Classic Sichuan dialect joke

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following is my collection of classic Sichuan dialect jokes, I hope you like them.

0 1

(Starting with a classic old joke)

Two Sichuanese travel to Beijing and discuss their travel routes at the railway station.

A said, "Let's kill the Great Wall first, and then the Forbidden City!" Two passers-by reported the case to the police station. Later, after explaining the situation, they were released and they stood in Tiananmen Square.

B couldn't help saying, "Why don't you shoot?"

A said, "How dare I shoot if you don't shoot?"

The words sound just fell and two people were sent to the police station. After several days of tossing, the two men were finally released. The two of them are empty.

A said, "We are out of bullets. Let's go out and get some bullets. "

The voice just fell and the two were sent to the police station for the third time.

02

Northerners eat hot pot in hot pot restaurants in Sichuan.

The northerner asked, "Waiter, do you have sesame sauce here?"

The waiter replied blankly, "Mahjong is not provided, only poker."

03

The doctor prescribed medicine for a Sichuan patient. When he prescribed medicine, he asked the patient, "Are you allergic to taking medicine?" "

The patient came back puzzled: "No, I swallowed it." "

(In Sichuan dialect, "sip" means tolerance, and "pass" means in what way)

04

A Sichuanese was looking for something in the dormitory, but he couldn't find it for a long time.

So Sichuanese complained to their roommates with Trump: "I turned the whole dormitory upside down and found nothing."

Roommates looked puzzled.

(In Sichuan dialect, "fuck things" means turning things over.)

05

Many Sichuanese speak Mandarin with their tongues flat and upturned, so they have the following joke. )

Staff: "Hello, I'm a community census taker. How many of you? "

The Sichuanese replied, "I am the only one in my family."

Staff: "1 1 person?"

Sichuanese said, "Not 1 1 person, but a person."

Staff: "2 1? How did it become 2 1 person again? "

Sichuanese patiently said, "You heard wrong, but you are alone."

Staff: "7 1 person? How can there be so many? "

The Sichuanese finally broke out and roared, "Just one person!"

Staff: "9 1? Oh my god ... "

Sichuanese suddenly collapsed ... Sichuanese finally stopped swearing and shouted: "250, it's a person."

Staff: "25 1 person?

06

(Share a dialect game I used to play when I was a child)

The little friend said a long string of words quickly. He didn't hear clearly, so he asked, "Huh?"

Later, I learned that my friend asked, "Are you worried about the pig tail?"

"Now?"

07

A teacher assigned a task to her students, making sentences with "pleading" and "demanding".

After the exercise book was handed in, one of them answered all his life: Yesterday, my mother stewed a pot of trotters, which was not cooked, and my father ate a piece and said, "Please don't move."

Mom said, "I ask you to chew!" " "

08

Please write a paragraph with football, basketball, water polo, volleyball, tennis and ball games.

Sichuanese: I caught a cold today. I play football with my nose. I have to go to the hospital to play basketball. Doctors play water polo very well. I went to the volleyball team for a long time and didn't return to tennis. If you are not from Sichuan, you can't know what I'm talking about.

09

Soon after school started, I went to turn on the water with a kettle. My roommate from other places saw it and asked me to make a pot for him.

Sichuanese (joking): Uncle Qiu will help you.

Roommate from other places (with a serious face): Help me make a pot!

10

A Sichuanese bought a steamed stuffed bun in a breakfast shop and asked Trump, What is the heart of this steamed stuffed bun? (Sichuan dialect "heart" means "stuffing")

The boss replied, we have vegetarian buns and fresh meat buns here, but we don't have heart, lungs and viscera to make buns.

1 1

Chongqing traffic police stopped a motorcyclist and asked him to show his certificate.

The driver said, "We are all from Chongqing, and my brother gave me face. I forgot to bring my notebook, and my family is fighting. "

The traffic police said, "Don't spare me, you are not from Chongqing."

The driver asked, "Do you know that I am not from Chongqing?"

The traffic police said, "You must admit, wait until I stop a Chongqing one to show you."

At this time, a young man came by on a motorcycle, and the traffic police waved and stopped the car! As a result, the motorcycle flew by, and a sentence came from far away with the wind: "You are from Harbin! Come and catch Lao Zi! "

The traffic police turned to the driver just now and said, "Did you see it? Shit, it's Chongqing! Your baby is Chengdu at first sight! "

12

Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate array together.

The sparrow said, what kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am your phoenix.

Sparrow: How can a phoenix be as black as your turtle son?

Crow: You know shovels. I'm a Phoenix sulfur-burning boiler.

13

Two Hong Kong people came to the front desk and stayed in a hotel in Sichuan, but they didn't make a reservation in advance. I only heard the receptionist ask him with Trump: "Excuse me, are you from here?"

Hong Kong people obviously don't understand the meaning of Xuanlai, and their expressions are very blank.

So the waiter repeated with emphasis: "I mean, are you there?"

Hong Kong people were still hesitating and finally spoke: "I ... I didn't come by plane, I came by plane."

(Sichuan dialect, pronounced as "Xuan" or "Xian", meaning similar to just, temporarily)

14

One day, the poet Li Bai was traveling in Shu. He was a farmer in Lu Yu.

As soon as the farmer heard that this man was a learned man and thought that I was also a famous gifted scholar in dozens of miles around, he went forward and said to Li Bai, "I heard that you are a talented person." How about I give you a pair? "

Li Bai thinks that a farmer is allowed to have any knowledge.

I only heard the farmer spit out the first couplet: "You are white, you are too white, your wife is white, your wife is too white."

Li Bai thought for a long time, but he couldn't figure it out, so he had to ask the farmer for help.

The farmer simply smiled and said, "I am black, I am black, I am black, I am black."

15

On a subway in Beijing, the conversation between two well-dressed Sichuan girls stunned the surrounding passengers.

"Second sister, what are you going to buy in Beijing this time?"

"I plan to buy more children (shoes)."

"I think you are sick. There are so many children in Chengdu. Is it necessary to come to Beijing to buy? "

"There are not as many children in Chengdu as in Beijing, and they are not as good-looking as here."

"So you want to buy a lot?"

"Buy more and give it to mom, the elderly, and relatives and friends."

(In Sichuan dialect, "shoes" is pronounced as "children")

16

A plane broke down over Sichuan, and the air traffic control station asked, "What's the problem?"

The plane sent out a distress signal: "Help! Mayday! "

The air traffic controller replied, "No problem."

The pronunciation of "Wude" and "Mayday" in Sichuan dialect is similar, but "Wude" has no meaning. "Mayday" is an international radio distress signal. )

17

At a meeting, the students asked where it would be held.

A: Shout at the office!

The students are waiting on the lawn behind the office!

Chengdu students were anxious when they saw it and shouted, "Where are you yelling?" You mean the meeting in the canteen, not behind, not behind, but inside! "

18

In college, my classmates came from all corners of the country. Once a buddy in Northeast China saw a knife of a Chongqing brother and was full of praise.

Chongqing brother immediately picked up the knife, handed it to Northeast brother and said, I'll give it to you!

That northeast buddy was scared out of his mind.

(Chongqing dialect "spelling" means giving it to you)

19

The youngest sister in our dormitory is in love with the northeast brother in the department next door.

Chongqing sister saw the little brother in the northeast and asked, "I heard that you are playing friends with us?"

Brother Northeast: "What do you mean? I didn't lie to her, I was serious about her! "

Chongqing sister: "well, then you two have fun!" " "

20

I bought a bottle of drink called Coconut Wish. I think the owner of this beverage factory may be from Dayi.

2 1

In ancient times, a businessman bought a batch of ramie, citrus, wheat and hides in Sichuan and shipped them to other places to sell.

Halfway through the boat, the water was in a hurry, and the paddle was broken and lost along the water. The boatman was in a hurry and asked the businessman, you can't sail without paddles. Is there anything long and straight in your luggage that can be used as an oar?

The businessman comforted him: Don't worry, I don't know if I should be an oar.

22

A classmate is also from Sichuan, so Trump has to take risks.

I went to the dining hall one day and wanted to add Chili. Then he asked the chef, "Master, do you have sea pepper noodles?"

"What noodles?"

"Sea pepper noodles."

"No, only Zhajiang Noodles, beef noodles ... no sea pepper noodles."

The friend in the same trade smiled beside him. But the students with sea pepper noodles will not give up and work hard. "Master, sea pepper noodles are either noodles or peppers ..."

"No, you can add Chili, but there is no Chili noodles."

23

Sichuanese travel to Yunnan and walk into a snack bar. Sichuanese asked: Boss, do you have ice powder?

Yunnan people immediately reported the police.

24

There is a roommate in Leshan in the university, and one day he asked me to bring him a 1982.

I tried several tobacco hotels, but I didn't get any. I really couldn't find it later. I called him and said, 1982 Do you want red wine?

Leshan friend said, "1982 is not wine! Yes 1982! "

I was furious at that time, and then WeChat sent a text message to know that he was going to bring "duck feet".

25

"What do nitrogen and hydrogen produce?"

"ammonia"

"What do nitrogen and hydrogen produce?"

"ammonia"

"Ask you what nitrogen and hydrogen produce?"

"ammonia"

"Lao tze ask you nitrogen ... oh, I know. Ann, you pig tail. "

26

One day, when a foreigner was shopping, he met a friend who sold rat poison and shouted that it was China. "You China people are so polite and took the initiative to say hello."

The rat poison seller shouted, "Waste medicine, waste medicine, and you can't run away after eating it."

(Sichuan dialect sounds similar to "How are you")

27

One day, an old gentleman was shopping in the lotus pond.

The hardware store owner stopped him. Hardware store owner: What does this brother want?

who is it? Mosquito hooks and mirrors. A wife gives birth to a doll. When summer comes, everyone goes back to mend mosquito nets.

Hardware store owner: I can't hear you clearly.

who is it? I want a mirror cover hook.

Boss: Fetus God, look at the ditch with the mirror.

28

One day, a foreign friend asked me why Sichuanese don't like Xi people.

I was so scared that I didn't say anything.

Friends from other places said, then why do you always say "Japanese"?

29

The northern restaurant has finished ordering.

Waitress sister: "Are you leaving now?"

Sichuanese: "No one has come yet. Kiss (wait) for a while. "

The waiter's sister said shyly, "Sorry, sir, we don't provide this service." "

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