Why can't I travel alone?

I also want to be such a free and easy person, but unfortunately, I am not. I'm afraid of death. I've been afraid since I was a child. Fear is ridiculous. The first fear of death came from a lesson of Mrs. Bethune in the third grade. I know that broken skin on my hand is fatal, so I am afraid of injections as soon as I cut my hand. There are many bleeding events in life, such as barb bleeding on hands, cutting fingers with a pencil, nosebleeds, nail inflammation, skin allergies, and normal development of adolescent girls. At that time, they were scared to death and secretly cried for several days. My neighbor's two children once ran away from home, which brought me great concern from parents and teachers for some time. I admired it at that time, but I just didn't have the guts. I always feel free outside, but there are knives everywhere. Once, my family subscribed to several magazines, including Women's Life and Companion, which often published articles about murder, murder, family destruction and so on, which made me never dream of marrying a doctor and a chemist when I was a child. Don't talk to strangers casually, don't go to desolate places, don't stay under construction scaffolding, don't eat strangers' food, stay away from parked cars with doors open, and don't take underground tunnels ... Many people haven't taught me, and nobody has taken root in my heart. My current colleagues are particularly gossipy and always have many stories to tell. On one occasion, he said: A newly married couple is traveling abroad. In the street, two people quarreled. The woman left in a rage, and the man did not pursue it in a rage. As a result, the woman just disappeared. Men have been trying their best to find a woman for many years. Many years later, a man went to another country and saw a unique exhibition of human aliens. He always felt that there was a pair of eyes looking at him, looking at him intuitively. His eyes came from the iron cage next to him. A man with twisted hands and feet couldn't speak, just looked at him and gave a hoarse roar in his throat. The man looked closer and suddenly collapsed to the ground. It was his wife who disappeared many years ago. So I told the man I loved at that time that when I walked away in anger, I must chase him and don't leave me alone. However, without that love, I have always been alone. My sadness is small, but my confidence is greatly lost. Not long ago, I heard from another colleague, not gossip. A colleague's distant niece, seventeen or eighteen years old, looks as good as a fresh flower in the sun. I went to Badachu with some classmates at the weekend and never came back. It was terrible when it was found. It was cut open and the liver was cut off. Presumably, it was injured by buying and selling organs. Many days have passed and the case has not been solved. Parents and relatives are heartbroken, and strangers are heartbroken. I'm scared again. Determined never to do anything maverick again, we must be in the vast sea of people. Yang Xiaoyang has a fibroma in his stomach. If I have to be afraid of death, but Yang Xiaoyang has nothing to do with it, as if fibroids grow on others. Every time she is urged to go to the hospital to get it, she always says she is too lazy to go. I was worried and asked, "You're not going to die, are you?" But I got her dirty eyes. My fears are sincere. My Christian boss says I live in an evil fantasy. I had placed my hopes on religion, hoping that the frailty in my body would be strengthened, but maybe the opportunity has not yet come, the Bible is there, and the ugliness of this world is there, so I don't believe that there is my panacea in the Bible. The day before yesterday, I called my sister Xiao Bing to play ball and said I was in Gulangyu, or I was alone. I feel admiration and yearning in my heart. I have no courage to travel alone at all. Fate, I need company too much, but I have been alone for a long time.