One person gives a joke, 200 points, which I think is the best bonus point

Childlike fun (a masterpiece that makes you laugh N times)

My colleague has kidney stones and is resting at home. His little nephew asked what kidney stones were, and he said that stones come out when you pee. His little nephew was very worried and said: Uncle, you must spread your feet when you pee, be careful not to hit your feet!

One day, I saw a pair of twins, a boy and a girl. They were so cute.

But I couldn’t tell the size.

So I asked: Which of you is bigger and who is smaller?

The girl said mysteriously: Guess which of us is the brother and who is the sister~! !

I was walking in the park at night with my three-year-old daughter in my arms, and there was a couple of lovers hugging and kissing in the shade.

My daughter looked at it for a while, turned her head and said to me with certainty: "Mom, they must be stealing something good."

She is obviously 5 years old, and she has just learned arithmetic. The yeller asked someone to give the question, and his father said to him: "You can come up with the question yourself."

Ming Ming thought for a while and said: "Shampoo + massage + back step = 18, hair dye + sauna + Facial mask = 20”

Everyone was stunned at first, and then laughed.

Child: "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "This is rat poison."

Child: "Mom, the rat in our house is sick. ”

I particularly liked a child in the small class

so I kept teasing him

Ask him: What is his mother’s name

Her With a milky voice, he finally spit out ***'s name

"So, what is daddy's name?

I saw him happily and unambiguously say two words: Husband< /p>

One of her colleagues had a 6-year-old daughter who was starting to lose her teeth. Her mother took her back to the work after having her teeth extracted. My mother asked her, "Does the tooth still hurt?" The little girl's answer made the group of people next to her laugh: "Oh, my tooth was left in the hospital. I don't know if it hurts or not!" "

A father asked his child once

Who has the final say at home?

"Dad, he is the head of the family. "

When his mother found out,

she asked him: "Who has the final say in the family? Well said, I'll buy you some candy. "

The child said: "It's mom, it's mom."

" Didn't you say that dad is the head of the family? ”

“But mom is the neck of the house, and her neck can turn her head in that direction~~~~~~”

Occasionally, a male colleague was walking on the roadside one day. I was drinking and eating in a small restaurant. I saw a very cute little girl in her early 3s next to her, so I went up to tease her, "Little sister, can I play with you?" The little girl glanced at him and said, "No, my mother said that the little girl wants to "I'm playing with the little girl." My colleague didn't give up and said, "I'm a girl too, you can play with me." The last answer the little girl gave was a classic. She glanced at my male colleague and said, Say "I don't believe it! Take off your pants and let me see! ”=_=#

When my son was 4 years old, he saw a frog jumping. He imitated the frog and jumped a few times. Then he stood up and said: I’m so tired!!! It’s really hard for the frog. I have to dance like this every day.

I almost fainted with joy after reading the MAIL given by a friend. I guarantee it is true and original.

I was listening to the radio in the dormitory that day and heard a very young girl. The child requested a song for her mother. She said that her mother was very hard and could not rest on Sundays. She had to go to the bookstore to buy a lot of exercise books for her to do, so she thought

Call a song for her mother.

The host was moved and said, "What a sensible child. What song do you want to play for your mother?"

The little girl said in a childish voice, 'I want to read Xin Xiaoqi's "Why Women Trouble Women"

Answer: supreman - Scholar Level 2 5-12 10:25

Someone asked the farmer : “What do you feed the pigs? "Use leftovers and unwanted vegetable peels." "The farmer replied.

"So, I should punish you. "The man said, "I am a public health inspector. It is illegal for you to feed animals that are eaten by the public with nutritionally inferior things. A fine of 10,000 yuan was imposed.

Soon after, another neatly dressed man came and asked the farmer: "What a fat pig!" What do you feed them? ”

“Shark’s fin, chicken liver, seafood and so on. "The farmer replied.

"Then, I should punish you. The man said, "I am an inspector of the International Food Association. One-third of the world's population is hungry. I can't let you feed pigs with such good food." I'll fine you 10,000 yuan.

A few months later, a third person came. Like the first two people, he stuck his head on the farmer's fence and asked: "What do you feed the pigs?" ”

“Brother,” the farmer replied, “Now I give them 10 yuan a day, and they can buy whatever they want to eat.”

”

Answer: I am very happy - Apprentice Magician Level 2 5-12 10:31

Jokes that are too long are not funny, I have a shorter one

p>

One day a monkey accidentally stepped on the ape's excrement, and later they got married. Someone asked them why they got together, and the monkey said it was all ape dung (fate)!

Answered by: lanselq - Magician Level 4 5-12 10:32

In the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her: Don’t you know I’m pregnant? The man said nervously: The child is not mine!

Answer: Xiao Xiaorouxue - Assistant Level 3 5-12 10:34

The fox followed the street. He met the old wolf head-on. The old wolf stretched out his hand and gave him a slap in the face, saying, "Don't wear a hat."

The fox went home very depressed and put on a hat.

< p>The next day, he met the old wolf again and was slapped again.

It happened several times and he always got beaten. The fox thought that it was not a problem to be beaten so often. Ah, no, I have to complain to Tiger.

As soon as I arrived at the door of Tiger's house, I heard Tiger talking in the house.

"You can't keep hitting the fox so unreasonably." Ah, if the fox comes to complain to me later, I won’t be able to protect you. At least we can save face, let me teach you a trick.

The next time you see the fox, tell him: Get me some laundry. If he brings you soap, you beat him up and say, I want washing powder, who asked you to bring soap. If he brings washing powder, you can also hit him. If he says I want soap, who will ask you to bring washing powder?

How about you tell him, go and find me a woman. If he finds a fat guy for you, you beat him and say I want a thin one; if he finds a thin guy for you, you beat him too and say I want a fat one.

If we don't end up like this, you can still beat him, and I can make it fair in terms of face. "

When the fox heard this, he thought, let's stop complaining and go home.

The next day, the fox bumped into the old wolf again on the street. The old wolf shouted: Go , find me some laundry.

The fox said calmly: Do you want washing powder or soap?

Yes? One hand. Then he said: Go and find me a woman.

The fox was still calm: Do you want to be fat or thin?

The old wolf heard this. He was furious and stretched out his hand to give the fox a big mouth

Let you not wear a hat!

Answer: xdafu - Trainee Magician Level 2 5-12 10:37

p>

I am in a new company, and everyone I meet calls me Lao... Okay, Lao Wang, Lao Zhang, Liu Jie introduced me: "This is my husband!" "Hello, hubby!" ! ! "

Liu Jie: "This is my husband! ! ! ”

Answer: Love Group - Trainee Magician Level 2 5-12 10:38

Wife Instructions

Drug Instructions:

The name of the product is commonly known as wife, and in formal occasions, it can be called wife or wife; now it is also called Darling.

Chemical name WUMEN

Ingredients: water, blood and fat carbohydrates. The smell is fragrant.

The physical and chemical properties are active and can be divided into monovalent (marrying), trivalent (marrying). Sweet words, sweet words; the melting point is lowered under the catalysis of true love, diamonds, money and luxury houses. It is difficult to dissolve in white.

Characteristics: This product is a cola-like concave and convex object with a smooth surface, coated with various cosmetics. It has a strong affinity for diamonds and platinum; it produces a red shift when shy; it produces a blue shift (green shift) when angry. This product will produce a yellow shift over time and its shape will change, but it will not affect continued use.

< p> Function: It mainly treats the chronic disease of single phobia, and also has obvious effects on lovelorn and lovesickness.

Usage and dosage: One tablet is recommended for a lifetime.

Note: This product is only suitable for single adult men. . Be careful when taking it. If the drug causes the user to have soft ears (palladium ears), endophobia, tracheitis, etc., he must consult a relevant professional doctor immediately and use it under the guidance of a doctor; if not, he can continue to use it. Eating more can cause fatal allergic reactions, and eating more than 2 types can lead to adverse interactions!

The size is usually 45kg to 65kg. If there is a special overweight situation, men should exercise more or see a health doctor for treatment! .

Store properly at room temperature, preferably indoors in a well-ventilated place; if used outdoors, avoid leaving the product in groups of women and handsome men.

< p>Pack a variety of fashions, jewelry, and handbags, and change them at any time as the seasons change.

The validity period depends on the degree of happiness, and can be as long as a lifetime; at the shortest, it may expire in one day.

< p>The official approval number can be found on the inner page of the diamond ring manual.

The mother-in-law and father-in-law of the manufacturer.

Taboos: Never say fat at any time

Husband Instructions

Drug Instructions for Use:

The name of the product is commonly known as husband in formal occasions. Can be called husband; now also called Hani.

Chemical name MEN

Ingredients: water, blood and fatty carbohydrates, with a sweat odor.

The physical and chemical properties are active and can be divided into one stage (knot), two stages (knot) and three stages (knot) according to the situation. . . . n stage (knot). Easily soluble in sweet words and sweet words; the melting point lowers under the catalysis of true love, tobacco, alcohol, money and luxury cars.

Characteristics: This product is a cola-like concave and convex object with a rough surface and a strong affinity for tobacco and alcohol. It produces a red shift when shy and a blue shift (green shift) when angry. This product produces a blue shift (green shift) over time. Yellow shift, the shape will change, but it will not affect the continued use.

It functions mainly to treat the stubborn disease of single phobia, and also has obvious effects on lovelorn and lovesickness.

Usage and Dosage It is recommended to take one tablet for a lifetime.

Note: This product is only suitable for single adult women. You need to be careful when taking it. If the drug causes the user to experience domestic violence, etc., you must immediately consult a relevant professional doctor (in serious cases, you can report the case to the public security agency and seek legal assistance), and use it under the guidance of a doctor; if not, you can continue use. Eating more can lead to fatal allergic reactions, and eating more than 2 types can lead to adverse interactions!

The specifications are usually 65kg to 80kg. If there is a special overweight situation, men should strengthen exercise or find a health doctor for treatment.

Storage: Store properly at room temperature, preferably indoors in a well-ventilated place; if outdoors, avoid places where women and handsome men gather in groups. During use, be especially careful not to leave this product out at night.

Packaging various fashions, luxury watches, and luxury cars and changing them at any time with seasonal changes.

The validity period depends on the degree of happiness, and can be up to a lifetime; at the shortest, it may expire in one day.

Approval number The official approval number can be found on the inside page of the diamond ring instruction manual.

The old woman and father-in-law of the production company.

Taboo: Never say stinky at any time.

Answer: wenxiao18 - Assistant Level 2 5-12 10:41

Awesome

Answer: Wind Gravel - Trainee Magician Level 2 5- 12 10:42

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

2. I haven’t received your message for a long time, and I feel very sad. When I thought about death, I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over a building with a parachute, and hung myself with noodles. But if Mo is dead, just treat me to a meal and it will last me to death.

3. If you feel sad, please call me! If you want to talk about love, please press 1, if you want to talk about work, please press 2, if you want to talk about life, please press 3, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press 5, if you want to ask me to eat, please say so, if you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

4. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later the giraffe filed for divorce: I don’t want to live this kind of jumping up and down life anymore! The monkey was furious: Just leave! Who has ever seen someone climb a tree to get a kiss?

5. Fish said: "I open my eyes all the time so that I can never leave you." Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up." "Guo said: "It's almost cooked and you're still so stubborn."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Ya La Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7. You have grown up, and there are some things you should know: the sky is for wind and rain; the earth is for growing flowers and grass; I , is used to prove how great human beings are; you are used to stew vermicelli.

8. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

9. Money can buy a house but not a home; it can buy marriage but not love; it can buy a clock but not time; money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me the money and let me bear the pain alone!

10. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! Alas, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

11. I give you the 12 zodiac signs. I wish you are as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, and as naughty as a sheep. Monkey is as beautiful as a chicken, as loyal as a dog, and looks like a pig!

12. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being stupid

having no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying. It's like saying hell in daylight.

13. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I care about you, little boy. , I’ll make you dizzy!

14. Have you heard of it? Five hundred times of looking back in the past life are only exchanged for one brush with each other in this life. For close friends like you and me, it seems that we didn’t do anything in the previous life, but just looked back!

15. Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan bill, they bought 1 yuan of candied haws. , they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

16. Portrait of your life: Learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten - Zhu Ziqing; shine at the age of twenty - Zhu Shimao; find a job at the age of thirty - Zhu establishes a career; be employed at the age of forty Servants - pigs get servants; learn to play basketball at the age of fifty - pig shooting

Answer: Red Star Erguotou is delicious - Assistant Level 2 5-12 10:42

Me There is a question that I don’t understand. Why do people say it was before death when they were alive?

When I hear Fei Xiang’s “Come back, come back”, why does it sound like “Come back, come back”?

< p>Answer: Magic·YOU - Probation Level 5-12 10:44

rttttttttttttttt

Answer: pbdong - Magic Apprentice Level 5-12 10:49< /p>

Real jokes are still funnier

My mother and father

Our family is having dinner, and the news broadcast is playing on the TV.

My mother suddenly said: Look~! Look~! That mouse has no clothes~!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but when I saw it on TV

Just a hairless little white mouse! ~ Spray rice ~~~

Another time I was watching TV, and my dad just liked to say: Ah, this, this, isn't it just playing the role of so and so~! I know. That time he was watching a TV series and started again, this time with a loud voice: Ah!~This, this!~Is that~~~~Little Grape~~Little Grape~?

I watched it for a long time but still didn’t understand what the little grape meant? In the end, my sister reacted quickly! ~What a little grape~! It took me a long time to figure it out, it was the one who filmed the commercial`

Original Shaobing< /p>

Answer: Sad Shaobing - Probation Level 5-12 10:49

Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

Football coaches from Japan, South Korea and China saw God. The Chinese coach asked: "When will our country win the World Cup?" God said: "A hundred years." The Chinese coach cried and said: "I can't see

Once upon a time! There was a king for his daughter The competition is about archery!

The first one shot the apple on the princess’ head!

The second one also hit it! The apple on the princess's head! He replied: Iam Hou Yi!

The third one shot the princess on the head!

An elephant asked the camel:' Why does your pussy grow on your back?' The camel said: 'Stay away, I won't talk to the thing with a penis on the face!

An elephant asked the camel: 'Your pussy Why does the penis grow on the back?" Camel said: "Stay away, I won't talk to the thing with the penis on the face!

C Jun's broken car rings everywhere except the bell, but he He also regarded it as a treasure and equipped it with three locks. He thought, now this car can at least accompany him through college.

Unexpectedly, one day, Mr. C was shocked. : The car was stolen.

My roommate who studied psychology explained: A car with three locks can really touch the professional sensitivity of a thief - such a challenging car, no matter how broken it is, it will be difficult to break. You want to steal!

You only want one, okay? I’ll treat you to it!

A few leaders went to a restaurant with their subordinates, and a new waiter in the restaurant was 18 years old. Dog

Not experienced! Leader: “Waiter, tea! "The waiter thought he wanted to check the number of people:

"1234567. The leader was furious: "Pouring tea" the waiter thought he was asking to check the number of people.

"7654321" This is when the leader asked: "What are you counting?" "The waiter replied:

"I am a dog" The leader and others were speechless!

Two banknote counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. The two decided to They took it to a remote mountainous area and spent it. When they took a 15-yuan piece and bought 1-yuan candied haws, they cried. The farmer gave them two 7-yuan pieces.

Answer: Birthday gift 521 - Magic Apprentice Level 5-12 11:39

A taxi driver was driving at night. Suddenly, a woman in red waved to him. He stopped the car and asked the woman where she was going. ? The woman said: “I want to go to the cemetery! ”

The driver was very scared and thought: She is not a ghost, right? But he had to go.

Halfway through the car, the woman suddenly disappeared. Then, she stretched out her hand and said, "Help me~!!" The driver was so frightened that he was sweating all over. . . .

It turned out that the woman fell into a pit. . .

There was a young man who loved playing the violin and thought he was good at it. One day, I really couldn't bear the itch, so I went to the street and prepared to show off my skills. At first, many people came over because they were curious, and the young man got excited, but because it was really unpleasant, everyone left within a minute. But there was an old lady left there, and the young man was very surprised. He wanted to show everything to the old lady. After the song was finished, the young man asked: "Old lady, why do you like my music?" As soon as I heard your song, I thought of my grandson, who was killed by a chainsaw.

Answer: God of the Wind - Probation Level 1 5-12 11:51

There was a man with a broken calf who defecated by the ditch one day. The snake saw it and said, "Why are you defecating there?!" He replied, "Why did you come to snatch my Xiangxiang?" The snake said, "It turns out to be Xiangxiang, I thought it was my dinner!" ”

Answer: dede1984520 - Trial Period Level 5-12 11:55

My computer memory is only 128M. I pondered for a long time and found a good way. I moved the memory Plug it in the other way, hey! The self-test passed with a beep, and the memory became 821M!

Later, I took the floppy disk to the refrigerator and froze it for a day, and it turned into a hard disk.

I installed a dual-core Pentium DD on the case, and the computer ran much faster.

I soaked my monitor in a fish tank, and now it feels like an LCD!

< p>I added a magnifying glass in front of the 14-inch monitor, and it turned out to be a 20-inch monitor, which saved me a lot of money

I added a light bulb to the speaker and turned the volume down to the lowest level. Ha! The subwoofer was born.

1. Lee Teng-hui, Lien Chan, and * were on patrol in a helicopter. Lee Teng-hui said: "If I dropped a thousand dollars, I would be very happy to pick up that person." "Lien Chan said: "If I throw down two pieces of five hundred yuan, then two people will be very happy. * said: "If I throw ten 100-dollar bills down, ten people will be very happy.

"At this time..." The driver murmured to himself: "Why not throw yourself away and make 21 million people happy?"

2. 'President' Ah Bian wanted to increase his reputation and wanted to issue a stamp with his own portrait... More than a month after the issuance, Ah Bian wanted to ask. Check to see how the sales are... A-Bian: "How is the sales situation?" 'General Postmaster General': "It's not bad, but people often complain that it's not sticky 1 A-Bian: "What?%B