I can do nothing but love you.

"I have nothing now. I can't do anything except love you. "

After writing this sentence, I subconsciously covered my notebook with my hand for fear of being seen by Mr. Huang sitting beside me in a daze.

an hour ago, he asked me if I would write down the story between us. I replied "definitely not" and thought about the idea of this story while nodding my head.

Mr. Huang is my boyfriend.

before he became a poor man with a debt of more than 2, yuan, we lived a life that was not rich but not poor. Travel after work and see the outside world; Watch movies, listen to plays and bubble cafes. In his words, I tried my best to satisfy all my hopes for life as a poor literary youth who is full of dislike for the world.

But as you know, just like the dog's blood story in the film and television drama, no heroine can escape the torture of life and live a happy life smoothly.

Although I have known what impermanence means since I was a child:

It is said that when I was born, my mother took a look with anxiety, and when she found that she was a girl again, she didn't bother to look at it for the second time and gave it to others for raising. Maybe I was born to fight against fate. After crying for ten days at my first adoptive parents' house, the old couple sent me back with dark circles under their eyes. When they left, they just said, "This child is hard!"

This story was told to me by my second foster mother.

I spent a carefree time with that loving old couple. The foster mother is a kind-hearted rural old lady, who likes to attribute all the sufferings and evils that happen to her to fate, and then silently endure them. When she was young, her husband was fond of gambling. In order to avoid debts, she often disappeared. She took care of her elderly father-in-law alone and raised three children.

I am her fourth child.

at the age of thirteen, my brother's business went bankrupt, and his life returned to nothing at first. My foster mother knows that she can't afford me to study and go to college. After pleading for countless times, I finally agreed to her and returned to my biological parents.

Junior high school, senior high school ... When the college entrance examination ended, I went to Rongcheng thousands of miles away from the Loess Plateau without hesitation.

The day I met him was one of countless desperate days in my previous life. My brother called and said that my foster mother was seriously ill. My boyfriend who talked for two years couldn't stand my unreasonable temper across the long river and mountains. He chose to break up and his work was not satisfactory. After graduating from college, I got a job as a copywriter in an advertising company, and most of the time I was dealing with repetitive chores. After several entanglements, I resigned directly.

that afternoon, I wandered aimlessly in the street with the remaining 1 yuan after paying the rent.

I don't know which girl would be as worthless as me, crying on a greasy table in Shaxian County in the middle of eating a bowl of mixed noodles. During that time, he was successful, and the research and development projects were recognized by the leaders. After getting a large bonus, he and several friends shouted to come to Shaxian to experience life. When he came in, he watched me swallow the remaining half bowl of noodles with tears. He took the chopsticks away from me in disgust and said coldly: If you feel that there is a lack of salt in the noodles, ask the boss for it. Why do you have to use tears to increase the salinity? I thought he was nosy, but I didn't expect to be with him.

I looked up and glared at him with my crying eyes. I countered him: You don't even know who I am. Why should you educate me? After that, I ate the remaining half bowl of noodles with a spoon.

Before I met him, I was a young literary man who was full of aversion to the world and pessimism spread to the bone marrow.

before him, I didn't know any rich people, let alone what it was like to fall in love with local tyrants. He took me to a luxurious French restaurant for dinner, and I asked him if he wanted to rent an evening dress and put on some makeup before going. He smiled strangely and said that my thoughts were not as good as those of a middle-aged aunt sitting at the entrance of the International Trade Center in Versace. I am shocked that middle-aged aunts are so rich now. Then, wearing ripped jeans and a suit and tie, he finished his dinner in the different eyes of a group of waiters.

Later, when we went to Beijing together, I insisted on going to the International Trade Center to see if there were any middle-aged aunts sitting at the entrance of the International Trade Center in Versace, but I never met them once. Questioned him again, he smiled strangely, saying that the aunts must be tired of Versace, or that coarse clothes, big shirts and old Beijing cloth shoes can set off their temperament.

I think I have a strong viability, but when I am with him, I often feel like a helpless fool. But every time, even if he is stupid enough to laugh and cry, he will smile strangely and talk with Kan Kan to resolve it.

He is very talkative, and he can have a good chat with an old man who doesn't know how to walk the dog when he goes out for a walk. We went out to go shopping, and he couldn't bear to walk away when I stared at the children's merry-go-round and said to wait for him for a while. A few minutes later, the manager asked us to sit behind a bunch of happy children. Looking at a group of parents holding mobile phones to record videos for their children outside the Trojan horse, I said it was just the two of us, so embarrassing. He said he was a child before he got married, and then asked me if he could do something more embarrassing. Before he knew it, he kissed me. The first kiss, on the merry-go-round jumping up and down, was doomed, which made this relationship twists and turns.

On the 27th day together, he took a new project and went to Ottawa to study for half a year.

that year, I was in Rongcheng, which had only winter and summer, but no spring and autumn. He was in Ottawa, which had four distinct seasons, making expensive international calls across continents and oceans and a long patch cord, telling the troubles of 7788 and joking with others.

He often calls me at twelve o'clock in the morning and solemnly says, "I only want to talk to you for two words". When you hang up the phone, the clock will always jump to 1 am quickly.

Before going abroad, he sent a bunch of flowers seriously and wrote me a letter. I can't remember exactly what the letter said. It's probably some appropriate words that you should pay attention to your diet because of your stomachache. I saw tears and runny nose in that letter.

In those six months, we often quarreled, the most serious one, and there was no contact for more than a month. I cut all the tickets, air tickets, and a lot of movie tickets and drama tickets used when I went out to travel together into pieces; He hacked my phone, social software and all other contact information.

The deadlock ended with his early return to China and a group of friends' collective apologies.

We all thought that after this gloomy time in a different place, we would reach the peak of our lives and usher in a sunny life.

We plan to go back to see our foster mother in early February. Get a marriage certificate on Valentine's Day and take it back to the adoptive parents ...

We plan to open a small tea shop after marriage, with warm and sweet decoration, give each kind of tea a nice name and write a touching story. We don't put any pop music in the store, but we just put the stories that are told slowly and eloquently. They don't have to be too loud, but they are warm and touching. After listening, it's enough to make others have the motivation to tell their stories ...

Even I have thought of the names of my children ...

After we got together, I ordered more than ten diaries with photos of two people, and wrote trivial things every day. At noon that day, I lay on my bed and spread out my diary to write down the interesting things I saw in the community garden last night and read them to him when he got home from work.

The phone suddenly rang, and then he was silent for a while and then choked up and said, "Let's break up!" , and then hung up the phone, and when I called again, the girl at the service desk answered mechanically: "The number you dialed is power off."

I sobbed and tried to get the key out, only to find that he didn't know when he had taken all the things that had been put on my side.

After the weekly turnover, I found out what happened: after the products developed by the company were sold to the partners, there was a big quality problem. As the person in charge, I needed to compensate a large sum of money to make up for the losses of the partners. Under too much pressure, he went to the hospital in a hurry and thought of gambling. This gamble, regardless of all savings, still owes more than 2, foreign debts.

when I found him, he was curled up on a friend's sofa, full of alcohol, decadent.

When he saw me coming in, he forced out a stiff smile and said, "When I first met you, I thought how a girl could cry like that for nothing, but I felt distressed inexplicably. Later, I learned a lot about you together. Over the past 2 years, your life has been like riding a roller coaster, with waves of unrest rising again and again, but I know that you have been facing every hardship with pretending to be strong and indifferent, knowing that there are two completely different selves living in your body, one is stubborn and you want to save face; The other you are peaceful and can live alone on an isolated island for a lifetime. I know you deserve to be loved and live a better life. Now, I can't let you live the life I think you should live, and I can't drag you down ... "

The rest of the words were drowned out by my crying. I rubbed my eyes and handed him a note with a long-planned wedding vows:

I have met many people, but only you have seen me importune and unreasonable; I have seen me crying and crying; I have seen me wear evening dresses, paint delicate makeup and pretend to be mature; I have seen the way I burst into laughter and shed tears; I have seen my sloppy appearance on the trip; I've seen my despair, sadness and pain.

only you are willing to endure my inexplicable bad temper; When I get lost, I will keep calling and look around anxiously; Probably only you understand my sudden sadness, and then sit quietly with me without talking; Only you, when I attend a certain occasion, will tell me over and over again which kind of red wine tastes less obvious, but it is easy to get drunk. The tableware on the western table is placed in order, and you can use whatever others use; Will teach me how to taste the instant coffee at the roadside stall and the beautifully decorated cappuccino in the store; Only you have seen my most unbearable and naive appearance. Love is so hard to find, but fortunately we haven't given up, so we will stick to it forever ...

I don't know if that oath will be read by me in the presence of a bunch of people on a sunny day. After meeting him, I often doubt myself, feeling that I am not beautiful, sloppy, pessimistic and neurotic, and I am simply useless. But before him, I had never known myself so well.

Maybe we are all like this. We study hard, keep trying new things, and make ourselves gregarious and likable. When we meet the person we really love, we just become our true selves after self-doubt.

I often wonder what I can give him if I keep walking like this. I haven't come up with one for a long time, so I can only borrow the sentence he told me: "I can do nothing but love you."

but love is so hard to find, how can you give up easily when you meet it!