rich joke

Once upon a time there was a man named Shuang.

He is dead.

On the day of the funeral.

His family cried and said

Cool ... cool. '

Passers-by are puzzled. Asked, "What do you like?"

The family cried:' Great ... awesome! !

2.

One day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They brought a Shandong pie and two cans of sea water.

Chicken, and then set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor and unloaded their equipment accurately.

Prepare dinner. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!

Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." 」

Father Tortoise: "Good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back quickly! "

Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! "

So turtle son set foot on the road home. ...

Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, but the turtle son has not appeared yet.

Mother turtle: "wife ... do you want to have dinner first?" I'm so hungry, I said ... "

Tortoise Dad: "No! We promised our son! Ok ... wait for him for five years, or let him go! "

It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

Take out the pie and get ready to eat. ...

Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...

Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years, and finally.

I have been waiting for you! I hate being cheated!

3.

A boyfriend and girlfriend were sitting on a park bench in love, and the woman suddenly wanted to fart.

Say to the man: I am a cereal bird, do you listen to it?

Men are willing to listen

So, under the cover of "goo goo" birdsong, the woman happily farted.

W: Does it sound like a cuckoo?

Man: What a fart! I didn't catch it!

4.

The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry and scolded: * * If I don't come back, I will die! At this time, there was a snail's voice outside the door: you said that Lao Tzu would not go!

5.

Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy ..."

6.

A man who just learned a foreign language was walking in the street that day. He accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man quickly said, "I'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely, "I'm sorry, too." Hearing this, the man quickly said, "I'm sorry, three." The foreigner was stupid and asked, "What are you sorry for?" The man said helplessly, "I'm sorry."

7.

A letter from the Tang Priest to the Monkey King.

Dear Wukong:

I write this letter slowly, because I know you can't read fast!

It rained twice this week, the first time for 4 days, and the second time for 3 days!

Did you have a good time in Huaguoshan? I had a terrible time in heaven. Because there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall off. Do you feel bitter?

Our beef noodles here are delicious. Let's go to the restaurant in West Street for hot pot when you come another day!

Your Guanyin sister is going to have a baby, so I don't know whether you want to be an uncle or an aunt for the time being, because I don't know whether it will be a boy or a girl!

Did you receive the clothes I sent you? I was afraid of being overweight when I was ready to post it, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket!

It's very late to write here. Come and play with me sometime. Remember not to drink more water, otherwise it will be difficult to pee here!

P.S. wants to send you money, but the envelope is stuck!

8.

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

9.

One day, an ant was sunbathing when he suddenly saw an elephant coming slowly. He got up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to you asks what you are doing. The ant said, "Shh ~ ~ ~ ~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him."

10. The earthworm family was bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried, why are you so stupid? You will die if you cut so hard! Father Earthworm said weakly: ... suddenly want to play football.

1 1.

One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother nervously shouted outside the house: Son ... what are you doing ... You still can't get out when the fire broke out ... Son replied: I was wearing socks ... Mother said, what socks did you wear when the fire broke out ... Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out ... Mother nervously shouted, Son, what the hell are you doing? Come out ~ there's a fire, and you're still inside ... My son said, I took off my socks. ........

12.

A man went fishing by the river, first wearing a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, and he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ No choice but to change earthworms ~ No fish took the bait for a long time ~ ~ He was angry ~ He took out 100 RMB, fell into the water and cursed: What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself! ! !

13.

The Weaver Girl came down to take a bath and got to know the Cowherd, and interpreted a love story that made the gods cry. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, so we must take a bath outside. .....

14.

Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: There are many ants in the toilet .. The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiao Ming: What did the ants say? Xiaoming looked blank ... and said, Ant, he didn't say anything. ...

15.

Son: Mom, I failed the math exam today. Mother: What's the matter? Is there a problem? Son: The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6. Mother: That's right. Then what? Son: Then the teacher asked me 3*2=? Mother: Isn't it the same? Son: That's what I said. ..

16.

A prisoner was shot. Bullets are produced in a county, and the quality is not good. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... At this time, the prisoner cried: You strangle me, so scary! ~

17.

Dung beetles and mosquitoes meet for the first time. Dung beetles: What do you do? Mosquito: Nurse, give me an injection. Dung beetles grabbed the mosquito's hand and wept bitterly: Fate, I'm also a doctor, Chinese medicine, and I pinch pills.

18.

When someone was eating, he couldn't see a piece of beef in the beef Lamian Noodles, so he pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in Lamian Noodles? The boss said flatly, don't take it too seriously. You still expect a wife who eats old woman's cake?

19.

One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

20.

A lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: Dear, why are you so kind to me? Hey, hey, the cat said with a smile, you'll know when you get fat. .

2 1.

Friends went climbing together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl shouted to the beautiful mountains and rivers: Motherland! My mother! A boy who secretly loves her quickly shouted: motherland! My mother-in-law

22.

I bought two puppies before, one is called "face" for you and the other is called "ass" for myself. My face died in a car accident not two days ago. Every time I see my ass, I think of your face. If your face were still there, it would be as big as your ass now!