Children's humorous jokes

1, A: "Our whole family likes animals."

B: "What animals do you like?"

A: "Mom loves cats; Brother loves dogs: sister loves rabbits. "

B: "What about your father?"

Answer: "Mom says Dad loves the fox next door."

2. Mao Mao, who seldom goes out with her mother, was walking in the street and suddenly asked her mother, "Will the car fall into the water when running on the road?"

"How can you have such a strange idea?" Mom is puzzled.

"Mom, look!" Mao Mao pointed to the spare tire on the car. "Many cars have their own lifebuoys!"

3. "Mother asked her little daughter what she wanted most for her birthday, and her daughter said loudly," I want a little brother. "

Mom replied, "Mom and Dad are also willing to give birth to a little brother for you, but there is not enough time to prepare a little brother for you before your birthday."

The daughter wondered, "Then why don't you do it like dad's factory?" ? If they have something to catch up with, they will find more people to work overtime. " "

A man ordered a bowl of beef noodles in a restaurant. He thought there must be beef there, but when he tasted it, there was no beef.

He asked the boss, "Why is there no beef in the beef noodles?"

The boss said, "You ate the old lady's cake. Do you have a wife?"

Ha ha ha ha ha ~ ~ ~

Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

Tom always listens to his father's story before going to bed. .....

Dad: "Once upon a time, there was a frog ..."

Tom: "Dad, I don't want to listen to fairy tales today. Can I tell science fiction stories? "

Dad: "Well, in space, there is a frog ..."

Tom: "Forget it, Dad, in order to celebrate my eighth birthday, can we talk about the restricted level?"

Dad: "All right! Don't let your mother know. There is a frog with no clothes on ... "

7. Sometimes, my father watches me write my composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid."

I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!" -_-b

8. "This is a story about a baby when he was a child. A long time ago, my mother raised thirty chickens. I accidentally trampled one of them to death. My mother baked it for me. I think it's delicious. So when my mother was away, I trampled all 29 chickens to death. "

9. One day, an old man went to buy cold medicine. As a result, he can't read. He took it home and asked his grandson to read him the efficacy of three tablets a day. As a result, the old man laughed at his grandson after eating for 24 hours and asked him what you were laughing at. The old man said, didn't you say you would laugh for 24 hours? As a result, the old man soon died of laughter.

10, chubby paper is obviously playing, and his grandfather calls him home for dinner. He said he had no appetite and didn't want to eat. Dad's voice sank: eat a little, or it's bad for your health! Well, obviously wronged, I replied, let's just say that I can only eat four bowls!

1 1. A student received a letter from his father, which said, "You should write home more often in the future.

In some life situations, don't just ask about money. I'll send you 10 yuan this time with a message.

A small mistake you made, when you write 10 in Arabic numerals, you can only write a zero, no.

Can write two. "

12, V. New explanation of terms

1. How do the children feel after listening to the music of Blue Danube?

It seems that the puppy is wagging its tail.

It feels good.

I feel a little. A tortoise is crawling.

2. What is the story of the music "Spanish Matador"?

A: Titanic.

Sister Xiao He is knitting her hair. (Sister Xiao He's blood spattered three feet ...)

Someone is fighting.

An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

That horse will definitely come back, because it knows its feet.

I think Ma has gone out to get married and won't come back. (Good, so romantic ...)

......

13, my mother took little Tom on a trip and met my father's colleague in the bar in the waiting hall.

Mr Haig. When boarding the plane, little Tom said to Haig, "Goodbye, Mr. Haig, we will meet again."

Really? "

Two months later, at the same airport and in the same bar, Tom saw Mr. Haig again.

He suddenly exclaimed in surprise, "My God, have you been waiting here?"

14, I also had the experience of grade three. At that time, I was still young and ignorant, thinking that this was everything in my life. Later, I learned that it was just a hasty stroke in my life. Soon, I went to the fourth grade of primary school.

15, "Mother asked her daughter," "Baby, what should you do if you get lost and can't find your way home?" "

The daughter scratched her head and said, "I have an idea. He picked up a stick and poked it on the ground, then shouted, "land, land, come out for me." "

16, the weather was hot. My wife saw a watermelon seller on the roadside and went over to ask if the watermelon was sweet. The melon dealer said: I don't want your money if it's not sweet! Then I said, give me ten unsweetened ones.

17, Lao Wang went fishing and returned empty-handed. His son clapped happily for him. Lao Wang threw the fishing rod to the ground and scolded, "Bunny, how dare you make fun of me for not catching any fish?" The son pointed to the earthworm on the hook and said, "I'm happy for you." I think it is more difficult to catch earthworms than to fish. "

18, I once had a long braid, and my little niece worshipped my big braid when she was two years old. One day, I saw that she also wore a thin braid, so I deliberately provoked: "Baby, what's that on your head?"

"Long locks!" She looked up eagerly and said.

"Well, what do you see on my aunt's head?"

"big braid (poop)!"

19. My daughter is washing dishes in the kitchen. The telephone rang. She picked up the phone and replied, "Mom may be taking a bath. Please wait a moment, I'll go and have a look. " She reached out and turned on the hot water tap, and there was a scream at once. She turned off the tap and said, "Yes, she is still taking a bath."

20. One day, Song Xin learned to take a step back and broaden his horizons. He understands the truth, but he really wants to buy a toy boat.

He came to this toy store without any money, but he robbed an aunt's wallet and bought this toy. Aunt said to him, "change your wallet quickly, or I will call the police!" " ! ! Song Xin said: "Retreat the sea and broaden the sky."

2 1, the child's beloved bird died and was very unhappy. His father said, "buy another live one!" " "A few days later, a man died next door and many people cried around him. The child rushed over and said, "My dad said: Buy a live one when you are dead. "

22. "Punish you because I love you, son." Father said. "I know, dad. But I don't deserve so much love ... "

23. Nick: "Why is it so cold?"

Dad: "Because it is winter now, it is always very cold in winter."

Nick: "Why?"

Dad said impatiently, "Nick, Nick, when I was young, I never asked my dad so many questions."

Nick: "Ah, no wonder you don't know how to answer my question."

24. My three-year-old brother and I went to Shanghai to play.

Walking, my brother said, "I want to pee."

When he reached the door of the men's room, a waitress came up and said, "Shall I take you?"

At that time, my brother said in Cantonese, "I am a boy."

25. A young conductor rehearsed with an Athenian band at the ancient amphitheater in Idafu. Three shepherds watched the scene on the steps of the theater. A few minutes later, a shepherd boy said enviously to his friends, "Look! These drummers really have the ability to make this man dance alone. "

26. One day ... Xiaoming: "What should I do? The last time I secretly made a pornographic phone call, the bill came and I was finished. " Xiaohua: "What should I do?" A few days later ... Xiaohua: "Has the phone bill arrived?" Xiaoming said, "Here we are ..." Xiaohua said, "So ... have you been beaten by your father? Xiao Ming said flatly, "As a result, my father was beaten into the hospital by my mother. 」

27. Once, handsome Dai Xiaowei and Zhu Xiao were playing. Suddenly someone farted. Xiao Wei told Zhu Xiao that you farted a lot. Zhu Xiao said: I didn't enlarge my fart, I only enlarged the small pi.

28. One day, Xiao Tian and his mother took the train, looked out of the window and suddenly shouted every day, "Mom, I found a secret!" " Mother was overjoyed. "What did you find?" She proudly said every day, "Mom, look, the telephone poles here run faster than that house." So she laughed all over the car.

29. Little brother learned a sentence from TV: "Yes, boss!" It's quite suitable for daily life. For example, dad asked him to bring a cup of tea, and he said, "OK, dad!" " "Sister asked him to take a pen, and he said," OK, sister! " "

One day, my grandmother came to see us from the countryside, brought big bags of gifts and asked my brother for help. He replied cheerfully: "Yes, foreigners!" "

Sam, a kindergarten child, said to his mother, "Mom, please forgive me. I broke dad's bottle. "

"Oh" Well, as long as you honestly admit it, no one will blame you. But what did you hit with the bottle? "

"Well, smash mom's watch."

3 1. Dad took his son panting and climbed to the top of the mountain.

Dad said, "Look, how beautiful the plain under our feet is!" " "

"Since the scenery below is good, why should we spend three hours climbing it? Dad! "

32. Wei Wei's family bought a new pump, and all the neighbors came to ask Wei Wei's father to borrow the pump to pump up the bike. Wei Wei said with a worried face: "Dad, everyone has come to borrow the pump, and the gas in the pump will be used up in the future. What should we do? "

33. At night, the three-year-old elk was already lying in bed. He asked his mother, "Mom, give me an apple!" " "

"The child is too late, and the apple has gone to bed."

"No, the younger one may be asleep, and the older one is definitely not!"

34. Father: "Xiaoming, let me ask you a question: There are two black birds in the tree. Kill one and how many? "

Xiao Ming: "One."

Father: "Idiot! That bird didn't scare away! Let me ask you another simple question. If the answer is incorrect, watch your ass! Listen: you are the only one in the room. I came in again. How many people are there? "

Xiao Ming: "One."

Father: "Why is it still one?"

Xiao Ming: "I was scared away."

35. A child asked his father, "Does father always know more than his son?"

"yes." The father replied.

"Who invented the steam engine?" The child then asked.

James watt. '

"Why didn't james watt's father invent the steam engine?"

36. The father reprimanded his son: "The neighbor Zhang was very unhappy because you punched his son in the eye. You said it was an accident, is it true? "

"Of course it's true," said the son. "I want to hit him on the nose."

37. Really: "Mom, can our maid's eyes shine?" Mom: "How do you know?" Really: "Last night in the dark kitchen, the maid said to her father,' You didn't shave/'

38. Father asked Xiaohua, "Who will you marry in the future?" Xiaohua: "My grandmother loves me the most, so I want to marry my grandmother." The father said, "Nonsense! How can my mother be your wife? " Xiaohua said, "Then, how can my mother be your wife?"

39. Father: "How did you get a' 0' in the first exam?" Son: "The teacher said to start with' 0'."

40. When sleeping, Xiaoli dreamed that her grandmother came to her house and gave her two chocolates. Xiaoli is too few.

Don't answer, say to grandma: "You haven't come for a long time, give me five dollars!" " "

As soon as the words were spoken, she woke up and found nothing in her hand, so she went back at once.

Close your eyes and mutter, "please forgive me, grandma, I only need two pieces now."

4 1, the father is comforting his son who has just been "taught a lesson": "Come on, don't cry! In fact, dad doesn't want to hit you, but why are you always so disobedient? Tao Tao, look at Lulu next door. Others are the same age as you, but they have never made her father angry, and her father has never hit her. " The father wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes for his son. "Be good later! Tao Tao, what should you learn from Lulu? "

"I want to, want to find, find a good father-dad! ! "Tao Tao sobbed.

42. Dad: "Oh dear! You've been washing all morning. What have you washed? "

Son: "Dad, I washed the soap."

43. "Mom, listen, little Xing Zi next door changed'1'to' 5' on his report card. male

Mom found out and was scolding her severely! "

"That boy is ridiculous. You are not like this, are you? "

"I'm not as stupid as her! I only changed it to' 4'! "

44. Five-year-old Xiao Qiang cried for his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. His mother said to him, "Don't be angry, your sister doesn't know that pulling your hair will hurt!" " After a while, there was another cry, this time from my sister. I saw Xiao Qiang skipping out of the room and said to his mother with satisfaction, "Now she knows. "

45. A little boy is afraid of the dark. One night, his mother asked him to take a broom at the door.

"Mom, I dare not go out. It's dark outside. "

Mother smiled and said, "Don't be afraid, son, there is a bodhisattva there. He will protect you!" " "

"Are you sure the bodhisattva is outside?" The little boy asked incredulously.

"Of course, the bodhisattva is forever. When you need his help, he will appear. "

The little boy thought about it, walked slowly to the door and shouted to the outside: "Bodhisattva, are you outside?" Can you help me bring the broom in? "Mei Mei, who has just entered the first grade of primary school, often loses a lot of stationery at school. Her mother bought a lot of self-adhesive labels, labeled all her things with names, and solemnly told her, "What is labeled with your name is yours. You won't lose your things in the future, others will return them to you. "

Meimei quickly wrote a label and put it on her mother's cheek, and announced to her father and brother, "My mother is mine in the future, and you are not allowed to rob her."

46. Rui Rui, who is over three years old, was sent to her grandmother's house. Grandma knew that her parents who had been quarreling for three days had fallen out again, so she joked with Rui Rui, "Where are you on when mom and dad quarrel?" Rui Rui cocked his head and blinked. In retrospect, she told her grandmother, "the bed that stood by."

47. Bao Xiao's mother is making a mask at home. Hardly had she put on a good white face when she heard someone knocking at the door. She called her six-year-old son, "Baby, open the door quickly. Mom is so shameful. " The door opened, and it turned out to be the young man who charged the water fee. When the young man saw that it was a child, he asked, "Little friend, where are your parents?" Bao Xiao thought for a moment and said, "Uncle, my father has gone to work, and my mother is doing a shameful thing!" " "

48. "Dad, I took the TV apart and reassembled it. I just want to see the structure inside. "

"Thank goodness, you haven't lost any parts, have you?"

"Not lost, there are more than a dozen pieces!"

When Bobby finally came home, his mother asked him, "Where have you been for so long?" My dear? "

"Mom, we are playing the postman game." The son replied, "I send letters to all families, real letters."

"Where did you get those letters?" Mother asked strangely.

"It's those old letters tied with tape in your closet."

50. My mother is pregnant. Four-year-old Heck is confused. She asked her father how his future brother or sister was born. Dad explained to her: "Sir, come out, regenerate your body, and finally have two legs, understand?" "I see, Dad, and then you put them together with screws, right?"

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