30 funny jokes, high-end atmosphere.

1. A family of three went to the old man's house for dinner. When eating, the old father-in-law said to the little girl, "How dare you come and eat often?" The little girl casually replied, "Your daughter eats in our house every day. How dare you?"

My classmate went out to play with that girl, and after drinking a little at night, that girl didn't dare to talk back. . So I got a room. It is said that at night, the girl took his hand and put it on her waist. The students did nothing. . Girls will fall in love with him the next day, and it has been better for more than two years now. . . The girl recalled that at the beginning, several men used this method to test, just like finding an honest one, and my classmate passed. . . . . I'm a little wrong. I just want to know what those losers are doing.

It is said that an old lady with gray hair went to the barber shop to dye her hair and was told that it was 80. The old lady said that it was too expensive. Is she 40 in the middle of dyeing? The boss said, yes, as long as you like. ? Then dye my white hair black, so my black hair doesn't have to be dyed? . What a rational old man the boss is!

I took a taxi one day. After I got on the bus, the driver listened to the jokes on the radio. He kept laughing and suddenly stopped laughing. Then he looked at me innocently and said, the man who just took the bus didn't give me money? I suppressed the internal injuries in an instant.

5. I am so hungry. Now the only thing we can eat at home is dog food. I couldn't help eating a few. It tastes good. My dog woke up when he heard the bag ring, squatting beside me and staring at me with his head tilted! Can't I eat a few of what I paid for?

6. I am a sophomore this year. My dream brother and sister are seven years older than me. I graduated from Normal University this year. My sister has been hiding since she graduated in the summer vacation. Watching me smile gives me the creeps. I knew the result when school started last week. She became my English teacher! Hey, my girlfriend can only see you again.

7. A little cousin is a computer geek at the age of six. . . My uncle went out to work this morning. Before going out, he said to his little cousin, do your homework well today, and let you play computer for an hour after you finish it. When my uncle came home at noon and saw him playing beside him, he asked his cousin: Have you finished your homework? Cousin bowed his head, sighed and replied, stop that now, I don't want to play computer today. . . Cousin, you can do it. . .

I received a strange phone call yesterday? Chop thieves? My boyfriend said, "Wife, I lost my mobile phone. Stop texting me. " I was just about to comfort when the goods came again. "Don't send money either. I'm worried about your family. Everyone else is fine, you are so stupid! " . Well, I specially called to say that I was stupid, and you deserved to lose your mobile phone-_-"

9. At the regular meeting on Thursday, the boss of the company said that few people read his email (if you don't open it, he will remind you), scolded everyone and let everyone read his email. -End of background. Last Friday, I heard that a great buddy not only saw it, but also replied that he had seen it. I don't know if I can see him again on Monday. . .

10. When I saw the wrong classroom in the second day of junior high school, I remember that when I was in high school, I didn't know anyone because I walked an extra floor. At that time, Nima reached out and touched the blackboard slot, looked at the trash can, and went out to pretend to check the hygiene. Nima also greeted her acquaintances with a smile. Holy shit. Afterwards, my friend asked me why I started to check the hygiene. I'm embarrassed to say it. Nima (turn)

1 1. I just read a passage saying that a daughter-in-law is a road and a friend is a cow. There is only one way in life, and there will be several cows. Don't go the wrong way if you have money, and don't sell cattle if you lack money. . . . Result, result. . . . A man of God replied: What about cows on the road? ! ! ! All right!

12. The company has a wonderful post-90 s sister paper, short and pithy. . . Today, I ran to the director of the office for no reason and asked: Director, is pregnancy at work a work-related injury? Emma has really increased her knowledge, hasn't she?

13. On the bus, a 40-year-old man pulled a little girl of 1 1, 12 years old. The little girl said, President Wang, I want to eat sundaes? At this time, the eyes of the whole car were focused on the man, and some even took out their mobile phones to take pictures or called 1 10. At this moment, the man embarrassedly said to the little girl: This child calls the principal at school, so why don't you call him dad when you come out?

14. On the first day when my wife got her driver's license, I sat in the co-pilot, took the wrong road, ran a red light and made a sharp turn. I was scared? Everything came out. The wife also said excitedly:? Look how fast I'm driving. No other car can overtake me. An old car is running on two roads. Who dares to overtake it? ? I yelled.

15. boyfriend:? Do you like the birthday present I gave you? ? Girlfriend: Well, it's beautiful. Thieves like it! ? Boyfriend:? Really? Then why don't you take it away? ? Girlfriend: Didn't I just tell you? Thieves like it. It was stolen. ?

16. When a person comes out of the company, it is natural to stay. Just now, a beautiful woman came to see him? ..... We all asked in a special gossip, who is this beautiful woman? When did you meet? How old is it? Naturally, I stayed and explained that it was my sister, my own sister, half a year younger than me. . . Half a year younger, Nima, half a year younger sister shocked our whole office!

17. In the office, the teacher handed me 10 yuan and said softly: Add a condom to your mobile phone. ? Holding the Nokia I bought three years ago, I muttered: Teacher, my mobile phone is broken and can't be used. ? The teacher sighed and thrust the money into my hand. Here, we can use the floor in our class. ? .

18. A little soldier of the cooking class picked up a puppy while training outside. At night, the puppy barks all the time, even when feeding the meat. Just as the monitor passed by, I pointed to the dog and said, call the monitor quickly, and the monitor will give you meat to eat. The monitor said domineering, call dad, call dad to give you meat to eat. . . . . . I feel so loving in an instant.

19. I slept with my mother last night, forgot to close the window and got up with a stuffy nose in the morning. . . Suddenly I heard my mother proudly say to my father in the living room: Wake up in the middle of the night and feel cold. Seeing that my daughter's window was open, I hurried back to my room to sleep. Fortunately, I didn't catch a cold.

20. I'm sitting in the living room watching TV, and my mother is eating mangoes. After eating, she asked me: Does this dress need washing? I looked at it and said:? It needs cleaning. ? As a result, she wiped her hands on my clothes and left. . .

2 1. The flea found that the mosquito's mouth was crooked and asked:? Dude, what's going on? ? Mosquito:? Just forget it． I found a naked man last night. He didn't bite all night. The next morning, I found that Ya turned out to be a statue. ?

When I was in primary school, my sister often threw me balloons filled with water. In summer, I am always dripping with water, and I am scolded by my mother as soon as I get home. Later, I couldn't bear it anymore, so I secretly punctured every balloon and finally escaped the daily flood. The following summer, my sister was born.

23. In the morning, a boy chewed a big bread with relish while chatting with the girl behind him, but the girl stared at the boy's bread (the girl didn't have time to buy breakfast). The boy found out and asked with concern: What? Didn't you have breakfast? ? The girl nodded, expecting the boy to give her some bread. Boy:? Oh! Then I'll go and eat, so you won't be hungrier when you see it! ?

24. One day, a salesman promoted a treadmill to a boss. The boss said: I run on the road for free every day. ? The salesman smiled and said:? You bought my treadmill, so you can run at home every day! ?

25. having lunch in the company, I suggested to my colleague MM: A large-scale local chicken shop near the company has a good business, and so does the clay pot restaurant. What do you want to eat at noon? ? She rolled her eyes, thought for a moment and said, eat chicken. ? Laughing me to death. . .

26. I went to Phoenix Mountain in Ningbo with my girlfriend and finally waited for the long-awaited bungee jumping. My girlfriend is watching, planning a long romantic scene, shouting my girlfriend's name? Xxx, I love you! ? When you jump, you will be nervous for the first time. I jumped down as soon as I called out my girlfriend's name, and I was shocked. As a result, my girlfriend and the following people heard this: Xxx, me? My second Olympic Games! ?

27. Three drunkards came to enjoy the moon. Drunkard A said: There are two moons in the sky. ? Drunk B said: There are three moons in the sky. ? None of them agreed with each other, so they asked drunkard C to be the referee. Drunk c said slowly:? What line of work are you talking about? ?

28. In the evening, my wife was watching TV and my husband was talking on the phone with his colleagues. Hung up the phone and my husband said: Let's choose mistress. ? The black line on my wife's face came down and asked, do you like mistress very much? Well, is mistress nice? The wife slapped her and drove her husband out of the house. My husband sat outside the door, buried his face in it, and said with grievance: Choose a font size for typesetting. Who did I piss off?

29. I went to dinner with my girlfriend at noon. The waiter said that the gas tank didn't come. Can you change the steamed pork you ordered? ? I asked discontentedly, why can't we use flour to make steamed meat? ? The waiter is full of apologies. Hey, steaming needs gas. ? The girlfriend replied in surprise. To ... to face the gossip? ?

30. One day my husband asked me: What will you do if I die? ? I said:? Go shopping and eat with your best friend. Go ahead. ? Then I asked him:? What will you do if I die? ? He said savagely: shopping and eating with girlfriends are all kinds of hi. ?