Lao Niu's deeds. This brought great help to people's subsequent research work, and also won the respect of the world for this mentally strong old man.

At a school chorus competition in the third grade, Lao Niu sent the principal to the hospital because of his outstanding musical talent. This is the direct reason why Lao Niu’s Chinese teacher planned to keep Lao Niu for another year of further study but failed.

When the music teacher of Lao Niu Middle School heard Lao Niu singing for the first time, he couldn’t help but plan to study how such a beautiful sound was produced. Her curious hand gently pressed on the old cow's vocal cords. Lao Niu understood her meaning from her excited eyes: If you dare to make another note, I will strangle you to death.

We should thank the invention of karaoke, which gave Lao Niu a wider world to show his singing voice. When the first note came out of the old cow's mouth, all the window panes burst out of intoxication. Through the shattered window frame, Lao Niu clearly saw the eager expression on the face of his neighbor who was waving a wooden stick in his hand.

At the same time as literature, Lao Niu’s music also reached its peak in college. Ever since Lao Niu entered the school, mice have never been seen in the cafeteria. Lao Niu thus became the first living specimen used in the study of noise pollution by the Physics Teaching and Research Office in the century since its establishment.

The above is just a brief introduction to some segments of Lao Niu’s music career. People who are interested in it and want to know more about it can get more information from books such as "Musician Lao Niu", so I won't go into details here.

Buddhist classic joke story 2: A cheapskate’s blind date is full of jokes

There is a Mr. Hou in our factory. He turned 30 this year and is still single. The reason why he is still the fifth child is not because he is a third-degree disabled person, nor because he is ugly, nor because he has a sexual organ disease. It can be said that not only his various organs are in perfect shape, but he is also handsome, tall and handsome. According to Shi, who lives in his dormitory, he also draws maps on the sheets as usual every month. Of course, it’s not because he is poor. Our factory’s performance is pretty good. He has a salary of more than a thousand yuan a month and has no other burdens. The reason why he is still not married, or even has a girlfriend who is willing to date him, which is actually both annoying and funny to say, is because when he was on a blind date in his twenties, he made a few jokes about being stingy and running away from his girlfriend. So far, no one dares to introduce someone to him.

For the first time, when someone introduced him to a girl, the matchmaker asked him to meet the girl and then asked them to go to the park to play and talk together. After the matchmaker left, Hou Jun and the girl took a bus to the park. As soon as they got on the bus, Hou Jun took out his monthly pass and said to the girl: I have a monthly pass, you just buy your own! As a result, the girl was angry. I got off the bus at the next stop without even saying hello.

When the matchmaker learned something and accused him of not speaking like that, he still plausibly said: I was right! If I hadn’t said it, wouldn’t it have been a waste for her to buy two tickets!

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Another time, Sister Ma, who was in the same workshop with him, introduced her cousin to him, and they made an appointment to go out together on the street. When they reached Oriental Plaza, the girl was a little anxious, so she took Hou Jun to a In front of the paid public toilet, he signaled Hou Jun to pay. Hou Junze was very surprised and said: How many cents does it cost to go to the toilet? It's not worth it! Go to the woods in front for convenience! I'll stand guard for you. The girl was angry and ashamed, covered her face with her hands and ran away crying.

Since then, no one in the factory dared to introduce a partner to him, but within February, he himself caught up with a girl who came from the countryside to the city to shine shoes on the road. He said I took the girl to Baihua Mountain on Saturday, and the girl actually agreed.

Early on Sunday morning, he happily held the country girl’s hand and went up the mountain. When they were playing until noon, the girl said she was hungry, and Hou Jun also said he was hungry. He opened the cloth bag he brought with him, took out a steamed bun, and gnawed it himself! The girl thought Hou Jun was joking with him and grabbed it. He took the bag and said: What delicious food did you prepare for me? While talking, he opened the bag and looked, but there was a bunch of old newspapers inside! The girl threw the old newspaper on the ground in disappointment and asked in confusion: Hey! What you prepared for me is this old newspaper! Hou Jun said seriously: This newspaper is not prepared for you, but for me to relieve my bowels! Why are you so stingy and don't prepare like me before going up the mountain? Food and shit! The girl was dumbfounded by what she said. After being stunned for a while, she said: No matter how poor we are in our village, we have never seen a stingy guy like you! Then she ran down the mountain.

Leaving Hou Jun there and talking to himself: Why do you call me a stingy person! We have not officially established a relationship, why should I prepare food with you! If you eat and use my food If you don't talk to me again, wouldn't I become a fool! Fortunately! I didn't get fooled! Thank God! ;