Please discuss the troubles about asking for money as gifts.

The troubles caused by illicit money In recent years, illicit money has become more and more important and has seriously affected the spirit and life of many people.

After the National Day, the reporter interviewed a large number of people from all walks of life in Shijiazhuang, Xingtai, Handan, Cangzhou, Baoding and other places to gain an in-depth understanding of the current situation and root causes of this bad habit.

A heavy share of money costs three or four months of salary every year

Mr. Wang is an ordinary salaryman in a county in Xingtai City. During the National Day holiday, he did not travel. I didn’t go back to my hometown to help my parents harvest autumn. I don’t travel because I don’t have money, and I don’t go back to my hometown because I don’t have time. During the seven-day holiday, he attended 15 wedding banquets and rushed there every day. Except for one or two families who were relatives, most of the hosts of these wedding banquets were friends in society or acquaintances who were not even friends.

After a long holiday, almost all of Mr. Wang’s monthly salary has become part money, and the family’s financial situation has become stretched. For ordinary relationships, each gift is usually 100 yuan, and for more recent relationships, it is 200 yuan. , or 500 yuan, 600 yuan, or more than a thousand yuan for something special. "Working in the workplace seems respectable, but the share of money every year makes us miserable." Mr. Wang complained that the wedding banquets that were concentrated during the National Day this month have passed, but the share of money did not end there. Some colleagues and friends If an elderly person in the family dies or becomes ill, it is still a big expense.

Mr. Zhang, who works in a county in the south of Cangzhou, told reporters that in recent years, there are more and more items for money here. In addition to weddings and funerals, old people's birthdays, illness, moving, promotion, and children's full moon, When children enter university or even just go to junior college, they have to prepare a banquet and treat guests, and the scope of the treat is getting wider and wider. They used to be classmates, colleagues, and friends, but now they play mahjong together, drink wine once, or spend time together. After attending an event, you will be notified. A wedding invitation or a phone call or text message asking for a drink is a "penalty notice", which costs at least one hundred yuan. It can be said that share money is the biggest daily expense and burden for a family like ours.

Mr. Liu from a suburban county in Shijiazhuang said, I am a deputy in my work unit, and I am an acquaintance in the county. When encountering National Day, May Day, and Spring Festival, which are the months when weddings are concentrated, I often go to the office by myself. His salary is not enough, and he has to ask his family for help, because his wife is very dissatisfied, and sometimes the couple quarrels because of it, but there is nothing they can do about it.

Mr. Hu from Qingyuan County, Baoding, said, I am from a rural area, but when I work outside, I usually can’t attend weddings and funerals for my relatives and friends at home. If I don’t have enough people, I will get thousands of gifts a year. .

The reporter interviewed dozens of people from all walks of life in various parts of our province and found that the money situation of elements in various places is similar. But because the county is an acquaintance society, its prevalence is the most serious.

Across the country, the terms of family money have been increasing in the past decade or two. For example, happy events used to be only done by the man, but now sons and daughters do the same thing and receive gifts. In the past, funerals were only done by the parents of the person, but now the in-laws Parents, parents-in-law, and grandparents are also included in the gifts. There are also some special "innovations" in various places. For example, in some places, people have to treat guests to receive gifts when they get engaged, treat guests to receive gifts when getting married, and treat guests to receive gifts when giving birth. In some counties in the east of Handan, there is even a custom that after the death of an old man, one, three, five, ten, or twenty years, six weddings are held a day, and guests are treated with courtesy.

A reader in Baoding said that divorce and remarriage are very common nowadays. In the past, people considered remarriage to be disgraceful and kept a low profile. But now it is different. Remarriage or even extramarital affairs are just as grand. Banquets and extensive collection of gifts.

The popularity of family money has led to a decline in social morality. Xiao Liu from a company in Shijiazhuang said that there have been several young people in our company who notified everyone about their marriages. After collecting a large amount of family money, they changed jobs. , I can’t contact my colleagues no matter what happens!

It’s not easy to say no to the money of the people.

“Everyone hates the money and there is nothing that can be done about it” is the common mentality of interviewees from all over the world towards the money of the people.

Mr. Wang from Zanhuang County said that everyone just bites the bullet and goes along. Someone sends you a notice and invites you to a wedding banquet, even if you have only sat at the same banquet table once in the past. It’s not easy for you to refuse. If you refuse, it means you don’t give the other person face, you lose the favor, and you may even offend the person. Is one or two hundred yuan worth it?

Ms. Yuan and her husband from a certain county in Cangzhou are both teachers. As long as someone sends a wedding invitation or message, the couple will be actively present. The casual people often choose to live in a low-income family and would rather save money. You can't save even by spending your share of money. Ms. Yuan's point of view is that she has to have some social relationships in daily life. In addition, she is doing this now because she is afraid of being left out when her children get married or the elderly pass away.

A retired director of Hejian City said, It has been seven or eight years since I left my post at the second line, but I am still "being hunted down all the time" and I won't let you go. Some people are from work, and some are acquaintances in society. My family didn't invite him as a courtesy, but he thought you were a respectable person, and it would be honorable to invite you. After giving Xin'er, you have to go even if you don't want to, because if you don't go, you will offend others.

Mr. Cao from a company in Shijiazhuang, the provincial capital, told reporters that he had encountered such an annoying incident in his life: one year, a young man from a unit came to send an invitation to the director of Mr. Cao’s department. The young man noticed that Mr. Cao was nearby and said, "Brother Cao will come with us when the time comes!" Mr. Cao agreed casually.

But Mr. Cao did not go. Firstly, he had never spoken to this young man before and did not even know his name. Hundreds of young people in the unit all greeted Mr. Cao like this. He must be reluctant; secondly, Mr. Cao thought that he was sending the invitation to the director, and it was just a matter of casual mention to himself.

But the matter did not go away. When Mr. Cao saw the young man again in the future, he took the initiative to say hello warmly. The young man walking across the street lowered his head and pretended not to recognize him. Mr. Cao complained that he could not make friends with a colleague. It's easy, and it's that simple to offend someone.

Mr. Guan from a large company said that I have also encountered such embarrassment. A colleague sent invitations according to the company's roster and sent them to my office. I asked him who he was looking for, and he said He told me my name, but he didn’t recognize me standing in front of me. I have to go next. If I don't go, I will have a grudge. If I deal with him in the future, I will be very passive, because the one or two hundred yuan is not worth it.

Three feet of ice does not last in a day. Mr. Zhang from a suburban county in Shijiazhuang said, My work unit is a Qingshui Yamen, but I estimate that when my children get married, I will have to pay 100 yuan for the table. I have worked in many departments. , I have followed countless people over the years, just to "return to my roots", and the people who are notified of the courtesy are hundreds of people older than me.

Mr. Zhang said frankly, "This trend should be stopped long ago. Although people like me who have never held weddings and funerals will suffer losses, but I am also willing, because this trend makes everyone live a happy life." Too tired.”

Changing the bad habits of money-making requires the guidance of fashion

Mr. Liu is an individual doctor in Shijiazhuang. He just held a wedding banquet for his son not long ago, and held more than 100 tables. , the gift money was 60,000 to 70,000 yuan, but in the final reckoning, it all went to the hotel.

Mr. Liu from Xingtang County has seen a very sad example. A farmer also went to the city to hold a wedding banquet. However, because many villagers followed the old etiquette, 50 yuan was too much. A man came to eat with his family as a gift. In the end, all the gift money was given to the hotel, and there was still more than 10,000 yuan left. Because their son was getting married, they were already heavily in debt. The couple was so anxious that they cried in the restaurant.

Mr. Cui of Cangzhou said that when people hold banquets, you follow me, and I follow you, and finally everyone returns to the hotel. Especially at wedding banquets, there are so many chickens, ducks, and fish that cannot be moved, and 70% of them are wasted.

As early as three years ago, relevant departments calculated that the food thrown away at wedding banquets in a provincial capital city in a year was estimated to be more than 700 million yuan, equivalent to the annual fiscal revenue of two poor counties.

Zhang Yanguang, a sociologist and deputy secretary-general of the Hebei Traditional Culture Research Association, said that it is a traditional custom to attend weddings and weddings with gifts. In the past, everyone helped one person, which can indeed help some relatives and friends in need to tide over difficulties. But now the nature has changed, and it has become an opportunity to make money, show off, and save face.

Mr. Yan, who has served in the party and government departments for a long time, told reporters that weddings and funerals are a big deal, and ordinary people benefit very little. Most of them gain face, add debts of favor, or take advantage of opportunities. "Recycle" the gift money that was given out in the past. Those who benefited were some officials with real power. Some law enforcement agencies deal with companies, and the amount of gifts is unimaginable. Often, when these people have affairs, some subordinates, subordinate units, and companies under their jurisdiction are willing to curry favor and take the opportunity to give gifts.

Professor Ye Chenyi of Shijiazhuang School of Economics said that Confucius said that "the virtue of a gentleman is the virtue of a villain." The key to changing the bad habit of sharing money lies in the guidance of social fashion. We are pleased to see that the Discipline Inspection Commission at all levels have recently issued a series of regulations, and cadres are constantly being punished for engaging in red and white affairs. This is a welcome phenomenon. To completely eradicate this bad habit, it is not enough to rely solely on the Commission for Discipline Inspection. We must give full play to the role of social supervision, mass supervision, and media supervision to ensure the implementation of the system. The most important thing is to carry out traditional moral education in the whole society and clean up money worship and face culture. In addition, in various government agencies, enterprises and institutions, mass organizations such as workers, youth and women can play an active role in employee affairs.