How to deal with in-laws who love to travel

A cousin is getting a divorce recently because her husband cheated on her. The reason why my husband cheated is that he thinks my cousin is not filial to his parents.

I also admire that this man can bring such trivial things as cheating into family ethics. But in fact, I know that this is indeed the reason why many marriages can't go on.

I asked my cousin what problems he had with his parents. Cousin perfunctory said, nothing, just a small contradiction in family life.

It seems that my cousin still doesn't realize the seriousness of the problem. She doesn't think these are important.

I asked her to give an example.

She said that once a child had a fever, and the book said that it was normal for a child to have a fever. Observe first, don't take medicine right away. However, the child's grandparents refused to do it and asked to take medicine immediately.

Such differences will be quarreled 100 times a day.

However, only quarreling is not unfilial. Cousin waited for her husband to come back and complain to him. He explained to his parents that their parents felt that his daughter-in-law was fighting with his son and the family was once again in a panic.

A daughter-in-law and son who can't handle affairs can't get along with the elderly. It sounds like a very serious story, but then the old lady's blood pressure rose and the old man became asthmatic, and things became serious. The story turned into a human tragedy in which the unfilial daughter-in-law made the old man sick.

And this very timid son began to escape, did not go home after work, and sought comfort from other women. Family ethics stories add a third party to the story.

2

Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. In a happy family, the hostess is especially good at dealing with the elderly.

I have an aunt who is especially good at getting along with old people.

It is said that her marriage is also in crisis, and it is the man's parents who have the final say in several marital disagreements. If you have the slightest idea about such a good daughter-in-law, don't blame us for being rude.

I asked my aunt for advice. My aunt said that getting along with old people is nothing more than running away from each other.

A coax, is to coax the old man happy. The older people get, the more they look like children. If they follow them, they will be happy. The values of the elderly are hard to change, and there is no need to change them. Just coax them.

Two lies, don't tell the truth to the old man. 2,000 yuan to buy supplements, not to mention buying, only saying that the unit sent it; Don't say you dumped yesterday's leftovers, just say you finished them. Many things you forget as soon as you turn around. If you don't tell anyone, the old man will forget them faster than you.

Third, escape. The only way to get along with old people is to escape. Because there are always some problems that cannot be solved, such as raising children, doting on the elderly and educating the elderly, which are irreconcilable in themselves, then don't live with the elderly and live separately. The sky is high and the emperor is far away, and the elderly are powerless to care.

"No exceptions?"

There are absolutely no exceptions.

three

I recently attended a training course on how to cultivate empathy.

Empathy is 10,000 times worse than compassion, because empathy stands on a high level with others and puts itself in the misery and pain of others, while compassion stands on a higher level than others and pities others condescendingly.

The teacher gave an example, all to convince others. Empathy is called "I can understand your pain", and compassion always begins with "at least":

My marriage is unfortunate. At least you were married.

I don't study well. At least you have to study.

I don't get along well with old people. At least your old man is not dead.

So it seems to be comforting and appeasing, and the effect is completely different.

I once asked my cousin what was the fundamental contradiction between her and the old man.

She said that the old man always protects his son and is not good for his wife. For example, when her son comes back from work, her mother-in-law will greet her to be caring and attentive, but obviously her daughter-in-law is also working hard at home, okay?

So the cousin's subtext to her husband is "What's wrong with work? At least you have a job, so I'm not more afraid of not working "; The subtext to my mother-in-law is "Your son is human, so am I?" ? At least you're still with him. My parents are gone. "

four

So don't say that quarreling is a trivial matter. Every quarrel is a big event, and it is a big event whether you can put yourself in others' shoes or not.

What's the secret of that aunt who is good at getting along with old people? On the surface, it seems to be called "one coax, two cheat and three escape", but in fact, everyone feels the same.

Coax is because the elderly are emotionally unstable, and it is easy to think in a bad direction when encountering things; Moreover, the ability and energy of the elderly are limited, and they often feel insecure. Coaxing is the simplest and best psychological comfort for them.

Cheating is because most old people have experienced ups and downs, and believe that they are careful to sail for thousands of years, so they are not willing to spend money and take precautions everywhere. Cheating is the most harmless kindness for them.

Running is because of generational differences. Old people have their own ideas on educational concepts, lifestyles and values, which are difficult to change in the short term. As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind, many unresolved disputes and problems are good ways to walk away.

So, if you turn yourself into an old man, everything will be solved.