Qian Zhongshu's "Fortress Besieged": If you want to get married, you must first travel

01

One year in college, I really wanted to go to Xi’an. It happened that a friend in the next door dormitory came with me to have fun at that time. She also wanted to go, so we became friends. We usually go to the city together and have similar hobbies and interests. I thought this trip would be a great experience.

What completely changed my view of her was when we stayed in a hotel, we stayed in a cheap chain hotel with a standard room. She went to take a bath first in the evening and was drying her hair when she came out; when I came out after washing, I found her heating the electric kettle.

Thinking she was thirsty and wanted to drink water, I handed over the mineral water in my bag and said, "Drink this, the kettle may be a little dirty." She replied "It's okay, I use it to cook my panties".

I had seen someone using a hotel kettle to cook underwear on the Internet earlier, but I didn’t expect to see it being broadcast live. At that moment I knew that she and I could only be good friends eating and drinking, no more.

02

My friend’s department recently went on a trip to Luoyang, the ancient capital of the Thirteenth Dynasty. The company’s administrative lady prepared a guide in advance, and everyone was going to follow it the next day after arriving. Guide to check in one by one. Unexpectedly, a female colleague suddenly jumped out and refused to follow the planned itinerary.

Everyone asked her where she wanted to go, but she just wanted to go to the antique market, and stay there all day. In fact, there is a half-day antique market arranged in the itinerary, which is to be done on the last day of the trip.

However, this female colleague couldn’t wait any longer. She must go on the first day and spend the whole day shopping. It was a cold day, and seven or eight people were waiting in front of the hotel, all ready to take a taxi. They had no choice but to go back to the hotel to discuss it. The others really didn't want to go to the antique market for a whole day, so they asked her to go alone. She was not familiar with the place, and Fearing that something might go wrong, she finally had to draw lots to find a male colleague to accompany her.

My friend said that I usually don’t see her as such an unreasonable person. Originally, the game power was formulated by the administrative lady after soliciting everyone’s opinions. Even if most people have any opinions, they will take the overall situation into consideration and take care of the majority. Human thoughts; Now the male colleague in the department has constipation all over his face when he talks about walking in the cold wind for a day.

03

I saw a girl complaining on Zhihu, saying that she and her boyfriend originally went to Sichuan to play, but they broke up after returning from the trip.

Before departure, her boyfriend told her that he would make all the itineraries, and the girl could enjoy it. The girl was worried and even checked the itinerary to make sure there were no unforeseen mistakes. However, it is still a surprise. It is not the scenic spots that are wrong, but the people.

Since some scenic spots are far away and require taking a bus there, the girl wanted to go to the supermarket to buy some snacks to take with her. Her boyfriend volunteered to go there and bought back a few energy bars and two bottles of mineral water. She wanted to buy some snacks like melon seeds and chicken feet, but he thought it was unnecessary and wouldn't let the girl buy it.

When I usually travel in the city, I either walk or ride a bicycle, and only take the bus to the scenic spots farther away; the girl said frankly, "I am not going to travel, it is obviously... To suffer”.

On the way back, the two of them were waiting at the boarding gate. Seeing that it would be a long time, the girl planned to buy some souvenirs to take home. Before leaving, I asked the boy to wait at the boarding gate and contact him at any time. But when I went back after buying souvenirs, I couldn't find anyone at the boarding gate and no one responded to my messages. Seeing that it was time to board the plane, I asked the staff and found out that the boarding gate had been changed. I hurried over and found my boyfriend playing games. When asked why he didn't reply, he replied, "I forgot."

04

So you see, compared to daily life, traveling can enable you to clearly see how the other person behaves and whether their living habits and even moral values ??are contrary to yours. . Travel is a process of trial and error. If the problems exposed to each other along the way can be tolerated, then both friendship and love will go further.

Qian Zhongshu also said in "The Besieged City": Travel is the best way to reveal a person's character. Traveling is the most tiring and troublesome time, and it brings out the best in human nature. Only those who do not dislike each other after traveling for a long time can make friends. The order of the honeymoon trip after marriage should be reversed. You should travel for a month first. After a month of boating and driving, the two parties have not seen through each other and dislike each other, and they still want to maintain the original engagement. This kind of couple is guaranteed not to divorce.

Look, when traveling in a strange environment, you will have various external and internal conflicts. Only when you can work together to solve problems and tolerate each other will you be suitable.

Remember Mr. Qian’s words: “If you want to get married, take a trip first.” Go travel, discover beautiful scenery and find the right person at the same time.