Humorous cold copy

1. Shopping with my best friend, Lu Yu, a chubby boy about 14 years old, came over with a runny nose and tears and asked, Auntie, have you seen my mother? I lost her. She wears high heels, has long hair and is a little fat ... I really didn't mean to laugh ... haha. ...

The school held an earthquake drill yesterday, and it took 4 minutes to evacuate. After the end, the teacher concluded in class: If you can improve next time, you can improve faster! Just then, a voice came from the corner: it only takes 1 minute to finish school, believe me!

The five-year-old daughter asked her father to help her. Dad: Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment and I'll be strong again. Daughter: Dad! Dad: Hey! Daughter: Your girl is really beautiful. ...

My son complained to me about the poor school food the day after he went to college. Like pig food, I scolded him angrily: it's not like home outside, you are an adult now, you can't be so picky and delicate! Besides, is it easy for me to be a chef in your school cafeteria?

I said to my father, can you lend me ten dollars? I took a fancy to a 30 yuan hat. I don't have enough money. I will pay it back when I have money. Dad looked around: Hey, where did you get twenty? Can I borrow five yuan to buy a pack of cigarettes for my father? If you have money, you must pay it back

6. I went to visit a female friend. She ate and drank with the whole family. I laughed and teased: Look at you, still eating? You are so fat that your chin is growing out! She put down the chicken leg, was silent for a long time, touched her chin, and then took a bite, with determination in her eyes: I have been single for a long time, and I don't want my chin to be so lonely!

7. Walking in the street today, two young friends, a man and a woman, were arguing. Suddenly, the girl came to pull me and said to the boy, look, this is my new boyfriend. He is more mature and richer than you, and he won't go to LOL and leave me after school. So, you should stop thinking about it, we are not suitable.

8. When eating, there was a couple at the next table. The man choked while eating, and his sister gave him a bowl of soup. When the man gulps it down, the sister paper says, slow down, just like flushing the toilet. Hearing this, the boy sprayed it out directly, sprayed it on the little girl's face, and forgave my unfriendly smile. ...

Today, my daughter-in-law and I went shopping. When I got home, my daughter-in-law leaned against the window to blow her hair. I just stared at her, and her daughter-in-law asked, What's the matter? what are you reading? I said: other women's hair will flutter as long as the wind blows. Why do I only see your flesh moving?

10. I want to fart at the moment. In order not to let my son hear me, I let out a cry and farted together. As a result, Xiong Haizi said: Dad, your fart ass hurts! give a loud scream ...

1 1. When traveling to the Confucius Temple in Qufu, I saw a mother pointing to the statue of Confucius in the temple and saying to her son, This is Kong Old Master Q, which can bless you to enter the university. Go ahead. Bye. Then the little boy solemnly walked up to him and waved goodbye to Confucius. I seem to see Confucius smiled awkwardly. ...

12. Dad is smoking and watching TV in the living room. He saw me coming back and handed me one. Just lit a cigarette, my father suddenly took a photo and sent it to Weibo: My son smokes at home, making the room smell of smoke and angry. Then he said to me with tears in his eyes: I forgot that your mother will be off work soon, and the smell of smoke at home will not go away for a while. Run ... Dad! Can you stop cheating on your son?