Prose: ups and downs or memories?

Yanan, Yan Wen

one

In my childhood memory, when reeds are in full bloom, I always like to put a boat into the river. This boat folded with reed leaves is bright green and exudes the unique fragrance of reed. I am always happy at such moments. Because I always feel that the boat not only took away my fantasy, but also took away all my desires.

However, when I see it drifting away and finally disappearing without a trace, I will also have a sense of melancholy. I always worry, did the ship sink? Or, stay in an unexpected place, and then gradually rot and suddenly disappear from the world. However, every time I put my boat into the water, I silently pray with a childlike heart that my boat can travel all over the world. I guess at that time, the children playing by the river felt the same way. It's just that we didn't think so much and it was so complicated.

two

At that time, it was the happiest thing when I was a child to put my little reed boat in the river. Carefree, a free and unrestrained heart, roaming in the wilderness like a wild horse. Those mysterious, unknown and mysterious things always haunt me like a dream, which makes me want to stop. The little knowledge gained from textbooks can no longer satisfy my curiosity, but listening to stories told by adults, although confusing and once attractive, has finally faded from my memory because of repeated platitudes.

Fortunately, the frontier where I live, the small town on the north bank of the Ili River, did not make my childhood pale and boring because of lack of material. On the contrary, I found that that era also had its unique charm. For example, a group of friends went to a place five or six kilometers away to pick mulberries, or went fishing with adults in the Ili River, and invited two or three friends to catch sparrows in big warehouse, a farm company, which made me excited.

I don't remember what year it was. I followed my adult, crossed a tributary of a small river, and picked up wild duck eggs on a sandbar full of red willows and weeds. It's about spring and summer. I took off my clothes, waded barefoot through the waist-deep river and quickly boarded the island. I only vaguely remember that there were dense vegetation on the sandbar at that time, such as willow, Haloxylon ammodendron, Populus euphratica, Hippophae rhamnoides, Acorus calamus, Malan, reed, and many unknown grasses, which were high and low and dense, which suddenly made me feel a sense of fear. Will there be wolves? Will there be snakes? Will there be ghosts? The more I think about it, the more flustered I am, and finally I dare not take another step. At this time, the adults have no time to take care of me. They are all concentrating on finding wild duck eggs. I sat alone by the river, looking at the slowly flowing river, and my mood gradually calmed down. At noon that day, the adults returned home with a full load and their faces were filled with joy. However, in the depths of the valley, there are constant fears and cries of wild ducks. ...

three

On the Corps farm, winter is the golden season for children. Nongjiu Company, where my family is located, is a company that mainly grows wheat, corn, sorghum and rice. The harvested farmland is empty and foggy, revealing a trace of desolation. In addition to the wheat fields after summer harvest, winter wheat is usually replanted in autumn and winter alternate seasons. After winter sowing and winter irrigation, the wheat seedlings are green, and only a heavy snow covers them tightly. The coming year is sure to be another bumper year. Of course, I didn't know this little agricultural common sense until I grew up. At that time, we just hoped that it would snow early, and the bigger the better. In this way, we can make snowmen and snowballs, and then we can have a good time. In fact, snowy days are indeed a festival we are proud of. Needless to say, holidays, even in class, as long as it snows, we will be excited. Not only during the short break, but also on the way home from class, we should play, have snowball fights or roll a big snowball while walking. The snow at that time was a beautiful memory for us-partners, brothers, joy, sadness, crying, smiling, the most frank and longest time in childhood.

That winter, there was one thing that I always remembered deeply. I haven't been in junior high school long. I made an agreement with another classmate that I would catch a cow and ride it to school anyway. Our home is about four or five kilometers away from school, and we need to pass through a harvested cornfield. In the snowy season, cattle and sheep on the grassland have already moved to agricultural areas, and it is very easy to realize this wish. Do it. After school in the evening, we took a long rope and wandered around the places where cows appeared more. When we met a cow that was not too big and thought it was honest, we quietly approached it. Suddenly, a man jumped up and hugged the cow's neck with lightning speed. The other man grabbed the cow's tail and pulled it back desperately. After jumping forward in the snow for a while, the cow obediently became our captive. We put a rope on the nose of the cow, and then took it back to the company to hide in an abandoned sheepfold. We got some hay, waited until it lay there quietly, and then we went home with a heroic victory.

This secret must never be told to the family. Naturally, students and teachers should not know. The only way is to leave an hour earlier than other students to avoid being caught. We started before dawn. Riding on the bare cow's back, just like two naughty shepherds, the excitement, comfort, pride and happiness can't be expressed. In this way, we spent two days in this mood. But the good times didn't last long, and the secret was soon revealed. That morning, at dawn, we rode cows and walked slowly in the snow. Suddenly, not far ahead, a dark figure riding a horse came running towards us. "No, this man must have come to arrest us!" We left the cow and ran away until we disappeared into the depths of the forest. Later, we didn't know how the cow was brought home by the herdsmen, but for a long time, none of us mentioned the cow again.

four

There are joys and sorrows in childhood. In the whole winter, besides snowball fights and snowmen, catching crows in the snowfield is the most attractive thing. Every Sunday, several of our close friends will spend the whole day in the wild with homemade wire clips. These places are often not too far from home, and they are basically company farmland. The crops have been harvested and the grain has returned to the warehouse. Although the farmland that is too late to plow is covered with heavy snow, hungry birds can still find residual food under the snow. I remember once, we came to an empty snowfield with food and clips. Not far away, a large flock of crows are plucking their hair in the snow, watching us as busy as in the snow. These birds don't care. Little did they know that when the snowfield was calm, a huge conspiracy was waiting for them.

Hang corn kernels on iron clips and bury them in the snow. But the corn kernels must be exposed, sprinkle more corn kernels around the clip, and pull a long cotton thread to a hidden place in the distance. In this way, before long, flocks of crows flew to grab corn kernels. As long as the cotton rope was gently pulled, a crow fell into the trap unnoticed. That day, we caught seventeen crows with three clips. It is near dusk, and we return to the company with the joy of the winner. At a classmate's house, we had a delicious braised crow meat. Looking back now, crow meat is not a delicious thing, but in the early 1970 s, there was a shortage of meat in the group farm, so it was very happy to be able to let go of your belly and eat a meal of meat, although it was difficult to be elegant just by crow meat.

Nowadays, meat food is extremely rich. All kinds of meat are flooding the market, and everything is available. Many people in the city are overnourished, but vegetables have become the new favorite on the table. Of course, when people begin to pursue the quality of life, there must be some people on the poverty line. Thinking of this, I feel that I have always been lucky. How happy it is to be able to work, live and write without going hungry.

five

I have been thinking about whether the memories left by my childhood have been painful except for interesting things. The answer is, of course, yes. It happened in the second grade of primary school. It was a spring in the late 1960s. I remember that after school, primary school students' favorite game is corner throwing. Tear the finished cigarette shell and fold it into a triangle, then swing on the ground in pairs, and the person who knocks over the other triangle wins. It was an afternoon in early spring, and there was no class in the primary school. A little boy led by a company in my class asked me to make a triangle. We agreed that I would help him carry his schoolbag and he would dump another classmate. If he wins, he will give me half. This is naturally something I am happy to do, because I especially want to take more cigarettes. So, I took this constantly chauffeured schoolbag and ran back and forth with them to see if they won or lost. Watching, I didn't expect an unexpected thing to happen. Because the schoolbag was not buckled properly, a Chinese textbook fell to the ground. Unfortunately, it fell into a pool of mud. There is some mud in the book, especially the portrait of Chairman Mao on the title page. Constantly chauffeured immediately turned against me, refused to give me the triangle, and said that he would take good care of me. I'm really scared. I wiped off the mud stains on the book with my sleeve, apologized repeatedly and promised to return him a new book. However, this constantly chauffeured adamantly said that I was intentional and insisted on punishing me.

What happened after that was completely beyond my imagination. My father and I just got off work and were immediately called to the company office. A company cadre told my father that it is guilty to report your son's dissatisfaction with the big leader. I was so scared. Will you be expelled from school or beaten by your father? My heart is a mess and I can't think any more. I don't understand why this happened, but the pain and loss in my heart are very real. On the way home, my father didn't say a word, and I followed him, feeling as if the end of the world was coming. Later, I learned that it was because of a female teacher named Zhao that this matter was not put on the Internet indefinitely. It is said that after hearing this, she went to the company leader and said, I know this student. He certainly didn't mean it. The child is still young, so it's best not to make a mountain out of a molehill. His parents have apologized to the great leader, so I think we should make him apologize and lose money on the new book. We shouldn't treat our children like adults. ...

Until today, I didn't understand why Mr. Zhao was able to convince the leader. Maybe it doesn't matter if we can figure it out now. What's important is that my family and I escaped a terrible disaster because of this amiable and respectable teacher. Looking back now, in fact, kindness is always everywhere in this world. Let's take this primary school teacher as an example. In that very chaotic era and troubled times, she could completely ignore it, as long as she taught her books well. But for an ordinary student, an inexperienced child, she risked all kinds of criticisms and accidents that might come at any time to avoid a very likely tragedy. Isn't this caused by a kind heart?

six

I also had unforgettable loneliness and loneliness. I remember that year, I was in the third grade of primary school. On Children's Day, the school will organize a spring outing for all teachers and students. My mother got up early in the morning and prepared rich food for me. She also sent me to school specially, so that I could listen to my teacher more and study hard in the future, and I must be a useful person to society in the future. At that time, I just wanted to play quickly and didn't take her words to heart at all. On the contrary, I found her words a bit strange and wordy. When I went home for a spring outing, I found my mother had returned to her hometown in Jiangnan. At this time, I feel a little lonely, at a loss, at a loss. My father's job requires frequent night shifts. Many times, I spent a long night alone with a lonely lamp.

Accustomed to a person's night, but later. I was still a pupil at that time. I'm alone in the empty nest, and I'm afraid, and I often have inexplicable hallucinations. My father told me that I can turn down the light at night and keep it on, so I won't be afraid anymore. Doing homework under the lamp, reading picture books, reading all the books I can find and borrow. Later, I liked reading novels very much, and my interest was probably raised at that time. Silent years have given me endless loneliness and an imaginary sky. Today, I can walk on the road of literature, which is definitely inseparable from my childhood life and those various dreams. Countless nights with few stars, staring at the distant sky, will always think of many past events. For a long time, almost wandering childhood also made me see indifference, loneliness and helplessness. Is it loneliness? A little, but not quite. Perhaps, bitter life will also become a force for progress. If so, my childhood is a lamp in the dark, illuminating my starry sky.

Yan 'an, whose real name is Wang Yanan. Vice Chairman of Xinjiang Writers Association. He has published more than 2 million words in People's Literature, China Writers, Poetry Magazine, October, Works, Flower City, Zhongshan, Mountain Flower, Shanghai Literature, Star Poetry Magazine, People's Daily and Guangming Daily. His poems and prose poems have won many national awards.

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