First love is just for practicing.

1

When I was a girl, I used up all my beautiful fantasies to weave a golden armor holy garment, waiting for my unparalleled hero to come stepping on the clouds and achieve supreme glory.

It just so happened that the person who walked in front of me that year was not Monkey King, but Shen Bei.

The sun set just right that day, and he walked towards me with a warm glow on his face, his hair slightly wet, and his whole body exuded the warm smell of lemon soap.

For him, I showed up just in time, because I was holding a bottle of mineral water still covered in frost.

For me, he appeared at just the right time, except that there were no colorful auspicious clouds under his feet.

Of course, Shen Bei may not know that my heart was pounding at that moment, or maybe it was too ordinary for him. He just regarded me as one of his many admirers.

So he carelessly handed me the basketball in his hand, then ignored my stunned look, took the ice water in my hand, took a big sip, and showed a satisfied smile.

Even after a long time, I still regret my stupid performance at that time. I was too young and innocent at that time, and I didn't know how appropriate to show my charming eyes at this moment.

In order to cover up my embarrassment, I hesitated and said, "That...water is what I drank."

His smile suddenly became hasty, and he hurriedly poured the water towards me. As soon as I stuffed it in my hand, the basketball ran away without even thinking about it.

As for what? I was petrified on the spot until the harsh school bell rang above my head accompanied by the stern voice of the dean: "Why are you holding a basketball stick here after class? Are you in that class?"

Sunny The warmth receded, the autumn wind was cold, and a fallen leaf fell coldly and comically.

When the dean asked to confiscate Shen Bei’s basketball, I handed it to him without hesitation. After Shen Bei finished that class, he couldn't wait to ask me about the whereabouts of the basketball, and then complained angrily, "Yuan Mengmeng, you don't have loyalty."

He actually had the nerve to mention loyalty to me! I said slowly, "Those who are loyal have run away long ago after being framed."

Shen Bei was stunned for a moment, smiled, and stretched out two fingers to my face as if to pinch me. . I was so shocked that I quickly turned my head and glanced at him like a razor blade.

Shen Bei retracted his hand coquettishly, "You are so cute."

After that, Shen Bei had the urge to pinch my face countless times, but I killed them all like a blade. in his eyes. He thought it was a kind of love from the heart, but in my eyes, it meant something else.

In addition, he also gave me the nickname Yuanyuan. I know my face is a bit round, but you don’t need to remind me of it every day!

One night many years later, I received a call from Shen Bei while I was sleeping. He was drunk on the other end and said to me vaguely, "Yuanyuan, I really want to pinch your face."

I woke up from the chaos and burst into tears.

2

Generally speaking, handsome guys like Shen Bei are very carefree. As a boy of sixteen or seventeen, surrounded by all kinds of adoring eyes all day long, it was inevitable that he couldn't stand the temptation. Shen Bei has had a row of girlfriends, and there are countless girls who have a crush on him.

My secret love for Shen Bei is so deep that I don’t even realize it myself. I would just glance at him inadvertently from the corner of my eye. I would recognize him at first sight in a group of people. I would be extremely excited to see him wearing an ordinary white T-shirt in the morning, and my deskmate Even if I dress myself up in glittering gold, I will turn a blind eye.

I don’t know or can’t believe that I am paying attention to Shen Bei deliberately. I stubbornly believe that it is just because of the deep fate between us. I thought I actually despised people like Shen Bei from the bottom of my heart. He's tall and handsome, isn't he? Girlfriends change like a revolving door. Today he is Aying's boyfriend, and tomorrow he may become Ayan's boyfriend.

It’s just that I didn’t expect that soon, he would become the boyfriend of my good friend Xia Qi.

Xia Qi and I live very close to each other. From elementary school to high school, we went to and from school together no matter what, and we have been doing this for ten years. I used to think that friendship was something that could last forever. It was not until a long time later that she begged me in tears to let go of her and Shen Bei that I realized that the tight-knit friendship between us had unknowingly torn apart when we were seventeen years old. There was a gap.

Suddenly there was a light bulb on the way to school, which made me feel very uncomfortable, especially when the light bulb was me.

I had strongly stated that I would not go with Xia Qi and Shen Bei after school in the future, but the innocent and pleading looks on their faces made me unbearable, so I had to follow them and eat in silence every day. Dog food.

Not only that, they also asked me to cover for them on weekend dates. I watched movies, went shopping and ate with the two of them. Over time, we developed a lot of tacit understanding.

Shen Bei seemed to treat me and Xia Qi no differently. Sometimes when Xia Qi and I were walking side by side, he would often run over and stretch out his arms, as if he wanted to put his arms around the shoulders of two people at the same time.

Xia Qi naturally bowed her head and accepted with a shy smile, but I gave him a razor-like look. He lowered his arm and started joking with me as if nothing had happened.

Shen Bei is a spoiled child with the temper of a prince, and he will fall out whenever he wants. Sometimes the three of us eat together and have a good meal, but what we say will make him angry, throw plates and bowls, or even walk away.

Xia Qi liked him to a perverted level. Even though she almost got poked in the eye by the chopsticks he threw, she still worried about whether he had eaten when he left the table.

3

At that time, there was a rumor about Shen Bei that he had a deadline for having a girlfriend, which would not exceed three months.

Seeing the three-month deadline getting closer, Xia Qi became nervous. One day she said to me cautiously, "Lemon, I think I am different from others in his mind."

I was struggling with a math problem and was exhausted, so I said without thinking, " Everyone who has been his girlfriend thinks that they are the last one."

Only when the air around me suddenly turned cold did I realize that my tone was so disdainful, even with a hint of sourness. Grape flavor. I hurriedly raised my head and explained to her, "I, I, I didn't mean that. In fact, I also think he is really good to you."

I tried my best to make my eyes look sincere, but Xia Qi still He turned away in disappointment, sighed slightly, and said nothing more.

The gap between us seems to be getting bigger and bigger, and the cold air is hissing out in the weather of the twelfth lunar month.

On a snowy day, Xia Qi fell ill with a cold.

There was a gray and dim light all around. I was walking alone on the way home from school. Suddenly I heard Shen Bei calling me from behind. I turned around and looked, and white snow fell on his head. The smile is like the sun in winter, warm but not dazzling.

"Yuanyuan, why did you leave without waiting for me?"

I looked at him blankly, large flakes of snow falling in front of my eyes, "Xia Qi didn't come again. , why should I wait for you?"

Shen Bei said with a smile, "We are on our way!"

In fact, we are not on our way at all, because of the heavy snow and the bus can't wait for a long time. Come on, Shen Bei pulled my sleeve and said, "Let's walk back."

I was dragged away by him in a daze.

In my memory, it was not cold at all that day. Shen Bei kept stubbornly tugging on my sleeves, and confidently said that he was doing this to prevent me from slipping.

The snow was falling harder and harder, there were very few people walking on the street, and the whole world was wrapped gently

Wrapped in the sound of falling snow, Shen Bei suddenly laughed out loud.

I glared at him, "What's so funny?"

"Have you ever heard of a saying: When it snows, you must go outside with your loved one. Let's go, because if we are not careful, we will all grow old together."

My heart moved, and my face blushed unconsciously. I tried to calm down and said to him, "It's a pity that Xia Qi didn't come today. "

Shen Bei stopped, looked at me seriously and said, "I am telling you this."

I forced myself to meet his gaze. , "This joke is not funny at all." Then I ran away pretending to be angry, and fell onto my back after just a few steps.

I heard Shen Bei’s heart-rending laughter behind me, so I quickly got up and ran towards home without looking back.

During the past few days when Xia Qi was sick, Shen Bei and I still went home together, which made me always feel guilty about poaching my best friend, but I couldn't control myself towards him. Like.

From the first time he walked in front of me in sunshine, I felt like I had stepped on a high-speed train, driving forward full of love for him. Even though I knew I was in the wrong car, liking him had become an inertia. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find the brakes.

4

After Xia Qi recovered from her cold, the atmosphere between the three of us became subtle. I always feel guilty when facing Xia Qi, but Shen Bei is very wicked. He often looks at me with direct and hot eyes in front of Xia Qi, with a smile on his lips.

Fortunately, Xia Qi didn't take it seriously. Instead, she treated me better than before, which made me feel even more guilty.

One day, Xia Qi accidentally followed Shen Bei and called me Yuanyuan. I was just stunned for a moment, but Shen Bei's face suddenly elongated, "Did you call her Yuanyuan? Yuanyuan is my special name for her."

Xia Qi's My face turned red and white, and I felt very uncomfortable. I blamed Shen Bei, "You still have the nerve to say that! Since you gave me this nickname, my face has become rounder."

Although this The self-deprecating joke was actually not funny, but Xia Qi's face finally returned to normal and she laughed out loud.

Shen Bei didn't appreciate my concern for the overall situation at all. He said to me with a dark face, "You go first, I have something to say to Xia Qi.

"

As soon as he said these words, Xia Qi's body suddenly trembled, and her expression became a little panicked. "I suddenly remembered that my mother asked me to go home immediately after school today. Lemon, let's go quickly." ”

She grabbed my hand, and I felt the coolness and trembling in her hand, and suddenly I had an unknown premonition in my heart.

In the end, Xia Qi didn’t give me any advice. When Shen Bei had the opportunity to speak, she hurriedly dragged me onto the bus. She dragged me off again when she was two stops away from home. Her face was still frighteningly white, and her voice was crying, "Lemon, Shen." Bei wants to break up with me, what should I do? what to do? "

I was overwhelmed by her sudden appearance, "Don't panic, he doesn't necessarily want to tell you this. "

Xia Qi stared at me, her eyes red, "Lemon, I have always known that Shen Bei likes you. "

"What are you talking about? Have you listened to someone's nonsense? "I was eager to distance myself, but I forgot that speaking loudly means you feel guilty.

"Lemon, you don't like him, do you? What good friends we are. You wouldn't do something like that, would you? It doesn't matter if you like him, it's fine for the three of us to be together like this every day. Lemon, I don’t want to break up with Shen Bei. "She looked at me, with panic, pleading, and condemnation in her eyes, as if I was really the despicable villain who took advantage of her being sick for two days and took advantage of her.

I thought that from now on I would not have to do anything after school. When we walked together with them, Xia Qi came to me in a hurry as soon as school was over. It took me a long time to realize that she was just afraid that when she was alone with Shen Bei, he would say the word "break up", but she avoided it like this. It was useless. For Shen Bei, breaking up was already a common occurrence. Three days later, he broke up with Xia Qi regardless of my presence.

He said this with no expression on his face. It was obvious that Xia Qi had been indifferent during the past three days. His evasion has reached the limit of his patience.

Xia Qi held my hand tightly and cried out. She may have always understood that Shen Bei didn't treat her any differently, but she just didn't want to admit it. /p>

For her, Shen Bei was the only one in her entire adolescence, and for Shen Bei, she was just one of her exclusive girlfriends. She would either hate or love him for the rest of her life, and miss him for the rest of her life. , and he won’t.

5

After breaking up with Xia Qi, it didn’t take long for Shen Bei to find his next target, and that was me.

< p> I admit that I was so excited after receiving his love letter that I read it over and over again until I could memorize every word of it. There were still three months left before the college entrance examination, and he refused to waste even these three months, but I But I didn't dare to go crazy with him.

It was always so cheap and easy to say.

He said that he had never begged someone so humbly. I have never cared so much and been afraid of losing. It took me many years to understand that what I can’t get is always the best. If I choose to be with him in the last three months, I will only be reduced to his memory.

I kept these letters beside me for many years, until the paper was torn by me. I threw them into the trash can countless times, then picked them up, shook them, and continued to read them. Like a treasure.

Xia Qi and I became more and more silent on the way home, until one day she couldn't go to school and her mother told me that she was suffering from depression. Just like when Bei broke up with her, she broke up with me expressionlessly and coldly.

No one knew about this except me. Everyone thought that she had signed up for the college entrance examination intensive class outside. Shen Bei came to school, so Shen Bei had no regrets. Xia Qi's absence made it easier for him to come to see me.

He made an appointment to meet me at the basketball court and waited for me for more than an hour while playing basketball alone. Hours. I hid behind the wall and watched him for more than an hour, watching him jump and shoot, every move was so cool, until tears blurred my eyes, I still didn't dare to show up.

I am not as brave and naive as Xia Qi, who still goes out of his way despite knowing the consequences.

One week before the college entrance examination, the school stopped and Shen Bei suddenly came to my house at noon in the scorching sun. , holding a set of physics papers and pretending to ask me for advice. My parents had complicated expressions, but they couldn't just kick him out and pretended to be calm and let him have lunch. I couldn't even act out love and hatred with him in front of my parents. Shen Bei was as proud as a big-tailed wolf, winking at me when my parents weren't paying attention, which made me jump with fear.

After he left, he sent me a text message: I’m sorry to scare you, but I can’t help it, I miss you so much.

At that time, mobile phones could only store dozens of text messages. I was always struggling with which ones should be deleted, which seemed less important, so as to leave space for new messages, although I never knew those messages. Never replied.

A few days ago, the mobile phone battery was finally scrapped. I searched all over the omnipotent store and couldn’t find a battery that matched it. It turns out that the so-called forever has an expiration date. Life is short to begin with. Our eternity is even more short-lived.

6

In September of that year, Shen Bei was admitted to a military academy in Nanjing, while I continued to stay in this city in the deep north to attend college.

The contact between us is intermittent. He often disappears for a long time inexplicably when I miss him very much, and then suddenly appears when I miss him even more.

Sometimes he would call me in the middle of the night, playing the guitar and singing to me. I listened to the song quietly for a while and hung up the phone without saying a word. I know that even in a military academy with few resources for girls, he was never alone.

Sometimes he feels very tired and says to me in a tired tone, "Yuanyuan, why are you so difficult to deal with?"

None of my roommates can understand us. In this procrastinating way of getting along, love should be a simple and enjoyable thing, rather than like me, who can torture himself into tears just thinking about a certain moment, and the two of us will always be in a state of suspicion and temptation. middle. Although Shen Bei keeps saying that he likes me, he lives a gentle and indulgent life; I have always been stubborn and refused to agree to him, but I am always alone and don't know what I am waiting for.

That summer, I accompanied my mother to travel to Shanghai. She was not accustomed to the local climate, and the southern sun was even more daunting to her. She hid in the hotel and refused to go out.

I went to Xitang alone. Even though it was dusk, the weather was still very hot. There were not many tourists in this season. The gentle ancient town restored its quiet and slow appearance. The old man and the dog were sitting leisurely. Cool down under the trees by the water. I walked slowly along the misty rain corridor, watching the setting sun cast the shadows of the pavilions and waterside pavilions slantingly on the ground, and then I saw Shen Bei at the end of the corridor.

Just like many years have passed, and like a sudden dream, he walked towards me with a smile, covered with the sunset.

We didn’t seem to say what a coincidence you were here, we just naturally walked side by side along the river. He held my hand, and I subconsciously hid for a moment, and then he held me obediently. With.

The setting sun hanging in the distant horizon is the most beautiful temptation in the world. It seems that if we keep holding hands and walking like this, we can go forever.

I started to dodge and finally held his hand tightly, fearing that this was just a dream and that as soon as I let go, he would suddenly disappear.

Later, things were not as you thought. The prince turned back and lived happily with Cinderella. For me, the sunset in Xitang is an unforgettable scene of beauty. For Shen Bei, it is just a familiar scene. This beautiful scenery is not a dream, it is just a dream. After returning to reality, we are still living our own lives.

Over the past hundreds of years, how many lovers have set foot on the sunset in Xitang, and how many loves have separated and reunited here. Life is too short, but the sunset is eternal.

My college life was lackluster. The ideal love and the sweetheart wearing the golden armor never came. Maybe he had been here before, but I refused to go with him.

7

In this game of love, I succeeded in being calm and self-possessed. Fortunately, I did not become one of the many women dumped by Shen Bei; but I failed. I failed because I was too calm and self-possessed. I have heard many people tell me that Shen Bei and Xia Qi have been separated and reunited over the years. Shen Bei would sometimes call me when he was drunk or depressed. This happened several times. Then I received the call from Xia Qi.

She cried and begged me not to contact Shen Bei anymore. No matter how many people were around Shen Bei, the only one she cared about was me. She said there was no such thing as pure friendship between men and women. It's all nonsense, and they say that I'm a master of hard-to-get tricks. Even if she breaks up with Shen Bei one day, she doesn't want the person standing next to Shen Bei to be me.

We have walked such a long road together since we were young. When we grew up, I naively thought that she was the most important person in my life besides my parents, but this person sharpened his words. Stab me in the pit of my heart. I said slowly, I never thought about standing next to Shen Bei.

When you date someone like Shen Bei, you are either like those girls. After three months, everyone is happy and forget about each other from then on; or you are like Xia Qi. , following him, fighting passionately against possible mistresses every day. After all, pain is more unforgettable than love. I'm a lazy person and can't live through that future.

I would rather be like now, when I see a certain picture and hear a certain song and think of him, tell myself that I am not missing him, I am just too lonely.

I burned all the letters Shen Bei wrote to me and deleted his phone number and all social contact information. I said to myself, I don't like him anymore.

I don’t like him anymore, I don’t like the hope and disappointment he gave me, and I don’t like the entanglement and torture in those days.

When he was seventeen years old, I took off the golden armor and holy clothing for him with my own hands when I was twenty-seven years old.

Life is so long, even if it is time to walk into the auditorium wearing a white gauze, the person in front of you may not be able to accompany you for the rest of your life. Who you love most and who you hate most in this life can only decide the outcome when you close your eyes. Those promises made when we were young are just eternity that will never come.

May we all be well for the rest of our lives.